Unity in an Age of Division
We can't fabricate unity; not by human means. But through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ, the unity we long for in our divided age is possible.
Our church hosted a “Unity Forum” after the 2016 elections. I’ll never forget it. Pittsburgh is one city that often feels more like two. There’s Old Pittsburgh, the Pittsburgh of the steel industry, I.C. Light, and voting Republican. Then, there’s New Pittsburgh, the Pittsburgh of the technology and health industries, microbreweries, and voting Democrat.
At the forum, one side wanted to Make America Great Again, while the other side chose to stand With Her. People from both side, citizens of both the Old and the New Pittsburgh go to our church.
Instead of sitting on opposite sides of the aisle, we often share the same pew. Red and Blue are sprinkled throughout the congregation instead of neatly divided into separate sections. It’s not uncommon to see an outspoken Trump supporter squished into the same pew as someone who marched against Trump.
But on a Sunday during an election season, it can feel about as volatile as Thanksgiving dinner with your extended family. Conversations are cordial as long as no one asks who you voted for.
High Tensions
Tensions were particularly high after the 2016 elections. Social media posts from some of the people in our church were downright offensive. Congregants were wondering what we would say from the pulpit, if we said anything at all.
Our church felt more divided than ever, and we wanted to do something that could heal the disunity before the cement dried. We announced an upcoming “Unity Forum” and invited anyone with feelings—any feelings—to attend.
It seemed like a good idea.
We tried, really really tried, to lead people into face-to-face conversations with one another. We tried to help people seek to understand before they were understood. We tried to teach people how to make sure they could explain what the other person was feeling before they shared what they were feeling. We tried to create unity and, in the end, we only saw how deep the disunity ran.
We saw in our church a microcosm of our country, and we didn’t know what to do about it.
Israel’s Polarized Cultural Moment
We aren’t the first nation to live through a polarized cultural moment. God’s chosen people, the nation of Israel whom he had set free from slavery in Egypt, had their own experiences of disunity.
In 1 Kings 11-12, after King Solomon walked away from the Lord, God promised the kingdom would fall apart under the leadership of Solomon’s son—an act of judgment on Solomon’s worship of foreign gods. And, under the poor leadership of his son Rehoboam, the unified kingdom divided into two: Israel in the north, Judah in the South.
If they had cable news, the anchors would have been stoking the heated rhetoric. Some people would have had “Make Israel Great Again” bumper stickers on their chariots, while others would have been wearing “I’m with Rehoboam” t-shirts. There would have been long arguments on social media about which side was to blame for the division. Feast days would have been full of tension, not unlike our own.
Israel’s Moment of Peace
Only two generations before the division, though, the kingdom was in a far better place. King David was on the throne. The kingdom was mostly at peace with itself, even if it was at war with foreign nations. It was a peaceful, rather than a polarized, cultural moment—one in which the king had time to write poetry.
In Psalm 133, a poem which would be sung for generations to come, David muses,
Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron, running down on the collar of his robes!
It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion! For there the Lord has commanded the blessing, life forevermore.
It’s one thing to sing this in a moment of unity, like what Israel experienced under David’s rule. It’s quite another to believe it when your kingdom is divided in two.
As one of the “Songs of Ascents,” a collection of psalms possibly intended to be sung on the way to Jerusalem, this psalm was part of a playlist that was listened to from generation to generation. It was sung when the nation was at peace and when relatives were ready to kill one another. It was sung when politics were cordial and when they were explosive. It was sung when unity was palpable and when disunity was the norm.
In a polarized cultural moment, how can we find the kind of unity David describes in this psalm? Is it even possible?
How Not to Create Unity
While most of us are not sure what oil dripping down Aaron’s head or dew on Mount Hermon feels like, both seem better than whatever we’re experiencing right now. We’re growing tired of the disunity all around us—in the church and outside of it. There’s a sense of malaise about our fragmented, polarized moment.
None of us, though, can seem to agree on what it might look like to pursue unity.
For some of us, unity means not talking about our differences. We can have unity as long as no one brings up politics at dinner or on Sunday morning. We can have unity as long we only stick to the accepted topics of conversation. It’s superficial, of course, and everyone knows it. But it’s better than losing friends over midterm elections.
For others, unity means agreeing on everything. Kyle J. Howard, in his recent article in Fathom Magazine, writes, “As a young Christian, I assumed that being ‘united’ had to also include uniformity.” Until we can agree on everything from politics to baptism, unity will always be just out of reach. In the end, we tend to just surround ourselves with people whose opinions make sense to us.
Then, there’s a third group of people who believe unity is impossible. We’re too divided and too polarized to even pursue unity. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. We’re never going to agree on everything, and superficial conversations with relatives aren’t worth it.
But is there another way?
Through and In Jesus Christ
When Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote Life Together, he opened with Psalm 133:1 as a way to set the stage for the entire book. In the opening chapter, he explains the secret to the unity David describes:
Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ. No Christian community is more or less than this. Whether it be a brief, single encounter or the daily fellowship of years, Christian community is only this. We belong to one another only through and in Jesus Christ.[1]
Jesus is the one who makes true unity possible. In his death and resurrection, he created unity across racial and ethnic divides, gender divides, and political divides. It’s a unity even greater than the one David probably imagined when he wrote this psalm. The gospel creates the unity we can never create on our own.
In Ephesians 1:14-18, Paul describes the unity made possible by Jesus, writing,
For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.
Unity is not primarily something we create; it’s something we discover.
What Unity Truly Depends On
In and through Jesus Christ, we have access to unity that goes deeper than surface-level conversations and the need to agree on everything. It’s here that God “has commanded the blessing, life forevermore” (Ps. 133:3).
When I left the “Unity Forum” back in 2016, it felt like a failure. It felt like we made things worse by trying to make things better. It felt like we were trying to do the impossible at our church by being a church where both sides of the political spectrum could worship the same God from the same pew. I thought people would leave the Unity Forum and never come back again.
In the end, though, people stayed in our church. People showed up the next Sunday and sat down in the same pews. They still talk to one another. They still have hard conversations. We still address political topics from the pulpit, and it tends to offend people on both the left and the right.
No one can create unity with a Unity Forum. If that’s what we’re trying to do, we will always leave feeling like failures.
The best we can do is point to the unbreakable unity we have in and through Jesus Christ—a unity that depends not on whether we can agree on everything or how well we can avoid hard conversations, but on what Jesus did on the cross thousands of years before any midterm election.
Austin Gohn is a pastor at Bellevue Christian Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and a student at Trinity School for Ministry. He is the author of a forthcoming book from Gospel-Centered Discipleship on Augustine’s Confessions and young adulthood. You can follow him on Twitter.
[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: HarperOne, 1954), 21
You Become What You Trust
Humans have always loved idols. Israel’s history shows us that no matter how many miraculous wonders we witness, our hearts will always elevate the created before the Creator (Rom.1:25). What began as statues to Baal, Asherah poles, and Greek temples, continues to permeate our culture. These days, our idols look a bit nobler—a spouse, children, happiness, comfort, health—but they enslave us just like the idols of old.
Our idols don’t just settle for helping us break the second commandment, they permeate much deeper in our lives. The Psalms tell us that those who trust idols will become like them (Ps. 135:18). We may not turn into stone and wood, but eventually, the idols of our heart can chip away at significant areas in our spiritual lives.
The idols we create are blind, deaf, and mute, and if we continue serving them, we’ll eventually become the same. If left undisturbed and ignored, we may begin to lose our own sight, become deaf to others, and render our speech useless to the surrounding world.
