Jesus Can Redeem Your Parenting (Yes, Even Yours)
You can’t make your children Christians, but you can make it easy to love Jesus in your home. You can seek to make your home ring with gospel joy. You can endeavor to make your family not only a family of Christians but a Christian family—sold out for Christ and his cause. God has more for us than the hum-drum life of work, rest, and entertainment. He has more for your children than extra-curricular activities, college scholarships, and good jobs. He has the storehouses of grace and glory for your family.
Our problem is, as C.S. Lewis famously said, “we are far too easily pleased.” We settle for mud pies when a holiday at sea is ours for the taking.
As Christians and as parents, we should not settle for the goal of simply raising obedient Church-goers. Rather we should strive to meet a higher standard of parenting – one that invites our children to lives of sacrificial obedience to Christ.
DO NOT PROVOKE
In Ephesians 6:4, God calls parents to disciple their children: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Though Paul uses the word “fathers” here, this command applies to both fathers and mothers.
In Paul’s day, the children were under the father’s complete control. He could have them killed or sold into slavery. No law stood in his way. It’s easy to see in that kind of culture how a child would be provoked to anger. Who wouldn’t be provoked living in an unjust home?
But Christ came to bring justice. He came to set things right.
That’s why Paul begins with a negative command, “Do not provoke your children to anger.”
Though we may not live as first-century Christians did, this is still a frightening statement because it is saying that there is a possibility for a parent to create in their children a settled anger and resentment that could last for a very long time.
Of course there will be times when a child gets angry. Who doesn’t get angry? But there’s a difference between intermittent anger and deep, abiding anger as a result of your upbringing.
How does that happen?
On the one hand, parents can be too hard. They can give unnecessary commands, be too heavy-handed, or just down-right mean. They can be easily frustrated and lash out at small wrongdoings. They don’t care about discipling and training the child. They just want the child to fall in line.
King Saul was like that. In 1 Samuel 20, Saul noticed David wasn’t at dinner as he should have been. He asked his son Jonathan where David was. Now, Jonathan knew Saul was mad at David, wanting to kill him, so he helped David avoid the dinner. Jonathan was doing the right thing, but Saul didn’t care. He wanted him to fall in line. Saul said to his son, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman.” Saul went on to command David be brought before him so he could be killed. When Jonathan asked what David had done, Saul thrust his spear at him. So Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger. And rightly so.
That’s a parent who is too hard and too mean. But it’s also possible for a parent to be too soft. For example, in Genesis 37, we see the failures of Jacob as a father. What was Jacob’s failure? He was too soft on his son Joseph. He favored him above the others, and it led to the anger of his other sons. Eventually, they sold Joseph into slavery.
The point is, it’s easy to provoke our children to anger. We don’t have to be evil like King Saul. We can be a kind father like Jacob and do just as much damage.
When we fail to treat our children as a stewardship from the Lord and instead view them as servants for our agenda or necessities for our emotional state, we provoke either them or our other children to anger.
A STEWARDSHIP FROM GOD
A Christian parent doesn’t see their children as either an annoyance or an emotional crutch. Rather they understand their children to be a stewardship from the Lord, for his sake, and seek to bring up their kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
That last phrase is so important. Most parents will raise their children with discipline and instruction. But a Christian parent notices those last three words, “of the Lord.”
It’s not our discipline and instruction that matters. It’s Christ’s. It’s our duty to help our children to follow Jesus—not to follow us.
This means parents must be aware of the rhythms of their family life. How is your week structured? How much of a priority is Jesus in your family life? Is church a checklist item on Sunday morning or is it an anticipation on Saturday night? Is youth group dependent on the children’s sports practice or it is the reason you have to call the coach to explain their absence?
Your rhythms of family life will either prove or disprove the reality of God.
If you never pray or read the Bible in front of or with your kids, if you never talk about Jesus in any regular, open way, if you never invite others into your home for the sake of the gospel, if you never serve Jesus together as a family, if you never ask your kids about who they think Jesus is, if you’re just thankful you’re a Christian and going to heaven but your Christianity hasn’t made an impact on the way you raise your kids, then you haven’t yet realized the glory your family is missing with Christ.
It’s all too easy to just let life come at us, but a Christian parent loves God by helping their children follow Jesus. A Christian parent is active, treating their children as a stewardship from the Lord. Like Jesus, a Christian parent pursues.
You can’t save your children, but you can point them to the Savior. You can make the Savior real in your home.
JESUS REDEEMS OUR PARENTING
Some parents need to consider the command of Ephesians 6:4 with a new openness. Some haven’t parented according to their calling. So what’s the path forward?
Here’s a question that redefines everything in the Christian life, including parenting. It’s a question I’ve brought to bear in my own life in several areas recently.
Do I believe that Jesus is a Redeemer?
I respect him as King—one who watches over me. I listen to him as Prophet—one who speaks with power. But do I trust him as Redeemer—one who makes all things new?
When we trust him that way, we stop quenching the Spirit, and he starts working in our lives. Jesus can change the story of your family and my family, starting today. And he’s asking us, “Will you let me?”
That Jesus is a Redeemer means no parent, no matter their failures, is too far from his grace when it comes to discipling their children. You may think, “But our family is a mess.”
But aren’t we all?
By God’s grace, our path forward is as simple as turning to God. All you must do is say to Christ, “I’m your mess.” And he’ll come in and clean it up. That’s what a redeemer does: turns messes into miracles. And as your children see you turn to the Redeemer, they’ll learn what it means to follow Jesus. They’ll see that he’s a real Savior, and they’ll taste the grace he gives as your family begins to draw life from his mercy.
No one is the perfect parent, but if we’re waiting for perfection or nothing, we’ll get nothing every time.
Let’s trust Christ and say yes to the next right thing.
The triune God is at work in our lives to bring redemption. And in the Trinity, we have the Son who loves and honors the Father perfectly, the Father who never provokes to anger and knows how to discipline and instruct, and the Spirit who sustains it all.
The whole God is invested in the whole you. Our part is simply to trust him and not limit what he can do in us and in our families.
David McLemore is the Director of Teaching Ministries at Refuge Church in Franklin, Tennessee. He also works for a large healthcare corporation where he manages an application development department. He is married to Sarah, and they have three sons. Read more of David’s writing on his blog, Things of the Sort.
Good News for Parents Feeling Guilty About Technology
My three-year-old sat in her kid-sized chair, feverishly swiping and tapping on the phone while her siblings ran laps around the house and shouted their favorite tunes. Only it wasn’t a phone she was playing with—it was a Hot Wheels car. We had long since decided against handing phones over to toddlers. In the absence of the real thing, our daughter did what all kids do and used her imagination. She flipped the car over and was pretending the flat bottom was a screen.
After realizing what was going on, I asked her why she would rather sit on the chair pretending to scroll through a phone than run and play with her siblings. Without looking up, she answered, “It’s what all the big girls do.”
My heart broke in that moment. It broke because she was right.
WHAT THE BIG GIRLS DO
My little girl had noticed a pattern, the same one you see when you look around the mall. What are all the big girls doing? When you go to the park, what are all the parents doing?
The average U.S. adult spends five hours per day on their mobile devices. As parents, our hands and schedules are probably full enough that we’re not spending five hours on our phones, but how much time do we spend double-tapping and scrolling? Not long ago, the answer for me was far too much.
A couple of years ago, my husband and I were convicted of our use of technology. We took a hard look at how we used our devices and read about what happens when we’re always connected. We started making changes. It wasn’t easy. We struggled to put our convictions into words and explain to family members why we didn’t want them showing our kids how to play games on their phones.
TECH-WISE COMMITMENTS
Then Andy Crouch wrote The Tech-Wise Family, which helped us articulate our thoughts and hearts. Crouch’s book features ten tech-wise commitments, many of which we’ve adopted and made our own. In our home today (with four children six and under), we’re committed to:
- Leaving our phones out of sight and out of reach so we can focus on who God has in front of us
- Minimizing the number of toys with buttons available throughout the house so our children develop the capacity of imaginative play
- Reading aloud and talking during car rides (even hours-long road trips), so we can learn how to be around each other and engage more of our senses
- Allowing kids to watch TV only rarely (about once a month), and only with the whole family so the screen becomes a novel, shared experience
I still use Instagram to stay in touch with my friends (and see pics of their kiddos!). I’m grateful for podcasts to listen to while I’m cleaning or exercising. But I can say that, by the grace of God, I’m not dependent on my devices. That’s less because of behavioral modifications, though, and more because of what the Lord has shown us through our tech woes.
OUR REFUGE IN THIS DIGITAL WORLD
My daughter’s comment—"It’s what all the big girls do”—revealed that while we can seek to create a tech-wise home, we can’t fully shield our children from a tech-saturated world; a world with screens on our wrists, in our pockets, and in our living rooms and bedrooms.
Throughout Scripture, God calls his people to stay faithful regardless of what the world worships. Jesus did just that when he came to Earth. He was in the world, but not of it. He dined with sinners, yet remained free of sin. And he calls us to do the same.
But it’s so easy to get lost in questions like What boundaries do we set? How much screen time should my kids have? How old should kids be before they play video games?
When I get lost in these questions, I forget that sin and distraction entered the world thousands of years ago in a garden—not with the invention of the iPhone. Sin separated us from our Creator and sin will condemn us when we stand before him on the day of judgment.
But God loves us too much to let that be the end of the story. God longs to see our relationship with him redeemed. Psalm 34:22 tells us, “The Lord redeems the life of his servants, none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned” (emphasis mine).
When we take refuge in God, he promises redemption, not condemnation. But taking refuge in the Lord requires trust. And from day one, that’s just what God has been after.
Christian parents can do many really good things without ever trusting God. In the early years, we can make kids eat their carrots before their chocolate. We can put boundaries around technology (as my family has).
But if we fail to daily submit our children, and our role as parents, to the Lord, then we miss the point. Our parental efforts at behavior modification are good, but they aren’t primarily what God’s after.
He’s after our heart. And our hearts reveal what our motives truly are, and those determine our actions. If we want to address technology in our homes, we have to start with our hearts.
THE HEART OF THE MATTER
The next time you’re evaluating tech use in your home, ask why you’re really checking your phone or turning the TV on. Get to the heart of the matter. Are you justifying handing your phone to your child because you simply long for a break? Or the next time you go to check Instagram, ask what you’re hoping to find—affirmation, satisfaction, relief?
Then consider getting your kids involved in the heart check too! Or at least begin the conversation. You may find what we did, that our child was mimicking what she saw around her because she longs to be “big.” Or you may ask a thirteen-year-old and realize his or her worth and identity is wrongly wrapped up in their online presence.
Together your family can reflect on if the heart of your tech use is in line with the world or the Lord.
And if you’re like me and my family, you’ll probably be overwhelmed with the need to repent—of placing hope in getting something accomplished and using technology to “babysit” because it's easy (and free.) Or repent of placing trust in what others think of me and Instagram likes give me instant “love”. When God reveals the true desires of my heart, and how out of line they are with his heart, my sin feels overwhelming.
But that’s why the gospel is such good news! Because in Christ, I am redeemed by his work, not my family's tech habits. He doesn’t love me more when I stand strong in our tech-wise commitments, and he doesn’t love me less when I hand a screaming child a phone because I don’t know what else to do.
Regardless of what “all the big girls are doing,” I will continue to pray for my heart and my children’s hearts. I will continue to beg God for the grace to trust him more. That might mean our family is more up-to-date with board book stories than Instagram stories, but we’re learning to be okay with that.
Maggie Pope is the CEO of a small nonprofit that invests heavily in the lives of a handful of young children. Since the staff is small, she also serves part-time as the janitor, teacher, bread-baker, and driver. Okay, she’s a mom. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and four children.
Pastoring Your Home On Purpose
Many pastors fail at being the pastor of their family. We may be ashamed to admit it, but often when we pontificate from the pulpit about how parents shouldn’t outsource the discipleship of their children to the church, we aren’t even discipling our own children. Before you feel a heavy hand of condemnation, let me remind you that no man wakes up one day and instantly becomes the pastor of his home. It takes years of experience—and many awkward face-plants—to grow into that role. From my limited experience as a father and husband, here are a few simple habits that will get you on the trajectory to being a healthy “pastor-dad.”
PRAY FOR AND WITH YOUR FAMILY
It should be the most natural thing for a man to pray for his family, but it isn’t. It takes intentionality. My wife is a praying woman, and her prayer life pushes me to have a healthier prayer life of my own. It is now part of my daily routine to pray for Rebekah and my boys. If you develop the habit of privately praying for your family, then publicly praying for them will come naturally. Your family needs to hear you pray for them. Your children need to hear their father praying for their salvation.
TURN OFF THE TV, PUT DOWN THE PHONE, AND ENGAGE
I’ve gone through periods when I struggled to come home from the office and simply be pastor-dad, not Pastor Dayton. Our culture calls us to take pride in maintaining a slammed schedule, but our culture also celebrates and encourages a million other things that starve our spiritual vitality and destroy our families. Don’t come home from a long day and shut down. When you are with your family, turn off the TV unless you are watching it together. You also don’t need to be checking sports scores or your email on your phone. I know it’s hard, since many of us have rewired our brains to “need” to check our phones every few minutes. But it can wait.
TALK ABOUT JESUS WITH YOUR FAMILY
What you talk about most often is what your kids think is most important to Dad. If you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful exchange with your family about the person and work of Jesus, then your kids have no idea that Jesus matters to you. You don’t have to drop theology bombs on their little minds. Just talk to them about Jesus.
READ SCRIPTURE WITH YOUR KIDS EVERY NIGHT
There is no easier way to make sure you talk about Jesus than to read the book that’s by Jesus and about Jesus. There are a number of great resources for families, and most of them can be used in increments of ten or fifteen minutes. For instance, if you have small children you can use resources such as The Gospel Project Bible or The Jesus Storybook Bible. Reading a chapter or two takes no time at all.
