Boaz and the Power of Power

According to traditional interpretations, when Boaz sets foot in the story, readers breathe a sigh of relief and exchange knowing glances. We have met the hero. Let the romance begin! His arrival awakens hope that Ruth’s fortunes are about to change for the better. It isn’t uncommon to hear contemporary single women say, “I’m waiting for my Boaz.” But relegating Boaz to a romantic figure not only downsizes him and cheats him of the enormous credit he actually deserves; it also distracts us from the truly powerful role he takes and the deep gospel wisdom his story contains. For far too long, we’ve been cheating Boaz by caricaturing him as “the guy who gets the girl.”

Furthermore, that portrayal raises grave questions about his character. What kind of egregious abuse of power is involved when the owner of the field eyes a female gleaner with romantic motives? How will he dishonor his family by bringing home a bride who lacks social or economic advantages and, worse, is barren? Besides, if Boaz had marriage in mind, what was the hold-up? Why didn’t he at least send her home with his assurance that neither she nor Naomi would ever have to worry about hunger again? Instead, Ruth continues slaving in the hot sun for the entire harvest season.

In fairness to Boaz, the dissonance between the romantic version and the narrator’s portrayal of a man surely means Boaz deserves a closer look. We learn he is an older man of Naomi’s generation when he addresses Ruth as “my daughter” (2:8; 3:10, 11), just as Naomi addresses her (1:11, 12, 13; 2:2, 8, 22; 3:1, 16, 18). The genealogy at the end of the story reveals Boaz is Israel’s native son, born to a prominent family in the leading tribe of Judah. His grandfather Nahshon was the commanding general of the tribe of Judah and the third man in rank after Moses and Aaron. Through Obed, the son Boaz fathers by Ruth, Boaz becomes the great-grandfather of King David, the royal line that ultimately leads to Jesus. Talk about pedigree!

At their first meeting, Ruth knows nothing about the landowner in whose field she comes to glean. So her proposals to this daunting older landowner included a high degree of apprehension. International Justice Mission engages countless legal battles globally to counteract the abuse of widows when tribal strong- men seize their property, depriving widows of their only means of sustaining their families.5 That scenario plays over repeatedly in today’s world. It was the kind of danger Ruth faced.

THE PIVOTAL MOMENT

Much is made about the initial encounter between Ruth and Boaz in Boaz’s barley field. Without question, this meeting is the pivotal moment in the story. But no one could know ahead of time that things would turn out well. Good stories have tension. One of the key questions posed by the presence of Boaz is, how will this impressive man use his power and privilege? For starters, the enormous social and cultural disparity between them could not be more pronounced. They are polar opposites. He holds all the advantages.

The disadvantages belong to Ruth. Throughout human history and right up to the present, the differences between them are the makings of some of the most horrific violations of human rights. Only consider the explosive combinations: male and female, rich and poor, young and old, Jew and gentile, native-born and immigrant, powerful and powerless, valued and discarded. Anyone watching this nitroglycerin mixture would be expecting something terrible to happen, especially when her request implies criticism of how he’s managing his field.

But Boaz’s response to her request to glean in territory that was off-limits to gleaners is a show-stopper. He was not offended, although obviously taken aback. Her perspective on Mosaic law was eye-opening to him. Not only does he listen and grant her request, but he exceeds it with evident determination that nothing must prevent her from succeeding. He even serves her a meal. How countercultural is that?!

A MAN AHEAD OF HIS TIME

We must not miss the earth-shaking implications of his response. Boaz has just been introduced as a man who needs no improvement. In the eyes of the culture (and also of the narrator) he is golden. And yet, his exchanges with Ruth are eye-opening to him. He realizes what she is trying to do. Her perspective sheds new light on a business he has been running for years.

It is one thing for notable theologians such as John Calvin or Jerome to engage in conversation with noble women who are wealthy patrons. It is quite another for a man of Boaz’s stature to engage in conversation with a woman who culturally speaking is beneath him. He is bridging a cavernous gap. Yet, as the story demonstrates, and as he acknowledges, she is in every sense his match. The way he honors her bears that out and goes against the way life typically works in this world.

What if Boaz had dismissed, ignored, rebuked, or even abused her for violating social boundaries? How would the rest of the story have played out? Ruth and Naomi would have lived a hand-to-mouth existence. Naomi would not have revived. It never would have entered her mind to send Ruth to Boaz in hopes of finding shelter. Ruth wouldn’t have attempted to rescue the legacy of Elimelech. His land would have remained fallow until later—perhaps after Naomi’s death. The elders and villagers wouldn’t have witnessed this stellar man becoming even greater by making unrequired, extraordinary sacrifices for Elimelech’s sake. There would be no marriage and no Obed.

Boaz’s response raises a huge issue for Christians. One of the biggest obstacles to a deepening walk with God is resistance to rethinking our beliefs, listening to others, learning, and changing. All through the Bible, God is repeatedly asking some of the people who walked with him the longest to be willing to be wrong and to learn and grow. Sometimes walking with God means learning truth requires means rethinking your entire life. Abraham’s journey with God began in earnest when he was seventy-five—an age when people have a right to be settled in their ways. Abraham had to change, and with each change he grew deeper in his faith. More recently, after decades of ministry, a pastor began to realize he had gotten some things wrong. When one of his parishioners questioned what was happening, the pastor replied, “You gotta give me room to grow.” Room to grow and the courage to change— that reflects what happened to Boaz.

Boaz openly violates cultural expectations in his interactions with Ruth. Instead of showcasing patriarchal standards of masculinity, Boaz subverts them. He bucks the system. He is not held captive to dominant definitions of masculinity. He is free of such expectations and big enough to do the right thing, even when it costs him. In his interactions with this foreign newcomer, Boaz accepts her influence and in doing so discovers room to grow.

Boaz was a man ahead of his time. In the workplace today, equal pay for women remains an unmet goal. Boaz went beyond equality. So Ruth’s take-home pay was as much as fifteen to thirty times what a male harvester would pocket for a day of labor. Boaz pursued the spirit of God’s law—to seek justice for the poor and to feed them.

BOAZ AND THE POWER OF POWER

When it came to the obligations of the kinsman-redeemer and levirate laws, Boaz enjoys loopholes that would make a defense attorney salivate. He isn’t Elimelech’s nearest relative, nor is he Elimelech’s blood brother. Legally, he is beyond the demands of the law. Furthermore, Ruth’s combination of the two laws is highly irregular, especially in Naomi’s case, where the statute of limitations had expired. So when Boaz goes to Bethlehem to press the nearer kinsman-redeemer to purchase land he is likely to inherit anyway and to marry Ruth to produce a male heir for Elimelech, he’s pressing his case beyond the requirements of the law. It raises the question, how did Boaz get away with this?

Boaz’s self-appointed advocacy for Naomi on Ruth’s behalf demonstrates how radically out of step he is with his culture. At the male-dominated seat of government, Boaz gives women a legal voice. He assumes Naomi has property rights and insists that purchasing her land is an urgent matter. If that wasn't surprising enough, he bends the law to require the kinsman-redeemer to fulfill the levirate law too in lieu of a blood brother.

He also bends the law emphatically toward women’s rights—a concept unheard of in ancient times but a pressing contemporary global issue today. And Boaz, a heavyweight among Bethlehem leaders, proves unstoppable. Not only does he push through everything Ruth requested, he depletes his own estate to rescue Elimelech, just as he vowed he would. The fact that not one man attempts to oppose him signifies just how powerful Boaz was.

Boaz shows how male power and privilege can become a powerful force for good. He voluntarily makes extraordinary sacrifices beyond what the law requires. His story also refutes the misguided adage that the rise of women comes at a cost for men. The rise of Ruth influenced Boaz to become a better man—one of the best men in all of Scripture.

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Content taken from Finding God in the Margins: The Book of Ruth by Carolyn Custis James , ©2018. Used by permission of Lexham Press, Bellingham, Washington, LexhamPress.com.

Carolyn Custis James is an award-winning author and international speaker. She blogs at www.carolyncustisjames.com, as a Leading Voice at MissioAlliance, and at Huffington Post, is an adjunct faculty member at Biblical Theological Seminary, and a consulting editor for Zondervan's Exegetical Commentary Series on the New Testament. Her books include Malestrom―Manhood Swept into the Currents of a Changing World, Half the Church―Recapturing God’s Global Vision for Women, and The Gospel of Ruth―Loving God Enough to Break the Rules. She speaks regularly at church conferences, colleges, and other Christian organizations and is a visiting lecturer at theological seminaries. 

Women in the Local Church: A Conversation

Today we are hosting a conversation with Lore Ferguson, writer and speaker. This conversation centers on how the local church can make, mature, and multiply stronger women disciples.

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Gospel-Centered Discipleship: There are many opinions about what Christian women need most in and from the church. In your opinion, what's the greatest need for women from the church?

Lore Ferguson: What women need most is the same as what men need most—to understand and see the power and effects of the gospel made clear in their lives. I think we often think of the men as the gospel proclaimers and the women as the gospel enactors. Men teach and preach, women serve and build. Even if we wouldn’t draw such clear distinctions with our words, it is the way the local church seems to function. In the same way the gospel is for all people, though, the effects of the gospel are for all people all the way through.

GCD: Pastors have not always honored or considered the needs of women in the church. How can pastors grow in their understanding of the needs and meeting the needs of women in the church?

Lore: Ask us! Whenever my pastor is asked by another man how to lead his wife, my pastor says, “I know how to lead my wife. You ask your wife how to lead her!” It’s the same with us. Keep an open dialogue with the women in your local church (not just the wives of your pastors/elders). Many pastors seem to have similar personalities and marry women with similar personalities/giftings, which enables them to minister well to women of the same personalities. But the local church is made up of every personality and gifting. Ask women—aside from your wives—how you can serve them and help them flourish.

GCD:

What are the biggest hurts for women in our churches that we are overlooking and missing?

Lore: Every woman is different, so my answer here might not be helpful in the sense that it might reflect more what’s going on in my heart than in the average woman’s heart. I think there seems to be a universal desire for us to be loved and cherished as an essential part of the body. This includes being heard and not having to fight for a voice, but recognized as someone who has an equal and distinct voice (the essence of complementarianism). We understand the distinct part, and feel that often, but we don’t feel the equal part quite as much.

GCD: As a follow up to that, I’ve heard from women that they desire a voice on the front end of the decision process as opposed to hearing about it after the fact and being asked for feedback. How would you recommend pastors change their approach in decision making to include a broader range of voices and specifically women?

Lore: If the approach is that they’re asking women’s input after the decision, or the only women they’re asking on the front end are their wives, I’d just say invite more women into the front end fact-finding mission. I regularly have men from my church seek me out for thoughts on how we minister to women in different contexts. In no way do I assume I’m part of the final decision making process, but I hope and pray my words are considered as a part of the water that ship sails on. As I say further down, a woman’s role is to help, but sometimes we’re better helpers on the front end of things.

GCD: One of the biggest conversations in the church has to do with women's roles and opportunity in the church. Many women feel there isn't a role for them in the church, yet when someone reads how Paul praises women's involvement in the church, we can't help but ask—How did we get here? Why is our experience of church seemingly different than Paul's?

Lore: There seems to be a lot of fear in some complementarian churches. Fear of the messiness of life on life, fear of sexual brokenness, or fear of being seen as a place where the women wear the pants (whatever that means). What that results in is the staff can become a Good Ole Boys Club instead of a place where we see, value, employ, and utilize the gifts of women in an equal measure. I don’t mean women are given equal authority—eldership in the local church is clearly for men, but the disparity in staffing and investment in women does not reflect the equality we say we believe.

GCD: From the outsider's eye, there seems to be a rise in women bloggers, women's books, ministries, and bible studies. How have these helped in empowering women? In discipling women? And what are the dangers of these in relation to discipleship in the church?

Lore: In regard to empowering women, the internet/publishing world has empowered every voice, so I don’t know that we’re moved the conversation that far forward as a whole. For every woman who speaks out, there’s another voice speaking against her. I’m not sure the quantity has helped the quality. I do think that all the voices might have harmed the discipleship of women because it’s taken discipleship out of the local context and made it global. Women are getting their theology, encouragement, teaching, etc. from blogs and books in an unprecedented way. Meanwhile face to face engagement within the local church has suffered.

GCD: In this conversation, there seem to be polar extremes of complementarianism and egalitarianism. Have those terms clouded the conversation or helped the conversation in empowering women?

Lore: They’ve done both. Whenever we have terminology for something, it helps make the conversation more clear. The problem is when our experience differs from the actual definition, and I think the complementarianism/egalitarianism debate is a cesspool for disparate experiences and definitions. We’re talking past one another most of the time instead of really sitting down and understanding culture, context, history, and how the Bible speaks to all people for all situations.

GCD: Women on staff at complementarian churches are the minority and, when they are, they are rarely in roles beyond children and women. How can complementarian churches seek to empower women better in staff roles?

Lore: Hire them! The benefit of elder led churches is you have men whose responsibilities include shepherding and discipling men. We would think it was foolish if that wasn’t a qualification for an elder, but we don’t have women in those official roles (or if we do, they’re in charge of “women’s ministry” which is a fuzzy, unhelpful term). We need women whose job it is to disciple and shepherd women. Not necessarily lead women’s events, organize meals, or teach VBS or kids church. We need women who will walk faithfully with women in discipline, holiness, Bible study, teaching, etc. One thing to note is that I’m speaking from the context of larger more urban churches with more resources, you’re going to be able to hire more women. In a smaller church where hiring more women isn’t possible for various reasons, it should just be on the minds of the leaders there that they’re going to need an extra measure of intentionality in making sure their women are shephered and are discipling.