Blind to Our Sin
One of the first ways we become like our idols is in becoming blind to our own sin. If we are in Christ, we have been given a new heart (Ezek. 36:26) and our eyes are opened to the gospel, yet the temptation to turn back towards darkness endures. It’s why the author of Hebrews exhorted the church to take care that no one has an unbelieving heart, “leading you to fall away from the living God” (Heb. 3:12-13).
Each person, feeling, circumstance, or dream we hold up as more important than God is ultimately a declaration of unbelief. Our idols make us believe that God won’t satisfy more than our they can. Our idols make us think that God’s grace isn’t enough, so we must make our own rules. They make us think that seeking our own comfort is more worthwhile than seeking the Lord’s glory.
We may not say these truths out loud, but the subtle deceitfulness of sin (Heb. 3:13) will continue to feed our idols of unbelief, make excuses, and harden us to the sin we harbor. Some of us may continue to idolize health, blind to the ways we are trusting in our workouts to give us the peace that only God can give. Others may cloak our approval-seeking in righteous words like service or encouragement, but in reality, our idols stay hidden behind the sin we can’t see.
The trouble is, we can’t crush what we can’t see. This is where the passage in Hebrews gives us great hope. We must “exhort one another daily” (Heb. 3:13). Just as we could not open our eyes to Christ without his work, we need the Holy Spirit and Christ’s church to open our eyes to our blindness—even after salvation. It’s our brothers and sisters who can illuminate the darkness, and the Holy Spirit alone who can give us back our sight and put to death the idols of unbelief in our hearts.
Deaf to Our Brothers and Sisters
Our idols can make us become blind to our own sin, but they can also cause us to become deaf to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We see this played out in big and small ways in the church, whether it’s the prideful parent who refuses to seek any outside help, or the church member holding his politics so tightly that he can’t hear the concerns of a brother in Christ. Our strong opinions, steeped in the idolatry of self, can keep us so attuned to our own views that we can’t stop to give grace or charity to our dissenter.
But Christ calls us to something radical. He not only tells us to open our ears but to go even further by outdoing one another with honor (Rom. 12:10). We are told to bless those who hurt us, to be humble in our own eyes, and do what is honorable in the sight of all (Rom.12:14-17).
Beginning to knock down these idols begins by first finding the root. Where are we deaf to the concerns and wisdom of our brothers and sisters in Christ? What topics do we bristle at hearing a word of correction? Or what topics do we refuse to seek wisdom in?
You’ll likely have to ask a trusted brother or sister to help you see what you cannot. Of course, our brothers and sisters in these disagreements are sinners too, but Jesus tells us our first step is always to look upon our own sin (Matt. 7:3).
Mute to the World
Finally, our idols can mute our voice to the world around us, which fleshes out in two ways. The first is seen when our idols make us look exactly like the world around us. When we idolize comfort, a job, or happiness, we will inevitably be tossed into anxiety when these idols are not met. When the job is lost or life gets difficult, we will look no different than the unbeliever in the cubicle sitting right to us.
As Christians, however, our lives should look different because our hope is completely different. That doesn’t mean that we can’t feel stressed or experience difficulty, but it does mean that our priorities should look different than the unbelievers around us. When we continue to let the idols of our hearts take over, they rob us of the chance to preach a different and beautiful story to the world around us.
Secondly, our idols keep us from purposefully entering into the lives of those around us. Who has time to develop a relationship with a neighbor when we are too busy with our own projects? How do we encourage the woman behind us in the checkout when we are too concerned with our phone? The nature of man-made idols is that they must be maintained. We must keep feeding our need for approval, tone our body, multiply our entertainment—and when we do we are left with little time for else.
But again, Jesus calls us to something radical. We have a different mission than maintaining our idols. Instead, we are to give up our hold on everything in this world to gain everything in the beauty of Christ. We are to make disciples (Matt. 28:19-20) and to proclaim his name among the people God has put around us. And if we want to be ready to give an answer for the hope we have in Christ (1 Pt. 3:15), we must first clear away the idols that rob us of that voice.
Good News for Idolaters
While it’s painful to see the grip of idolatry, the good news is that we worship the God who stands above every idol. Just as the ancient statue of Dagon fell to the ground before the Ark of the Covenant, our own idols will fall prostrate before the true God of heaven (1 Sam. 5:2).
We don’t have to feel defeat but can seek out our idols so we can destroy them. We can stop to see what has been keeping us from speaking the gospel to those around us. We can ask God to show us where our ears have been closed to our family in Christ. And we can ask from the Holy Spirit and our brothers and sisters to help show us the sin we can’t see.
We may start to become like our idols, but it’s the power of the cross—the same power that raised Jesus from the dead—that gives us the power to crush them. Each day we can lean on the God who continues to breathe life and hope into our blind, deaf, and mute hearts.
Brianna Lambert is a wife and mom to three, making their home in the cornfields of Indiana. She loves using writing to work out the truths God is teaching her each day. She has contributed to various online publications such as Morning by Morning and Fathom magazine. You can find more of her writing paired with her husband’s photography at lookingtotheharvest.com.
Why God's People Rejoice in Gathering
Imagine approaching your childhood home. You see a familiar sign on the front porch that reads, “Home is where the heart is,” though the “H” is missing, a couple other letters are broken, and others are so caked with pollen and dust they’re almost indiscernible. You’ve arrived at the house which was so full of life when you were a child, but years of vacancy and neglect make for a cold welcome. Where is the warmth that once filled this house?
We all long for a welcoming, safe home.
ABANDONED HOMES
While we may appreciate the aesthetic of a well-crafted house, what makes a house a home is the life within it. The same is true of the house of the Lord.
We see this clearly in Psalm 122, as the author begins with the invitation:
I rejoiced with those who said to me, “Let us go to the house of the Lord!”
Who is the "us" that invited him? It was the sojourners who would make their annual pilgrimage to the temple in Jerusalem. This psalm would become one of many they would recite as they made their ascent to the holy city.
What a shock to be a pilgrim who, upon arrival, finds the house of the Lord was empty. He makes the journey through “many dangers, toils, and snares,” only to learn the house is vacant—there isn’t a single light on in the whole building, not one person in sight.
Would the weary traveler still be glad about his invitation? Hardly.
The rejoicing hinges on the personal invitation. He is glad to make the journey because he makes it with others and plans to meet others there (v. 4). It's a family reunion of sorts, in which traveling disciples meet with other disciples. Their rendezvous is overdue, so they are eager to reconnect.
God makes a disciple by bringing a man or a woman to Christ. But that is only part of the work. God also saves them into a family, the church. Disciples are meant to rejoice and long to reconnect with their extended family each Sunday in worship and throughout the week. It's not the building that makes the church but the people gathered before the Word of God.
BROKEN HOMES
Abandoned houses serve as a memento of the life that once existed within their walls. They remind us that things are not as they should be.
This reminder is even more painful for those currently living in a broken home. Their house may be full of life, but not firing on all cylinders. Maybe a divorce or an untimely death is a constant reminder that the dinner table has one empty chair.
Part of God’s design for his covenant people is that the spiritual family can make up for the parts of the nuclear family that are demolished by death, disease, and depravity. God’s family should be united (v. 3), and those brothers and sisters and friends (v. 8) that comprise it should pray for its well-being (v. 6), peace, security (v. 7), and prosperity (v. 9).
Some of the most moving testimonies in the church involve mothers and fathers who stood in as parental figures for those who never had them or who live far away from moms and dads. Beautiful stories unfold when those have been abandoned by or have left behind their families find a new family created by the shed blood of Christ.
God makes disciples as they come into relationship with Jesus, but they are matured in the community of the Church.
CHAOTIC HOMES
Others may not come from a broken home or ever experience the emptiness of returning to an abandoned house. Yet what family has not experienced a season of chaos?