The next day, come home from the office and ask your kids what they remember about the previous night’s family devotion. Ask them how they applied the gospel truth from last night during their day. Tell them how you applied that truth to your heart and life. It’s simple; it just takes intentionality.
PRACTICE DISCIPLINE THAT REVEALS THE GOSPEL
The vast majority of parenting advice from our culture is horrible. Why? Our nation has become post-Christian and is quickly moving toward being anti-Christian. Even for many who believe in God, the default worldview has become something akin to what sociologists Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton have called “moralistic therapeutic deism.”[1] “Moralistic” means someone thinks God just wants them to be a good person; “therapeutic” means they think God wants them to be happy (according to their own definition of happiness); and “deism” is a way of saying God isn’t personally involved in their life.
You do not want to tell your kids that Jesus matters and then parent them through a filter that encourages moralism. That duality is how you create little religious hearts that try to earn God’s favor by being good. This may be the most difficult aspect of being a father and a pastor. We face all kinds of real and perceived pressure to have children who behave properly, who obey, who do not become the stereotype of the wild and crazy pastor’s kids. Our default wiring, with its natural inclination toward religion, will cause us to apply this pressure when disciplining our children, and in doing so will turn them into legalists.
If you believe the gospel, you will not be shocked by your child’s sinfulness. You do not need to lament that your eighteen-month-old is a viper in a diaper the first time he disobeys, but you should remember that Scripture says we are sinners by nature. When we respond to our children’s sin with shock, we communicate to them: “Do better, try harder, make yourself righteous.” Our goal as fathers must not be mere behavior modification. Our aim is to see our children repent and believe the gospel. Therefore, do not respond to their sin in a way that simply calls for a change in behavior; respond in a way that calls for heartfelt repentance.
The moments when we discipline our children are of incredible value for pointing them to Jesus. I’ve found that asking my oldest son a few pointed questions keeps me calm and helps draw his attention to the Perfect Father in Heaven. I ask my son, “Who am I?” He says, “Daddy.” That’s right! “Do I love you, son?” He replies, “Yes!” I then tell him, “Because I love you, just as you are, please obey me.” Sometimes it makes a huge difference. Many times, he doesn’t get it. However, I’m trying to lay gospel groundwork, and that doesn’t happen overnight.
PASTOR YOUR HOME ON PURPOSE
None of this is hard. It just requires intentionality, yet we are often far too passive. This passivity is hurting your family. Begin implementing these basics habits now!
As you pursue being the pastor of your home, you will fail. It’s OK! We all fail, but we cannot allow failure to become defeat. The stakes are too high and your family is far too valuable.
[1] This term is from their book Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers (New York: Oxford University Press, 2005).
Content taken from Lies Pastors Believe: Seven Ways to Elevate Yourself, Subvert the Gospel, and Undermine the Church by Dayton Hartman, ©2017. Used by permission of Lexham Press, Bellingham, Washington, LexhamPress.com.
Dayton Hartman holds a Ph.D. in Church and Dogma History from North-West University (Potchefstroom) and an MA from Liberty University. He serves as Lead Pastor of Redeemer Church in Rocky Mount, North Carolina. Additionally, he is an Adjunct Professor at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (Wake Forest, NC) and Columbia International University (Columbia, SC). Learn more at his website.
'I Don't Know How You Do It': God's Grace for Foster Parents
As I stood there watching him sleep, I was reminded of the terrible reality that there are 430,000 children just like him in foster care across our country—and not nearly enough families to take them in. I had tiptoed into the room so I wouldn't wake him. Laying on a mattress wrapped in his red 'blankey' was a napping three-year-old little boy. While typically an explosion of energy, loudly bouncing around from one toy to the next, he lay there asleep and looked so peaceful.
We had received a call from Child Protective Services (CPS) a few days before saying there was a child in need of a temporary home. We accepted, and it wasn't long before a blue-eyed boy with long reddish-brown hair entered our lives.
'I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT'
Fostering is hard. A child comes into our home, alters the norm of our everyday lives for a number of weeks or months, and then by government order leaves as quickly as he or she came. Many find it difficult that we regularly let children we've grown attached to go back home, usually never to see them again. People often say to us, "I just don't know how you do it." That bewildered statement implies that we have some special gift or ability that others don't have, but the truth is, we don’t.
Foster care is hard at every level. It's hard when you first get a child. When a worker brings by a snoozing child at 3 a.m., your family is forced to make quick adjustments. Numerous scheduling changes have to be made. It might mean pulling the spare bed out of the attic, or it might mean running to the store for diapers and wipes.
And yes, it's hard when you've grown close to a child and they return to their family. Reunification is always the goal, so we rejoice when it happens, but that doesn’t make it easy. The last child was a part of our family for nearly a year. We celebrated her first birthday. We watched her take her first steps and heard her first words. Then one day the court decided it was time for her to go home, and just like that, she was gone.
GIVING US MORE THAN WE CAN BEAR
The challenges of foster care from beginning to end are often more than we can bear. It’s a struggle to incorporate another child into our family dynamic. The behavioral issues are frustrating and overwhelming at times. Juggling home inspections, doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and visitations can quickly zap our strength. It’s heart-wrenching to hear a child crying in the middle of the night, “My mommy doesn’t love me anymore!” while trying to convince her that’s not the case. We become well acquainted with our own weaknesses when we face these burdens.
On one occasion, I was exhausted and just about at the end of my rope. Already wondering if I was in over my head, I walked into our foster child’s room (who was supposed to be sleeping) and he had destroyed the room. I’m typically not a crier, but I wanted to weep at that moment. As I cleaned up the mess, I uttered to the Lord, “God, we need your help.” At that moment, I was reminded of my own helplessness and weakness.
But in our weakness, we are reminded that Christ is strong (2 Cor. 12:10). The Alpha and Omega never sleeps or slumbers (Psalm 121:4). He sees every tear shed and frustration expressed. By his power, not only did he speak everything into existence, but he continues to hold all of creation together by the power of his word (Col. 1:16-17). He is the one who sends forth the lightning and provides for the ravens. At his command the eagle mounts up, and he measures all the waters of the earth in the hollow of his hand. The nations are like a drop in a bucket to him, he stretches out the heavens like a curtain. He calls the stars by name, and because of his strength, not a single one goes missing (Job 38-40; Isaiah 40:9-31).
I’m not strong enough to face the challenges that come with foster care, but he certainly is. The great promise for the believer is that this powerful God will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut. 31:6; Heb. 13:5). We live moment by moment, depending on him and trusting that he will give us the exact amount of grace needed for each trying time.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT
I trust that the Lord, in his sovereignty, brings these children to our home. He sees every child’s unique situation and struggles. It's easy to doubt this, though. In spite of the teaching of the popular cliché, the Lord will give more than we can handle at times. He is gracious to take us to the end of our strength so we that we learn to rely on his. Without his grace, we couldn’t do it. We couldn’t handle another heart-breaking "good-bye." We couldn’t survive another long day filled with the challenges of foster care. Thankfully though, in those moments, his grace proves to be enough.
The staggering number of children in foster care can make us feel powerless. We often want to bring massive change all at once, but the Lord doesn't always work that way. While I wish I could help all the children in foster care, I simply can't.
But as I stood in my room that day watching that little boy sleep peacefully with his red blanket, I realized that even though we can't bring mass change, perhaps the Lord can use us to make a massive change in his life. We can't help all 430,000, but we can help this one.
That’s why we foster—to overwhelm the life of one child with the love of Christ for as many days as we get to share with him.
A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
Scripture reminds us often of the Lord's heart for the vulnerable and oppressed, especially orphans (James 1:27). His heart breaks for the 430,000. And as God's people, ours should too. We should be the most willing to die to our comforts, our dreams, and our convenience for the sake of the vulnerable and orphaned.
I recognize not everyone can take a child in, but we can all serve foster children in some way. There are ministries that provide creative ways for anyone to contribute by ministering to foster families and CPS workers. Some help collect needed items (clothes, car seats, etc.) that foster families can use, or help provide “parent’s night out,” where they offer childcare. Others adopt CPS workers and try to minister to them through encouraging notes and gifts. There may not be a ministry like this in your community, and if so, there's an opportunity to start one through your local church.
It’s not easy, but the Lord’s grace is sufficient. His strength is perfect to overcome every frustration and obstacle in foster care.
In our short time of fostering, we've cared for babies with meth in their system; we've had children from homes where they were left to live in their own feces; we’ve received precious children that bear the image of God, from dysfunctional and broken homes.
When you engage in foster care, you get a front-row view of the depravity of man. You get a glimpse into the darkness. But it's in the darkest places that the church's light can shine the brightest.
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX since 2013. He is married to Jenny and they have three children and are actively involved in foster care. He is in the dissertation stage of a Ph.D. in Systematic Theology. You can follow James Twitter or his blog where he writes regularly.
6 Breathtaking Examples of Motherhood from History
Fifteen years ago, I was eight months pregnant and hungry—not just for food, but for godly wisdom on how to raise children who know and love the Lord. My husband and I had no idea how to be distinctly Christian parents to this baby that was on her way into our world. We spent my first Mother’s Day at a parenting conference, which began a lifelong quest to find out how moms before me raised their children in the Lord. History offers today’s Christian women “older women…to teach what is good…that the word of God may not be reviled” (Tit. 2:3-5).
Here are six historical moms who show us what it looks like to raise our children in the Lord.
MONICA – mother of Augustine of Hippo (332-387)
Monica mothered a man who became one of our most influential church fathers. Augustine shaped not only many of the doctrines central to the Christian faith, but his clear thinking and theology forged the church of the next millennia. Augustine was not always a follower of Christ, however. As a young adult, he rejected his mother’s faith with disdain. Unwed, he lived with a woman, fathered a child, and pursued a life of hedonism.
Monica’s early hopes were for her son to live a life of status and privilege, but they evolved into a drive to see her son saved. At 31, Augustine was in the midst of a noteworthy career in philosophy, education, and rhetoric when skepticism gave way under the Bishop of Milan’s influence and the power of his mother’s prayers as he surrendered to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Augustine was fully aware that his mother’s prayers were instrumental in his conversion. In his autobiography, Confessions, Augustine said, “My mother placed great hope in [God],” and she “was in greater labor to ensure my salvation than she had been at my birth.” He praises Monica’s persistent prayers on his behalf throughout all of his works. After her death, he grieved that she was "now gone from my sight, who for years had wept over me, that I might live in [God's] sight."[1]
Lesson for moms today: Labor in persistent in prayer (Phil. 4:6) for your children and rightly see their salvation as utmost of value. Invite God to change your worldly goals for your kids into Christ-centered ones.
SARAH EDWARDS – wife of Jonathan Edwards, mother of eleven (1710-1758)
Sarah was married to Jonathan Edwards, a Reformed preacher and theologian, and a key player in the First Great Awakening. The legacy of the Edwards’ home life is famously exhibited in a list compiled in 1900 of the life work of their eleven children and their descendants: college presidents and professors, lawyers and physicians, judges and senators, public servants from mayors to a U.S. vice president, authors, and hundreds of ministers and overseas missionaries. Sarah’s motherhood impacts every corner of American history.
Jonathan was known to be driven and passionate. He spent as many as thirteen hours a day studying. Visitors to the Edwards’ home report that though Jonathan was indeed involved in family life, the brunt of household duties—rearing the children and tending to guests—fell largely on Sarah. However, she created a happy home, an environment built on routine, rigor, and discipline.[2]
Lesson for moms today: Serve your family wholeheartedly, as to the Lord, trusting him to make himself known through you for generations to come (Col. 3:17). Through everyday acts of service, mothers can make a historic—and eternal—impact through their children.
SOJOURNER TRUTH – former slave, abolitionist, activist, and mother of five (c. 1797-1883)
Sojourner was born a slave in New York and first sold away from her parents at the young age of nine. Later she married an older slave, bore five children, and was widowed. In the years just prior to emancipation in New York, Sojourner was promised freedom by her master, who reneged after she completed the work they agreed upon. In response, Sojourner took her infant daughter and walked to freedom in broad daylight, saying that she had nothing to hide, as freedom had been promised to her. Her master eventually caught up with her, but her remaining year of servitude was purchased by an abolitionist family.
Shortly after gaining freedom, Sojourner learned that her former master had illegally sold her five-year-old son to a slaveholder in Alabama. Incensed, Sojourner set out to demand the return of her son. She personally navigated the judicial system in Alabama, took the issue to court, and won—making her the first black woman to win a case against a white man. Reunited with her son Peter, they moved to New York City where Sojourner heard the gospel and believed. Following her conversion to Christ, Sojourner said, “The Spirit Calls me and I must go.” She set out to be an abolitionist, women’s rights activist, and preacher of the gospel.[3]
Lesson for moms today: Pursue justice—no matter the cost. Be brave and committed to the truth. Love righteousness and justice (Ps. 33:5), not just at home, but all around you.
AMY CARMICHAEL – mother of hundreds (1867-1951)
Born in Ireland, Amy’s first ministry experience was in Belfast amongst “Shawlies”—impoverished girls who worked in the mills and could only afford to wear shawls rather than hats. After hearing Hudson Taylor speak, Amy felt called to missions overseas. She served briefly in Japan before an illness forced to return home. She suffered from neuralgia, a disease that caused great pain and weakness and required weeks of bedrest.
Despite her poor health, Amy remained steadfast in answering God’s call to share his love overseas. She set out for Bangalore, India in 1895 where she joined a band of Indian Christian women who traveled from village to village sharing the gospel. Amy worked hard to become fluent in Tamil and understand the Hindu religion and culture.
Along with her teammates, she established the Dohnavur Fellowship, which became a home for children rescued or escaped forced servitude in Hindu temples. Over time, Amy became Amma, or “mother,” to hundreds of rescued babies, children, and teenagers. About twenty years into her maternal role, she fell and was so badly injured that she was forced by restraints to stay in her bedroom for the rest of her life, which lasted another twenty years. That time, though undoubtedly painful on many levels, was not wasted. Amy welcomed little ones into her room and penned nearly 40 books.[4] [5]
Lesson for moms today: Lack of biological children doesn’t preclude you from being a mother. Be a mother to the motherless. Show your religion by loving the orphan (Jas. 1:27). Spend ourselves on the least of these. And don’t let anything stop you from proclaiming the gospel.