GCD: I've heard many women express a lack of discipleship while they watch men experience it. How does this happen? How is it fixed?

Lore: I don’t think the lack of discipleship is a distinctly female issue. Discipleship is going to be hard no matter our context or gender, otherwise we wouldn’t have needed to be told to do it so emphatically by Christ. Men experience a lack of discipleship too, but I think what happens is, especially in complementarian contexts, men are more visible, so we see the resources being poured into them in a more visible way. If there is a lack though, this is how it happens: many women only know how to contextualize the gospel in one situation or life-season, i.e., their marriage or home. The result of that is you have single women and empty-nest women who don’t have specific people within the sphere of their influence with whom they’re walking in discipleship. But it secondly happens when the local church doesn’t prioritize the discipleship of women. It’s fixed by prioritizing it in your staffing and ministry paradigm.

GCD: How have you heard gifted, godly, and strong women express their desire to serve the church and their elders?

Lore: In every way and every day. Women were uniquely designed to be helpers, so we see possibility in every situation. We’re not just helpers in the sense that we come alongside what’s already happening, though, we’re also helpers in the sense that we see things men just don’t see. That’s actually a beautiful thing! We don’t want to do the same thing as the men do, or overtake their God-given roles. We do desire to play our equal and distinct part though.

GCD: There seems to be an unnecessary awkwardness in male and female relationships. Many fear inappropriate relationships. How does the gospel free us from this fear and empower our relationships?

Lore: All through the New Testament Paul uses shockingly inclusive language to refer to the church, familial language. It’s not shocking to us because we’ve used it for two thousand years, but to the early church, calling one another brother and sister and father and son without the blood bond would have been shocking. In the western church we’re very accustomed to holding the opposite gender at arms length—which actually provides more room for fear than if we drew our brothers and sisters close and engaged in the messiness of family. There is righteous wisdom when it comes to avoiding sin, or the appearance of evil, but there’s also so much we miss out on when we hold our brothers and sisters away from us and don’t engage their distinctiveness from us. The gospel is marked by hospitality, by being drawn close to God (who is the most holy of us all!). By drawing us near, He is saying, “Your soiled self doesn’t sully me. I will engage that and cover it and love you all the more through it.” I say embrace that awkwardness, press through it, hug generously, listen fearlessly, counsel wisely, and live as though you’ll give an account for every action. My lead pastor does this better than almost any man I know. He simply isn’t afraid of women and always draws near to us. As much as he’s able and it’s appropriate, he closes the gap.

GCD: What levels of leadership and responsibility can a woman have in the church without encroaching on a pastoral role?

Lore: This is a tough one partially because I think it does depend on the pastor(s). If you have strong and humble men leading, men who will listen and lead well, a woman has a lot of freedom within those bounds. But if you have timid and/or young immature men leading, there’s going to need to be more restraint by the women. As far as biblically and theologically, that’s an issue for the local church elders to navigate.

GCD: A misconception seems to exist that complementarian and strong, gifted, and godly women don't go together. In this misconception, egalitarianism seems to draw the strong women. How can complementarianism strengthen women?

Lore: By majoring on the majors. We believe that women are equal and distinct, but too often we only feel our distinctiveness, our otherness. If we believe women are equal, then we have to begin to treat them as such. And—forgive me for encouraging men to be like Sarah—but we have to do it without fearing what is frightening (I Pt. 3:6). It will be messy or difficult—but so is gardening, child-rearing, and building a house, and we know we don’t do those things in vain.

GCD: Men can be taught, encouraged, and impacted by the gifts and lives of women. This seems lost in opportunities given to them to teach class, lead mixed small groups, and even in everyday church relationships. How do we move away from this gap?

Lore: Again, I think it needs to be reflected in staffing/ministry paradigm. We don’t need wide here; we need deep. By that, I mean we don’t need a huge women’s ministry. We don’t need more conferences or retreats, etc. We need to staff women who will go deep with few, disciple them in a long-suffering, difficult way, so those they disciple are empowered to do the work of the ministry. The more we are building healthy, discipled women, the more confident those women will be in engaging men in right and biblical ways, and the more happy they’ll be to submit to God’s good design for them as equal, distinct image bearers.

GCD: Paul highlights many women as “partners” with him in the gospel. It is safe to say that women don't often feel that way. What would a great partnership look like to build the church without compromising a complementarian approach?

Lore: If complementarian churches would gather and staff an equal amount of women as men, I think they’d be surprised at how effective the ministry of their local church would be. We seem to assume a church with strong leadership means a church with more men on staff, but staff isn’t eldership. Our elders/pastors ought to be men, but we should have a clearly reflected equality throughout the rest of our ministerial staff. In the same way as a marriage in which there is a clear partnership is effective, the local church that reflects this equality would thrive. And I don’t mean it would thrive in the sense that it would grow leaps and bounds (though I think it would), but their people would thrive under the firm, godly, nurturing, gentle, wise unification of their male and female leaders.

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Lore Ferguson is a writer whose deepest desire is to adorn the gospel in everything she says and does. She lives in Fort Worth, Texas, and is a covenant member at The Village Church. Lore writes regularly at Sayable.net, and you can follow her on Twitter @loreferguson.

Changing the Dating Culture

Let's get right to it on this topic. The way young people date today pretty much reflects how married people relate to each other. Young people spend lots of time together alone; they awaken desire prematurely; they mess around, often times ending in intercourse; and they are just as affectionate as a husband and wife should be within the sacred confines of marriage. Most of the time, the only thing that separates a dating relationship from a marriage relationship is the ring that is parked on the left hand. Vodie Baucham says, as stated above, that dating as it is currently done is “glorified divorce practice.” So, it’s not hidden—I am a huge enemy toward the way we currently practice dating. The difference between a Christian and a non-Christian when it comes to relationships should be monumental. For the Christian, the lens through which we view relationships must be Scripture. For the non-Christian, the lens through which they view relationships is often the current cultural approach. This approach is found in the saying, “You don’t know if the shoe fits until you try it on.” Men and women live with each other, fulfill their sexual desires, hop around from dating partner to dating partner, and treat each other as husband and wife—all without any form of commitment. Again, it is not uncommon to find confessing Christians living together before marriage either. If they are not living together it seems that they spend all of their time together in intimate environments where there is no accountability, and they have no one walking beside them as they pursue the biggest journey of their life.

What’s the Difference?

The dating relationships of Christians must be different than those of non-Christians. Men, what does it say about you when you do not protect your girlfriend physically, emotionally, or mentally? Do you use the words, “I love you,” without thinking twice about it as if love is really an emotion, and then when you aren’t “feeling it” anymore you can just use the “it’s not you, it’s me” line? Oh man, there is nothing worse than a guy who uses a girl and then moves on to the next after he’s gotten his fix! Do you often put yourselves in situations where temptation can be sparked? Have you awakened desire and intimacy before it is ready? If you can answer yes to any of these questions then you need to repent of your stupidity, and really begin to think about how you are forever hurting your sisters in Christ. Believe me guys; I’ve been there. I have done the things mentioned above, and thankfully God has shown grace upon me through his Son Jesus where I have had to repent of sin and become intentional about how I treat my sisters in Christ.

The way young people currently practice dating is killing not only their spiritual lives but it is killing the vitality of the church. This must change in our generation! Scripture does not necessarily say, “This is how you are supposed to date,” but it does give us insights and wisdom into how men and women outside of marriage should relate to one another. Let’s begin in Genesis 2. Genesis 2:24-25 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

The Bible does not say that a man shall leave his fa- ther and mother and hold fast to his girlfriend. Let me be clear men, we don’t join with our fiancées either. We join together with our wives. This is what is known as leaving and cleaving. Men, we leave our mother and father and we cleave to our wives. And obviously, we don’t get naked with our girlfriends either. Do you ever wonder why you feel ashamed when you do?

So, if marriage is the end goal then what are the steps to getting there? Here’s what I think, and honestly, it’s this simple:

1. If you find yourself being sexually tempted then it’s time to begin to prepare yourself for marriage (1 Corinthians 7:1-3).

I realize that many people will disagree with me on this point, but that’s okay, often times the ones who disagree with this are the ones who are justifying their actions of finding sexual pleasures outside of marriage—whether it’s through sexual relationships or pornography. It has been said somewhere that 98% of men lust after women; the other 2% who say they don’t lust after women are liars.

2. Young guys, you must have someone walk with you through the dating/courtship process (Titus 2:1-10).

I often tell young guys who ask me about courtship that it is simply the season of life when you are preparing yourself for marriage. If we are modeling discipleship/mentorship biblically then we should have an old- er man who is teaching and walking beside younger men as they make decisions. This includes their dating/courtship decisions.

3. Keep your dating/courtship/engagement time short (Song of Solomon 2:8; 8:4).

Please don’t date for five years before you get married. Seriously, is there any biblical wisdom in this? Let me tell you what will hap- pen if you don’t know already. You will be putting yourselves in five years of sexual temptation, desire, and struggle. Desire and love will awaken before its time. Also, when it comes to the engagement process then keep it as SHORT as possible. Believe me, this is the absolute WORST time for guys.

4. Begin to read books on marriage and not books on dating.

Why would you want to read a how-to-guide on dating if you’re only going to date for 6-8 months when you’re going to be married for the rest of your life? Prepare yourselves to be husbands and wives, not boyfriends and girlfriends. Believe me, six to eight months is enough time for you to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. You don’t need a year to figure out if you want to see them naked or not, if you are like-minded, and if he or she loves Jesus. In all honesty, these are the only three requirements you must have to be compatible as husband and wife: 1) Do they love Jesus? 2) Are you attracted to them physically? 3) Are you like-minded in life, family, children, church affiliation, goals, etc.?

With that said, I implore you to begin to rethink your current dating situation if you are indeed in one that I have spoken of above. Let us be men who take the Bible seriously. Let us see the culture through the lens of Scripture—not vice-versa. I challenge you to be courageous in your dating, engagement process, and marriage.

Men, we must step up! —

Greg Gibson is married to Grace and is the father of Cora and Iver. He serves as an elder and family ministries pastor at Foothills Church in Knoxville, TN overseeing birth through college and marriages. He is the author of Reformational Manhood: Creating a Culture of Gospel-Centered Warriors and serves as the lead editor for CBMW’s Manual. Greg also writes often at ggib.me. Follow him on Twitter: @gregrgibson

Excerpt taken from Greg Gibson, Reformational Manhood, BorderStone Press, ©2014. Used by permission. http://borderstonepress.com

Wisdom in Manhood

I read through the book of Proverbs this weekend. As I was trying to discern the right way through a difficult question I was asked and wanted to make sure my answer wasn't couched in cleverness or pragmatic "well it sounds good so let's do it" philosophy. I wanted my answer to be anchored in real, biblical reality. The question I was seeking to answer by looking through Proverbs is an altogether different story. However, I did find something that I believe a lot of churches today would have a difficult time swallowing. Wisdom doesn't really appear like today's "manly man."

Darwinism, Not Biblical Manhood

Today's "manly men" are seemingly the guys that shoot first and take prisoners later. They conquer everything. Passivity has no room in the life of a man. He needs to mount up, shoot the wolves, vanquish the foes, and save the princess. Some of the descriptions I get of the "manly men" today sound a lot like a Gideon (Judges 6-ff) or Sampson (Judges 16-ff). Honestly, those aren't the most exemplary characters in the Bible. Don't agree with me? Read Judges again, you probably remember the flannel-board versions. If there’s no place for weakness in men in the Christian faith then we have Darwinism, not biblical manhood.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Rom. 8:26).

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (1 Cor. 1:25).

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness” (2 Cor. 11:30).

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

“For he was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God” (2 Cor. 13:4).

Pursue Wisdom

Yet the kind of person I find in Proverbs that is truly wise is first described as a woman. Lady Wisdom "calls in the streets" (Prov. 1:20). Now, I understand the literary device the writer of Proverbs is trying to use here to coach his son to pursue wisdom. "Boy, think of wisdom as a beautiful, attractive, glorious woman. Pursue wisdom the way you'd pursue her." But then the book gets to describing wisdom. Wisdom doesn't sound like the manly man.

• Wisdom is quiet. It doesn't talk too much, and never runs it mouth (Prov. 13:10, 15:1).
• Wisdom waits, it's patient and sees all the sides before making a decision (Prov. 18:17, Jas. 1:19).
• Wisdom isn't flashy. It quietly goes about its hard work (Ecc. 9:10.
• Wisdom is kind. It covers a multitude of sins (Prov. 16:24, 1 Pt. 4:8).
• Wisdom isn't presumptuous. It lets the person finish before they respond (Prov. 18:13).
• Wisdom doesn't demand the right to be heard. In fact, it rarely even asks to be heard, but those who value wisdom constantly ask for him to speak (Jas. 3:1-12).
• Wisdom is meager. Not building a big platform or making a lot of noise about itself (Prov. 25:27, 27:2, Jas. 3:13-18).
• Wisdom is somber. It's not a coarse joker (Jas. 1:19-21).
• Wisdom is mature. It's not the juvenile, "wrestle-them-to-the-ground," berating, know-it-all that tells you how much he knows (Prov. 18:6-7, Jas. 1:26, 1 Cor. 14:20).