Perhaps your home is free from glaring and unrepentant sin and God has blessed you with a house that has been passed down for generations. But the reality is we will all face sins of varying kinds (Heb. 12:1) and seasons of busyness that border on chaos.
Some Sundays it may be hard for the modern pilgrim to drag himself to church because he worked a sixty-hour week. A mom of small children is likely putting in even more hours on the regular, and coming to worship on Sunday might seem impossibly difficult.
In Psalm 122, the pilgrim’s feet are standing within the gates of Jerusalem (v. 2). Those feet must have been tired, sore, and blistered, but to paraphrase Mother Pollard, “his feet were tired but his soul was rested.”[1]
What is it that compels you to keep gathering with the saints?
Is it the chaos that seems to increase every time you get ready to head out the door to church on Sunday morning? Is it the weariness you feel after a long hard work week? Is it the spiritual apathy that creeps in?
Obstacles and temptations try to prevent us from gathering with God’s people, but push through and resolve to find nourishment for your soul. The body and its ailments will pass away, but God and his Word will last forever (Matt. 24:35).
The mature disciple begins to prioritize church, not just for her own needs, but because she recognizes she is called to multiply disciples and think beyond herself.
DWELLING PLACE OF THE LORD
To bring this all home (pun intended), a word has to be said about the relationship between the Old and New Covenants. It's commonplace to see preachers and theologians play fast and loose with the relationship between the Old Covenant temple and the New Covenant Church. To be sure, there are some commonalities. However, it is a mistake to draw a one-to-one comparison between the two.
The distinguishing mark of the Old Covenant temple was that it was indwelt by the presence of the Lord. The God of Israel himself inhabited their building of high worship.
The arrival of Jesus in the first century A.D. flipped this whole paradigm on its head. He was indwelt personally by the Spirit of God (Matt. 12:18) and referred to himself as the new and better temple (Jn. 2:19; Matt. 12:6). What’s more, he promised that when he departed he would send that same Spirit to indwell his followers.
The New Covenant equivalent of the Temple is the church, to be sure, but only when we correctly define the Church—the people of God, the living stones (1 Pet. 2:5) that are built up into a spiritual house.
REJOICE TO GO TO THE HOUSE OF THE LORD
Do you rejoice to go to the house of the Lord? I hope you do. But hopefully it’s not because the music is superior or the aesthetics are amazing. The right reason to rejoice in going up to the Lord’s house is that his presence is there.
The house of the Lord is found in the midst of his people. There, Jesus is present and glorified.
Otherwise, it’s like walking into an abandoned house.
Sean Nolan (B.S. and M.A., Clarks Summit University) was born and raised in Upstate New York where he is now working to plant Engage Albany, a church in the heart of the capital. Prior to that, he served at churches in Troy and Maryland and taught hermeneutics. He and his wife, Hannah, are raising three kids: Knox, Hazel, and Ransom. You can read all of Sean’s articles here.
[1] Quoted in The Montgomery Bus Boycott: A History and Reference Guide, Cheryl Phibbs, 2009.
You Don’t Have to Be Busy to Belong
One evening when reading our dinner devotional book, I read about the Feast of Trumpets, a once-a-year event when the Israelites were called (literally) to repentance. The trumpet would sound and they’d remember that their time was God’s gift and whether they’d spent it well or not. Nancy Guthrie writes, “God set up a yearly holiday called the Festival of Trumpets to blast the people out of their spiritual laziness.”
Sometimes I wish we’d get a trumpet blast to arouse us out of our spiritual stupors, so we’d be forced to see how we use busyness to block our ears.
Slowing Down
We need trumpet calls and wake-up calls. We need to say no to the things that lead us away from the story of God and lead us to follow a story of the suburbs. The suburbs keep us busy because we think the more we move, the more we work, the more valuable we will be. If we hope to nurture a life of faith, we’ve got to stop moving long enough to hear God’s voice.
The gospel says: come to the desolate space. Tantrum, scream, cry, face your fears of insignificance and irrelevancy there. Then find rest in a rest that is not of your own making. Find Jesus. And having found Jesus, we will be sent out, and he will ask us impossible things—not to test us but to show us (even in the food we eat) that he provides not only for our hungers but also for the hunger pains of our communities.
God will be found by us in the desolate spaces. Going to desolate places might look like recalibrating our time to fit what we say we value. It might be removing our phones from our nightstands and choosing to not document our lives on social media. It may be committing to read our Bibles even when we’re not sure if God will show up.
Our time is not our own to fill like an empty shopping cart—with whatever strikes our fancy and fits our budget. Our time (like our money) is a means to love God and serve others. Paradoxically, only as we give of our resources will we be filled. This isn’t American bootstrapperism where we muscle it out to be generous; instead it’s slowing down and acknowledging that we have a Father God who sees our needs and kindly answers them for our good and his good pleasure.
But if our schedules are packed too tight—like our closets—there will never be room to let in anything new, including God. Our daily habits, our weekly schedules, and our purchases all add up to how we spend our lives. Anything we turn to that dictates our daily habits also shapes our hearts. We hunger for good work and restorative rest, and yet we stay busy because we fear we won’t find anything in the desolate places. But what if instead of circling the suburbs or distracting ourselves, we simply stopped? What if we said no more often? What would happen if we slowed down?
We could begin to live ordinary time well.
Living Ordinary Time Well
When we live ordinary time well, we practice disciplines that increase our hunger for the right things—not the quick-fix chicken nuggets of the soul, but the nutritious meal. We pray. We read our Bibles. We give. We serve. We partake in the sacraments and dig our hands into the life of the church.
When we live ordinary time well, we choose to spend our time for God’s kingdom instead of building up the kingdom of self. When we do, we don’t have to force our days, plans, or even our memories to provide total satisfaction. In her book Simply Tuesday, Emily P. Freeman writes, “Part of living well in ordinary time is letting this day be good. Letting this day be a gift. Letting this day be filled with plenty. And if it all goes wrong and my work turns to dust? This is my kind reminder that outcomes are beyond the scope of my job description.”
When we stop moving, we realize time was never our own. Then, our days can be received as gifts.
If we slowed down and pruned our schedules, we’d begin to decenter ourselves. We’d practice sustained attention and even be bored. We could begin to imagine what finding holy in the suburbs would look like in our hearts, families, and neighborhoods. We’d give our children the tools to know how to be comfortable in their own skin without having to perform to feel loved. We’d give them (and us) a better way to live in a culture that says you have to stay busy to be seen. We’d show them a better way to belong than through joining a frenzied, success- and image-driven culture.
You Don't Have to Be Busy to Belong
The upside-down kingdom of God in the suburbs stakes this claim: you don’t have to be busy to belong. When we stop striving, we don’t have to hoard our time or treasure. God’s kingdom testifies that rest is possible, not just checking out from the rat race in your favorite version of suburban leisure, but more than that, we can experience a deep, restorative rest.
The gospel says that in Jesus we’re held, protected, loved, and valued simply because we are God’s children. But to imagine a vision larger than what our suburbs sell as success and productivity, we have to have the courage to slow down.
There we have the space to wrestle with all that our busyness hides and there, we pray, we will find God.
Taken from Finding Holy in the Suburbs by Ashley Hales. Copyright (c) 2018 by Ashley Hales. Published by InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL. www.ivpress.com
Ashley Hales is a writer, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother to four. She holds a Ph.D. in English from the University of Edinburgh, Scotland, and after years away, she's back in the southern California suburbs helping her husband plant a church, Resurrection Orange County. She's the author of Finding Holy in the Suburbs and a contributor to Everbloom. Connect with Ashley at aahales.com.