ALBERTA KING – mother of Martin Luther King, Jr. (1904—1974)
Alberta Williams King was a minister’s wife, an organ player and choir founder at Atlanta’s Ebenezer Baptist Church, member of the NAACP and YWCA, and mother of three children, including Martin Luther King, Jr.
In his autobiography, King said, “My mother confronted the age-old problem of the Negro parent in America: how to explain discrimination and segregation to a small child. She taught me that I should feel a sense of ‘somebodiness' but that on the other hand I had to go out and face a system that stared me in the face every day saying you are ‘less than,’ you are ‘not equal to…’ She made it clear that she opposed this system and that I must never allow it to make me feel inferior. . . . At this time Mother had no idea that the little boy in her arms would years later be involved in a struggle against the system she was speaking of.”
Six years after her son was assassinated, Alberta was gunned down while playing the organ at her church.[6]
Lesson for moms today: Champion the “somebodiness” inherent in all people because they are created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-27) and teach your children to do the same.
ELISABETH ELLIOT – wife, missionary, and mother (1926-2015)
Elisabeth was born to missionaries and zealously pursued missions herself. After studying Greek in college, she went to Ecuador to share Christ with unreached tribes. Jim Elliot was also in Ecuador, and they were soon married. Along with a team of missionaries, the Elliot’s set out to locate and contact the Auca Indians who had previously killed everyone that tried to make contact.
When Elisabeth’s first and only child, Valerie, was ten months old, Jim and four other missionaries were speared to death when they reached with the Auca people. Undeterred from the mission, Elisabeth stayed in Ecuador with Valerie and continued pursuing ministry among the Auca.
Valerie recently said, “Because my parents prayed and hoped to bring Indians to the Lord, when my father was killed my mother had no plan or immediate thought she should leave Ecuador. Human fears would flood her mind, but verses from Scripture gave her peace and assurance we would be taken care of. Mother continued to work with the Indians and continued to pray for them. And the more that she prayed for them, the greater her love grew for these people in need of a Savior.”[7]
Lesson for moms today: Motherhood doesn’t preclude you from mission. Be a mom on mission. Go and make disciples of all nations (Matt. 28:19)—and take your children with you.
CONSIDER AND IMITATE YOUR LEADERS
The writer of Hebrews admonished early Christians to “Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith” (Heb. 13:7).
These six women from history are leaders to the moms of today. Let’s imitate their faith as we seek to raise our children in the Lord.
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
[1] https://www.christianity.com/church/church-history/timeline/301-600/augustine-couldnt-outrun-mothers-prayers-11629656.html
[2] https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/sarah-edwards-jonathans-home-and-haven
[3] http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/truth/1850/1850-16.html
[4] http://www.bu.edu/missiology/missionary-biography/c-d/carmichael-amy-beatrice-1867-1951/
[5] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amy_Carmichael
[6] https://kinginstitute.stanford.edu/king-papers/publications/autobiography-martin-luther-king-jr-contents/chapter-1-early-years
Lay Down Your Life For a Lasting Marriage
The glass sun face hanging in our bathroom tells a story. It’s from our honeymoon nineteen years ago. On our last night in Ixtapa, Mexico, my husband and I had just enough money after dinner for either a taxi ride back to our hotel or to purchase this souvenir, but not both. Convinced my brand-new husband really liked the sun face, I encouraged him to buy it. And, as we walked the hilly two miles back, he carried the package and congratulated himself on securing a treasure his wife clearly wanted.
Not long after getting back to our hotel room, I said, “I’m so glad we got that sun face for you.”
Incredulous, my husband said, “What? We didn’t get that for me. We got that for you.”
We love that story. We still repeat it to one another and laugh about it. The story the sun face tells is that on our honeymoon we were eager to walk miles in the heat to make the other happy.
All these years later, I can tell you the preferential treatment of our honeymoon hasn’t remained our default behavior. Rather, like all couples, as the days and years progressed we began to live transactionally.
TRANSACTIONAL LIVING
Transactional living looks like this: I’ll do this for you, if you do that for me. But if you don’t keep up your end of the deal, I’m not keeping mine either.
If you work all day, I’ll cook dinner. If I do the taxes, you have to schedule the babysitters. I’m willing to mow the lawn if you do the laundry.
Or if you’re selfish, don’t expect me to be generous. If you’re critical, I will be too. And if I feel like you’re not listening to me, I’m not going to listen to you either.
In a transactional marriage, we keep a secret scoreboard in our heads, tallying our own good deeds alongside the misdeeds of the other. Not surprisingly, we always are in the lead, sure we are outperforming our spouses.
Aware of this human condition, Paul tells us “not to think of [ourselves] more highly than [we] ought to think, but to think with sober judgment” (Rom. 12:3).
Our internal scorekeeping is not only rigged and inaccurate, but it steals our joy. The practice of picking apart our spouse’s shortcomings only begets more picking. It’s a vicious cycle. Our flesh is insatiable.
If we want any hope of a joy-filled marriage, we must heed Paul’s words, given in the same breath as his instruction above, to view ourselves with sober judgment. He says, “by the mercies of God … present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Rom. 12:1-2).
Rather than following the worldly model of transactional living, we are called to renew our minds. Here are four methods of renewing our minds in the midst of marriage.
1. LOOK TO JESUS AS OUR MODEL
Jesus, “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:6-8).
Our Savior, himself the God of all creation, left his throne in heaven, put on flesh, and came to Earth to rescue us. He, who knew no sin, took our sin upon himself, giving us his righteousness instead (2 Cor. 5:21). There has never been, nor will there ever be, a greater injustice.
In the midst of marital strife, in a season when I am prone to keep score, I try to remember Jesus’s example. If he—though perfect—was willing to die for me, how much more willing should I—being far from perfect—be willing to serve my spouse? The cross brings perspective.
2. REMEMBER PAUL’S INSTRUCTIONS
Throughout the New Testament we see a variety of instructions from Paul to wives and husbands as to how we should treat one another. What is key, though, is that the instructions are given in the context of worship. Paul tells us to love our spouses in the name of Jesus.
Right before imparting specific marital instructions in his letter to the Colossians, Paul said, “whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Col. 3:17). Our treatment of our spouses is meant to flow from our love for Jesus and our gratitude to the Father.
Paul does not tell us to treat our spouses well because it’s the right thing to do. He doesn’t say to serve them because they deserve it. Through Paul, God commands us to sacrificially love our spouses because God himself deserves it. Our kindness in marriage is “to the Lord” (Eph. 4:22).
When our spouses sin against us, and when we are tempted to withhold goodness because they have wronged us, we can remember Paul’s exhortation. We serve Jesus above all. Our tenderness in marriage is in Jesus’ name.
3. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT GOD PROVIDES STRENGTH
Any married person past their honeymoon knows serving your spouse is not automatic. Our flesh is quick to serve itself and we want to be served by others. Just as our salvation was not secured by our own strength, neither are our good works. Like Paul said, it is “not [our] own doing; it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8).
In order to avoid transactional living, in order to “do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than [ourselves]” (Phil. 2:3), we must remember that “it is God who works in [us], both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13).
If we are to have any hope in marriage, any expectation of longevity and happiness and unity, we must call on Christ to work through us.
4. BELIEVE THIS FOR YOUR JOY
The counter-intuitive truth of the Christian life is that joy is granted when we deny ourselves. Our Savior endured the cross “for the joy set before him” (Heb. 12:2). In the same way, when we seek the good of our spouse, when we forsake ourselves, we find joy.
Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 16:24-25).
We find our lives when we follow our Lord and pour ourselves out. When we treat our spouses preferentially, it is for their good, for our joy, and for the glory of God.
This laying-down lifestyle is the opposite of a transactional lifestyle. This way asks, How can I bless you? What do you need? In this kind of marriage, spouses keep no record of wrongs—or rights.
Rather, they give a blessing for a cursing. They honor one another above themselves. They emulate their Savior. And they find not only a lasting marriage, but lasting joy.
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
What I Didn't Learn in Seminary: How to Shepherd My Wife
My wife, Charlotte, and I got married young. She was nineteen and I was twenty-one. I came from a good Christian home. My parents and grandparents were all Christians. Charlotte, in stark contrast, came out of a broken home. Both of her parents were alcoholics. They divorced when she was seven. At age nine she, her sister, and her brother were placed in the Georgia Baptist Children’s Home, where she lived until she was eighteen. During those years she almost never saw her parents. Her father did not attend our wedding, though he lived in the Atlanta area where we were married.
I say all this to point out that we came into our marriage with very different perspectives and expectations. I knew what a good home was and recognized that good was good. Perfection, though the ideal, would not be reached in this life since marriage is two sinners (saved by grace if they know Jesus!) living in close proximity.
Charlotte was absolutely determined not to follow in the footsteps of her parents. She was going to have the perfect marriage if it killed us both (and it nearly did on more than a few occasions)!
Add to this that we had no premarital counseling, for three reasons: (1) The year before we married, I attended Bible college in Dallas, and she was in Atlanta living with my parents. (2) The week before we married, our pastor—who married us—announced that he and his wife were getting a divorce. The one time we did meet with him, he apologized through tears, saying he really did not feel he could say anything to us. (3) In almost seven years of Bible college and seminary, I had exactly one class on marriage and family, which came outside my seminary education. I have no memory of a discussion on the home in seminary. None at all.
Given this background, you can imagine that our early days of marriage were quite challenging. Some were downright trying. Charlotte and I loved each other, and divorce was never an option, but all was not blissful, and the sailing was not smooth. We had some tough days.
I am writing this piece having just celebrated our thirty-eighth wedding anniversary. I can honestly say that outside of Jesus, nothing has brought me more happiness and joy than being a husband, father, and grandfather. But it has been hard work, and no one in seminary ever told me it would be. I have learned through the years and in the school of “hard knocks” that there are things I could have done to shepherd my wife more effectively and lovingly. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn these things during my years in seminary.
I have had the joy of doing marriage and family conferences for several decades. You could say it is my spiritual hobby. Charlotte says I need to do at least one a month because I keep forgetting what I teach! Unfortunately, there is quite a bit of truth in those words.
When it comes to husbands, I first do an exposition of Ephesians 5:25–33. Then, I build on that foundation, draw from other relevant passages, and share seven practical ways to bless your wife day in and day out. I would argue that these ideas are true for every husband. I would also argue that they are especially needful for those who shepherd God’s flock. I wish I had been taught these things in seminary. But better later than never.
7 WAYS TO BLESS YOUR WIFE
A husband can be a blessing to his wife by loving her as Christ loved the church and giving her specific gifts of love. Here are seven:
1. Be a spiritual leader. Be a man of godly courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. Take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for your family. Become a capable and competent student of Scripture, and live all of life on the basis of God’s Word. Nurture your wife in her growth as a woman of God, and take the lead in training your children in the things of the Lord (Psalm 1; Eph. 5:23–27).
2. Give your wife personal affirmation and appreciation. Praise her personal attributes and qualities. Speak of her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Openly commend her in the hearing of others as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. Help her feel that no one in this world is more important to you (Prov. 31:28– 29; Song 4:1–7; 6:4–9; 7:1–9).
3. Show personal affection (romance). Shower her with timely and generous displays of affection. Tell her how much you care for her with a steady flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember, affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed more fully and a wonderful marriage is developed (Song 6:10, 13; Eph. 5:28–29, 33).
4. Initiate intimate conversation. Talk with her at the level of feelings (heart to heart). Listen to her thoughts (her heart) about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Let your conversations with her convey a desire to understand her—not to change her (Song 2:8–14; 8:13–14; 1 Pet. 3:7). Changing her is God’s job, not yours.
5. Always be honest and open. Look into her eyes and, in love, always tell her the truth (Eph. 4:15). Explain your plans and actions clearly and completely because you are responsible for her. Lead her to trust you and feel secure (Prov. 15:22–23).
6. Provide home support and stability. Shoulder the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe your family. Provide and protect, and resist feeling sorry for yourself when things get tough. Look for concrete ways to improve home life. Raise your marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember, the husband and father is the security hub of the family (1 Tim. 5:8).
7. Demonstrate family commitment. After the Lord Jesus, put your wife and family first. Commit time and energy to spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of your children. For example, pray with them (especially at night at bedside), read to them, engage in sports with them, and take them on other outings. Do not play the fool’s game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while your spouse and children languish in neglect (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:19–20).[1]
These are things I did not learn in seminary. I had to learn them in life. And I’m grateful I learned them from expositing the Word of God!
Content taken from 15 Things Seminary Couldn't Teach Me edited by Collin Hansen and Jeff Robinson Sr., ©2018. Used by permission of Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Il 60187, www.crossway.org.
[1] For related discussion, see also Daniel L. Akin, “Pastor as Husband and Father,” in Portraits of a Pastor: The 9 Essential Roles of a Church Leader, ed. Jason K. Allen (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2017), and Akin, Exalting Jesus in Song of Songs (Nashville: B&H, 2015).
Daniel L. Akin is president of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and is a council member with The Gospel Coalition.
A Light In the Dark Places
In J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic The Lord of the Rings trilogy, a royal elf named Galadriel gives Frodo Baggins a splendid gift—light from the “beloved star” Earendil, captured within a small crystal that Frodo may use to light the way should he find himself in the dark. Without giving too much away, let’s just say Galadriel’s foresight turned out to be useful for a very sticky situation. The brilliance of the star of Earendil is fiction, but it gives us a glimpse of the true brilliance found in the Son of Man, the true radiance of the glory of Christ himself (Heb. 1:3). No light is purer for our path or brighter to our eyes than his unapproachable and marvelous light (1 Tim. 6:6; 1 Pet. 2:9).