All-in-all wisdom seems like the slow to speak, respected, patient man that we should aspire to be. Not the goof-ball, overconfident, blabbering self-promoters that our culture clings to so much. If anything we should be quiet, grow up, listen up, and get to work. Wisdom doesn't look like the young hip guy with opinions to spare and a head of steam. It looks like the older man who quietly goes about his work. In fact, if you hang out with the older guy, he’ll share the sweet honey of his wisdom (Prov. 24:13-14). Wisdom is “sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov. 16:24). I hope to be the older wise man, not the young fool.

—

Jeremy Writebol(@jwritebol) has been training leaders in the church for over thirteen years. He is the author of everPresent: How the Gospel Relocates Us in the Present (GCD Books, 2014) and writes at jwritebol.net. He lives and works in Plymouth, MI as the Campus Pastor of Woodside Bible Church.

I Am Noah's Wife

I had just spent the majority of the last 36 hours at a Christian women’s conference. The conference was well done with inspiring speakers, moving worship, beautiful ambiance, and, most importantly, the coffee was really good! I was glad I went. But once I returned home I couldn’t seem to get out of the car. I just sat there in my husband’s (not awesome) 1998 Infinity with no air conditioning. Although I was burning up in the Texas heat, I just couldn’t go inside. I was stuck in the seat with my seatbelt still wrapped around me. Over and over again I kept asking myself, “How do I describe to my husband what I’ve just experienced?”

He had sacrificed a lot that weekend to make it possible for me to attend the conference. I was certain he’d love hearing about the beautiful worship I heard. He’d love to hear the glowing reports of women being challenged to be what God made them to be. I know for a fact that news of the good coffee would be a welcomed report.

How in the world could I tell him the truth--that despite all the beautiful words I heard, despite all the perfectly arranged songs I sang, and despite all the perfectly brewed coffee I drank. . . I wasn’t satisfied. I was still bored. I was still wrestling with something very deep inside my heart. Although I couldn’t quite name it, I knew it wasn’t something I  was proud of.

Eventually I did manage to collect my pamphlets and gift bag and get out of the car. As I took a deep breath and walked in the door, there he was, my husband--smiling from ear to ear! I could see the excitement on his face, his excitement to hear of my excitement. Rats! Typically I might lie a little bit. Not a bad lie. . . just a little twisting to make myself look better. I really didn’t want to seem unrighteous or ungrateful, so I wish I could’ve come up with something wonderful to say. Instead, I chose to tell the truth as best as I understood it. I know now the Holy Spirit was working powerfully to give me these words, but at the moment, it was a little weird! Are you ready for it?

Here’s what I came up with: “I am Noah’s wife.”

Yep. Insert the creepiest looking emoticon you can think of right here.

I am Noah’s wife.

You may, like Jonathan, be wondering what in the world I meant. Truthfully, it’s something I’d been chewing on for a while, but right then and there I understood the reason for my boredom. Let’s me explain.

Years ago I participated in a bible study of the book of Genesis. Oh sure, it was an amazing study. I am sure I learned a boatload of amazing truths. Wanna know what I remember most? Genesis 7:6-10:

“Noah was six hundred years old when the flood of waters came upon the earth. And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons' wives with him went into the ark to escape the waters of the flood. Of clean animals, and of animals that are not clean, and of birds, and of everything that creeps on the ground, two and two, male and female, went into the ark with Noah, as God had commanded Noah. And after seven days the waters of the flood came upon the earth.”

Let’s think about this together. Who is Noah? Duh.

Who else was on the boat? Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives.

What were the sons’ names? Shem, Ham, and Japheth. Yep.

What was his wife’s name? Think. . . think. . . think. . . I got nothin’.

Noah’s wife was nameless.

Hey, writer of Genesis. . . are you kidding me right now? I can understand leaving out the daughters-in-law’s names, but the wife? You can remember names like Shem, Ham, and Japheth but not the wife’s name?

I’ve always been sad for her. I mean, maybe she wasn’t as awesome in the whole “righteousness” thing as her husband, but she must have done something right. Right? I mean, she was good enough for righteous Noah to fall in love with her. She raised their children in such a way that they got access to the boat. Something must have been noteworthy about her. Right?

Well, the author of Genesis decided to leave her nameless. She’s known forever as simply “Noah’s wife.” The unnamed wife of one of the most well known men in history.

Back to real time--and here’s where it gets uncomfortable to talk about. It’s the truth though. . . and since I’m being truthful. I sat there the whole weekend trying to engage my heart in worship, but all I could think about was how much I had in common with Noah’s wife. How utterly unknown I was. Over and again I thought about my different titles: “Owen and Ellie’s mom,” “Teacher helper,” or “That girl who sews things.” Oh, I can’t leave out the most popular one, “Pastor’s wife.”

It’s crazy, but no matter how well I know a woman, no matter how many hours we spend together, and no matter how many laughs or tears we share, she will always introduce me as her pastor’s wife. Occasionally the title of friend comes in at the end, but first and foremost I’m her pastor’s wife. The nameless companion of her pastor. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?

Well, the real heartbreak came on as I watched the women on stage. Please put your grace cardigans on because this is vulnerable y’all. It might not be pretty but it’s what I got. They were all friends, and were all exercising their unique gifts on stage--together. As each one was introduced with a glossy photograph, it was like a parade of comrades who gave themselves away to us so that we could know them too. This was not at all their intention, but as I watched I became increasingly and painfully aware that not only did I not know them nor they know me, but my gifts were lying dormant in the room as if they were nonexistent. All of a sudden I saw what I had been suppressing in my heart because I didn’t want to believe it:

I’m average.

I’m unnamed.

I’m unknown.

When I’m alone and have time to think (also known as either house cleaning or showering), I’m confident I’m a strong leader. I’m pretty certain I’m an able public speaker and teacher. I know hands down that I can throw a pretty good party. I mean come on. . . I’ve been a Christian for 25 years, so I’ve had time to accept my talents and figure out my spiritual gifts. They’re part of me, they’re who I am.

At the conference, I realized, however, that to most people I’m known differently. I’m known more generically.

Jonathan’s wife.

Pastor’s wife.

The woman in the back.

That girl.

Average.

Unnamed.

Unknown.

It’s one thing to fear being unknown, it’s altogether more painful to realize that you are unknown. It was devastating. In fact, my fingers are still a little shaky just typing about it. I don’t enjoy the truth of it, but it is the truth.

If I weren’t baptist, I’d make a bet that many of you reading this feel the same way.

WHAT'S AN AVERAGITE TO DO?

So, fellow averagites, what do we do now? Do we stay in our seats and either shake in fear or seethe in bitterness? Do we hurl insults and cheap commentary on those women who are known? Do we hide our gifts away as we decide that if no one’s gonna notice we’re just not going to perform? Oh Lord please no! I don’t want that. I don’t want that!

In the days that followed, I cried out to the Lord in a way that only a lonely soul can do. The privileged voice of helplessness was crying out to him asking him to make sense of my selfishness and sorrow. I was asking him to turn my mourning to dancing. To use my gifts and remove my desire to make a name for myself. I refused to live a life of jealousy, but I had no idea how to exercise it. And then I watched a video. I remembered the unnamed, and, soon, I called out for his name over my own. It’s exciting. If you are or have felt like me--average, unnamed, unknown--I hope you’ll read on.

I WATCHED A VIDEO

My husband recently co-wrote a book on the resurrection of Christ called Raised? to help engage doubters and skeptics. A movie was made about the spiritual journey of a dear couple Ben and Jessica Roberts. The story the Lord has written for them is truly amazing. I have personally watched them walk from darkness into light and have witnessed the corresponding life change that is gifted to those who know Jesus as their resurrected King. It’s been an amazing gift to observe this process in them and celebrate what the Lord has done. I know that this couple is just at the beginning of something amazing.

A week after the conference, I was watching part three of the movie. In this part, Jessica tells of her return to church. She chose our church  because “it met in a bar.” She goes on to share what I’ve heard about twenty times before, but this time I heard it with keen hearing, like it was the first time I’d ever heard something so amazing.

She said something like, “I sat with my son in the children’s worship. They were singing Father Abraham, which has no spiritual significance, but somehow I met Jesus. I knew then that I was loved, that I belonged, and that I could be cleansed.”

Averagites--that was ME leading children’s worship! Even though I swore I’d be the only pastor’s wife in the history of pastor’s wives to never ever lead the children’s ministry. . . that Sunday, I was in charge of leading the children’s ministry! I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember feeling stupid for choosing to sing that song, but it was the best my ineptitude could come up with so I went with it. I remember meeting Jessica. I remember her son’s uncertainty there. And I remember seeing her facial expression change from fear to comfort.

As I sat there watching the video, tears begin to fall uncontrollably as I began saying to myself, “That was you! That was you! That was you!” I became completely aware that the Lord had used me and my service to him to change this family’s life.

Jessica never said my name nor did she even hint at it. . . but I know it was me! I am so happy for the Roberts’ faith and influence so the realization that my unnamed status had a part in their faith is overwhelmingly wonderful! In all honesty, I’d love to have a million more of those stories where my unnamed, unknown, and even inept self is used to bring others from darkness into light. What a privilege!

That moment, the Lord taught me that being unnamed is not the same as being unknown. I felt the love of my Father pour over me in such a way as to bring purpose to my generic status. Like Hannah, I felt completely seen. I felt known. He knows me and is using me in mysterious ways! I am unnamed but I am not unknown. What a joyful distinction.

THE HOPE OF BEING UNNAMED

Come to think of it, the world is overflowing with powerful no-name Christians. We call them missionaries, Sunday school teachers, doctors, neighbors, parents, and friends. When I think of the people who have had the greatest impact on my life, I don’t think of the amazing conference speakers I’ve heard or the great authors I’ve read. Nope. I think of the family in Minneapolis who taught me how to open my door to strangers. I think of the couple in Boston who showed me that all of life is repentance and discipleship. I recall the gentle rebuke of a church planter’s wife who pointed to me to Christ and away from bitterness. I think of my aunt who lived well and died even better as she drew nearer and nearer to Christ. Each of these have made an indelible mark on my faith--yet to the world they will always be nameless. The nameless souls who teach other nameless souls to proclaim the name of Christ.

All of this unnamed searching led me to where else...the cross. (And this is where I hope I camp out for the rest of my life!) There we meet two of the most powerful unnamed characters in all of Christendom- the two thieves on either side of Jesus.

Two men. Two criminals. No names.

One chides Jesus, refusing to repent. He wants to save his own life, his own name so to speak. I’m certain he’d be happy to use Jesus’ power for his own name’s sake but he wants nothing of the Christ as Lord. Forever unnamed. Forever unknown.

The other, however, is altogether taken with Jesus. He places no demands on Jesus, and instead, he asks Jesus to be who Jesus says he is...the Forgiver. He loves Jesus just as He is. He accepts his calling as a thief on a cross. He asks for the glory of the Lord to shine on him and give Him grace. Forever unnamed. Instantly known.

Fellow Noah’s wives we can get a name for ourselves or we can get Jesus. One leads to death, the other to beautiful life. May we strive for the popularity of our King and not ourselves. May we be content to use our gifts in secret knowing that our God sees us. Let us delight in being unnamed yet fully known.

—

Robie Kaye Dodson lives in Austin, Tx with her husband Jonathan and their three young children. She’s a horrible cook and a worse housekeeper…but she loves Jesus who gives her worth and meaning in the majestic and mundane of life. When all else fails, she makes dresses! Read more of her craft at www.sosewsomething.com. Follow on Twitter: @RobieDodson

Justification and Work

I’ve been writing about how faith applies to the everyday life of our work. I’m learning, just like the rest of us, how the grand doctrines of grace connect, form, and transform my job. Much has been written on how they transform our hearts, ministry, and even family, but I don’t know how much has been written on how they practically invade our workplaces. These doctrines don’t just live in our hearts, or in our churches, but they exist and are active on the street corners, in the restaurants, in our homes, and in our jobs.¹

The Claim

The audacious sounding claim, is that through an act by a Jewish Messiah, humanity in Christ, has been put right before God. We have been “reconciled” (Rom. 5:10, 2 Cor. 5:18-20). This reconciliation demonstrates that not only have we as people trusted in this Messiah, but we also have been found “right” in the sight of God (Rom. 4:5), but that even God’s disposition towards us is one of delight, even to the degree that he delights in his own Son, the Messiah (Mk. 1:11).

Is there any room for us to claim any credit in this process?  Happily we say “No!” There has been nothing done on our part to initiate or cause us to be reconciled before a holy God. The claim sounds audacious, too good to be true even. We live in a culture that operates contractually. 50-50. Fairness is the golden rule now. This claim flies in the face of fairness, and is otherwordly because it is made possible through grace (Eph. 2:8-9). We “ran up the bill” so to speak, and Christ “paid the tab.”

The Christ

This is all possible through the work of the Christ.  What was his work? A perfect life lived, a sacrificial death died, and a victorious resurrection. We, as enemies of God, traitors of the heavenly court, stand in opposition towards God. Christ comes and “stands in our place” (Rom. 5:17). He tell us where we failed and put things out of order. Then he overcomes, and puts everything back in order.  This Messiah went down into our valley’s of sorrow, overcame the temptations of glory on the mountaintops, and broke the power of evil that stains this world.

He literally became the wrath-taker. Paul says he was offered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification (Rom. 4:25). We have the declaration from God, that in Christ, we not only have been forgiven, but we are invited in to the Father’s arms and home. We are invited to the table of Christ to eat, drink, and enjoy him.