How to Cultivate Communal Comfort in Your Suffering
Suffering powerfully highlights what has always been true—we were not created for independent living. Suffering reminds us that God’s grace doesn’t work to propel our independence but to deepen our vertical and horizontal dependence. The strong, independent, self-made person is a delusion. Everyone needs help and assistance. To fight community, to quest for self-sufficiency, is not only a denial of your spiritual need; it’s a denial of your humanity. Suffering is a messenger telling us that to be human is to be dependent.
My friend TobyMac so wonderfully captured with these words: “What does it look like to admit your need and open the door to God’s warehouse of provision?” Consider these seven steps.
1. Don’t Suffer in Heroic Isolation
There’s nothing noble about bearing down and suffering alone. In fact, it’s a recipe for disaster. Everyone has been designed by God for community. Healthy, godly living is deeply relational. Worshipfully submissive community with God and humble dependency on God’s people are vital to living well in the middle of the unplanned, the unwanted, and the unexpected.
The brothers and sisters around you have been placed in your life as instruments of grace, and as I’ve said before, they won’t be perfect instruments, they won’t always say and do the right things, but in the messiness of these relationships God delivers to us what only he can give.
In my own suffering I’ve had to fight with the temptation of self-imposed isolation. I know I need the presence and voices of others in my life who can say and do things for me that I could never do for myself, and I know that the relationship I have with these people is God’s gift of comfort, rescue, protection, and wisdom. Are you suffering in isolation?
2. Determine to Be Honest
The first step in seeking and celebrating the gift of the comfort of God’s people and experiencing how they can make the invisible grace of God visible in your life is to honestly communicate how you’re handling what you’re going through. Honest communication is not detailing the hardship you’re going through and letting all the people around you know how tough you have it. Complaining tends to drive people away and to attract you to other complainers, which is far from healthy and helpful. Rather, every sufferer needs to be humbly honest about the spiritual battle underneath the physical travail so that brothers and sisters around you can fight that spiritual battle with you.
And don’t worry about what people think of you. Remember, you don’t get your identity, peace, security, and rest of heart from them but from your Lord. No one in your life is capable of being your messiah; people are tools in the hands of your Messiah, Jesus. It would be impossible to fully communicate the depth of the comfort, strength, and counsel I have gotten at crucial moments of spiritual battle from the dear ones God has placed in my life. Are you humbly and honestly communicating to others about how you’re handling your hardship?
3. Let People Interrupt Your Private Conversation
You have incredible influence over you, because no one talks to you more than you do. The problem is that there are times when it’s very hard to say to ourselves what we need to hear. The travail of suffering is clearly one of those times. It’s hard then to give yourself the hope, comfort, confrontation, direction, wisdom, and God-awareness that every sufferer desperately needs.
So you need voices in your life besides your own. You need to invite wise and loving people to eavesdrop and interrupt your private conversation, providing in their words things you wouldn’t be able to say to yourself. And don’t take offense when they fail to agree with your assessments; you need these alternative voices. They’re not in your life to hurt your feelings but to give you what you won’t be able to give yourself, and that in itself is a sweet grace from the hand of God. Who have you invited to interrupt your private conversations?
4. Admit Your Weakness
Doing well in the middle of hardship is not about acting as if you’re strong. God’s reputation isn’t honored by our publicly faking what isn’t privately true. The grave danger to sufferers is not admission of weakness but delusions of strength. You see, if you tell yourself and others that you are strong, then you won’t seek and they won’t offer the enabling and strengthening grace that every sufferer needs. And remember, the most important form of weakness that we all face isn’t the physical weakness that accompanies so much of our suffering but the weakness of heart in the midst of it.
Determine to be honest about your weakness, and in so doing, invite others to be God’s tools of his empowering and transforming grace. When you suffer, you view weakness either as an enemy or as an opportunity to experience the new potential that is yours as God’s child. Is your habit to admit or deny weakness?
5. Confess Your Blindness
This side of eternity, since sin still lives inside us and blinds us, there are pockets of spiritual blindness in all of us. As you walk through your travail, there may be inaccuracies of belief, subtle but wrong desires, wrong attitudes, susceptibilities to temptation, wrong views of others, struggles with God, and evidences of hopelessness that you don’t see.
So in love, God has placed his children in your life to function as instruments of seeing. They offer to you insight that you wouldn’t have by yourself. Because they can see what you don’t, they can speak into issues in your life, and by so doing be not only instruments of seeing but also God’s agents of rescue and transformation.
It’s humbling but true of every sufferer that accuracy of personal insight is the result of community, because sin makes personal insight difficult. Since we all have areas where we fail to see what we need to see, we need to welcome those whom God has sent into our lives to correct and focus our vision. How open are you when those near you help you see things in yourself that you don’t see?
6. Seek Wise Counsel
It’s dangerous to make important life decisions in the midst of the tumultuous emotions and despondency of suffering. Often in the middle of hardship, it’s hard to see clearly, to think accurately, and to desire what’s best. The shock, grief, and dismay of suffering tend to rattle the heart and confuse the mind.
When you are suffering, you need to humbly invite wise and godly counselors into your life. I’m not talking here about professional help, although that’s good if necessary. I’m talking about identifying the wise and godly people already in your life who know you and your situation well, who can provide the clarity of advice, guidance, and direction that is very hard to provide for yourself.
Don’t be threatened by this; it’s something we all need, and wise sufferers welcome it and enjoy the harvest of good fruit that results. Have you invited wise and godly counselors into your life to help you decide what would be hard to decide on your own?
7. Remember That Your Suffering Doesn’t Belong to You
2 Corinthians 1:3–9 reminds us that our sufferings belong to the Lord. He will take hard and difficult things in your life and use them to produce good things in the lives of others. This is one of the unexpected miracles of his grace. When it seems that my life is anything but good, God picks it up and produces what’s very good in the life of another. Every sufferer needs to know that the comfort of community is a two-way street. Not only do you need the comfort of God’s people, but your suffering positions you to be a uniquely sympathetic and insightful tool of the same in the lives of others.
Your suffering has given you a toolbox of gospel skills that make you ready and equipped to answer God’s call to be an agent of his comfort in the lives of fellow sufferers. God calls you not to hoard your suffering but to offer it up to him to be used as needed in the lives of others. And there’s blessing in taking your eyes off yourself and placing them on others, because it really is more blessed to give than to receive. Have you hoarded your suffering, or seen it as a means for bringing to others the good things that you have received?
Yes, it’s true that the God of all comfort sends his ambassadors of comfort into your life. They’re sent to make God’s invisible presence, protection, strength, wisdom, love, and grace visible. So welcome his ambassadors. Be open to their insight and counsel. Confess your needs so that God’s helpers can minister to those needs. Live like you really do believe that your walk through hardship is a community project, and be ready for the good things God will do.
Content taken from Suffering: Gospel Hope When Life Doesn't Make Sense by Paul David Tripp, ©2018. Used by permission of Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Il 60187, www.crossway.org.
Paul David Tripp is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries, a nonprofit organization. He has been married for many years to Luella and they have four grown children. For more information and resources visit paultrippministries.org.
10 Ways Phones Can be Used for Our Good and God's Glory
Am I the only who feels this way? I wondered for the umpteenth time. I was in the midst of a conversation with friends lamenting their iPhones. The complaints were familiar: our smartphones make us more self-focused, short-tempered, less able to interact with real people, eager for the approval of others, unable to read and communicate in-depth. The woes are limitless.
And I don’t disagree. I too have given over too much power to my phone. It has shaped me in a number of ways I’m not proud of.
But my secret thought in that conversation and others like it is this: I like my phone. I think it’s more helpful than hurtful—even (maybe especially) in my spiritual disciplines. Am I a fool to say I think it has actually aided gospel growth in my life?
In our effort to distance ourselves from the pitfalls of these devices, are we missing what a blessing they can be?