This very light—stunningly—has been offered to us for our own journeys. “The true light . . . gives light to everyone” (John 1:9). But what is this light exactly? As David reflected on the gift of light for his Christian journey, he sings, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Ps. 119:105, emphasis mine).
It is incongruous that many believers can rehearse those very words from David by memory and yet live as if such a gift is unnecessary. The light has lost its luster in our eyes. We start to complain when troubles come our way. We ask God to give us a sign for which way to turn, but we haven’t turned the lamp on. If his Word is our lamp and a light for the road, why do we always neglect to pack it for the trip?
We all know that obstacles on the path of life are inevitable realities. Perhaps you feel the weight of your own trials and troubles right now. You feel that all the lights have gone out. Where can you turn for guidance? Each of us needs God’s Word if we have any hope of walking the road without stumbling or getting off-course.
HIDDEN LIGHT
Scripture memorization, or the practice of hiding God’s Word in our hearts, is the premier way we are guided by the lamp and light. It is not simply God’s Word with us, but in us. To read God’s Word is good; to reflect on it is better; to pray it is better still. But to know and feel his Word is altogether best. When the Word takes root in our hearts and minds, the light becomes brighter along our paths and no darkness will be too great.
In his book Moonwalking With Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, journalist Joshua Foer tells the story of his journey from covering the United States Memory Championship to him competing in—and winning—the event a year later. He trained his mind to suddenly be able to memorize the order of two shuffled decks of cards or recall hundreds of random faces paired with random names, all within a few short minutes.
But in a book full of insight on memorization, it is Foer’s off-hand remark about halfway through that struck me: “In a tight spot, where could one look for guidance about how to act, if not the depths of memory?”
Foer’s book was not meant to be an exercise in spiritual disciplines, but the implications for Scripture memorization are obvious. Just as we all memorize the layout of our bedrooms and bathrooms enough to be able to navigate them safely in the dark morning hours, so we have also been invited to know God’s Word in the midst of dark times. In our trials, it is not the visible light that counts so much as the “hidden light” within us. God’s Word helps us navigate life when the path ahead is dimly lit.
JUST DO IT
I know what you are thinking at this point. The idea of Scripture memorization sounds like a nice idea, but you already have written it off. You may see the value in all of these challenges to hide God’s Word in your heart, but still think it beyond your ability. You explain your own need for Bible memorization away, saying it is not in your spiritual gift mix.
But have you really tried it?
Most of us, sadly, have not. We assume Bible memorization requires an intellectual capacity beyond what God has given us. That would be awfully cruel of God, to command us in his Word to prioritize grasping his Word in our heart and not give us the tools we need to do so. I don’t believe this is the case. The level of access to tools that help us hide God’s Word in our heart is truly amazing; we simply have to want it enough. We just have to do it.
THE BENEFITS OF MEMORIZATION
If we will do the work of storing up God’s light, the benefits are manifold. There are three ways worth dwelling on that the brilliance of the Word of God hidden in the heart helps us in our trials, temptations, and troubles of life.
First, God’s Word stored in our hearts equips us in the fight against sin. There is no greater example of the benefits of memorization than the life of David. David, a man known for zig-zagging along the road of righteous living, was a master sinner (just like you and I). He was a master deceiver of his own heart. But in David’s best moments, the Spirit compelled and helped David store up God’s Word as he fought the sin in his life (Ps. 119:11). Temptation often demands a quick, reactionary decision from us. In these moments, will we live by the flesh or by the Spirit? Will we pursue wickedness or righteousness? As we become memorizers of Scripture, it becomes easier to hang in the tension of temptation, to feed the truths of Scripture to our mind and heart, and to help us make an informed, thought-out decision to flee temptation and pursue righteousness (2 Tim. 2:22).
Second, God’s Word stored in our hearts encourages us when prayers go unanswered. Don’t believe the charlatan preachers that tell you God will answer all of your prayers as you want him to. If you’ve lived long enough, you know that some prayers go unanswered, or you get the answer you did not expect. These are hard moments in the Christian life. But God’s Word being in our hearts readily brings to mind His promises to us, which are rich in every respect. Perhaps you are praying against a particular suffering in your life, and it does not seem to be going away. Bringing God’s promise to mind in Romans 8:18, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” may not bring immediate relief, but it does bring eternal comfort. Sometimes, in these dark places, we have to “preach the gospel to ourselves,” as Jerry Bridges often said.
Third, God’s Word stored in our hearts keeps families afloat. I have written about the benefits of memorizing catechisms and creeds in the home, which are certainly helpful. But this should never replace or supersede the memorization of Scripture. I believe that a family’s effort to memorize Scripture together is one of the simplest and most beautiful methods of family discipleship we can participate in. When a family walks through a difficult season together, how encouraging it would be for parents to remind their children of the verses they need to hear (or children remind their parents!) in those moments. A family that speaks God’s Word to one another continually is God’s vision for the home (Deut. 6:6-9).
Finally, God’s Word stored in our hearts brings vigor to our soul. On many occasions, the Psalms link the practice of Bible memorization with spiritual vitality (Ps. 1:2; 40:8; 119:16, 52, 129). We spend a lot of time as Christians talking about the pursuit of glorifying God in our lives, yet that doesn’t often materialize in our day-to-day activities. Making Scripture memorization a routine part of our Christian life can certainly change that. Hiding God’s Word in our heart will only deepen our affection for his Word and create a thirst in us to know him better, indeed, “equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:17).
May Scripture be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.
Zach Barnhart currently serves as Student Pastor of Northlake Church in Lago Vista, TX. He holds a Bachelor of Science from Middle Tennessee State University and is currently studying at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, seeking a Master of Theological Studies degree. He is married to his wife, Hannah. You can follow Zach on Twitter @zachbarnhart or check out his personal blog, Cultivated.
She Went from Destitute to Daughter—and So Can You
Before Cinderella was the most sought-after footwear model in all the land, she was a despised maid. She was a mistreated, neglected stepdaughter forced to tend to her bratty sisters. This part of Cinderella's story highlights something many of us struggle with: shame—particularly, the shame that comes from being shunned. Whether it’s a high school clique that keeps you from sitting at their table or an evil stepmother who treats you cruelly, no one wants to feel despised.
Cinderella’s story points us to an older, richer one that also features a destitute woman. This woman, whose name we don’t know, had a physical reminder of her isolation—a continual flow of blood.
PORTRAIT OF A DESTITUTE WOMAN
Her condition made her unclean in the Roman-era Jewish culture. According to Jewish law, every woman was considered unclean during the period of her menstruation. This meant that no one could touch them because they would also be made unclean. If the menstruating woman sat on a chair, it became unclean and nobody else could sit on it, or they would become unclean. This poor woman had a perpetual menstrual flow, so she was perpetually unclean.
Therefore, she would have likely lived separately from everyone. She couldn’t be touched by anyone. If she were a young woman when she contracted this condition, she would never have been able to be married or have a family. If it happened later in her life, after she had a family, she would never have been able to touch her children, hug them or comfort them in her arms, or even hold their little hands. This condition had ruined her life and she was desperate to be healed from it.
She had subjected herself to painful procedures with multiple doctors, yet she had only grown worse. Her humiliation, rejection, and degradation must have been completely devastating.
But that wasn’t the end of her story.
A SICK GIRL AND A DESTITUTE WOMAN
The poor woman’s story begins as an interruption to the narrative of Jairus and his sick daughter (Mark 5:21-24; 5:35-43), but the two stories are intertwined. Jairus’ daughter was twelve years old and the bleeding woman had suffered for twelve years, though both parties were desperate for healing. Jairus was the leader of the synagogue, a well-known and respected man. He acted as a powerful advocate for his daughter by pleading with Jesus for her life. The destitute woman had no one to advocate for her.
Even still, somewhere in her broken life a glimmer of hope still flickered. So desperate was she for healing, that on hearing of Jesus’s power and that he was passing through her town, she risked everything to go and touch him.
She would have had to cover her face and sneak out of her house. When she entered the crowd, she would have made everyone she touched unclean. Had she been discovered, she could have been stoned. But still, she pressed on and pressed in through the crowd, nearer and nearer to Jesus.
As Jesus walked to Jairus’ house to heal his child, the bleeding woman pushed her way through the crowd, reached out, and touched the hem of his robe.
Immediately, she was healed.
THE GOSPEL HEALS AND ADOPTS
As this healing is taking place, we can imagine Jairus is eager for Jesus to hurry up so he can come and heal his daughter. Jesus, however, takes his time with this woman, even while the young daughter's life is hanging in the balance. Jesus’ unhurried approach shows that God has equal time and power for all. No one is more important to him than anyone else.
The beauty of this story, which captures so much of the gospel, is that Jesus wills that no one should perish, but that all should come to eternal life (John 3:16-17; 1 Tim. 2:4). Here, Jesus stops in the middle of a lifesaving mission for an important man’s daughter and heals an unknown, nameless, rejected, and unclean woman. He healed not only her physical ailment but her deeper, spiritual ailment as well. And he accepted her in a way she had never even dreamed of by calling her “daughter” (Mark 5:34).
The gospel heals and adopts. It heals us of our spiritual ailment—sin—and adopts us into the family of God (see Eph. 1:5).
The love of God stretches infinitely; it reaches into the hearts and lives of every person despite their social status, nationality, income, gender, or renown (Gal. 3:28). This is the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ.
JESUS KNOWS YOUR NEED BETTER THAN YOU DO
The destitute woman’s faith was probably influenced by superstition. She had likely heard that some people believed Jesus to be the Messiah. There was a widely held belief at the time that if a person touched a tassel on the Messiah’s garment that person would be healed. Desperately holding onto this belief, the woman kept pressing in until she touched the clothes of Jesus.
And she was healed! This was all her dreams come true! All the suffering, all the doctors, all the years of isolation, rejection, and pain, came to an end the moment of her healing. As soon as she received healing for her greatest need, she turned to flee for home, intending to leave in obscurity. But Jesus had a different plan.
REDEEMED AS A DAUGHTER
Jesus understood the woman’s true need in a way she didn’t comprehend. And so, he calls her out of the crowd, saying, “Who touched me?” And she stopped.
Why didn’t she just keep running? Why did she stop and come back? Well, because it’s hard to run when the voice of God is calling you. The same voice that called Lazarus out of the grave called to this unknown, desperate woman, and at the sound of Jesus’s voice, she fell at his feet, trembling in fear, and told him the whole truth.
After she confesses, Jesus does something unheard of, yet wonderful—he reached down and touched her. The purest, most righteous man to have ever lived touched the unclean woman, claiming her as his own. The word “daughter” that Jesus uses here is a term of the most intimate endearment. It would never be used with a stranger. He uses it nowhere else in the gospels.
Jesus adopted this nameless woman into his family. He touched her uncleanness and called her precious daughter, and then he told her to go in peace.
When something dirty is touched by something clean, the clean thing becomes dirty. If you clean your car with a white rag, the rag will soon be black. Jesus took our “uncleanness,” to the cross with him. He became the dirty rag which washed us clean, and just like the woman in this story, he accepted us into his family.
While she had desperately wanted healing, and had thought that was her greatest need, Jesus knew the true needs of her life. He gave her public acceptance, healing, and peace. He called her “daughter.”
FLESH PRESSES, FAITH TOUCHES
This story shows us that God knows our needs better than we do. We may come to him imperfectly, as this woman did, not truly seeking to know him more but to lay hold of an answer to prayer. Yet he is still willing to accept us.
Augustine writes,
“Flesh presses, faith touches. He can always distinguish between the jostle of a curious mob and the agonized touch of a needy soul.”[1]
If your need is great enough to make you sincerely and desperately turn to God, if you, like this woman, will risk everything just to reach out and touch Jesus, he will meet your needs and more.
He will be your Savior. He will deliver you from your shame.
[1]Quoted from George Campbell Morgan, The Gospel According to Mark, (Eugene: Wipf and Stock, 1927), 127.
Jody Ponce is on the women's ministry team in Calvary Cork, Ireland. She is married to Ricky Ponce, and she is the mother of three young children.
Is it Possible to Be Content with My Calling?
In the fall of 2013, I was visiting a local park with my four-year-old and two-year-old in tow when I saw a mom with a newborn baby and felt a sudden, overwhelming relief that I was “over” that baby phase. Earlier that summer, I had come to an emphatic decision that we would not have any more children. Being a notoriously open-ended person, this was a rare, clear decision. Little did I know, I would become pregnant within the month.
A BABY
To say I cried about my pregnancy is an understatement. It took months of processing with friends to even come around to the idea that having another baby could be a good thing. It sounded like terribly tedious work. And though it might seem obvious that this was God’s calling for me, I couldn’t quite accept it.
When little Rosie was born, I delighted in her. But I also delighted in knowing I was only two years away from potty training and “normalcy.” Those next two years, however, turned out to be some of the hardest of my life.
On the outside, my life may have looked fine. I participated in church community groups, discipleship groups, and women’s bible studies. I was an involved parent and had pulled my eldest out of public school and started homeschooling.
A BREAKDOWN
But on the inside, I felt like I was dying. The addition of a baby to homeschooling and full-time care for three kids under five felt like more than I could physically and emotionally bear. I felt like I had lost my worth, my dignity, and my hope. How could God be calling me to this? I remember many times cleaning up after my five-year-old, three-year-old and baby thinking, The sole purpose of my life is picking things up and putting them down again, like Sisyphus, pointlessly pushing a boulder up a hill only to have it fall down again. What was the point?
There were times I would wander all over the house and say over and over again, “I hate my life; I hate me.”
So I started clawing at anything that promised what I was craving: worth, significance, meaning, and purpose. I threw myself into homeschooling classes, curriculums, and co-ops. I revived my doula business. I planned ministry events.