I struggle to discipline myself to remember this declaration by God. I can easily get caught up in how I performed at work, then get caught up in how I performed in church, instead of resting in Christ’s performance on my behalf. Recently I went through a season in which, at work, there were people who seemed against me. We’ve all experienced this. During this time, it was easy to use my own performance to justify myself. Sadly the more I did this, the more pride crept into my heart, and the more I cared about what these people thought. I wasn’t able to respond in grace because I was so set on proving them wrong. However, the Spirit reminds me that my identity isn’t “Collin the banker” or “Collin the church planting resident,” but “Collin, God’s son who’s loved in Christ.” Grasping our justification, frees us up to graciously care and love our co-workers regardless of how we’re being treated.

The Consequence

Consequence is usually viewed in a negative light, but it only means the result of something. The consequence of this declaration of God is freedom from listening to the declarations inside our own head that either justify or condemn us. A final word has been spoken, a declaration has gone out; we are right, loved, accepted, forgiven (not merely excused) in Christ. On the flip side, we are in no place to make justifying or condemning statements about others. It is Christ to condemn and justify.

We are no longer bound to be defined by our circle of friends, the work we do, or society’s valuing of that work, but we are bound and defined, in love, in the fellowship and love of the Trinity. We are, therefore, freed from the work of our hands being used to define, justify, or condemn us.

Now What?

We are free to affirm others in the workplace because we are secure in our affirmation from Christ.

• We are free to serve others in our workplace because our justification is wrapped up in the servant Christ.
• We don’t hang on every word or declaration from our employers; our declaration in Christ from the Triune God of the universe sustains us.
• We can live under the umbrella of the declaration of Christ, when the torrential rain of condemnation comes.
• We no longer swing from despair (not good enough) to pride (I am good enough) in our work, but fix our eyes on Christ, because of his goodness and finished work.

Now our jobs are no longer empires we are building, but tools to live for Christ’s kingdom.

Be assured, justification means Christ is for us.

—

Collin Seitz is an almost 30 year old, grateful husband to Allison, father to Hudson and Hannah, learner, and most importantly disciple and lover of Christ and His Kingdom. He enjoys a nice cup of Oolong Tea, reading, playing basketball, and watching his kids grow up. He and his family are currently a part of Austin City Life, and a church planting resident there. He blogs at For Christ, City, and Culture. Twitter: @Collin_Steitz

^{1. I don’t mean to minimize the good news of Christ to the doctrines of grace. I understand that the good news of Christ as Messiah and King will be deeper and fuller than what I have written here.↩}

Hobbies: Gift or God?

The moment I walked into the dorms, I was greeted by a barely clothed 19-year-old guy with an Xbox controller in his hand. He looked at me and asked, “You play Halo?” So began my undergraduate degree at a Baptist university. I had come to study the Bible and philosophy, but it seemed that many of my peers had come to enjoy four years of practicing and perfecting the art of hobby. Dedicated intramural teams, obsessive gaming, competitive fantasy football brackets, and weekends to shoot skeet or play golf were just a few of the options that college opened up for myself and hundreds of other young men. When I graduated, the hobbies just got bigger and more expensive. With salaries and full time jobs, young men are given the resources to take their hobbies and obsessions to new levels. They often have a hard time being able to enjoy their hobbies in a restful way, without immersing themselves headfirst in a world of distraction. The young seminarian might obsess over his blog, the undergraduate student might be chest deep in video games, the father is dedicated to watching every game or being out on the links every weekend, and the grandfather is hoping to re-read all his favorite Grisham novels this spring at his lake house. Like Aristotle might have said, had he had the chance to update the slang in his Nichomachean Ethics, “It’s hard to fiddle in the middle.”

Are hobbies evil? Absolutely not! But when hobbies become obsessions they flip the created order, where man exercises God-given authority and dominion over creation (Gen 1:27-31), and instead place man in subjection to the creation (Rom. 1:21-25). So, the question before us is, how do you enjoy God’s goodness in creation without making your hobby a hindrance to your faithfulness to God’s mission in your home, church, and community?

I want to state three things that we must do, truths we can’t abandon in enjoying hobbies, and two things that we can do to shape our practice of hobby.

What We Must Do

In order to be faithful men of God while enjoying God’s creation, we must:

1. Be Self-Controlled

Paul tells Timothy that those who aspire to the office of overseer “desire a noble task.” These men, the overseers, are to set an example of the lifestyle of a Godly man. Paul exhorts Timothy that these men, the standard set before the men of the church, should be “sober-minded” and “self-controlled" (1 Tim. 3:2).

What is self-control? It is the ability to restrain oneself from one thing so that one might be cast headlong into something better. Paul goes on in 1 Timothy 4:12-15, saying, “Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid theirs hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.”

As C.S. Lewis says in The Weight of Glory, “We are far too easily pleased.”

We refrain ourselves from immersion in hobbies so that we can immerse ourselves in communion with God. We practice self-control in our hobbies so that we can practice reckless abandonment in our pursuit of Christ.

2. Redeem the Time

Above my desk, in my office, I have a framed picture that my wonderfully creative wife made for me that has pictures of books, coffee beans, and a few quotes. Knowing that my hobbies are reading, writing, and the quest for the perfect cup of coffee, in the middle of that picture is a quote from Jonathan Edwards. The quote from his “Resolutions” says, “Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.” Underneath this quote is Paul’s admonition to the church in Ephesians 5:15-16, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making he best use of the time, because the days are evil.”

Is it lazy that I occasionally enjoy reading fiction while I watch a rack of ribs smoke on my pit? Is it sinful that my brother and I have fun attempting the maddening challenge of placing a small white ball into a hole 400 yards away? No, but there is a difference in delighting in the good gifts of God and engrossing myself in the realm of distraction.

If I look to use the “first fruits” of my time for any hobby or practice other than advancing the Kingdom in my home, church, and community, then my hobby has stolen my heart.

One way that I would encourage you to “test your hobbies” is to ask the question, “Where do I run in times of crisis?” In times of crisis, struggle, or fear we run to the functional hero of our hearts. After that argument with your wife, do you flee to tinker in your garage? After that bad news from the boss, do you escape into a fiction fantasy?

Where you run to spend your time when your “time is up” is where your worship is directed.

3. Possess a Gospel Urgency

While Paul encouraged Timothy and others to “Practice these things [scripture reading, teaching, exhortation, etc.], immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress” (1 Tim. 4:15). Paul goes on, “Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.”

Our hobbies should be practiced with a gospel urgency. Vacations, hobbies, and rest does not exempt us from the ongoing mission of God in our home, church, and community. If your hobby is an escape from living under the Lordship (authority) of Christ, than your hobby is a remnant of your sinful desire for autonomy. When you are enjoying fishing on the lake…you belong to Christ, the water belongs to Christ, and the fish belong to Christ. Like Abraham Kuyper once proclaimed, “There is not one square inch in all of our human existence over which God does not cry, ‘Mine!’”

Yet the world and the spiritual forces of evil at work in the lives of unbelievers oppose Christ’s Lordship over all of creation. Your hobby must become a platform upon which you stand to proclaim “O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!” (Ps. 8:1).

If our hobbies are lacking an urgency to know and enjoy Christ and to make him known, than they are becoming less than they were created to be.

What We Can Do

To encourage and challenge ourselves to remain faithful men of God while enjoying our hobbies we can:

1. Serve Our Wives

I love writing, so I operate a blog. My wife knows that I love to write and that if I am not blogging, I will be working on a sermon, book, article, or paper. What does it say about my heart if I write a thousand blog posts and never once use my gift of writing to honor, serve, or celebrate her? It says that I believe my hobby is from me, through me, and to me. Does that phrase sound familiar?

So I attempt to serve my wife with my writing. I write her poems and “choose your own adventure story-dates.” I am also sure to speak well of her in my writing.

Maybe you love to cook; cook her a meal. Maybe you love to work with your hands; make her something. Maybe you love to golf; take her out to her Putt-Putt. Be creative, put as much thought into including her in your hobby as you do in practicing your hobby.

2. Include Others

You are not the only guy who likes playing Madden 2013. There is a high school guy in the student ministry at your church who can destroy you, invite him over and let him teach you a few things. You are not the only man in your church who enjoys watching the games on Sunday afternoon, so invite them over and mute the TV during the commercials. You would be surprised at how excited that young man would be to get invited to your senior adult men’s domino game.

Bring other people into your hobby. Use your hobby to develop relationships with your neighbors and church family. When you see a gift as a gift, and not as an entitlement, than you will share that gift.

The real question is, “Is your hobby gift or god?”

_

Kyle Worley is the author of Pitfalls: Along the Path to Young and Reformed, an editor at CBMW, and serves as Connections Minister at The Village Church Dallas Campus. He holds a double B.A. in Biblical Studies and Philosophy from Dallas Baptist University and an M.A.Th. in Church History at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He also pursuing an M.A.R at Redeemer Theological Seminary.

*This originally appeared at CBMW.

The Idol of Hospitality

  My husband and I host people in our home all the time. We are called to live in community with one another. We strive to live in community on a regular basis, but with that community comes hosting duties. As a hostess I provide food, entertainment, and above all make sure my house is clean. These three things can become an obsession for me, so much in fact that I find I never leave the kitchen. It's unbelievably easy to get wrapped up in the details and not enjoy our company. We get so distracted with preparing that we leave little time for fellowship and gospel-intentionality.

When I get so consumed with preparing, the story of Mary and Martha hits home for me.

Hospitality: Gift or Idol?

While Jesus is traveling, Martha opens her home to him. At this point, Jesus is pretty popular in some circles. He isn’t just traveling with the 12 anymore. There are crowds following him. I picture Martha’s house resembling a sardine can, so I see why Martha felt the need to get everything ready.

Can we all relate to Martha? Don’t we all get a little apprehensive about having people over? Will there be enough food? Is my house clean enough? This concern and attention to detail can spread into a much bigger problem. Hospitality is a spiritual gift, but it can quickly become an idol.

I can’t count how many times I have been cleaning in the kitchen alone when people are over. People leave their plates everywhere; someone needs to clean it up. It’s my house so it’s my responsibility. There is a mental checklist of things I have to get done before I can join everyone. The countertops are dirty, there are dishes in the sink, and the chip bowl is empty.

Like Martha, I am distracted by all of the service..

I get so encumbered by these tasks that I don’t enjoy our company. My guests aren’t here to watch me keep my house clean. They are here to fellowship with me, just like Jesus is there to fellowship with Mary and Martha. What can start as a little preparation can become a big distraction.

Mary gets it. She probably laid out some cheese and crackers and made it a point to get a good seat. So good a seat that she was literally “at his feet.” Mary seems to be excited by the opportunity to spend time with Jesus. . Not only was Mary at Jesus’s feet, but she also “listened to his teaching.”

Meanwhile, Luke writes, Martha “was distracted with much serving.”

This simple juxtaposition calls the posture of their hearts into question. While Martha’s serving is not a bad thing, she quickly becomes consumed by it. Her heart is more centered on the hustle and bustle of having people over. Mary is captivated by Jesus. He is all she needs. Mary has centered her heart on Jesus.

Hebrews 12 says, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith...” Mary was laying aside every hindrance. She was intentional with her attention. I’m sure Mary knew there would be plenty of distractions, and she knew this was not the time to get caught up in them. Her sister, however, did not have the same perspective.

The Greek word for ‘serving’ is diakonian, which means ‘ministry.’ Oh, how this changes my mindset when I read it as, “Martha was distracted with her ministry.” How many times do we get caught up in our ministry we forget who we’re doing it for? We are so distracted by the ministry itself we forget to focus our hearts on the one our ministry is for. Instead of looking up, we begin to selfishly look inward.

A Change of Heart

We worship a God who is jealous for our attention and we live in a world that offers an endless supply of distractions. I justify my behavior by saying, “Jesus, I’m doing this for you!” I need to clean up while people are here so there are no distractions between them and God. Jesus gently replies, “No my child, you are doing it for yourself, in my name. You are the distraction.” Ouch.

Jesus replies the same way to Martha. The Message says, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.”

Jesus isn’t telling Martha that her preparations are bad. He is saying that they have taken his place in her heart. Only one thing is needed: a heart held captive by God. Mary has chosen what is essential.

I’m a Martha. I am anxious and troubled about a huge list of things that have to get done before I can sit down. We have people over to eat good food and enjoy one another’s company. I want my home to be a welcoming hospital for the broken and hurting of the world to come in and be healed by the Physician. But the Spirit cannot speak through me when I am distracted with the ministry of “doing”. Christ no longer holds my heart captive, my selfish desires do.

My friend recently took her daughter to story time at the library. The children were seated looking at the storyteller. Every child had a view of the book until her child decided to stand up for a better view. She blocked everyone else’s view of the book. The other kids were now focused on her and not the story. They couldn’t see through her to the storyteller.

Martha was so consumed with her ministry she blocks the view of Jesus. “She went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’” (Luke 10:40) How often are we the ones who stand up in front of Jesus while blocking others’ view? And we do it in the name of our ministry.

Christ-centered Gatherings

So how do we stay Christ-centered at a simple gathering? For me, it means putting 2 Corinthians 10:5 into practice by “taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” When I get the itch to do the dishes that are piling up, I say a quick prayer to refocus my heart on Christ. Through the gospel, he alone offers me freedom from idolizing hospitality toward others.

It’s okay to be prepared, but as soon as the door opens, preparation should stop. Chances are, your house is already spotless and most of the food is ready to go. You've been there, done that. Something will always need to be cleaned, but company will not always be with you. So when you feel a Martha tendency surfacing, refocus your heart. Make Christ the ‘main course’ of your fellowship because it can’t be taken from you. Your friends are willingly walking into a Christ-centered environment, so make the most of it for Christ and the gospel.