BRAND NEW TECHNOLOGY, SAME OLD PROBLEM
Throughout history, people have sounded the alarm every time some new technology hits the scene:
Socrates worried writing would cause our minds to grow lazy;
There were cries of information overload and chaos when the printing press was invented;
The distribution of newspapers caused concern that people would no longer get their news directly from the pulpit;
Worried parents thought that teaching reading in schools would certainly wreak havoc on the minds of their children;
Later generations worried the advent of radio and television would wreak havoc on their children’s ability to read.[1]
Today, you can’t go on the Internet without seeing headlines bemoaning the connectivity and technology of this age, too. Those concerns are valid. Certainly, we should not consume new technology without carefully examining the ramifications.
Paul’s warning to the Ephesians is useful for us: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15-16).
THE CAPACITY FOR GOOD AND EVIL
Just as the printing press can print the Word of God or pornography, our phones can deliver good or evil. With the Holy Spirit’s help and the accountability of a Christian community (and perhaps the implementation of some digital boundaries), we can choose to use our phones for our edification and sanctification, rather than for our destruction.
Our phones can be put to work to help us to obey this command in our current age: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil. 4:8).
They can help us find wisdom and gain understanding, which is a blessing (Prov. 3:13). They can help us “do good to one another and to everyone” (1 Thess. 5:15).
10 WAYS PHONES CAN BE USED FOR OUR GOOD AND GOD’S GLORY
The following are ten ways smartphones can be tools for our good and even God’s glory.
1. Hearing the Bible. Perhaps the most important way our phones can help sanctify us is by providing the Word of God through various Bible apps. While paper Bibles should not be replaced, Bible apps can provide customized daily reading plans, nourishment in a pinch, and add oomph to our quiet times. As I make my way through my Bible-in-a-Year plan, my app audibly reads along with me. In this way, not only am I reading the Word of God in my physical Bible, but I’m also hearing it as I go. This is especially helpful to me in the early morning when my mind is prone to wander.
2. Memorizing Scripture with voice memos. Storing God’s Word in our hearts (Ps. 119:11) is a sweet tool for sanctification. Using a voice memo app can greatly enhance Scripture memory. Reciting memorized portions into our phones allows us to immediately check our work against the written Word. The immediate feedback is excellent for catching mistakes and ensuring we rightly memorize Scripture.
3. Reading more books. Various apps allow us broad access to more books than in any other age. It’s normal today to travel frequently and commute long distances. That potentially wasted time can be redeemed as we listen to or read books we could not access prior to our smartphones. I am deeply indebted to Christian authors whose words have shaped me and library apps that have made wide reading affordable.
4. Growing through Christian blogs and websites. Smartphones allow us to access Christian blogs (like this one) and websites every day. Having the Internet in the palm of our hands allows us to wrestle with even deep theological issues at a moment’s notice. Whereas we would have needed to make a trip to a seminary library in the past, we can now immediately peruse a variety of sites and articles to help us gain commentary on a given Bible passage, theme, or difficulty.
5. Listening to a wide range of teachers and preachers. Many disciples find podcasts and sermons invaluable for growth and learning. Podcast topics vary widely from hearing news from a Biblical worldview to theological discussions, encouragement for moms to the history of racial issues in the church, and wisdom for Christian living. Access to a wide range of preachers and teachers from multiple theological backgrounds helps us keep growing both inside and outside our typical doctrinal bubbles.
6. Connecting with friends and family. Depending on one’s life stage or calling, texting can be a lifeline for Christian fellowship. Missionaries serving overseas, pastors or their wives reaching out to friends in their shoes in another city, or even new moms who need encouragement but don’t have time to meet or call a friend, can all benefit from receiving and sending encouraging texts. In our global, busy lifestyles, texting allows us to type out our prayers for one another. It can be a sweet and intimate way to keep in touch and build one another up.
7. Remembering names, prayer needs, and important dates. Phones can be a practical assistant, helping us practice hospitality on Sundays when we gather for corporate worship. We can immediately record the name of a newcomer to church right after we shake their hands. We can refresh our memories the following Sunday and greet them by name, making a warm and inviting impact. We can have our phones handy to record someone’s prayer request so we don’t forget it as soon as they walk away. Additionally, alarms can be set on our calendar apps to help us remember to pray for a surgery, an important test, or other need in our community.
8. Accessing special groups. While it’s no substitute for face-to-face friendship, Facebook can provide access to specific groups and ministries around the world. I’ve been able to connect with other adoptive parents, missionaries, ex-pats, and Christian women wherever I have lived around the world. These special niche relationships haven’t been available near me at certain times, and the online alternatives have been a source of strength and encouragement. Additionally, we can keep up with missionaries in various contexts through their secret online groups, which provide updates and prayer needs.
9. Understanding your community. Social media apps allow us to know what others in our communities are drawn to or hoping for. Based on others’ posts and what they’re chatting about, we can keep a finger on the pulse of what matters to those who attend our church, Bible study, or neighborhood fellowship. In this way, we can be better prepared for false teaching or false gospels when they arise, or fads that aren’t biblical. Social media allows us to be prepared in advance and contribute a gospel-centered voice to a conversation that might otherwise lack it.
10. Building one another up. Group texts are the way young adults communicate. Rarely do people call one another or use email. Texts are the best way to stay abreast of what is happening in the lives of our community members. Texts can be an excellent way to share joys and sorrows and prayer needs. They’re also a great way to coordinate group meetings, meals for people in need, and more. It’s nearly impossible to stay involved in relationships today without texting.
There is indeed a way to use our phones that will help us “walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” (Col. 1:10).
Smartphones can be a powerful tool for our growth. Let’s consider how we might put them to work for our good and God’s glory.
[1] I am indebted to this article for this historical information. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2010/02/dont_touch_that_dial.html
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters, and has served as a missionary for nearly two decades. She and her husband serve with Pioneers International and planted Redemption Parker, an Acts 29 church. Her passion is leading women into a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. Her book, Enough About Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self, is forthcoming with Crossway in 2020. Read more of Jen’s writing on her website or follow her on Twitter.
Don't Settle for the Spotlight
Light gets our attention. Our eyes are naturally drawn to it. The warm, illuminating effects of light beckon us to come closer. We become curious to see what the light frames for our eyes. Our interest in the light often involves our desire to become spotlighted. Many find it difficult to resist being the center of attention. Our capacity for self-exaltation is limitless. Spotlights get easier to procure every day. Social media is a prime outlet for building our platforms, brands, and personal kingdoms.
We throw our energy into shining brightly. We misapply God’s good command to let our light shine before men by projecting ourselves into the world. Often, we are oblivious to the fact that we’re drawing attention away from our father to ourselves. We deceive ourselves into believing we’re promoting him when our heart’s true desire is to live in the spotlight.
We seek the wrong light. We settle for the spotlight when we already know the Light. More than that, our father has given us his light. It’s ours to shine. We must shine his light into a dark world, so glory is given to him, not to us.
God is the Light
During his earthly ministry, Jesus said, “I am the light of the world” (John 8:12). David said, “The Lord is my light” (Ps. 27:1). In Genesis 1:3 God creates light for the whole world. However, in Revelation 22:5 he says that heaven will have no need for such light because God himself will be our light.
We would happily live in darkness but for the grace of God. He exposes the darkness in us and opens our eyes to sin. He exposes our wickedness and illuminates his holiness. But he doesn’t leave us in our helpless state. In mercy, his illumination extends to our great rescue. His light guides us toward himself. He welcomes us into his family, making it possible to live as children of the light through Christ (Eph. 5:8).
His light is incomparable. When we attempt to stand in the spotlight, we desire to outshine our maker. The world is living in darkness. We once lived in darkness (Eph. 5:8). Charles Spurgeon said, “He who has been in the dark dungeon knows the way to the bread and the water.” We aren’t the light. We aren’t what people need. We point others to what they need.