But as I attempted to busy myself, my body started shutting down. A trip to the doctor to address the fatigue ruled out major illness but hinted at depression. It was a wake-up call. I finally surrendered my crusade for meaning and purpose, submitted to my husband and stopped homeschooling (after the 100th time he asked, “Why are you doing this?”) I took a break from some responsibilities and my body slowly healed. My kids started school. I made some new friends and visited some old ones. I started seeing glimmers of hope all around.
But my questions lingered: “Why did God allow this? What is my life for?”
A WILDERNESS
Around this time, I read a very helpful article that started to give me a picture of what God might be up to:
“Time and again, God calls his people to himself by leading them out of the familiar and into a wilderness. In this wilderness, the urgent needs of survival require a radical assessment of their identity and what their life is really about… In every case God brings his people to a point in which they have to reckon with their identity as his children. They can live for their own agendas, wants and needs, or choose to trust in their Heavenly Father.”–Winston Smith, ‘The Hunger Games: Appetite and Identity’
God was leading me through a wilderness. It was full of service and mundane repetition. He had given me a good gift—the task and the joy of serving a child—but it had become a burden because I insisted on pursuing other agendas, wants, and needs. God had brought me very deliberately to this point to reckon with my identity and my agenda. He obliterated my “felt need” to be recognized and to use my talents. He shut the doors to easy escapism and freedom from responsibility. He pressed the gas pedal on the effort needed to serve my family.
My response was to fight and question God for bringing me on this path—being a wife, being a mom, being . . . everything that I was. My flailing for meaning and pursuit of other activities actually drained my resources for my true calling. Suffering was compounded by sin. And in the wilderness, I so often chose escapism, depression, anger, self-pity, regret, selfishness, indulgence, sensuality, sulking, isolation, and fear.
But I knew, as a daughter of my Heavenly Father, there must be a better way than demanding my own agenda, living for my wants or needs of recognition, success, or escape. How could I learn to trust my Heavenly Father?
AN ENCOUNTER WITH JESUS
In May of this year, I had a dream. In the dream, I was taking my two-year-old into our shower. She had poop in her diaper and on her fingers and she had smeared it all over her face. In my frustration, I muttered, "Why did you do this? You know better. Ugh!"
Then, suddenly, Jesus was there to my right, in a white robe on the threshold of the shower. I was aware it was Jesus, but didn’t dare look at his face. I just stared at the ground, frozen.
Then he spoke to me with clear, authoritative, and kind words. I was so mesmerized and giddy by Jesus’ presence that I didn’t even remember exactly what he said! He was speaking words of truth over me about who I was in him—a beloved daughter. He spoke to me about my identity. He was so kind, and his words so true. His presence was full of intensity and wonder and joy. His glory was magnetic. And I was filled with so much love for him. Not just love, but adoration and worship.
My heart melted, and in a puddle of tears and love, I blurted out, “I will clean up poop for the rest of my life if you want me to. I’ll do it for you!” It seemed to be the only natural response to give him anything he’d ask for.
Then I woke up.
ANSWERS TO THE WHY
This encounter with Jesus was so richly layered with meaning. Jesus Christ is present with me in every moment (Matt. 28:20). He prays over me (Rom. 8:34). He sees me and speaks to me (John 10:3). His words are truth (John 18:37). He has absolute authority and it is a good authority (Matt. 28:18). He is beautiful and wonderful, and our worship songs don’t go far enough to describe him!
But it took me days to realize that in this dream were the answers to the questions I had been asking: Why did he lead me into this wilderness? What is my purpose? Who am I?
In the midst of a poop- and frustration-filled scene, Jesus’ presence changed the “why” of it all. His presence transformed a dirty task into a complete joy because I knew it was the King of the Universe who was asking me to do it. And this King of the Universe was so full of glory and radiance that to be asked by him to have any job on this earth was a complete privilege and not a frustration.
Now, imagine if the King of the Universe came to you and personally asked you to do the earthly work you are currently doing—because he has done just that! In God’s complete control, he has appointed your earthly tasks, work, and relationships. It isn’t appointed in some impersonal or vague way, but Jesus asks you, “Will you do this, for me?”
Paul’s exhortation to the Colossians captures this: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Col. 3:23-24). Your work, even your mundane work, is a personal service to the Lord of all.
REMEMBERING WHO CALLED ME
So much in the previous two years—the homeschooling, the fantasizing, the jobs, and, dare I say, the ministry events—was a confused scramble for identity and purpose. What God had given me—a baby—was an opportunity to work and serve, not just a helpless infant, but Jesus Christ himself! The job didn’t give me money or worldly glamour. It didn’t require my “skills” or talents. But it was a gateway to joy and purpose.
And Jesus isn’t asking us to serve when he hasn’t. This King of the Universe, our master, is the ultimate servant. “For even the Son of man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).
Jesus Himself went into the wilderness. He was tempted. But he was keenly aware of the Father’s will and calling for him. While he was physically run down, Jesus returned Satan’s lies with truth. Jesus could have used his earthly fame for comfort, money, a plush life, and demands for others to serve him. But his Father’s will and calling was his food—his sustenance—and he didn’t forget it in the wilderness or afterward. For the joy set before him, he served and served until the dust of humiliation and execution on a cross (Heb. 12:2). And by this service, we have new life!
Remember to whom and for whom you are working. Joyful contentment is possible even in the most ordinary work and dirty jobs when you realize it is the King of the Universe you are serving. If you find yourself in a wilderness, God is intimately present with you and has appointed this journey so that Jesus Christ will be magnified in your life. And his countenance and beauty are so wonderfully beyond compare, it will give you the strength for any work or service to your family and community until you see him face-to-face.
Robin McGee lives in Austin, TX with her husband and three daughters. She spends most of her days loving and serving her family and church. She enjoys singing, playing the piano and researching.
How Foster Care and Adoption Shine the Light of the Gospel
It was 2:30 a.m. when we received the call. After months of training, house inspections, CPR certifications, and background checks, we were finally approved to be foster parents. Half asleep, my wife answered the phone. A five-year-old girl had been rescued from the hospital and was in need of a home, so we agreed to take her. About an hour later, a little girl with pink pajamas and a teddy bear was fast asleep in our living room. My wife and I gazed with a nervous excitement at this child who was now in our care. Had we made the right choice? Were we really qualified? All we knew was this little soul had been through a lot. She was exhausted. She missed her mom. She needed to be loved. She needed Jesus.
Oftentimes, the most meaningful things in life are also the most difficult, and caring for children in need is no exception. There are long and challenging days. Sometimes I’m tempted to quit and just go back to “normal.” Not having this child might make the day somewhat easier, but what a great opportunity to show the love of Christ to a family in need.
FOSTERING AND ADOPTION REFLECT THE GOSPEL
Is it hard to get attached to a child only to have them removed a few months later? Absolutely, but the same Christ who gave his life for others also empowers us to do the same. On my own, I lack the strength to be a foster parent, and often it’s more than I can bear. “Perfect” foster parents simply do not exist.
However, the Lord’s grace is sufficient for each day, and he won’t ask us to do something he doesn’t equip us to do. He takes unqualified, imperfect people and uses them for his glory.
Caring for orphans through foster care and adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel that Scripture often uses it as an illustration. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Romans 8:15). In Ephesians 1:5, we are told that God “predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.”
Basically, you and I were born in sin, an enemy of God, thus an object of his wrath. God was under no obligation to do anything for us and could have let us slide into eternity without him. Yet, even though he didn’t have to, he called a people to himself. John 1:12 states, “But to all who did received him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…” When God adopts us, it is at that point we can call ourselves children of God. He, by his grace, has brought us into his family. Now, we can call him Father.
FOSTERING AND ADOPTION ARE FRUITS OF THE GOSPEL
Not only is foster care and adoption a picture of the gospel, it is also a fruit of the gospel. When the gospel changes a person’s heart, that person now looks not to their own needs, but to the needs of others. We begin to see the needs of those around us and we are burdened by them. James 1:27 says it like this: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction…” Fostering and adopting are one of the many avenues we have to care for orphans.
A CHANCE TO SHINE THE LIGHT OF CHRIST
There are many children in need of a home. Some need permanent homes while others need temporary homes. This is an area where the church can make a difference in their community and shine the light of Jesus Christ. David Platt, president of International Mission Board and a former pastor in Alabama, tells this story:
"One day I called up the Department of Human Resources in Shelby County, Alabama, where our church is located, and asked, 'How many families would you need in order to take care of all the foster and adoption needs that we have in our county?'
The woman I was talking to laughed.
I said, 'No, really, if a miracle were to take place, how many families would be sufficient to cover all the different needs you have?'
She replied, 'It would be a miracle if we had 150 more families.'
When I shared this conversation with our church, over 160 families signed up to help with foster care and adoption. We don’t want even one child in our county to be without a loving home. It’s not the way of the American Dream. It doesn’t add to our comfort, prosperity, or ease. But we are discovering the indescribable joy of sacrificial love for others, and along the way we are learning more about the inexpressible wonder of God’s sacrificial love for us."
What a testimony of God’s people! What a picture of the power of the gospel! This is the church being the church. Can you imagine the impact to the surrounding community? Not only were they ministering to those children, they were ministering to all in that county who had heard that there were no more children in the system.
TEN WAYS YOU CAN GET INVOLVED
Are you willing to pray about your role in helping the children in your areas? Not everyone will be able to invite a child into their home, but we all can contribute. Here are some ways you can be involved:
- Pray
- Become a foster parent
- Adopt a child through the Foster Care System
- Encourage those who are fostering/adopting
- Provide Respite Care (those who are trained and certified to babysit)
- Financially support and/or raise funds
- Help raise awareness of those in need
- Become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer
- Volunteer on a local Foster Care Review Board
- Talk with the local schools about needs of enrolled foster children
Would you consider where you might be willing to help? Would you commit to do something, no matter how small it may seem? Yes, it may require sacrifice. Yes, it could be difficult. And yes, you will likely get attached. But, that’s what it means to minister to others.
We die to ourselves so that others might live, just like our Savior.
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX for four years. He is married to Jenny and they currently have four children in their home (three biological, one in foster care). He is in the dissertation stage of a PhD in Systematic Theology. You can follow James on Twitter or his church's blog where he writes regularly.
10 Family Worship Ideas for Busy Families
Honestly, family worship has intimidated me since my wife and I first had children. Sure I have seminary training. Sure I love to talk about theology. But how do I transfer all of that to family worship? Does it even help? Family worship was nearly non-existent for the first several years of my marriage, but I realized something. My trepidation revealed a misgiving in my own heart. I confessed with my mouth that the gospel had changed my life. I confessed that it had the power to change others’ lives. But in my shepherding responsibilities as a husband and father I acted like it wasn’t enough and that my family needed something more than the ordinary means of grace.
Have you ever felt that way? That you had to put some extra oomph into your family worship to make sure it was effective? Don’t put the weight of what only God can accomplish on your shoulders. Obey what you are commanded to do, claim God’s promises, and trust in the Spirit’s effectual work.
Here are my practical tips for family worship.
#1 – Get into a rhythm
I recommend having a flexible routine that your kids can count on. For instance, we struggled to find a time that worked for my family for a long time. Years back I realized when we eat dinner, I’m frequently done five minutes or more before my family (I’ve always been a fast eater). For a time this worked great. I would eat my food, and it was a natural time for our family to talk, share, and pray.
My schedule has since changed and now mornings work better. Figure out what works best for your family. Adapt when necessary. Don’t let the rhythm become an unbreakable rule and don’t miss the spare time (Deut. 6:1-4).
#2 – Don’t sweat the busy day or week
Here’s the good news. You have your kids for at least eighteen years. If you miss a day or even a week it’s not the end of the world. We have a flexible schedule, but if something happens we don’t sweat it and plan to pick up family worship as soon as we can. Also, these busy days or weeks are a great time to take advantage of those minutes in the car or elsewhere that can be redeemed. They key is to make returning to family worship a priority.
#3 – Read Scripture
Don’t neglect reading the scriptures. It doesn’t need to be an entire chapter. It can be just a couple verses. You could also use a good audio bible like Max Mclean’s The Listener’s Bible. Or you could have fun with it and act out a story from the Old Testament. Just don’t neglect the word.
#4 – Ask questions about the text
When you read scripture, ask your family questions relevant to them and always point them back to Jesus. The younger your kids are the more basic these questions will be. Don’t get fancy. Simple questions to drive their hearts toward Jesus and to get them thinking.
#5 – Sing with your kids
For years I was really discouraged because I don’t sing well, and I don’t play instruments. Neither does my wife. We could’ve taught my kids songs without music, but it just didn’t seem the same.
However, with the explosion of smartphones and streaming music services we’ve found a great way to incorporate music into our family worship. We use Spotify to access our favorite songs, and we belt it out. I’ve kept my old Together for the Gospel hymnal/booklets and use those as a road map, but you could just as easily repeat the songs you sang in church on Sunday or purchase a hymnal.
#6 – Use Catechisms
Catechism are old school. Don’t hate the tried and true. They are a great way to teach your kids systematically through the big truths of the Bible. My personal favorite is the new New City Catechisms (which bring together the best of the reformed catechisms).
For your classic creeds, confessions, and catechisms, I've collected the essentials in We Believe: Creeds, Confessions, & Catechisms:
- The Apostles' Creed,
- The Nicene Creed, and
- The Athanasian Creed;
- The Dutch Reformed Three Forms of Unity;
- The Westminster Confession and Shorter Catechism;
- The London Baptist Confession and Spurgeon's A Puritan Catechism;
- The Augsburg Confession and Luther's Small Catechism; and
- The Anglican's Thirty-Nine Articles and
- An Outline of the Faith
Your favorite catechisms have probably been set to music too. For the Westminster Shorter Catechism check out The Westminster Shorter Catechism Songs: The Complete CD Set.
Also, Starr Meade has developed a devotional based on the Westminster Shorter Catechism (Training Hearts, Teaching Minds) which is top notch and the Heidelburg Catechism. Of course, there are also the Baptist catechisms.