In the grand scheme of things, what will you remember later in life? Will you remember you checked everything off your to-do list? Or how awesome it was to experience God’s presence in your home? Let’s make it a priority to focus on Christ who is Lord of our ministries rather than the ministry itself.

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Danielle Brooks lives in St. Augustine, Florida where she owns and operates Danielle Brooks Photography. Danielle and her husband, Rich, attend Coquina Community Church and host various weekly gatherings in their home. They are also parents to a crazy Russian Blue cat named Ava. 

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Church Planter's Wife: Are You Willing?

  Unpacking in our new home in a new state far from our families, I opened a box marked Fragile in big black letters. Inside, buried under bubble wrap, I found my framed wedding vows. While I searched the master bedroom for the perfect spot where the frame could hang, I read what I had committed to Kyle on our wedding day. Just as it had when I had first written the words, my heart stopped on one line.

I vow to support the ministry that God gives you.

An Overarching Willingness

When I wrote those vows in the weeks leading up to our wedding, I read them several times, each time imagining myself speaking them on our wedding day and, each time, hesitating at the promise to support Kyle’s calling into ministry. Although they were weighty, the other lines about faithfulness and commitment felt right to me; I could confidently make those promises to Kyle. I considered scratching the ministry line because it seemed out of place for wedding vows, but my heart felt unsettled at that prospect, too. I couldn’t pinpoint the difficulty surrounding this one vow. Kyle had a clear call to ministry, of which I was fully supportive. In fact, although I had rarely voiced it, I had felt a similar call on my life from the time I was in high school. I suspected I would marry someone with the same calling. When Kyle told me what he wanted to do with his life, I thought, Well, of course! as if it were silly to consider anything else. We rarely discussed the calling—it was a given, a natural next step for both of us, something we were willing to give our lives for. The hesitation, then, to put my support in writing surprised me. Possibly for the first time, in the middle of writing my wedding vows, I considered what ministry might mean for my life.

As I measured the future with a moment of God-given clarity, I saw what a lifetime of ministry might entail: shouldering heavy responsibilities, giving ourselves away to others, living far away from family, or possibly enduring criticism or defeat for the sake of Christ. Because Kyle had surrendered control of his future to God, my vow of support meant stepping into his shadow and following him where God led. Was I willing? Was my conviction so firm that I would speak those words to Kyle and to God in front of our friends and family?

A Specific Willingness

Eight years after our wedding day, I stood in our new home, holding those vows in my hands. We had just moved to Charlottesville, Virginia, to start a church from scratch. I recalled hearing the term church planter in seminary, but had not known what it meant, certainly not imagining the term would ever describe us. Yet there I stood, dusting off a frame of my wedding vows in a home and a city where we didn’t know anyone. Although much had changed since the day we wrote our promises down on scratch paper—we had three little boys and Kyle’s experience of serving on staff at a church in Texas— the same questions arose in my heart, urging for a silent renewal of the vow I had made to my husband. When I’d first said those words, they had been a general affirmation of the calling on my husband’s life. Now we faced the difficult work of church planting. My support and affirmation of my husband’s ministry would be crucial.

Was I willing?

I said yes on my wedding day, and I said yes to church planting. And—this is very much the key to being a minister’s wife—I have said yes every day since, most of the time with joy, sometimes with reluctance and selfish resentment, but nonetheless a yes.

I vowed a commitment to my husband, but I’ve discovered the commitment, the yes, that sustains is my submission to God. My yes is to Him and will naturally align itself as support of what my husband does as a minister of the gospel.

An Ongoing Willingness

Three years after the day I laid my head down on my pillow in our new home in a new state far from our families, wondering if something could be made out of nothing, God has done it. He has used His people, so broken and weak, to bring light to a spiritually dark place.

Every so often, I stand in front of my wedding vows, hanging framed on the wall. Just as when I wrote the words, my heart stops on one line.

I vow to support the ministry that God gives you.

Clearly, my support and affirmation of my husband’s ministry has been vital. And, clearly, God has moved powerfully around and among us.

But the work is far from complete. The Lord is still calling on me to move forward in faith—loving, serving, discipling, and leading. Church planting—and all of ministry—is a faith marathon, not a sprint. Daily He asks for my heart, that He might cultivate it, so as to produce fruit in and around me.

Am I willing?

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Christine Hoover is the author of The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart (Moody, 2013). She is a church planting wife and the mom of three boys. She also encourages ministry-minded women to live and lead from grace on her blog, Grace Covers Me.

[This article is an excerpt from Christine's book, mentioned above. Used with permission from the author.]

Why Women Should Go Beyond Titus 2

When women think of discipleship relationships, we often think of Titus 2:3–5:

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self–controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." (Titus 2:3–5)

Although it is good and right to think of this passage when discipling women, there is a danger in taking one passage of Scripture and zooming in on it; the danger is in missing or excluding the whole. For example, before there was Titus 2:3–5, there was Titus 1:1–2:3, and after Titus 2:3–5 there is Titus 2:6–3:15. And before the book of Titus, there is the entire Old Testament and the majority of the New Testament canon. And after the book of Titus, we have Philemon through Revelation. I think this mistake has the potential to rob women of the richness of the Scripture. It is unhelpful to bind women's discipleship to these three verses to the exclusion—or to the flattening—of the rest of the Bible.

It is because I know the dangers of thinking in an exclusively Titus 2 category that I put such emphasis on gospel-centered, whole–Bible discipleship in my local ministry. I may write on a more public level to encourage the broader Church, but I know the power of local discipleship relationships and that's what I try to cultivate in my daily life.

I’m also convinced that life-on-life discipleship is the way that Jesus discipled his followers. He not only taught them the Scriptures, but he invited them to watch him live a life of servanthood, modeling the gospel to them in the everyday of life. If we focus on gospel-centered, whole-Bible discipleship fostered in organic relationships, we are modeling what I view as Scripture’s version of discipleship.

Gospel-Centered Whole-Bible Discipleship

You may wonder why I am using the terminology “gospel–centered whole–Bible.” First, if discipleship is not “gospel-centered,” it doesn't qualify as discipleship. Without that intentional center, it inevitably begins to drift away from Christ. If it's not centered on Christ, it will inevitably lead to setting something at a higher value than Christ. Whatever that “thing” is which becomes the focus, it will eventually become an idol. This idol will enslave the heart and marginalize the life, work, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Second, I use “whole–Bible” because focusing on narrow passages can blind us to the work of God in the rest of Scripture. There is potential to flatten our faith and stunt our growth. It can make us biblically illiterate or eventually twist our understanding of God's work in the gospel. It does this by setting the passage in focus up and above the work of Christ in the gospel. It puts us at risk of almost pitting Scripture against Scripture.

By centering on the gospel and expanding our discipleship to the entirety of Scripture, we encourage other women to understand and experience Christ in all of life. It keeps a woman's zeal for Jesus while tempering the pendulum swinging on other issues (e.g. singleness, marriage, work, children, etc.).

Although discipleship is more than just studying the Bible together, I prefer to couple the organic relationship with studying the Scriptures directly. This can happen in an organized women's Bible study or it can happen in a small group of women studying God's Word together or it can happen in a one–on–one relationship.

Another benefit of whole–Bible discipleship is that it sets all of God's Word as an arc over the relationship so that anything and everything can be talked about in light of the entirety of Scripture. This robust exposure to the Bible as a whole will spiritually feed the single and the married woman, those with children and those without, the young and the old. Whole–Bible discipleship strengthens women as women.

Organic Relationship-Building

There are various ways to teach and train women, and many have proven useful. One of those ways is teaching books of the Bible, as we've discussed. Through the exegetical teaching of God's Word we can work through faith issues, home issues, personal sin issues, and even marriage issues. Exposure to the direct Word of God opens women to the direct work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. It's crucial to foster discussions of the Word of God, and as women talk and think and share and cry, the Holy Sprit actively works in their midst.

The second method which has proven to be fruitful in my life is organic discipleship relationships. These are relationships which form and are sustained naturally from common local life. I am not against organized discipleship teams, or assigned groups or pairs at all. I know they can be a useful tool and a blessing to people's lives, but I personally prefer to practice a more organic approach. That does not mean, however, that I don't employ deliberateness.

These can be very deliberate; you can set a schedule and meet on a regular basis. Sometimes these relationships are less formal friendships—women who come over for tea, coffee, or lunch and we talk. I try to make sure that these relationships don't devolve into an “I have it all figured out, so let me download all my wisdom.” These women are my sisters in Christ. I have just as much to learn from them as they do from me because we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Discipleship is more about inviting a woman into my life to know me for who I am, how I pursue God, how I serve my family, and all the faults and failings that go with that. Reciprocally, I aim to know who they are, how they pursue God, how they serve their family, and to learn from them and hopefully to sharpen them in return. One of the things that blesses me deeply is the young moms. I oscillate between feeling unworthy to give them advice and wanting desperately to bless them with wisdom I wish someone had given me when I was young. One of the greatest blessings of keeping my eyes on Jesus is seeing the variety of beautiful ways he works in other women's lives. And then he blesses me by letting me share in that work.

How do we intentionally build these types of relationships in a culture which fosters an individualistic lifestyle? It's helpful to look at relationships and community examples in the Bible. Not necessarily as a one–to–one analogy to today, but as examples of how God works through “one–anothering.” When we look at Scripture we see the Christian community shared meals, shared their goods, sacrificed for one another, sang together, prayed together, exhorted one another, and so on (see: Acts 2). Maybe they even had their version of a “wine and cheese” night. No, they didn't do this perfectly, and there were surely a few squabbles. This is part and parcel of being in each other's lives. We have squabbles, but by the grace of God through the work of the Holy Spirit, but we overcome with our relationships stronger than before.

Where to Start

If you are  unpracticed at this kind of “life together” type of discipleship, it may be difficult to think of ways to start. It's certainly not a 0–to–60, speedy relationship-building technique. It's deliberate, time consuming, and requires longsuffering. It's deliberate in that we have to put effort into praying and looking out for people who need to be loved, cared for, and mentored. It may mean inviting singles over to spend time with you or to share in your family time. It may be serving the less fortunate together. It could be a variety of things, but the point is to disciple them through letting them into your life. Treat them like family.

Edith Schaeffer used to say a family is like a door: a door that has hinges and a lock. This door should have well–oiled hinges and can swing open, like a hospitable family inviting others into their life and home. The door/family also needs a lock, for those times when the family needs to be alone together as a family. Living fruitfully means learning the balance. It's time consuming because these types of relationships aren't built overnight. And when they are built they require consistent care, which leads us to longsuffering. In an instant-gratification culture, this can be one of the most difficult parts of living within these organic relationships. We need patience with ourselves and others. This is not a McDonald's drive-thru type of discipleship; these are human beings who we are investing in, and who are investing in us. This is the Christian life lived out faithfully together and within communities.

Gospel-centered whole-Bible discipleship is about women pursuing Jesus together in light of the entire Word of God through the real-life power of doing life together. It's about seeking first the kingdom of God together and letting him add whatever he wills to us.

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Luma Simms (@lumasimms) is a wife and mother of five delightful children between the ages of 1 and 18. She studied physics and law before Christ led her to become a writer, blogger, and Bible study teacher. She is the author of Gospel Amnesia: Forgetting the Goodness of the News. She blogs regularly at Gospel Grace.

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The Pornified Mind and the Glory of God

When I was 22 I heard Louie Giglio speak about the glory of God and I've never forgotten that sermon. He spoke about a road-trip he and a friend took in their late teens. Mount Rainier was the destination; they ate, drank, and breathed information about the mountain in preparation to summit it. But in the moment when they beheld the mount, it was not information that filled them, but awe. Louie told how he stood there looking at Rainier and wept. He was ashamed of his tears at the time—what self-respecting man weeps at a mountain? But as he shared the story in front of thousands of young people I guarantee there was no shortage of tears welling in our own eyes. Awe is contagious.

Rewiring Our Minds

A new film is set to release this year, the protagonist is a guy who values, "My body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls...and my porn." As best as I can tell from the trailer, when he finally encounters a girl who meets his porn-infused standards, he's surprised to find out she has some standards of her own. Her porn, though, is chick flicks—stories of tender, strong, fictional gentlemen who will meet her emotional and physical needs; needs which our principle guy finds he is hardly qualified to meet.

There's a good amount of gender stereotyping from what I can tell in just the trailer, however, as I don't see myself spending time, money, or soul watching the film, my observations here are based on the trailer alone. Now would be a good time to point out that porn is not just an issue for men: 66% of women today watch or have watched porn. But for the sake using the illustration of the film, we're going to stick to what it offers to us here. There are a few notable observations to be made from it, namely that even secular culture recognizes the similarity between men who watch porn and women who read books and films depicting romance. If watching porn rewires the minds of men, it's a safe bet to say there's some rewiring happening in the minds of women as well when they feast on emotional and sexual fantasies (of any kind).

One of the ways porn has affected men in greater numbers is their arousal by a real live woman is simply nonexistent. The more they feast on multiple women at the mere click of a button, the more they train their minds to need new, new, new. Though I have no scientific proof for my theory, I would argue the same is true for women who have allowed their minds to sit in the stench of imagined and unfulfilled futures. No man can compete with the specimen of modern lore.

A number of single, young men have told me they can't get a date because women have this strong, silent, tall, dark, and handsome fictional ideal. The same is true for women; men who have feasted on airbrushed women meeting their every sexual fantasy are not going to find much attractive in the girl next door unless she's wearing daisy dukes and midriff top. The more we feast on what is not real, the less we desire that which is.