We are Light-Bearers
2 Corinthians 4:6-7 teaches, “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” We are the clay jars, not the treasure. We hold what we want others to behold. We hold the light.
When others look at me, and my eyes are on Christ, they will become curious to know what has my attention. They will shift their eyes from me to him. This is the goal—to make much of Christ. If people look my way for whatever reason, I want to leverage that opportunity to point them to the true light.
John the Baptist is a great example of a light bearer. He drew man’s attention to the light of Christ. “He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world” (John 1:8-9). He gladly watched his followers become followers of Christ.
Do we point all who follow us to Christ or to ourselves?
Shining the Light
As light bearers, we carry the light of Christ everywhere we go. He’s given us his light to shine into the darkness. Jesus commands, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16). When God tells us to let our light shine, he doesn’t mean to shine the light on ourselves. He means to let the light that he sparked in our hearts shine. His light draws people to himself.
When we stand in the spotlight, people will be drawn to us. When we shine his light within us, people will be drawn to our father. When we shine rightly, he will get the glory, not us. When we shine rightly, our motivation and our joy will come from the advancement of his kingdom, not ours.
We must be careful, always examining our hearts to make sure that our good works are done for the glory of God and for the good of his church. The spotlight is tempting. But living in the spotlight will never satisfy us and will ultimately be disappointing to others. It is only when we shine God’s light inside of us that we will be truly satisfied.
True Light Transforms
God shines his light into our lives. This light within us is the light that we shine before others. When we stand in the spotlight, we settle for lesser glory. Worse, we tempt others to do the same. True and greater glory exists.
People may be attracted to a source of light, but they can only be changed when God gives them the light of life. He must open their eyes. He must illuminate their sinful rebellion of his rule and their necessary dependence on his grace for their redemption. He alone transforms former rebels into beloved sons and daughters. Spotlights may illuminate us, bringing us glory, but God’s light transforms us, bringing him glory.
Church, we must shine. We must radiate and reflect him and his glory. We must show others what is true. The world needs authenticity, not artificialness. We settle for a light on us when we have his light in us. The closer we get to the true light, the less we will settle for an imitation. No substitute will satisfy.
Be satisfied with his light. Be motivated to bring others to his light. Let them gaze into his glory and become transformed by it (2 Cor. 3:18). Shine for the good of the church. Shine for the sake of the lost. Shine for the glory of God. Shine on, church.
Christy Britton is a wife and homeschool mom of four biological sons. She is an orphan advocate for 127 Worldwide. She and her husband are covenant members at Imago Dei Church in Raleigh, NC. She loves reading, discipleship, Cajun food, spending time in Africa, hospitality, and LSU football. She writes for several blogs, including her own, www.beneedywell.com.
Fight for Unity
Sometimes the smallest things can make a big impact. Like a Coke bottle. You may remember the 1980 South African comedy classic, The Gods Must Be Crazy, which begins when a pilot, flying over the Kalahari, finishes a glass bottle of Coke and tosses it from the window of his small plane. A rural San sees this strange object fall from the sky and receives it as a useful gift from “the gods.” His people begin to use it as a beneficial tool for their various tasks.
But eventually, conflict enters their Edenic existence, disrupting the harmonious life of the tribe, and they begin to fight over this otherwise innocuous Coke bottle. At one point, the bottle becomes a weapon. Finally, Xi—the main character, and leader of the tribe—decides the gods must be crazy for sending this “gift,” and sets out to return it to them by carrying it to the end of the Earth and tossing it over the edge.
I think of that movie when I read through the Book of Acts and come across passages like this one:
“Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common … There was not a needy person among them” (Acts 4:32, 34a).
However novel it might be, the film depicts this tribe living in a similar, idyllic way: a group of people living communally—in unity—with no basic sense of private property. When their unity becomes threatened by the intrusion of a foreign object from the “civilized world,” their leader decisively upholds the tribe’s unity as infinitely more valuable than this strange item. Their leader goes to great pains to remove the source of disunity and conflict, so there can once again be peace.
A Picture of Spirit-filled Unity
In the biblical story, this kind of unity is only possible because of the presence of the Holy Spirit among the first Christians: “they were all filled with the Holy Spirit” (Acts 4:31). Their profound unity is described as their being “of one heart and soul” (v. 32).
One wonders if this kind of unity reflects a rather simple and idealistic wish-dream, but knowing Jesus himself prayed for this kind of unity (John 17:21-24) speaks volumes of its viability. Paul commands his churches to protect unity as they live out the Gospel (Eph. 4:1-6), and explains the necessity of humility for such an enterprise:
“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:1-8).
To have “one mind” with one another is to have the “the same mind” as Christ. It’s another way of saying believers should be “of one heart and one soul.”
Unity Expressed Through Generosity
The unity of the church in Acts 4 is distinctly expressed through generosity, which takes shape in a physical way through a detachment from things:
“… And no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need” (4:32-35).
Unity has economic implications. As God pours grace on them (v. 33), they allow this grace to flow through them to others. This radical generosity was a key factor as both a cause and a result of the church’s unity.
The Opposite of Unity-Building Generosity
The narrative of Acts 4 continues by drawing attention to an example of this kind of unity-forming generosity: “Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus, sold a field that belonged to him and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet” (Acts 4:36-37).
Barnabas was not the only disciple showing this kind of generosity (see v. 34-35), but he became the poster-boy of what generosity-shaped unity looked like.
The story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11), which comes immediately on the heels of Barnabas’ story, should be read in concert with it. This unfortunate couple, who attempt to copy the generous actions of others, make a fatal error through greed and deceit, undercutting the church’s unity.
Peter prophetically calls attention to the fundamental cause of this deceit—a collaboration between this couple and Satan: “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back for yourself part of the proceeds of the land?” (Acts 5:3)
Satan’s Divisive Work
Our adversary, who exists to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10) despises the unity of the church—an object lesson of his own demise (Eph. 3:1-10). Wherever there is division, broken relationships, strife, bitterness, or discord, Satan is at work. If he can’t destroy the church from outside (through persecution), he’ll attempt it from the inside (through division). In this case, Satan knew the way to destroy unity was through greed.
When Ananias and Sapphira chose to sin, it didn’t just have an effect on them. It wasn’t a private affair. As much as they thought otherwise, they couldn’t keep their sin hidden. Their greed, deceit, envy, and pride—if left uncovered—would have acted like cancer in the body of Christ, destroying the unity Jesus died for and the Spirit was producing.
The Grace of Judgment
We have a picture of a community living in selfless, sacrificial, generous, loving unity. In the midst of this, Ananias and Sapphira conspire in a way that opposes and threatens this all-important unity. And Jesus will have none of it.
Judgment will be rendered on those who threaten the unity of Jesus’ church by pursuing their own ends, living the exact opposite of unity and humility. God hates it when his church is threatened. In his eyes, the unity of the church is a matter of life and death. Like a jealous, protective husband who will fight, defend, sacrifice, and even kill to protect his wife, Jesus has died for and will protect his own bride, the church.
Jesus loves his church too much to allow selfish people to ruin it and go unpunished. Let’s take this as a warning: creating and perpetuating disunity in the church has dire consequences. When we don’t believe the unity of the church is a big deal, we end up using it for our own ends: we go to be entertained; we refuse to commit and engage in relationship; we hold grudges; we gossip; we leave when something doesn’t meet our expectations or feed our preferences.
All these kinds of selfishness eat away at Christ’s church, and God will bring judgment on those who threaten its unity (see 1 Cor. 11:27-32).