#7 – Use story books
In addition to reading scripture, there are also some story book bibles which will really help familiarize yourself with the big picture of scripture. Check out The Jesus Story Book Bible, The Gospel Story Bible, and The Big Picture Story Bible.
#8 – Teach them to pray
Start with the Lord’s Prayer. It’s short and theologically rich. You can start reciting this together and soon your family will know it by heart. And if you need help praying from there check out The Valley of Vision. It will draw your focus to God.
But also pray for your kids in front of them. Here’s an example of what I pray,
Dear Lord, thank you so much for Claire, Maddy, and Adele. You’ve blessed us with these children, and they have truly been a gift. Father, we know you love to show yourself faithful in families and you have promised to keep your covenant to a thousand generations. I plead with you, Father, that you would work in their hearts. Help them understand their need for Jesus. Cleanse their heart and draw them to yourself so that your faithfulness would be praised and your name would be made great. Do it for your glory, Lord. Amen.
It's good to teach them early and often that we all depend on God. Pray for your spouse. Have your children pray for the family and your marriage. If you have a sick friend, pray for them. Pray for their pastors, teachers, Sunday school teachers. Pray for your country's leaders.
#9 – Memorize Scripture
Don’t stress. Small portions. Little bit at a time. Get in a rhythm. Do it as a family and talk about what the truth in that verse is. One way to make it fun is to use Seeds Worship, which puts Scripture to music. Also, if you need a plan, Desiring God offers its Fighter Verses, which you can download as an app for most smartphones.
#10 – Make it fun
Don’t be so up tight. Don’t be the family worship Nazi. You know who I’m talking about. Teach your kids to reverence the Lord. Teach them to honor God. Teach them he is holy. But don’t make him out to be the Grinch who stole Christmas. Have fun. Laugh. Be joyful.
Don’t lose heart parents. The gospel is powerful and saves. No additives needed. Just apply consistently in ordinary ways.
Mathew B. Sims is the Editor-in-Chief at Exercise.com and has authored, edited, and contributed to several books including A Household Gospel, We Believe: Creeds, Confessions, & Catechisms for Worship, A Guide for Advent, Make, Mature, Multiply, and A Guide for Holy Week. Mathew, LeAnn (his wife), and his daughters Claire, Maddy, and Adele live in Taylors, SC at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains with their Airdale Terrier. They attend Downtown Presbyterian Church (PCA). Visit MathewBryanSims.com!
Making Disciples at Home
Make disciples. That is what Jesus has called the church to do. Making disciples means reaching the lost and equipping believers to declare and display the gospel in all of life—even parenting. God has entrusted parents with children to raise and nurture in the gospel.
The church partners with parents to make disciples of the next generation by encouraging and equipping parents in this task and investing into the lives of their children through gospel-centered children and student ministries. The church’s mission to make disciples informs and encourages the parent’s pursuit of being a disciple and making disciples at home.
In turn, the parent’s pursuit of making disciples at home furthers and strengthens the church’s mission of making disciples. Making disciples is the mission of the church and it must help parents pursue it faithfully at home.
Churches and Parents Partnering Together
Making disciples of the next generation must be a partnership between churches and parents. Churches cannot replace parents and parents cannot be independent of the church.
Within our own church, we have tried to think through avenues of partnership that promotes discipleship through the church and in the home. Here are some categories that help us navigate this partnership:
– Encourage Parents
Parenting is not easy. There are countless decisions and situations parents face that bring them to an end of themselves. They are regularly reminded of their insufficiency and inability to change the hearts of their children. As much as they need equipping to be more faithful parents, they also need encouragement both as parents and disciples.
Every believing parent is at the same time a disciple and needs to be reminded of who God is, what he has done, and who they are in him. They also need to be encouraged to stay faithful in serving, disciplining, and loving their children. As leaders in the church, we must not undervalue the importance of making a phone call just to check in with a parent or having a lunch meeting to encourage them in their pursuit of Christ and discipling their children.
In the past, our church’s student ministry has invited parents to a quarterly event called Parent Connect. This time is designed to both encourage and equip parents in their task of making disciples at home. Being with other parents while sharing both the challenges and joys of parenting can be a great blessing. It also provides a time for our leadership to hear directly from parents regarding the challenges and questions they have as parents, which in turn helps us better equip them as parents and disciple-makers.
– Equip Parents to Make Disciples at Home
While it is vital to enter into the challenges of parenting and speak life-giving, gospel-rooted encouragement, it is also essential that the church calls parents to make disciples at home and equip them to do so. There is not one particular way the church accomplishes this; however, through a multitude of ways the church can both emphasize this calling and equip parents to carry it out. Consider the following ways:
- Remind parents of their calling as parents through faithful biblical preaching
- Speak directly to the challenges and opportunities of parenting in your sermons
- Devote a sermon series, discipleship class, or retreat to the issues of parenting and disciple making in the home
- Host parent events that focus on specific parenting topics (e.g., Parent Connect)
- Provide parents with resources in your newsletter or ministry update
Ask yourself: What avenues of ministry does my church have that we can use to better equip parents in making disciples at home?
Sometimes it can be the small things that help parents most. For example, each month our student ministry sends out a monthly update. Within those emails, we have a “Parent Connect” section that provides links to various topics that aim to provide parents with resources to help them better raise and disciple their children.
As a student minister, there is nothing more encouraging than hearing how a particular resource encouraged a parent or helped them work through a situation or have a difficult conversation.
– Reach, Equip, and Send Students
Another significant way churches partner with parents is through having a faithful student ministry. While most churches have student ministries, it is important how a student ministry understands its mission and how it carries it out.
A faithful student ministry does not aim to replace parents or entertain students. It aims to reach students with the gospel, equip them to be disciple-makers, and send them on mission. A faithful student ministry does not isolate itself from the rest of the church, but reflects the mission of the church and helps foster that mission within the lives of students and families.
When a church’s student ministry carries out its ministry with parents in mind it can strengthen the ministry of parents by echoing the same gospel and promoting the same mission in the lives of their students.
From Church to Home: Parents Making Disciples
If you are parent, how do you make disciples at home?
How do you help your children come to faith in Christ? How can you help your student take the next step in their walk with Christ? How do you make disciples when you are so busy already? How do you make disciples when there are so many other influences in your student's life?
Making disciples at home isn't a cookie-cutter process. It won't just happen if you love Jesus and pray before your meals. It won't work to hope that someone else will do it. Making disciples at home will only happen as parents pursue making disciples with intentionality and great dependence on God. Let me give you three categories to help you think about how you can more faithfully make disciples at home:
– Be A Disciple
Making disciples at home begins with being a disciple of Christ. Many parents put their children in church because they want them to have a positive influence in life. Ironically, what they hope for their children, they fail to pursue themselves.
Other parents want their children to follow Jesus and make wise decisions, but they simply don't hold themselves to the same standard. The goal we should desire for our children is that they know Christ and submit their lives to Him. This is the hallmark of a disciple. If we desire this for our children, we cannot help them get to where we have not gone ourselves.
Ask yourself:
- How is your relationship with God?
- How are you doing at prioritizing time in God's Word?
- How are you working out your faith in the office? In your marriage?
I challenge you to so live for Christ as his disciple in every area of your life that your children cannot help but take notice.
– As You Go
Deuteronomy 6:4-8 is a key text in thinking about what making disciples at home looks like. How do you help your children love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength? Deuteronomy 6:7 says, "Talk about it when you sit down in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
In other words, as you go throughout each day and week, talk about the Lord with your children. Talk about it on the ride home from school, on the way to practice, around the kitchen table, as you get ready in the morning, or before you go to bed each night. These conversations don't have to be formal or equate to a Bible study. Ask them questions and listen to the struggles and problems they face. Think through gospel truths your student needs to hear. Find ways to connect those truths to their life.
While your child might now want to hear it from you or may appear not to listen, these words and moments can have lasting impact long after the awkwardness or silence of these conversations. The beauty of a church committed to making disciples is that parents and pastors have the opportunity to echo the same truths into the lives of children and teenagers through a mosaic of relationships. Think of your parenting as having a cumulative impact on the direction of your child's life. It most likely won't be one particular conversation that changes everything, but it will be the everyday, as you go, ordinary moments that shape and mold who your child is in Christ.
– Family Worship
There are multiple ways families make time for family worship, but the most important point is that you make time for it. I'll be the first to acknowledge this can be difficult to do consistently. However, its value is worth the difficulty of figuring out how to do it. The mistake many people is making it more than it has to be.
In Donald Whitney's Family Worship, he encourages a simple plan: read the Bible, pray together, and sing. Take time to reflect on a passage of the Bible (maybe from Sunday's message or your student's small group), pray together (ask your student about the things on their heart/mind), and sing (see if your church has a Spotify playlist). In this interview, Whitney provides detailed information about family worship.
We cannot relegate making disciples to Sunday. It must be woven into our daily life. Let me encourage you: this will not go as you would like. You will fail. You will have funny attempts to connect God's truth to your teenager's life. In the midst of this pursuit, don't grow weary in doing what is right. Don't lose sight of the goal. Don't forget this is ultimately a work of God's grace through his Spirit.
God has given us his Word to might pass it on to our children "so that a future generation-children yet to be born-might know. They were to rise and tell their children, so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God's works, but keep His commands" (Ps. 78:5-7).
Michael Guyer is the Minister to Students at Open Door Church where he has served for the last five years. He gets most excited about good coffee, enjoying friends and family, making disciples, engaging culture, and planting churches. He writes to help others delight in, declare, and display the gospel in all of life. Connect with Michael on Twitter or his website.
Jesus Christ as Family Heirloom
In the heightened success of enlightenment thinking, individualism has ruled the day. This approach expresses itself in renewed expressions of individualistic ethics, politics, and religion. Hedonism rules the day. Libertarian politics is increasing among young voters. Self-centered deism has become the political drug of western culture. This trend is true of not only liberal Christianity but also conservative tradiations.
Yet, in the bible, community is important. Family so is crucial because God establishes his redemptive relationship via them. God himself is the most precious family tradition:
I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you. – Genesis 17:7-8
Family Traditions
Family traditions are a treasure. In my family, the gift of music is important. Nothing has worked its way into our veins like a good melody or rhythm.
My children have learned this organically. They dance in circles at the oddest hours. From the oldest to the youngest, music and movement boils in their blood. It is a family tradition. In a much greater way, the covenant kingdom of Jesus Christ must be a long-standing family heirloom.
In fact, all of God’s covenants are family traditions. For instance, the kingdom of David, via Judah, can be traced all the way to the concluding life of Jacob in Egypt (Gen. 49:8-11). It finds itself reiterated by even the pagan prophet Balak (Num. 24:17-19). In this instance, long before God’s promise to David (2 Sam. 7), God had prepared an everlasting kingdom as part of the covenant fulfillment to Abraham and Jacob.
Back to the Torrey family, it might be like one of my grandchildren becoming a significant country musician because God has promised it to their grandfather. Of course, God didn’t make that promise to me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one my children did turn to music because the tradition has been in the works since my grandfather.
Even to Your Children
In the covenants, God attaches his promises to offspring—even in the new covenant,
“And as for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the Lord: “My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children's offspring,” says the Lord, “from this time forth and forevermore” – Isaiah 59:21
When Jesus Christ appears on the scene, he is the fulfillment of two millenniums of promises (Matt. 1; Rom. 1:3). He fulfills the promises to Abraham and David in a tied knot that is the new covenant. Our God is fundamentally a cross-generational covenantal God.
He chooses to work within families via his covenants. He binds himself to promises. He alone ensures those promises are fulfilled. He is not the abstract deistic god. He forever remains active in history. He manifests his kingdom in miraculous ways.
Fulfilled in Christ
As C.S. Lewis alluded to—our God is no tame lion. Yet, he is always good and faithful. His kingdom is a covenantal kingdom promised and decreed by the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
Yet, it is also fulfilled in the birth and crucifixion of Christ. It is a tumultuous, not tame, history, yet the end is good. It should not surprise us that this covenant kingdom and promise were deeply ingrained in the conscience of Israel.
It was these promises that were sung by Israel in their worship (Ps. 2:7-12). The whole identity of their culture and people were focused on these promises. When their covenant redemption was fulfilled in Christ’s baptism (Matt 3:17) and transfiguration (Matt 17:5), history was shaken. But their history did not stop.
That this covenant kingdom is passed through the church is also a miracle—the book of Acts emphasizes this. Not only does the kingdom pass to the Gentiles, but it still passes to their children (Acts 2:39). The promised kingdom, as the prophet Isaiah foretold, is passed to our children’s children.
They all become the covenant community under King Jesus. This truth is refreshing and challenging—Our children belong to the covenant Savior from the beginning.
Our Heavenly Father’s Inheritance
In Proverbs, Solomon says, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children” (Prov. 13:22). Would it not be foolish and shortsighted to exclude their spiritual, covenantal inheritance? Our Heavenly Father’s inheritance is very good. And Scriptures challenges us at every step to leave a spiritual inheritance for our children.
The opening petition of the Lord’s Prayer “Thy kingdom come” reminds us that our God has established his covenant kingdom from the foundation of the earth. Not merely over geography but also over all of time and space. It stretches across nations. It also stretches across time within households. Our God will not be denied despite our unfaithfulness (Rom. 3:4; 9:6).
God’s promises and election founded in Jesus Christ will be true. The gospel is not found in a nefarious god—who demands good works—but a covenantal Father who bestows out of his abundant blessings. This kingdom has come and we pray it come in greater glory.
A gospel that points to Christ’s kingdom glorifies God by acknowledging his promises to generation after generation. We admonish our children to follow hard after the promises of God and pray for this kingdom to bring glory to God the Father.
—
Joshua Torrey is a New Mexico boy in an Austin, TX world. He is husband to Alaina and father to Kenzie & Judah and spends his free time studying for the edification of his household. These studies include the intricacies of hockey, football, curling, beer, and theology. You can follow him @benNuwn and read his theological musings and running commentary of the Scriptures at The Torrey Gazette.