In conversations with my single friends, the number one attribute of a woman the men want is someone they're physically attracted to, and the number one attribute the women want in a man is a partner and a friend. That's telling to me and it should be to all of us.

Splitting Intentions

Wendell Berry, in his essay Feminism, the Body, and the Machine, writes,

Marriage, in what is evidently its most popular version, is now on the one hand an intimate "relationship" involving (ideally) two successful careerist in the same bed, and on the other hand a sort of private political system in which rights and interests must be constantly asserted and defended. Marriage in other words, has now taken the form of divorce: a prolonged and impassioned negotiation as to how things shall be divided.

While Berry is speaking specifically about the modern idea that within marriage we "split" duties and work equally, his share and her share, and how this is only a divorce mindset within the confines of a lawful marriage, there's something to be said here for the way we go about seeking a spouse. For a man to place such high emphasis on the "hotness" of his wife is to overlook the sharedness of the image in Whom they were made. And for a woman to find her greatest satisfaction in a man who will be her gentle-friend and provider, she misses the opportunity to reflect back the Maker to her spouse.

We have been splitting duties since the garden of Eden (Eve: The serpent gave it to me! Adam: The woman you gave to me gave it to me!). In a culture that increasingly sees nothing wrong with porn, romance novels, or chick flicks, we only fracture that split further: the woman is meant to please men, the man is meant to please women. Meanwhile both have almost completely lost sight of original intention which is not to please one another at all.

God's Good Pleasure

"Come, let us make man in our image, after our likeness," are the first words we hear from God regarding man. In our image. In our likeness.

He formed man from dust and breathed life into his nostrils. He formed woman from bone and brought her to man.

Adam's response to woman has been caricatured by many to imply that woman was staggeringly beautiful and so should every woman henceforth be to her husband. But it falls flat because to what did Adam have to compare this creation? There were no standards of beauty but One. God alone. And in Adam's cry we hear the anguished cry of every man and woman to this day when they behold the nearest thing to God they can know, "At last!"

At last.

It was not the mere beauty of Eve's body that brought Adam such joy, but the image-bearer of his Creator standing in full glorious reality in front of him. It was not only a sexual reaction, but a spiritual one. Like Louie at the foot of Mount Rainier, nothing could have prepared Adam for the sight of something which so beautifully reflected his Maker.

Within the hearts of men and women, at the sight of what God has created to bring Him worship and glory, to fulfill our greatest good and every mandate, we stand and worship, we weep. Why? Because we have seen the real thing, and no amount of airbrushed images or happily ever afters could prepare us for what God created to best reflect His likeness. A real, live person. The real thing.

The Single Guy and Pursuing a Wife

Chris Crane currently serves as a College Intern at First Baptist Church in Irving, TX and in leadership of Dallas Baptist University's Encounter Ministries. He is also completing his B.A. in Biblical Studies with a minor in Philosophy at DBU. From there, he plans to pursue his M.Div. in Biblical Spirituality from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Follow Chris on Twitter @cmcrane87. ___

Over the past several years, I have become increasingly aware of the need for men to be godly, myself included. I have seen the devastating effects of the neglect of biblical manhood in churches and in the lives of people I care about. However, if we want to see God raise up men who are going to love their wives and serve the church, we have to begin the discussion early, namely, when men are still single. While I have no doubt that God can redeem broken marriages and mend fractured relationships, my primary focus here is to examine how, as single men, can we faithfully pursue biblical manhood, under the banner of the gospel, for the glory of God and the good of the Church. There are many points to be made, but I will list five.

1. Examination and Repentance

Real men love Jesus. As tiring as that old cliché may be, it's true. We must heed Paul's exhortation to examine whether we are in the faith or not (2 Cor. 13:5; see also Phil. 2:12-13; Eph. 4:1). Godly women want to be loved by godly men and you can't be godly if you don't know Jesus. In fact, if you do know Jesus, your life will be marked by a distinct characteristic: repentance. Repentance is not simply what you do to be saved, but it is the fruit of those who belong to God. In order to be the men we were created to be, to paraphrase Martin Luther, "All of life must be one of repentance."

2. Find Community

Modern Christians often emphasize “a personal relationship with Jesus,” but Christianity is actually quite corporate. That’s not to say that Jesus isn’t concerned about the individual. He is. However, that doesn’t negate our need for each other. If you look at 1 Corinthians 12, Paul’s analogy of the body would make absolutely no sense if Jesus’s desire was to build an individualistic Christianity. Instead, what we see in this chapter is Jesus uniting people in the gospel by his Spirit for his mission. Each person in the body has their own spiritual gifts and natural talents that God has given them to serve his purposes. Embrace that; don’t flee from it.

Additionally, we need each other for encouragement and correction. True joy is fought for. It’s warfare. But how often in history do we hear of a soldier going to war by himself? There’s always a group of men fighting with him, watching each other’s backs. This is where biblical community comes in. We should “stir one another up to love and good deeds” (Heb. 10:24), “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2), as well as remind each other to “only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Phil. 1:27). It’s in the context of community where the examination I mentioned above should take place. It keeps us from being overly introspective and, instead, keeps our eyes on Jesus Christ. Jesus will use community to shape us into godly men, especially if we take the time to get counsel from older and wiser godly men.

3. Take Responsibility

God calls men to bear responsibility. It hearkens all the way back to Genesis 2:15, where God gives Adam responsibility and a job to do before he gives him a wife to lead. If you want to work towards being a godly man, there are some practical steps to take as well.

If you can’t pay for your dates, you probably shouldn’t be going on them. Your days spent playing with young ladies’ hearts or sleeping all day won’t make you a man. In fact, it will further your “boyishness.” God is so concerned about men stepping up and taking responsibility that, in 1 Tim. 5:8, we read, “But if anyone does not provide for this relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Men, feel the weight of that text. This is not something to play with. If you want to be godly and respectable men, stop playing around and take responsibility. Be ready to provide for your future family before you actually have a family.

4. Be a Gentleman

For the record, chivalry is not dead. It may be wounded, it may be sleeping, but it surely isn’t dead. However, there’s a difference between being a gentleman and being a flirt. A godly gentleman serves women out of the kindness of his changed heart. He seeks after the lady’s welfare above his own. An ungodly person often flirts in hopes of getting a woman into bed with him or to be the trophy on his arm.

In 1 Tim. 5:2, we are told to treat our sisters in Christ with “all purity.” In other words, we should treat our sisters in Christ with the same relational reverence and respect as we would our own biological sisters. If what you’re trying to do with that woman is something you wouldn’t do with your sister, then you need to check your heart and leave her alone.

5. Don’t Look for a Girlfriend, Look for a Wife

I’ll be honest and say that this point is still the one I have to remind myself of the most. It’s easy to forget because it’s so counter-cultural to the entire American idea of dating. As men pursuing godliness, do not simply “date for fun.” You should be intentional and make your intentions known up front. Don’t leave her guessing about what you want out of your time together. You need to be mindful of her love for Jesus and her maturity as a woman.

And if she’s beautiful, that’s great, but what’s her character like? Her physical appearance may constantly change, but her character is what’s going to matter in the long run. Let me give you an example. As someone who is pursuing pastoral ministry, I want to be very careful who I choose to intentionally seek out to develop a romantic relationship with. So, while yes, I want her to be physically attractive, more than that, I want to know if she fears the Lord. I want to know that Jesus is her hope, not me. Will she be patient with me, especially if I pursue more theological education? Will she respect me and let me lead? Do I see anything in her life that shows she’s growing into the godly woman revealed in Prov. 30 and 1 Pet. 3? These are things you want to look for the seeds of in a potential wife. Now, don’t freak her out and talk about marriage on the first date, however she needs to know and you need to tell her what your intentions are, so the sooner she knows that, the better for both of you.

The God of Grace

Remember, my brothers, that God is a God of grace. You won’t do all of this perfectly. I sure don’t. But we have been given the Holy Spirit, who comforts us, convicts us, and guides us into all truth. Therefore, let us be bold in chasing after Christ together and let him inform our masculinity. I leave you with Paul’s charge to be godly men found in 1 Tim. 6:11-16:

“But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony beforePontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time—he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.”

Women Teaching in the Church?

It may be better to sleep on the corner of the rooftop than live with a quarrelsome woman, but friends, educate that woman and there is hardly a limit to what she can do with her mouth and mind—for good or evil. God created woman as a helper knowing Adam would need help. What that help was exactly will be up for debate for centuries; we only know that the command to both man and woman at that point was to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth. A friend of mine confesses that at times he fears exposing his weaknesses to women in his life for various reasons. To which I replied that a woman was born to see a need, to come and encompass that need, nurture it until the time is right for it to be birthed into something more beautiful than he could imagine. We are built to help in ways men will never be able to help. That is our good design.

Disciplers on the Rise

Another friend and I were talking recently about the droves of women coming out of seminary in the coming years. These women have or will have studied biblical texts, learned Hebrew and Greek proficiently, interacted with scholars, and written theses. They have a deep and true abiding love of God's word, and the inerrancy of it. A few quick internet searches show women make up more than 51% of seminary students, and we should expect that number to grow as the Church at large is increasingly heavy on the side of female presence.

These women have taken the command to be fruitful and multiply seriously, and for many, in the absence of their own children, they have become incubators of God's word. They meditate on it, murmur on it, pray it, speak it, and teach it. They are poised for a gracious reception of hungry souls, souls weary of milk, starving for meat. They are disciples.

And even more, they are disciplers.

They may hold a collective Master of Divinity, they may give their brothers a run for their money in both their drive and grace, but over all of it, they see a distinct need in the world and want to help it. They are like the hen who gathers her chicks, finding the odd ones out and pulling them close, covering over, receiving the broken and disillusioned. And brothers: They should not be a threat to you.

Send Me, I'll Go

As the culmination of all things draws near, we grow more poised for a more holistic picture of what Paul said when he said, "Neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Gal. 3:28)." Why? Because these women are perfectly situated to teach women. They are the Naomis, the marginalized taking the faces of future women in their hands and saying, "Here is how we see the Kingdom built, and it will take daring women who trust and believe the word of God, who will do beautifully vulnerable things to see the birth of a King brought forth."

As secular feminism is on the rise, more and more women within the Church will be looking for strong female voices. They are not looking for poor theology, but many of them haven't been taught how to study their bibles, or how to discern good theology from bad. Our culture is not the same as when the New Testament was written—more women than ever are without husbands or godly fathers, so there is more of an opportunity than ever for us to be like the women Paul wrote of in his letter to Titus: teaching what is good (Titus 2:3). Culturally it may look different than the first century Christian women looked like, but the message is still the same: the gospel comes in, fills out, changes us, and sends us out to make disciples.

• Has God given you the opportunity to learn the biblical languages? Teach other women so they might rightly discern what is true.
• Have you studied Church history? Teach women so they might help change history.
• Have you been given the gift of a discerning eye and mind? Teach women to exegete the Word, instead of the proof-texting all too common in studies meant for women.
• Has God radically transformed your heart in regard to the gospel? Extol His name to others in everything you say and do.

The question should not be, "Why can't we teach men?" but, "Who will teach the women who want to be taught?"

And our response should be, like Isaiah, "Here am I, send me!"

Close Encounters of the Unknowing Kind

Trillia Newbell is a freelance journalist and writer. She writes on faith and family for The Knoxville News-Sentinel and serves as Managing Editor for Women of God Magazine. Her love and primary role is that of a wife and mother. She lives in Tennessee with her husband, Thern, and their two children, Weston and Sydney. _

I recently posted an encounter I had with a man in a local grocery store parking lot on the social site Facebook.  Here is what I wrote:

Just got back from Kroger. In parking lot man asked: “Those your kids?” Me: Yep. Him: “I mean, you gave birth to ‘em?” Me: Yep. Him: Perplexed, “Well, they sure are pretty.” Me: Thanks.

There is one thing that is certain, if I ever found myself in a situation that required an army of women to fight for me, I’ve got those women. Many of my friends were appalled by the apparent ignorance of the man asking the questions. Other women replayed stories of their own strange encounters with people who asked personal and probing questions.  It is obvious that regardless of what the situation is, many women find themselves answering questions about their children and  their birthing habits.

My children are biracial. Their father is white, half British to be exact. From the moment our oldest was born I realized that I would be asked questions about my ownership, so to speak, of my son. He is fair-skinned (barely olive skinned, there are many white people darker than my boy), with bone-straight hair, and big beautiful brown eyes. He looks white and he identifies himself as such. Actually, he says he is peach and I am brown.

When my son was a toddler he would lick my face because to him, I resembled chocolate. He used to ask often why God made me brown. He was very curious about that. Now, 6 years old, he is beginning to understand that God created the world and everything in it and that we are all created in His image. But at first I was a bit of a mystery to him. I’m trying to teach him about ethnicity and differences in hopes that he would celebrate the diversity of God’s creation and grow to love others. But what I realize is that if he isn’t taught, he won’t know.

What I am learning through having a son who is learning about race and ethnicity and discovering his own identity  is that ignorance doesn’t automatically equate to racism. As a matter of fact, I would say most people who may have questions or seem unknowing are simply unaware and do not harbor hate in their heart towards others.

Maybe I am being generous or naïve. I don’t know. But I’ve spoken and corresponded with enough loving and well-meaning people to know that there are people who genuinely don’t know much about other races. I don’t want to assume the heart of a person because of a question. I surely don’t want to assume that ignorance equals hate, how I would define racism. I want to assume that they don’t know and I want to be open to sharing parts of me so that they would understand.