Three Ways to Fight for Unity
- Seek Christ’s mind of humility. Assess your own relationships in the church and discern whether you are part of the problem or part of the solution. Are you selfishly vying for your own way and your own preferences? Or are you learning to lay down your own agenda and your own desires, submitting them to Christ for the good of his body? The call for us is a call to unity—to oneness—that requires humility, patience, gentleness, bearing with one another, putting others’ needs above our own, and pursuing peace.
- Move towards others, not away from them. Unity is the hard and difficult road because it necessitates moving into conflict when we don’t really want to. It’s easier to avoid people we disagree with, or who have hurt us. Sometimes it’s easier to leave a church than stay and seek peace. When Jesus foresaw conflict in the church, he offered a road of reconciliation that revolved around relationship, not isolation (Matt. 18:15-20). To fight for unity is to pursue reconciliation when we have wronged someone else, and to be impatient with things that cause disunity.
- Be a peacemaker. Walk with others to make peace where conflict exists within the church. Instead of insulating or avoiding, take on the church’s problems and conflicts as our own. As children of God, we are to imitate our Father in peacemaking: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matt 5:9). Jesus was our example of this: who, for the sake of his church, went to the greatest lengths to fight for our unity. As our leader, he went beyond the ends of the Earth to get rid of the source of our conflict. He took our sin on himself and has eliminated it forever. This is the gospel we live by, and as such, is the gospel we are to lead with as “ambassadors of reconciliation” (2 Cor. 5:14-21) who fight for the unity of the church.
Mike Phay serves as Lead Pastor at FBC Prineville (Oregon) and as a Staff Writer at Gospel-Centered Discipleship. He has been married to Keri for over 20 years, and they have five amazing kids. You can follow him on Twitter (@mikephay) or check out his blog.
6 Practical Ways to Cultivate Face to Face Friendship
True friendship doesn’t just happen. Friendship—real and deep friendship—takes wise and careful cultivation. Although letters, texts, and phone calls each can be used to strengthen friendship, it especially thrives when we spend time together, life on life and face to face. And this is also the best context in which to help one another grow as disciples of Jesus Christ—it is when we’re together in the mix of everyday life that we see how we really live, and see evidence of what we really believe. For the sake of deeper community and discipleship, here are six ways to cultivate face to face friendship.
1. Get Face to Face
Our digital age gives us very convenient tools for friendship. We can call one another across great distances; we can text and email; we can share pictures and videos. But nothing replaces face to face experiences. The apostle Paul wrote meaningful letters to those whom he loved, but he also said, “we pray most earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face” (1 Thess. 3:10). The apostle John wrote, “I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete” (2 John 12). Notice the connection between getting face to face and joy. Technology is a great gift, but relational joy will only come to completion when we get face to face.
Why? Because we are not disembodied spirits; we are embodied human beings. We were made for the full experience of human communication. We were made to see the sincerity in our friend’s eyes, to feel the reassuring touch, to hear the unrestrained laugh. This fullness of friendship can only be experienced when we’re together.
One of the most practical steps to cultivate friendship is to simply step into the presence of a friend. And use technology not just to connect, but also to schedule times to get together.
2. Add Food to Friendship
Food is one of the greatest tools for strengthening relationships. Food is not just for continued existence; it provides a context for community. In many cultures, sharing a meal signifies friendship. Meals provide an opportunity to slow down, relax, and open up to one another.
When Jesus came, he didn’t just meet with people, he spent time with them around a table. “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!'” (Matt. 11:19). Jesus was not a glutton nor a drunkard, but the accusation stuck because of his reputation for spending so much time eating with people.
We each eat about twenty-one meals every week. Why not block off two of those—for example, breakfast on Tuesdays and lunch on Fridays—and invite a friend to join you? And then establish a weekly or every-other-week rhythm of grabbing coffee with someone.
3. Ask Lots of Questions
We honor friends when we ask them good questions about their lives. Comments about the weather are fine, but not if we neglect speaking about the climate of our souls.
Here are a few questions that help us drop below the surface, into the deeper waters of our souls: What are you encouraged about recently? What has been discouraging to you? How are things going at home (or at work, or at school)? What are you reading recently, and what has stood out to you from it? What are a few themes in your life, or a few things that are often on your mind these days?
4. Actually Listen
We also honor our friends when we listen to them. This is different than merely hearing their words and even different than understanding what they’re saying. This is also different than paying attention, but primarily waiting until you have an opportunity to speak again.
The listening that strengthens friendship is listening curiously. True friendship requires conversational give-and-take. Be curious, ask questions, and listen carefully.
5. Set a Tone of Encouragement
Our words often determine the health of our friendships. And not just specific words here and there, but the general tone that we set with our speech. And the cumulative force of our words affects our relationships. What tone do you set by what you say?
We strengthen friendships by saturating our speech with encouragement. Christians are called to speak “only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). Whenever a thought comes to your mind to affirm something about someone, do it without hesitating. Let them know why you respect them. Let them know you’re proud of them.
This kind of direct, look-your-friend-in-the-eye affirmation may seem awkward at first, especially for men. But over time we will find this kind of encouragement life-giving. As those who have heard God’s gracious acceptance of us in Christ, and as those who will hear a “well done” on the coming Day, we are called to generously give affirmation and encouragement to one another.
6. Turn Your Unique Circumstances into Opportunities to Connect
Maybe friendship was easier in a previous season of life. But now your job involves drive-time. Or your studies are demanding. Or you are raising young children. Or sports schedules keep your evenings and weekends unpredictable or full. How can you find time for friendship in this new season?
Here’s a plan: Identify what makes your season of life challenging, and ask how you can creatively turn that very obstacle into an opportunity for friendship. If your commute is long, ask if someone else would like to carpool with you one day each week. If you have to drive to a basketball practice or soccer game, invite someone to join you. Students, consider studying with others and take a couple five-minute breaks to talk. Parents with young children, schedule play-dates for your kids—walk together, go to the park together, have lunch together.
True friendship is worth every bit of effort we put into it because we were made for friendship—life on life and face to face friendship, the kind that endures through thick and thin. This kind of friendship provides the best context for helping one another grow as disciples of Jesus Christ together.
Drew Hunter (MA, Wheaton College) is the author of Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys. He is also the teaching pastor at Zionsville Fellowship in Zionsville, Indiana. He previously served as a minister for young adults at Grace Church of DuPage and taught religious studies at College of DuPage. Drew and his wife, Christina, live in Zionsville, Indiana, and have four children.
An Open Letter to Those Who Feel Unqualified to Offer Counsel
Dear believer, The body of Christ needs you. It needs your words and deeds. That is simply part of the deal when you follow Jesus. The apostle Paul wrote, “encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). You are already speaking encouraging words and building people up. Now keep doing it, more intentionally, more skillfully, more prayerfully—when a child scuffs her knee, when a friend is separated from a spouse, when depression strikes a person you know, or when someone has been diagnosed with cancer.
If you feel inadequate to help others in need, especially those with more complicated problems, that is a perfect qualification. The Lord specializes in using people who feel weak in themselves, and your sense of inadequacy will probably protect you from saying something unhelpful. We are usually unhelpful when we are confident that we know what another person needs to hear.
You already know the basics of help and encouragement. First, you have to move toward the other person, which is sometimes the hardest thing to do. You have to talk together and hear what is important to the person. Next, let the person know that you have them on your heart—you are with them and are moved by what they are going through. That might be enough for one day. You have built up the body of Christ.
If there are awkward silences or if you are inclined to go further, you can ask, “Could you suggest ways that I could pray for you?” If you are concerned that such a question could sound like a spiritual platitude, remember that it is only trite if you are not really interested or are not actually going to pray. If the person is on your heart and you are praying for them, you have given them a great gift.