The Other Blessing of Family Worship
My daughter and two sons are six, four, and two years old respectively. That means that I am now down to just about 628 more Saturdays with Gracie, 716 with Silas, and 836 with Elijah before they’re all out of high school and enjoying the next chapter the Lord has for them. If God does indeed give my wife and I eighteen summers with Gracie before she graduates, that means we've already enjoyed a third of these summers with just twelve to go.
What a reminder of the value of every day with my family and the importance of spending those days well!
We only get a certain amount of time with our children and I believe that many desire more time with their family members, while longing for this time to be meaningful and consistent.
It seems people enjoy family time and want more of it. So how do we find this time and what should we do with it?
I believe the answer to both of these questions is found in the spiritual discipline of family worship.
FAMILY WORSHIP = FAMILY TIME
Family worship is a call we see woven throughout Scripture, filled with blessings for the entire home. In my book, Gospel Family, I explore these blessings as a source of encouragement for the family considering times of family prayer, family devotions, and family discipleship.
But today, in light of the constant battle for our time and the time of our family, let us focus on just one of the many blessings that Family Worship brings—family time together.
A family that prays together, sings praises together, and enjoys reading the Bible together will inevitably find themselves blessed with more time together.
When we read the famous words of Deuteronomy 6:4-9, we not only catch a glimpse of family worship, but we also see that family time is assumed in any home that consistently enjoys family worship.
This passage describes a family that engages in family discipleship while sitting in the house together, while walking together, in the evenings before going to sleep, and in the mornings when first waking up.
We need to bring family worship through the front doors of our homes. We need to welcome this natural rhythm of family time and overcome the challenges we face while living in a culture that finds family meals uncommon and family conversations, free of smartphone distractions, just as rare.
Family worship cultivates a pattern of family time, inviting everyone in the home to push aside all distractions, take a break from all media, and just be still in the presence of God and one another for a few minutes every day. It simultaneously strengthens our relationship with the Lord and our relationships with our spouse and children.
MEANINGFUL FAMILY TIME
It’s not enough to just carve out time together, for some of the most stressed-out families are stressfully sprinting through life together, all-the-while, missing out on any profound connection or significant conversation. Just because we’re in the same room, at the same restaurant, stuck in the same traffic, or running the same errands, it doesn’t guarantee that we’re on the same page or growing together as a family at all.
Family worship doesn’t just produce family time. Family worship produces meaningful family time.
When a family engages the Word of God together, shares prayer requests together, or enjoys worship music together, there is a deeper connection as hearts are opened and real life, real concerns, real fears, real hopes, and real needs all begin to trump the ever-busy calendar.
Chores, meals, dishes, TV shows, video games, appointments, meetings, dance rehearsals, baseball practices, and even church events can easily hijack any given week, leaving us little meaningful, private, undistracted, family time. But when we enjoy the presence of God together as a family while sitting around the house, while walking together, and before going to sleep, we protect the most important thing on every week’s calendar: family worship.
KEEP IT SIMPLE
This meaningful family time, our consistent time of family worship, doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming. Even if your family has never practiced family worship before, you can begin now by implementing these three things:
PRAY TOGETHER
Just spend a few minutes each day, sharing prayer needs and then praying together. One person can pray or every family member can have a turn praying. It’s often helpful to choose a prayer spot in the house so that the family gets used to the routine.
READ THE BIBLE TOGETHER
Choose a family Bible that works best for your family, whether it’s a translation that everyone can understand or, perhaps, a children’s story Bible that is age appropriate. Keep this Bible near the dinner table and read one story every time you sit down for dinner together. Ask a few questions about the verse or story and begin to cultivate an atmosphere in the home where spiritual discussions are normal. This will overflow into the natural rhythm of your days as you’re playing at the park, driving in the car, or getting ready for bed, for in those times, your spouse and children will feel more and more comfortable discussing spiritual and biblical questions.
WORSHIP TOGETHER WITH MUSIC
If someone in your family plays an instrument, encourage them to learn some praise songs your family loves. Or, you can simply sing together after your prayer time or at night before going to bed. Another way to bring worship music into the home is by simply creating a worship playlist on your phone or tablet that can be playing in the house and car throughout the day.
It’s amazing how these simple practices can transform the flow of family life in the home.
—
Jonathan Williams is the founder of Gospel Family Ministries (www.gospelfamily.org). He is also the author of Gospel Family. Jonathan enjoys this ministry alongside his wife, Jessica, and their three children, Gracie, Silas & Elijah. With a heart for families and the church, Jonathan also serves as the pastor of Wilcrest Baptist Church in Houston, Texas.
Originally posted at Gospel Family. Used with permission.
God’s Kingdom Come
In ahe heightened success of enlightenment thinking, individualism has ruled the day. This has expressed itself in renewed expressions of individualistic ethics, politics, and religion. Hedonism rules the day of ethics. Libertarian politics is the increasing majority opinion of young voters. Self-centered deism has become the political drug of western culture. This has become true of not only liberal Christianity but also its more conservative branches. In a biblical scope, generations are important. In fact, family is crucial since God establishes his redemptive relationship via families. The God of the Scriptures is the most precious family traditions:
“I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you” – Genesis 17:7-8
We can thus draw mildly from human experience. Family heirlooms are a treasure. In my family, the gift of music is important. Nothing works into our veins like a good melody or rhythm. My children have learned this naturally. They dance in circles at the oddest hours. From the oldest to the youngest, music and movement boils in their blood. It is a family tradition. In a much greater and spiritually-grounded sense, the covenant kingdom of Jesus Christ is a long-standing family tradition.
In fact, all of God’s covenants are family traditions. For instance, the kingdom of David, via Judah, can be traced all the way to the concluding life of Jacob in Egypt (Gen. 49:8-11). It finds itself reiterated by even the pagan prophet Balak (Num. 24:17-19). In this instance, long before God’s promise to David (2 Sam. 7), God had prepared an everlasting kingdom as part of the covenant fulfillment to Abraham and Jacob.
Back to my personal example, this would not be unlike one of my grandchildren becoming a significant country musician because God has promised it to my grandfather. In my example, the promise of God himself is missing, but the genes and heritage have been in the works since my grandfather. In the covenants, God attaches his promises to offspring—even the new covenant,
“And as for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the Lord: “My Spirit that is upon you, and my words that I have put in your mouth, shall not depart out of your mouth, or out of the mouth of your offspring, or out of the mouth of your children's offspring,” says the Lord, “from this time forth and forevermore.” – Isaiah 59:21
So when Jesus Christ appears on the scene, he is the fulfillment of two millenniums and promises (Matt. 1; Rom. 1:3). He fulfills the promises to Abraham and David in a tied knot that is the New Covenant. Our God is fundamentally a cross-generational covenantal God. He chooses to work within families via his covenants. He binds himself to promises. He alone ensures those promises are fulfilled. He is not the abstract deistic god. He forever remains active in history. He manifests his kingdom in miraculous ways.
As C.S. Lewis alluded to, our God is no tame lion, but he is always good and faithful. His kingdom is a covenantal kingdom promised and decreed by the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Yet, it is also fulfilled in the birth and crucifixion of Christ. It is a tumultuous, not tame, history, yet the end is good. This is the covenant history, redemptive-historical, perspective of the Reformed tradition that the Lord’s Prayer alludes to in each of its petitions.
It should not surprise us that this covenant kingdom and promise were deeply ingrained in the conscience of Israel. It was these promises that were sung by Israel in their worship (Ps. 2:7-12). The whole identity of their culture and people were focused on these promises. When their covenant redemption was fulfilled in Christ’s baptism (Matt 3:17) and transfiguration (Matt 17:5), history was shaken. But their history does not stop that.
That this very covenant kingdom is passed on throughout the church is also a miracle – this is the primary emphasis of the book of Acts. Not only does the kingdom pass to the Gentiles, but it still remains passed to their children. The promised kingdom, as the prophet Isaiah foretold, is passed to our children’s children. They all become the covenant community under King Jesus. This is both refreshing and challenging. Our children do not become Christ’s possession at a time of confession; they belong to the Covenant Savior from the beginning.
In Proverbs, Solomon says, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children” (Prov. 13:22). Would it not be foolish and shortsighted to exclude their spiritual, covenantal inheritance? Our Heavenly Father’s inheritance is very good. And the covenantal history of the Scriptures challenges us at every step to leave a great spiritual inheritance for our children.
This petition “Thy kingdom come” of the Lord’s Prayer reminds us that our God has established his covenant kingdom from the foundation of the earth. Not merely over geography, but also over all of time and space. It stretches across nations. It also stretches across time within households. Our God will not be denied despite our unfaithfulness (Rom. 3:4; 9:6). God’s promises and election founded in Jesus Christ will be true. The gospel is not found in a nefarious god—who demands good works—but a covenantal Father who bestows out of his abundant blessings. This kingdom has come, and we pray it come in greater glory. A gospel that points to Christ’s kingdom glorifies God by acknowledging his promises to generation after generation. We pray for this kingdom to bring glory to God the Father. The fulfilled will of God is crucial to this kingdom.
—
Joshua Torrey is a New Mexico boy in an Austin, TX world. He is husband to Alaina and father to Kenzie & Judah and spends his free time studying for the edification of his household. These studies include the intricacies of hockey, football, curling, beer, and theology. You can follow him @benNuwn and read his theological musings and running commentary of the Scriptures at The Torrey Gazette.
4 Ways to Love Your Wife
1. UNDERSTAND YOUR WIFE
When Peter encourages husbands, he begins with a call to simply understand them, writing, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Pt. 3:7). The word for understanding is often translated as knowledge in the New Testament, so we’re left with this call to simply know our wives; to know her needs, to know her heart, and to continue to pursue her.
Far too often, there seems to be a tendency for husbands to get on the other side of “I do” and put the relationship on cruise control. The dates stop. The long conversations and sweet text messages stop. The flowers stop, and wives are left wanting. I’ve seen this play out to the point of wives seeking emotional support from another man, hoping that an emotional affair, an ongoing relationship through social media, might fill the emotional void. But men who love their wives will keep pursuing her and strive to understand her heart.
2. HONOR YOUR WIFE
Peter continues his Spirit-inspired wisdom with these words: “Husbands, show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life” (1 Pt. 3:7). We are to honor our wives, recognizing that a believing wife is an heir of the grace of life. Here, Peter is picking up on what he wrote earlier when he said that followers of Christ are born again, “To an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you” (1 Pt. 1:4).
When we remember our wives are heirs of an imperishable inheritance, daughters of the King, that should affect how we treat them. All of the sudden, we are acutely aware of the inappropriateness of disrespecting, dishonoring, or ignoring this incredible woman of God who has the Lord of Lords preparing a place for her while we’re sharing life with her. The fact that our believing wives find their identity in Christ and have the Spirit of the Lord within them should move us to honor them in our words, actions, and attitudes, even when they’re not around.
3. PROTECT YOUR WIFE
As Peter is reminding husbands of the inheritance that awaits our wives, he, in the same breath, reminds us that our wives are the “weaker vessel.” Now at first glance, this almost seems like an insult. We usually associate weakness with inability or inferiority. However, this is a beautiful description of wives that should move husbands into action. The Bible is very clear that God made all people, men and women, and that he created them equal, in his image. And, the Bible is very clear that God beautifully blessed husbands and wives with unique roles and ministries within marriage and within the home. We read about these different roles in passages like 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, and Colossians 3.
When Peter refers to our wives as the “weaker vessel,” I don’t think Peter is saying that wives are weaker mentally, spiritually, or emotionally, or inferior in any way, but biologically men are typically stronger and that it should be common sense for husbands to, therefore, protect our wives in a way that recognizes their needs.
Now, full disclosure, I am writing as a man who is unable to beat his wife in one-on-one basketball and who finished a half-marathon a week ago only because my wife basically carried me on her back.
Even still, Peter is calling for men to take care of their wives and to avoid taking advantage of their role as the spiritual leader of the home. As Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19).
When I think about how this is practically fleshed out within Gospel Family, I remember a story I read years ago:
In July 2012, there was a theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado, during a showing of the Batman movie The Dark Knight. The Huffington Post reported the story of three couples that were in the theater that night: 26-year-old Jon Blunk who was watching the movie with his girlfriend Jansen Young; 27-year-old Matt McQuinn who was with his girlfriend Samantha Yowler; and 24-year-old Alex Teves, who was watching the movie with his girlfriend Amanda Lindgren.
As the gunman entered the movie theater and began firing his weapon, all three couples dove to the floor and hid underneath the chairs. And in each case, one shielded the other. One used their body to cover their date and protect them.
Even if you have never heard this story and even if I never told you who shielded whom, I believe you immediately picture the men protecting the women. Intuitively, we picture Jon shielding Jansen, Matt covering Samantha, and Alex protecting Amanda. And, if I told you it was the other way around if I told you that the women pushed the men underneath the seats and used their bodies to defend the men, something within you would think that wasn’t the way it should be.
The story of all three couples found the men instinctively saving their girlfriends, using their bodies to keep them from the bullets. All three men were shot and killed, and all three women survived.
This story is tragic and heroic and resonates somewhere deep within us, for we all intuitively know that in that situation, none of us expect the girlfriends to shield their boyfriends. We all, deep down, no matter where you land on feminism or gender roles, we all imagine those men protecting those women before we ever even hear the end of the story. I think it’s this deep place within us that Peter is speaking to here when he calls husbands to protect their wives as the weaker vessel.
4. PRAY WITH YOUR WIFE
Peter tells husbands to understand, honor, and protect their wives, “So that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pt. 3:7). Somehow, there is a connection between the health of our marriages and the health of our prayers.
While we know that our prayers affect how we live, we see the opposite is true as well. Peter writes about prayer three times in 1 Peter, and every time, he highlights the biblical truth that how we live affects our prayers (see 1 Pt. 3:12; 4:7). Wayne Grudem reflects on this passage writing,
So concerned is God that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that he interrupts his relationship with them when they are not doing so.