My Response Matters

Another theme in my comments section was over my response to the man who unwittingly questioned my motherhood. I truly was not offended. It takes quite a bit to offend me but especially in relation to strangers and race.  I would argue that in the case of interacting with people of different cultures or ethnicities, ignorance is not bliss. Therefore, I want to be a catalyst for open and honest conversation. If I respond in such a way that is defensive and angry,  I imagine that person will not attempt to speak to another person about their questions. If I had time, I would sit down with every person who didn’t understand race. In the end they’d probably know more about what I  believe God’s Word has to say about it than they ever wanted to know.

This leads me to my final point. As a Christian, I want to be a light to the world, especially as it relates to race and racism. I would like nothing more than to sit with a racist and share the gospel with him or her. It is the gospel that reconciles all tribes and tongues with God through the blood of Jesus. The gospel reconciles men and women to each other, changing our names to sons and daughters of God and bringing us into a new family. It’s the gospel that motivates me to have peace with my fellow man who doesn’t understand or know when he speaks. Again, I don’t think the man was racist in the parking lot, but if he were, I would love him because Christ loved me and gave himself up for me.

My response is key to racial reconciliation and it is important to proclaiming the Good News. I don’t want to assume that ignorance equals hate. I want to be gracious and maybe even through my response they will think before they ask the next person questions . But all in all, I want to be thinking eternally. There’s more to think about than the here and now. I don’t want to become a stumbling block for open and honest conversation about race or the gospel.

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The original version of this article appeared at Trillia's personal blog.

The Church Planting Wife: A Book for Every Man's Wife

I recently read Dangerous Calling by Paul Tripp, where he pulls back the curtain on pastoral ministry. In his book, he confronts the notion that pastors have their lives perfectly put together, never fail, and have different needs from every other Christian. Many books have been written for church planters and for pastors, but few have been so directly applicable to the hearts and lifestyle of pastors. What Dangerous Calling is to pastors, The Church Planting Wife is to every pastor or church planter’s wife.

It is a breath of fresh air, reviving the soul with truth while sympathizing with the challenges that church planter’s wives face, but rarely feel the freedom to discuss. It is written to the woman who has the difficult task of ministering to the man who ministers to everyone else.

Christine Hoover is married to Kyle Hoover and in 2008 they moved to Charlottesville, Virginia to start a new church to bless the people of Charlottesville and the students at the University of Virginia. Her new book is candid, transparent, and direct in teaching to church planter’s wives about the joys and struggles, trials and triumphs of church planting. It combines storytelling, teaching, and counseling to care for the heart and life of the church planter’s wife.

The book begins with her recounting the difficulties of the first year and how they brought her to question God’s plan as they lost their meeting place one year into their efforts. While every person in ministry I know has come to this crossroads, Christine highlights God’s purposes so well as she unpacks God’s work in her life.

“God allowed the difficulty of church planting to sift me, to bring the issues of my heart to the surface. I realized that if I didn’t address these things, my marriage, my family, and my own heart were in danger. God was refining me, cleaning me out, and teaching me dependence rather than self-reliance. I could continue my attempts at controlling and relying on myself, or I could submit myself in dependence on Him…I chose to trust Him with my heart and let Him do – through church planting – the work He needed to do in me.” The Church Planting Wife, p. 19-20

Christine goes on to expose her heart and the lessons she has learned along the way. From wrestling with the role of the church planter’s wife as she hears God remind her “Follow Me. Serve your family. Love people.” to dealing with the sacrifices every church planter and pastor’s family face along the way.

She takes us along her journey to understand friendships in this new world of church planting, how she has learned to stay encouraged amidst discouragement and criticism, and provides practical wisdom connected with powerful truth to guide wives through their own challenges.

Impactful for Any Believer

I found myself incredibly encouraged and challenged simply by being reminded to be dependent on God, trusting Him, and letting faithfulness be my banner of success. This book is refreshing for any believer, but certainly powerful for every church planter’s wife. I would also recommend it to any pastor and his wife as well. The insights are spot on for what every pastor and his wife that I know have and are facing.

She includes interviews from other church planter’s wives, such as Lauren Chandler, Yvette Mason, Ginger Vassar, and Jennifer Carter. Women, who like her, have learned through joy and challenge the blessings of dependence on God in church planting.

A Book for Every Man’s Wife

As I read this book and heard Christine describe all she has learned while supporting her husband and family in church planting, I couldn’t help but see it as beneficial for every man’s wife. Church leadership and church planting have a unique way of reminding those involved that they are on God’s mission, but the call for every Christian is no different, we just don’t always see ourselves as sent by God to that new job in a new location.

I’ve seen many wives follow their husbands to new cities and new careers face some of the same struggles and challenges, and they would all benefit from Christine’s wisdom as she learned to trust God, support her husband, care for her family, and love her neighbors.

I’ve known the Hoovers for over a decade, they did our premarital counseling, and Kyle officiated my wedding. It is no surprise to me to see their faithfulness to God being used to start a church that loves people and serves their city well. It is also no surprise to see such a fantastic book filled with truth, grace, and wisdom be written and published to bless God’s church.

***You can buy it on Amazon here: The Church Planting Wife. You can also read more from Christine Hoover on her blog, gracecoversme.com.

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Cross-posted from Gentrified.

The 50/50 Divorce Rate and the Christian Example

Note: I spoke about this post (originally at For Christ and Culture) with Dr. Barry Creamer on 90.9 KCBI in Dallas. Listen HERE. ___

It has long been stated that 50% of marriages in America lead to divorce. If you ask most Americans how many marriages they believe end in divorce, they would probably point to this number. I’ve heard it all my life and it shaped my views on marriage early in life. When my parents divorced in my mid-teens, I remember thinking, “If two people don’t get along, divorce is a normal outcome. It makes sense.” In fact, I was pro-divorce in the case of my parents. As I grew older and learned much more about the biblical truths regarding marriage, I still never really doubted the statistic and have even quoted it in sermons and conversations more than once.

Encouraging Statistics?

Recently, Dr. Kalman Heller posited that his studies shed a more accurate light on divorce rates in America. He notes that various demographics apply and using specifically broad numbers is mostly unhelpful, but I do like the generalization that he is willing to make:

Rather than viewing marriage as a 50-50 shot in the dark, it can be viewed as having a 70 percent likelihood of succeeding.

Again, throwing around a 70% success rate does not do justice to the raw numbers, but what if marriage in America is not lost? Dr. Heller interestingly points out that divorce rates in first marriages particularly have overall decreased since the ‘70s. This is encouraging and should spur us on toward resiliency in support of marriage rather than lamenting at the seeming decline of lasting covenants.

(By the way, Kirk Spencer did a fine job addressing this topic last summer with more detailed statistics and Ed Stetzer has some helpful thoughts here.)

Christian: Play Your Part

There has been a significant amount of discussion, and dare I say venom, in evangelicalism regarding laws endorsing homosexual partnership and a diversion from traditional marriage. Indeed, the Bible is entirely clear on God’s one woman/one man design for marriage. However, where Christians often lack proper gumption is promoting the beauty of God’s intention.

In today’s culture, marriage is defined several different ways with many people not possessing a solid stance on what the marriage relationship should objectively be. Christians have the unique advantage and calling to shed light on the truth of marriage. God joyfully placed man and woman together (Gen. 2:20-25) and gave them specific roles that mirror Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:22-32). These two texts alone give us great confidence in our own marriages and counseling others’ marriages.

In a confused culture, here are two very basic ways that we can play our part in an attempt to improve the statistics and to present a commendable view of marriage:

1. Be a biblical example – Scripture has much to say about man and wife complementing one another, serving one another, praying for one another, and being faithful to one another (Eph. 5:22-32; 1 Pet. 3:1-7; Titus 2:1-6; Col. 3:18-19). We should honor God in word and deed via our marriages so that others (children, family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, church members) might see what marriage is supposed to be.
2. Refrain from hate speech – There is always a time and place to stand on biblical truth, but Christians have a tendency to let their passion for marriage paint a false picture of grace and mercy. We should certainly spend much more time demonstrating true marriage than railing against homosexuals, teen moms, and others who do not fit the conservative Christian checklist for marriage. It might be more helpful to love others with patience as God does with us (Rom. 2:4) and show them truth in your own marriage and life.

Leading Ladies Everywhere

Current trends in faith intrigue me because I'm a blogger and I'm a blogger because I'm innately curious. Trends interest me but they do not capture me, and I think this distinction is important. I have had times where I have been momentarily distracted by ideas and methodologies, shoes and styles, but at the end of all things, I think we can agree these momentary pleasures are best if they pass away. And good riddance, too. I am, however, still interested in faith trends. I'm lured by them because I love the culture of heaven and I think it ought to affect the culture of earth, and what are trends if not culture's response to heaven's delay?

Leading Lady

One such trend that has gotten less airplay in recent years is the Emergent Church Movement (ECM) (some of you are rolling your eyes here, having already moved on past that old thing and fancying some new thing these days), but I'm still paying attention to it because the effects and the sustainability of it are just now beginning to show their true colors. You only thought the effects of it were things like Love Wins and the rise of feminism, but they were only catalysts. The true effects are where are all those people now?

Phyllis Tickle is a leading voice in the emergent movement, a Christian-mystic, a contributor to USA Today, The Christian Science Monitor, PBS, and NPR. I've often been drawn to Tickle's voice because there's a sense of reverence, the Holy, I've found lacking in much of evangelicalism these days. She's gentle and lulling, and of course she is—if there's anything the ECM is known for, it is half of the whole of love—the gentle passive half void of the justice of God.

The Death of Feminism?

In the recent Emergence Christianity Conference, Tickle spoke. (And I'm getting to the point about all this and why it matters.)

The audio for the conference is not available, but the blogs of attendees are in plenty. One such attendee-blogger wrote of how disappointed she was by Tickle's talk. This leading lady of the movement who has brought a voice to equality in the church, primarily in gender roles, spoke of the downfall of modern faith being the lack of women at home, bringing up babies and such:

"Phyllis described the freedoms working outside the home in WW2 and the ability to control our cycles the Pill brought women and argued that such things led to the destruction of the nuclear family and therefore the foundation of the civil religion of Christendom. While it is a narrow assessment of causality, I can agree with the descriptive observation that such things changed our culture. But then she jumped from these changes as that which brought an end to Christendom to describing how such changes led to the destruction of the ways the faith is passed on to new generations which thereby resulted in a biblically illiterate society. As she described it, when mom is not at home weaving the stories of scripture and the church calendar into her day to day activities in front of her children, they do not receive the basics of the faith. One cannot apparently have a sacred family meal over Papa John’s pizza picked up on the way home from work the same way that one can if one is baking bread, doing family crafts, and eating pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. Phyllis ended the session by encouraging us to discover ways to be back in the kitchen with our children and finding crafty ways to import the rhythms of the church year to them. Essentially to focus on the family and all that. That is the great emergence. The end."*

Because the audio isn't available (and I wish it was so I could not only give you a fuller picture, but give myself a fuller one too), I don't know if any of this was a direct quote from Tickle. However, I know the general thrust of her argument sent the bloggers into a tizzy, so I would guess this paragraph is fairly close to the original.

Passing Away

Here is my purpose in sharing this quote. It is not to raise the flag of complementarity, or to espouse the incorrect view that Biblical-Womanhood is home/baby-making and nothing else. My purpose is not to say the Feminist Movement got it completely wrong or dinner around the table is the answer to all the world's problems. My purpose is to highlight trends in the Church are trends; they are as temporal as the dew on the morning grass and the oak leaves on the tree in my back yard. They are not only passing away, but they are also not important enough for us to get waylaid by as they pass.

There are moments to confront with truth, to stand firm when the waves threaten to knock down what we hold most dear. Riding trains and beating drums of passing movements, though, is not as helpful as simply adoring Christ and preaching the simplicity of the gospel in every area of our lives.

Douglas Wilson shared this from his book Five Cities that Ruled the World recently:

"Truth and error will get sorted out in the long run, and probably much quicker if we just let it rip rather than try to manage the whole process. Somehow the managers of the process are frequently found to be an essential part of the problem, and it turns out they tend to manage the discussions in such a way that that interesting fact never comes out" (pg. 191).

Movements will pass away. Error will be seen. History might repeat itself, but it will always do so with a little more hindsight and a little more abandon. Things might not get better and we may feel the negative effects of feminism for a long, long time. But truth works itself to the light with the help of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of God.

What Lasts Longest

What we see in that snippet of a commentary on Tickle's talk is an acknowledgement that what a movement once espoused as best, was perhaps not best. And I think, in some ways, we all see a bit of ourselves in that. Ways we once thought were ultimate now pale in comparison to the bigger, more full picture of God's grandness we have.

Stay your eyes on Christ in these days, meditate on the truths of the Gospel, on the sufficiency of His word and the delight of the Father toward you. Do all of this with the help of the Holy Spirit and be not distracted by the morning dew.

It is passing away.

A Single Calling

A few months ago a friend called me for advice. Phone calls for advice are nothing new, but the advice she sought seemed a bit strange to glean from me: "I can't get my baby to stop crying, what should I do?"

Let me introduce myself. Lore (pronounced Lor-ee), single, 32, graphic designer and writer, lives with three other singles in the suburbs of Fort Worth, Texas. No babies. No husband. I have no recollection of the last time I found myself babysitting. I don't know, how do you get your baby to stop crying?

I don't know much about babies, but I do know a little about God. We spent thirty minutes talking about my friend's relationship with the Lord, the ways in which she sees God, and the ways she feels He sees her. We spoke of Him as a Father and her as a child. We talked about the ways she's been instructed (by books and well-meaning friends) she needs to train her little one—to make him independent, self-sufficient, able to pacify himself, etc. We talked about how she would sit on her couch sobbing while she listened to her four-month old sob, how her heart ached to be near him, her hands ached to hold him, and her soul longed to sooth him. And, while his cries sounded in the background, I did what no single childless person should do, I gave parenting advice: go pick him up and hold him close, do exactly what God does with us when we are dependent, insufficient, and unable to be consoled.

Our Common Devotion

I have been guilty of thinking the only way a woman could meet God's expectation for her was to be a wife and a mother, and I thought the next highest calling was to teach other women these same expectations. But when I watched all of my friends marry and become mothers while I still remained single, I felt like an oak tree in the fall, losing all my leaves and opportunities one by one. If I couldn't be a wife or mother, I certainly couldn't disciple other women in being a wife or a mother—and how could I accomplish anything of worth otherwise?

In I Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul addresses the unmarried and married. To the unmarried woman he gives this generous task: to be concerned with the things of the Lord; and to the married he gives the beautiful task of devotion to her husband. And then he closes that section with this: I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

This means for the unmarried woman, she is unrestrained in her undivided devotion to the Lord, and for the married woman, she understands good order and the security of her devotion to the Lord. Neither call is higher, neither is better—both result in devotion to the Lord.

Our primary devotion is the Lord. Psalm 16 speaks of pleasant boundaries and this, I believe, is the pleasant boundary of womanhood (single or married). As single women we seek to reflect the gospel in ministry to others, and as married women we seek to reflect the gospel in ministry to our children and husbands. There are always ideas and principles and tactics and recommendations for how these are done best, but ultimately, the gospel going forward is our highest aim.

Knowing and Reflecting the Gospel

How do you serve your husband best? How do you parent best? How do you discipline best? How do you do singleness well? Know the gospel. Know the Word of God. Grasp core tenets of our faith (the Trinity, the character of God, the redemptive plan of salvation), because they ought to be the starting point of every conversation in which wisdom is sought or given.

Single women, serve others in joyful gratefulness for the gospel. Whether you ever see the culmination of what you wish, God's promise to His bride never fails.

Wives, submit to your husband as the Church submits to Christ, adorn the gospel in this pleasant way.

Young mothers, preach the gospel to your babies, parent them as you are parented by the Father.

Middle aged women and seasoned mothers, don't simply offer good advice to younger women, instead all your counsel should adorn the gospel. Study how this is a role of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Older women, recognize the greatest need for discipleship in the Church today among women is not your good ideas or years of experience, but the beauty of a woman who has lived devoted to the depths of the gospel in her home and ministry—whether married or never married.

Above all, whatever your home or ministry looks like today, make Christ the centerpiece and cornerstone.

Is the Bible Blind to Womanly Beauty?

Don’t know if you’ve followed this, but Tim Challies kicked up a bit of an Internet storm recently when he helpfully suggested that it was a good thing for Christian wives to give attention to their appearances for the betterment of their husbands.  He was responding to a post a few months ago by blogger Rachel Held Evans, who registered disagreement with Challies’s post.  In response to Evans, Southern Seminary professor Mary Kassian suggested something of a middle way in which womanly attractiveness matters but only as a reflection of God’s far more lustrous beauty. I found the discussion interesting and worthwhile not because this is a matter of outsized theological importance but because it relates closely to issues surrounding men, marriage, and beauty, all topics that interest me.  Kassian’s theocentric rendering of womanly beauty jibes with material I published with Douglas Sweeney in the book Jonathan Edwards on Beauty (Moody, 2010), part of the five-volume Essential Edwards Collection.  Edwards was an aesthetician if there ever was one.  Wherever he saw earthly beauty he saw a reflection of God, who was not only beautiful but was beauty himself.

Here’s a snatch from the book which quotes Edwards’s notebook on “types” (page 49-50 of JEOB):

There are some types of divine things, both in Scripture and also in the works of nature and constitution of the world, that are much more lively than others. Everything seems to aim that way; and in some things the image is very lively, in others less lively, in others the image but faint and the resemblance in but few particulars with many things wherein there is a dissimilitude. God has ordered things in this respect much as he has in the natural world. He hath made man the head and end of this lower creation; and there are innumerable creatures that have some image of what is in men, but in an infinite variety of degrees. Animals have much more of a resemblance of what is in men than plants, plants much more than things inanimate. (Works 11, 114)

One day, the pastor took a walk that unfolded the way natural beauty reflects spiritual beauty (pp. 41-42 of JEOB):

God’s excellency, his wisdom, his purity and love, seemed to appear in everything; in the sun, moon and stars; in the clouds, and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, trees; in the water, and all nature; which used greatly to fix my mind. I often used to sit and view the moon, for a long time; and so in the daytime, spent much time in viewing the clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of God in these things: in the meantime, singing forth with a low voice, my contemplations of the Creator and Redeemer. And scarce anything, among all the works of nature, was so sweet to me as thunder and lightning. Formerly, nothing had been so terrible to me. I used to be a person uncommonly terrified with thunder: and it used to strike me with terror, when I saw a thunderstorm rising. But now, on the contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God at the first appearance of a thunderstorm. And used to take the opportunity at such times, to fix myself to view the clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear the majestic and awful voice of God’s thunder: which often times was exceeding entertaining, leading me to sweet contemplations of my great and glorious God. And while I viewed, used to spend my time, as it always seemed natural to me, to sing or chant forth my meditations; to speak my thoughts in soliloquies, and speak with a singing voice. (Works 16, 794)

This material reveals that Edwards felt free to find resonances of a much greater beauty in the eye-catching things of this world.  In fact, the pastor-theologian made the case for finding “types” in this world.  If we buy Edwards’s argument–and I think we should–then surely we can find images of a greater luster in a flower, a sunset, and the face of a loved one.

I love Edwards’s aesthetics.  He has a major place for beauty in his theological-philosophical system, so much so that some view him as the theologian par excellence of beauty.  By the way, this is part of why he is so relevant for today.  We live in an image-obsessed culture (part of the problem Evans rightly decries), and we can use Edwards to point people to a better way, a far more fulsome and healthy vision of attractiveness than one can find in the ambient culture.

The Bible, by the way, has much to say about physical beauty, contrary to what many think.  Sarah, Abraham’s wife, was beautiful (Gen. 12:11); Rachel was beautiful “in form and appearance” (Genesis 29:17); David “had beautiful eyes and was handsome” (1 Samuel 16:12); Esther had “a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at” (Esther 2:7!); Job’s daughters were the most beautiful of their day (Job 42:15); the man speaking in the Song of Solomon finds his wife “beautiful” to say nothing but the very least; Moses was beautiful as a child (Hebrews 11:23).  Beyond all these realities, the Lord, as Edwards knew, is pictured in Scripture as very beauty himself.  David wished only to “to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD,” Psalm 27:4.  We could go on.

What does this mean?  Well, for starters, the biblical authors and figures are not blind to physical beauty.  Far from it.  They don’t suggest that it is of great importance in itself.  That’s clear.  Neither, however, do they ignore it, just as we do not ignore it, try or not.  We’re all quite conscious of physical beauty.  One could say this is because of our genetic wiring, or our consciousness, or perhaps most satisfyingly, our natural understanding of the way earthly attractiveness prefigures God’s magnificence.  All of these reasons have credence.

In the context of marriage, this means that it is no bad thing to celebrate one’s attraction to one’s husband or wife.  It is in fact a good thing.  We should not make the cultural mistake of grounding our spousal love in physical beauty.  Anyone who has ever heard a pop song knows how common this is, and how laughable.  Those who think that a relationship can stand firm by physical attraction alone clearly have precious little practical experience in actual relationships.  Those who are married know that attraction is an important part of marriage–perhaps very important–but that like any covenantal relationship, marriage requires a continual exercise of the will for its flourishing.  It is the Christocentric and Christotelic dimensions of marriage that are most significant.  Husbands loving wives as Christ sacrificially loved the church, and wives submitting to their husbands as the church submits to Christ in love are the transcendent, indeed transforming, realities of marriage.

But in landing this plane let’s bring our altitude down a bit.  Physical attraction matters in a marriage.  The Song of Solomon makes this abundantly clear, as any red-faced teen knows in hearing it read in church.  No one is suggesting that Christian women should hold themselves up to the (relentlessly airbrushed and digitally edited) cover-girl.  It is, however, a good thing for both husband and wife to take the physical dimension of marriage seriously.  Men shouldn’t nurse a gut, and women shouldn’t let themselves go.  Both should care for the other by devoting a reasonable–and the world’s standards are often unreasonable!–amount of attention to their bodies.

We are not Platonists.  We live in bodies.  The body is good.  God designed the body, manly and womanly, for his glory.  He gave sex and attraction and passion to couples for their good and his renown.  Marriage in its fullness is to provide the world with a picture of a far greater reality, the devoted loving union of Jesus Christ and his blood-bought church.  We do not obsess over our appearances; we do not worry about physical changes over time; we do not obsess over our frames and forms.  But we do love one another by caring well for the bodies God has given us.  Whatever we do, we seek God’s glory–whether praying in church, church-planting in an unreached land, fixing a leaky faucet, comforting a crying infant, teaching philosophy in a secular college, or running another mile to keep the pounds off (1 Cor. 10:31).

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Cross-posted from Owen's personal blog.

A Six-Letter Word

Lauren Chandler is a wife and a mother of three. Her husband, Matt Chandler, serves as the lead teaching pastor at The Village Church near Dallas, Texas.

*Editor's Note: This was #7 on our Top Posts of 2012.

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We've all heard of four-letter words. You know, the ones we swear we never use (no pun intended) - aloud, at least; or, only when the occasion calls for it - like when we stub our toe, or when we miss a car wreck by milliseconds, or when we're surprised by our husbands who jump out of a closet at us when we think we're home alone, scaring the kitten we're carrying in our bare arms that then proceeds to claw it's way on top of our heads leaving a trail of scratches and scrapes that rivals the result of a rumble with a barbed-wire fence. Not that anything like that has ever happened to me - I've just heard of it happening to someone, somewhere. I dunno.

So, we've established that most of us are familiar with four-letter words, but I propose that there is a six-letter word that is just as controversial, just as cacophonous. That word is SUBMIT. Or, to the prudish, S*****. What's funny is that I keep running across this word over and over again. It lunges at me from behind booths at restaurants and hunts me down in the midst of a populous coffee house. It knows no appropriate time or place - it lacks tact. It even waltzes nonchalantly into my living room while I am spending much needed time with the Lord. How dare it.

Finally, I got to the point that I simply let it come in and sit down with me for a spell. I dove straight in. No fluffy answers. No "how's the weather." I prodded and poked it. I asked it questions on end, never knowing that I was setting up my own inquisition. It answered my questions with questions of its own. Questions that caused me to search deep into my heart - to look nakedly at my own motivations. We finally came to an agreement. In truth, it won. Not even a compromise. Submit - 1, me - 0. I'm actually starting to like it. It's becoming more of a friend to me. It has changed my marriage. It has changed how I interact with others. It has changed how I relate to the Lord. It has changed me.

Now, I can't stop using that six-letter word. I know, I know, just call me foul-mouthed. But I won't apologize for it anymore. Actually, I find myself using it with others. Here's an email I wrote to a friend. Don't let it scare you too much...

"I had a great time chatting with you tonight. Thanks for being so candid with me. I think you're at a beautiful place - difficult - but beautiful. There's a book called Sacred Marriage...the subtitle of that book has spoken volumes to me...Is marriage for our happiness or our holiness? I have learned that marriage is what the Lord chose for me to know Him more intimately...and as an incredibly wonderful by-product, I get to share life with my best friend...we hurt each other but we love each other...there's no other person I would rather be with...ever! I have found no greater earthly joy.

I pray that the Lord gives you a tender heart...a heart full of grace...a heart ready to trust and obey. I know that only He can do that in you. I highly recommend the book by Carolyn Mahaney called "Feminine Appeal." It has a little bit to do with being a mom but mostly to do with being a wife and simply a godly woman. Here's a passage of Scripture that the Lord has been laying on my heart heavily lately:

"1(A)In the same way, you wives, (B)be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be (C)won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3(D)Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be (E)the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5For in this way in former times the holy women also, (F)who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, (G)calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right (H)without being frightened by any fear. (1 Peter 3:1 - 6)"

I know a lot of those words are frightening and can cause our hairs to bristle a bit, but there is true freedom in them. We can't control our husbands, but we can ask for grace to love Jesus so much that we trust Him in any circumstance...even if we feel our husbands aren't fulfilling their God-ordained duty or if they aren't loving us in the way we want to be loved or if they stumble. There is just something breathtaking about a woman who is clothed in peace and gentleness....a woman who, though her future is uncertain and her present not picture-perfect, can stare fear in the face and be overcome with serenity. Lord, help me to be that woman!

I hope this makes sense. I in no way advocate a door-mat submissiveness but rather a "trust and obey" submissiveness. That we would trust that the Lord has our best in mind and submit to His will and His word. I am praying for you and I loved hearing your heart! I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do!"

Apparently, even email isn't immune to the six-letter word. No place is safe. Be assured, my friend, it is coming for you.

With much love, Your Foul-Mouthed Friend

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Cross-posted from Them Chandlers.