Specifically, Peter is talking, not just about the husband’s private, personal prayer time, but about corporate prayer between a husband and a wife.
Donald Whitney champions this view as he discusses this passage. He says,
Have you realized that the prayers here are those prayed together by husbands and wives? The text speaks of mutual prayer. Peter assumes that Christian couples pray together. He expected Christian husbands to conduct family worship.
Likewise, Charles Spurgeon writes,
This text would be most appropriately used to stimulate Christians to diligence in family prayer. . . . I esteem it so highly that no language of mine can adequately express my sense of its value.
Men have been called to lead their families. But we’re not to be just any sort of leaders. We are to live as shepherd-leaders who spiritually lead their wives by cultivating family worship, family prayer, and family devotions within the home.
What an opportunity, whether you’ve ever led out in family prayer or not, to begin today praying with your wife, seeking to understand her heart, enjoying her Spirit-led prayers as a fellow heir of the grace of life, and protecting her as you lead her to the one who can replace her depression with joy, her anxiety with peace, her needs with abundance, her complaining about contentment, her exhaustion with rest, and her insecurities with boldness!
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Jonathan Williams is the founder of Gospel Family Ministries. He is also the author of Gospel Family. Jonathan enjoys this ministry alongside his wife, Jessica, and their three children, Gracie, Silas, and Elijah. With a heart for families and the church, Jonathan also serves as the pastor of Wilcrest Baptist Church in Houston, Texas.
Download a free chapter on “Shepherds in the Home” from my book Gospel Family.
The 4 S’s of Parenting
As a youth minister, it was easy to identify where the parents of the teenagers were going wrong. If they did what my twenty-two-year-old experience thought, they would have it together and successfully engage with their kids. That was then. Now, fifteen years later, and two kids in, I realize that my judgmental posture was more me playing the armchair quarterback than the sage, brilliant youth minister with wisdom dripping from his lips. Now that I have children of my own I now understand that parenting is hard work. At times, no simple solutions exist to the dynamic and complex problems of raising up souls that share our DNA, but are also different than us. At times, I find myself fluctuating between strong convictions and a fake it until you make it mentality.
As a follower of Jesus who believes the Bible to be true, I believe the command of Deuteronomy 6:4-7,
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
In verse 7, God commands Christian parents to disciple their own children. This charge shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Four areas for parents should focus on to do this successfully. If they would, it could enhance their relationship with their children and the trajectory of their development.
Here are the four S's that can help your family grow and thrive:
1. Spend Focused Time
Life is busy. It is easy to be in the frenzied hustle with our kids while missing out on connecting with our kids relationally. While there are many examples of homes where the kids rule the roost, I'm not advocating for that. In fact, I think that kind of home leads to destruction.
Parents must focus on having time where they aren't just interacting with their children on a transactional level, but on a relational level. Connecting transactionally is driven by performance, accountability, and getting things done. Connecting relationally involves understanding motives, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and fears. Parents often don't realize that while we are trying to maintain authority, we are not leveraging opportunities to gain influence. Influence is the key to having a strong relationship with your children long-term.
2. Shepherd Your Children
You are the most responsible person for your children on this planet (see Proverbs 22:6). God places a covenantal responsibility on parents to love, protect, provide, and lead their children towards Jesus. Start by taking them to a church that talks about Jesus, but that is not enough. Your faith must be authentic at home. Your faith must be growing, and you must invite them along with you.
There have been times where I have had to change the way I think about how I love and lead my family. The good news is, in Christ, it's never too late for new beginnings!
3. Say You're Sorry
Parents, we are humans who are sinners in need of grace from Jesus. I once heard a pastor friend say, "Mom & Dad's, your kids need you to own your fallibility." Modeling repentance, saying you're sorry, and being the one who leads for reconciliation will not only illustrate the gospel of Jesus to your children, but it will also help you build trust.
Recently, I told my three-year-old daughter that I would have time to play with her in the morning, but life happens. I had to hurry up and get ready to go deal with an issue, and I stopped, got onto my knees and told her, "I'm so sorry for not being able to play with you. I told you that I would, but I am not able to now. Will you please forgive me?" She was sweet and said, "Of course!" and we hugged.
4. Seek Counsel
If we can get to the point where we no longer need to pretend like we have it together, then we can ask for help before things get to a code red crisis. No one I know has this parenting thing all figured out. But, I do know that one of the benefits of connecting with a community of faith is that there are others who understand what you are going through.
It's nice when you can be around those who are in the same stage of life or have been in your stage of life, and you can ask them for wisdom. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; in fact, it is a sign of strength and faith. We can learn a lot from one another. Seeking counsel from those who are seeking to honor God in the way they love and lead their children will provide an opportunity for learning and encouragement.
Parenting is one of the most challenging tasks I've undertaken. Few immediate gratifications exist when parenting, and often we wonder if we are doing more harm than good. Fortunately, Jesus is very gracious to make up for areas where we lack and is able and willing to bring about great transformation—even in the most broken of families.
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Casey Cease is husband to his high school sweetheart, Steph, and they have two beautiful daughters. He serves as the Lead Pastor of Christ Community Church in the North Houston, TX area and the Founder and CEO of Lucid Books, a Partnership Book Publishing Company. His first book about his tragic car crash and his journey to faith in Jesus, Tragedy to Truth (Lucid Books), was released in 2014. He blogs at www.caseycease.com
The Joy and Sorrow of Parenting
Forty-eight hours ago I was plagued by the thought, “I am a bad mom.” That complete sentence ran through my mind—uninvited and multiple times throughout the evening. I tried to push the thought out of my mind, but the truth is, it was gaining significant ground. Deep down, in those moments, I believed those words to be true. Twenty-four hours ago I overheard a podcast that my husband was playing on his computer. One speaker encouraged listeners to remember that parenting is much longer than a day. She reminded me that when I lift my eyes up and see five, ten, fifteen years down the road, I gain a completely new perspective of my job as a mother. When I’m focused just on this day—when I wasn’t patient or kind during bath time, and the kids seemed to be sustained on sugar and “screen time”—I have a much harsher ruling for myself. Bad Mom.
Parenting to See Jesus
When I remember, however, that I am called to parent them to see Jesus exalted, for all of eternity, today’s bath holds much less sway. Yes, a lifetime is made up of seemingly little moments, and their weight should not be dismissed. My purpose as a mom is refocused when I consider worshipping before God’s throne forever. I am not a significant player in that picture at all!
My ability to control a situation or procure the attention and obedience I think I deserve is revealed to be utterly insignificant, and an erroneous pursuit in the light of God’s overwhelming glory!
The second speaker on that much-needed podcast discussed our complete dependence on Jesus. She reminded me that as a regenerate believer in Christ, I have died to myself and have been raised to life with him (Romans 6:4)! It is when I remember and rest in my identity in Jesus that I can live on mission and be full of joy, more accurately displaying God’s love and glorifying him as he deserves.
Rather than respond to my discouragement with self-esteem boosters and affirmations of, “No! You’re a great mom!” the Holy Spirit lovingly took my eyes off of myself and put them where they need to be—on Jesus.
Meeting Our Culture’s Standards
My primary goal as a mom is not to ensure that my children meet our culture’s standards—whether that is in regards to diet, entertainment, education, dress, activities, or any other myriad of topics. I am commissioned to teach my kids about Jesus. I am given the extreme honor and privilege of telling them about the God, who creates, redeems, and restores. As part of teaching them about who God is and what his kingdom is like, I am also called to teach them about sin.
Mine is clearly on display, so I must respond biblically, demonstrating repentance and refusing to become complacent. It is vitally important that my kids not only hear me say, “I’m sorry,” but that they also see me battling to slay my sin by grace alone. Sin threatens our relationships and darkens that already dim mirror through which our children see the Lord reflected (1 Cor 13:12). Reading the Word and praying, therefore, become far greater than duties which I must check off my daily chore chart! In addition to addressing my sin, I also must lovingly teach them about theirs.
Remembering that our children are born sinful and are dead apart from Christ’s life-giving work prevents me from focusing on behavior modification more than spiritual discipleship. As difficult as that is and as foreign as it feels in our culture today, teaching my kids about their sin will set them up to fully revel in God’s mind-boggling grace!
Still Wanting More
Twelve hours ago I walked through the Columbus Zoo, hand-in-hand with my six-year-old son. He’d been wanting to go on their Pirate Island boat ride for quite a while! He had been hoping it would still be there since our passes expired last season, and, when it was closed on our first visit of this season, the forbidden fruit became even more desirable! He finally got to ride it with his dad today. Afterward, I asked him how it was, and he said, “It was so fun! I wish I could’ve gone twice.” I immediately recognized my tendency to feel this way. By God’s grace alone, I was able to tell him that we all experience the feeling of good things not being enough, of being sure that something will make us happy, only to find that we still want more.
I told him the reason we feel this way is that only Jesus fully satisfies us. Only Jesus meets our true needs and meets them completely!
I don’t know if he’ll remember that exchange. It only lasted about thirty seconds. But I am encouraged that the Spirit guides my thoughts and words in those moments, despite my many shortcomings, to teach Eli the gospel once again.
Therein lies my joy!
As Christians, our calling, no matter what life-roles we fulfill, is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Eternity is our timeframe, and the perfectly righteous Son of God is our advocate. So take heart, return to the source of your fulfillment and identity and keep walking forward.
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Myra lives in Newark, Ohio with her husband and 3 children. She blogs at dependentongrace.com
How Does Your Community Share Meals?
“Jesus didn’t run projects, establish ministries, create programs, or put on events. He ate meals.” – Tim Chester, A Meal With Jesus
Food is significant. Through food, Adam and Eve rebelled. Through food, God grows dependence in the Israelites in the dessert. And through food, Jesus holds up bread and wine during his last meal with his disciples—proclaiming the bread his body and the wine his blood. Food and drink transform into metaphors and tastes of the gospel.
In our efforts to go and make, we often forget that the very places we already inhabit are places that we have been sent with the good news of Jesus
Bread has an association with life that surpasses biblical imagery, but in Christ, it is the sufficient sacrifice. Wine too has gained traction, outside Christianity, as a sign of blessing, goodness, and often associated with blood. However, in Christ, wine becomes the image of blessing, goodness, justification, and cleansing that comes through Jesus’ suffering on our behalf. Jesus chooses a meal for us to remember the gospel. If the gospel forms a community, sharing this gospel feast ought to be as often as we get together. Jesus called us to remember him and his sacrifice for us through a meal. When we eat together, we commune around this truth.
Our Relationship with Eating
Humans have a unique connection with food. We depend on it to survive. We also turn to it for comfort and safety in overindulgence. Food, for some of us, becomes a medium for expressing our creativity, becoming art. Fundamentally, food reminds us of our need for something outside of ourselves. We have to take, receive, and eat to continue moving through this world. Meals are a daily reminder of our common need for God and his faithfulness to provide both physically and spiritually.
Communal Eating
In community, we regularly eat meals together instead of in isolation. At the table, we share our stories, we listen to one another, and we experience grace. The New Testament describes this act as "breaking bread" and invokes a giving and receiving of relationship in the most simple and unspoken of ways. The weekly communal meal is a spiritual discipline.
Through the meal, we engage one another as a family in Christ, and we engage Christ.
The communal meal begins through arrival or gathering. At this moment, everyone’s individual responsibilities, schedules, and to-do lists collide into an expression of community. The worries, struggles, fears, and happy news of each member comes rushing through the door. Your lives are hurried until this point. Your lives are physically separate until this moment. A weekly meal is more than logistics to work out but a spiritual discipline of being united. You are physically bound together by the table you gather around, the complete meal everyone shares in, and under the prayer recognizing God’s grace as you eat.
Through the meal, we engage one another as a family in Christ, and we engage Christ. The weekly meal is a fantastic space to grow in your love for one another. Let the conversations around the dinner table be focused and meaningful. Embrace this moment with honesty. As a leader, spark the conversation to be about more than the movies people watch and the latest sports scores.
Welcome Others to the Gospel Feast
Come, sinners, to the gospel feast; Let every soul be Jesus' guest. Ye need not one be left behind, For God hath bid all humankind. – Charles Wesley
We regularly sing this hymn at Bread&Wine. It is an anthem for us, and the church we aspire to be. A church that welcomes every soul as Jesus' guest into the most meaningful of tables. Our invitation to those in our city is not merely to dinner parties but into the family of God, into union with Christ. As we welcome the poor and powerless into our community meals and as we share the crucial nature of the elements of communion, we realize we are the sinners coming. We are the ones in need of his body and his blood. A community that secludes itself and its dinner table from the outside world will not only struggle to reach their neighbors but will fail to see their need for the Table.
Make Meals Meaningful
- Ask each other how the week is going and expect long, honest answers.
- Ask everyone a common question that will lead to deeper understanding of each other: What is your favorite summer memory from childhood? Or how do you prepare for the Christmas holidays?
- Ask about how each person is processing the sermon from Sunday, or about the service that was done as a group the week before, circle back to past hardships people have shared.
- Simple things to like what are you thankful for today. What was the hardest part of your day today?
- You could also have a person or couple in the “spotlight” where they can share in more depth their story, current spot in life, and what they are going through with the community having the chance to pray for them.
Reflections
- How does your community share meals?
- How can you eat with glad and generous hearts?
- How can you remember Christ as you eat?
- How can the gospel become clearer as you share a meal with folks?
- How often should you get together to share a meal during the week?
- How does your community remember Jesus in these meals?
- Most people eat twenty-one meals a week, how could anyone in your community share at least one of them with others?
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Brad Watson (@bradawatson) serves as a pastor of Bread&Wine Communities where he develops and teaches leaders how to form communities that love God and serve the city. Brad is the author of Raised?, Called Together: A Guide to Forming Missional Communities, and Sent Together: How the Gospel Sends Leaders to Start Missional Communities. He lives in southeast Portland with his wife and their two daughters. You can read more from Brad at www.bradawatson.com.