Maybe the person will respond by talking more about his or her life. If so, listen, be affected by what the person has to say, and thank the person for being willing to talk. Then take what the person said and try to find some ways to pray. If you want to be bold and loving, pray then and there. Later, you will want to follow up.
Of course, there is more you can do. Ask your pastor about good books on suffering, and ask others what is most helpful to them when the problems of the day seem overwhelming. You can always grow in your love and words. Expertise is not what makes you an adequate helper; faith, love, and your desire to grow are sufficient.
Sincerely,
Ed
This article is by Ed Welch, author of Caring for One Another: 8 Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Relationships. The post first appeared on Crossway.org; used with permission.
Edward T. Welch (PhD, University of Utah) is a counselor and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. He has been counseling for more than 35 years and has written extensively on the topics of depression, fear, and addictions. His books include When People Are Big and God Is Small, Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away From Addiction, Running Scared: Fear, Worry and the God of Rest, Shame Interrupted, and Side by Side. He blogs regularly at CCEF.org.
5 Ways to Speak Life
I love to play golf. More than the game itself, I enjoy being out on the course, the fresh air, the exercise, and the conversation with friends. As kind of a duffer, one of the privileges I often enjoy on the course is the “mulligan,” a “do-over” used in informal games of golf when the score doesn’t matter and everyone is playing for fun. Each player is allowed one mulligan per round. I often take two or three.
In those common instances when I botch the first shot off the tee or slice the ball into a water hazard, I simply tee up the second ball and start over. The bad shot goes unnoticed and forgotten, failing to make its way onto the score sheet, and normal play resumes. The beauty of the mulligan is that it leaves no trace that something bad ever happened.
MULLIGAN DREAMS
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always play out like a round of golf. Most of us can think of times when we wish we had a do-over: a career mulligan; a marriage mulligan; a money mulligan. Sometimes these are simple regrets—“I wish I had stuck with piano lessons.” Others are more serious—“I wish I had gone to college,” or “I wish I’d been nicer to my parents.” A few are life-altering—“I wish I hadn’t rushed into marriage,” or “I wish I had called a cab instead of trying to drive.”
But some of our greatest and most common mulligan-dreams are centered around our words, which seem to escape from our mouths before they can be caught. These naked words are powerful realities, affecting far more than just our ears, even shaping our and minds and hearts. Hurtful and callous remarks, venomous and destructive critique, thoughtless and angry comments. Words like these have no return address.
The tongue can speak either life or death, and through it, we bring either healing or destruction into the world. The scriptures are serious about the power of our words, warning us to carefully and vigorously guard what comes out of our mouths (see Prov. 10:19, 13:3, 17:27-28, 18:21, 21:23, to name a few). Our use of words could well be the most crucial issue for our discipleship, and the most poignant indicator of our spiritual state. As Jesus said, “It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person” (Matt. 15:11), “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34).
PRACTICE SPEAKING LIFE
In golf, the best way to avoid the mulligan is through practice. The same is true with our mouths: we must intentionally practice not only being “slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19) but also speaking life-giving words. And there are certain types of speech that, when frequently practiced, naturally train both our mouths and our hearts to produce life instead of death. Here are five ways to speak life instead of death.
Praise
In order for words to bring life, they must be aligned with reality. Charles Wesley, the famous 18th-century hymn writer, bemoaned his limited physical capacity for praise: “O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise!” For the believer enamored with Jesus, a solitary tongue just isn’t enough. Even a thousand is too few to render God his due.
The greatest task for which human words can be employed is the heartfelt rendering of affectionate praise to God. Praise is not simply truth-speaking; it’s the passionate expression of a heart fully taken by its subject. Words of praise give life by shaping our hearts, minds, and mouths with truth of the highest order. We should devote time every day to using our God-created tongues to sing and speak words of adoration and worship to the Author of our salvation.
Gratitude
Paul commanded his readers to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:18). Words of thanks are an important part of life-giving speech and can be directed to both God and others. Gratitude trains us to see that life itself is a gift, and for this reason, we are all recipients of constant grace.
Practice saying out loud those things you’re grateful for. Tell God you’re thankful for his Son who endured the cross on your behalf. Tell a friend how grateful you are for what God is showing you in this season of life. Giving thanks in all circumstances starts with giving thanks in one circumstance—and you can start today.
Prayer
Like praise and thanksgiving—two forms of prayer—prayer gains its beauty, character, and dignity from the One to whom it is addressed. As conversation with God, prayer begins with an open ear and is, by nature, responsive. Theologian Eugene Peterson calls prayer “answering speech,” noting that God always gets the first word—through his Word—making prayer a verbal response to divine initiative.
Our prayer life—our speech-life with God—should guide, direct, and shape our speech-life with others. As we think about how to speak to others in God-honoring, Spirit-directed ways, a good starting place is to speak about the other person to God and allow God to speak to us about them. In essence, we are praying for others, but we are also enabling our prayer life to shape our conversational and relational life with others. As you do so, you may be surprised by how much prayer shapes your thoughts, moods, and conversations.
Confession
Confession is truth-telling. It is, like scientifically precise language, meant to be an accurate description of the world (in this case, your own soul) as it really is—or at least as you experience it to be. Words of confession help us find where we really are in the world. Confessions are compass-like words that recalibrate our souls to the reality of our own brokenness and the astonishing grace of the gospel.
We are afforded no mulligans in our speech. Instead, we are given the much better gift of confession and the forgiveness that accompanies it. Go to the Father and confess the sins of your mouth, and taste the forgiveness that’s sweeter than any do-over.
Encouragement
Who doesn’t like to be encouraged? Encouragement is a generous use of speech that freely bestows affirmation, solace, peace, comfort, thanksgiving, praise, and appreciation to others. It costs very little, yet breathes an immense amount of life into the weary and beaten down souls around us.
Encourage someone today—a neighbor, a family member, a friend, a co-worker, a stranger, an enemy. Use your words to speak peace into their life. Make it your goal for everyone you talk with to leave feeling better than when they came to you.
CONCLUSION
Jesus was clear that our words matter. “I tell you,” he said, “on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:36-37).
We don’t get any do-overs with our speech, but we do have access to forgiveness and grace when we misspeak. Perhaps more than anything, we have the ability to counteract thoughtless, careless, violent, and destructive speech with words that build up, care for, love, and give life.
Let’s be people whose words are a wellspring of life in a world filled with words that too often produce death.
Mike Phay serves as Lead Pastor at FBC Prineville (Oregon) and as a Staff Writer at Gospel-Centered Discipleship. He has been married to Keri for over 20 years, and they have five amazing kids. You can follow him on Twitter (@mikephay) or check out his blog.
Simplicity for the Sake of the Gospel
Simplicity. It’s one of our obsessions. Now that magazines, consultants, and television shows all have our attention, we’re eager to learn how to pare down to what really matters.
We feel glutted—overstuffed on overabundance. We are sick of our calendars and Amazon shopping carts being jammed full with far more than we need. Maybe less is more, we think.
A decluttered entryway. Leisurely evenings. A reduced pace of life. We’re searching for the simple life.
But to what end? What is it we’re after? What will fill the void created by our new, simple lives?
‘JUST BE THERE. THEY WILL COME.’
When my husband and I sensed God calling us to plant a church in our new neighborhood, the man we consider our spiritual father had some wise words for us.
“Do not get busy,” he said. “If you want to minister to your neighbors and your community, you need to be home. Don’t make a bunch of commitments. Just be there. They will come.”
I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t imagine our new neighbors stopping by and coming in for a while. And for months, they didn’t. For months our house was pretty quiet. Except for the occasional hello at the end of the driveway, we didn’t really know anyone.
Then spring came. We all emerged from our houses into the sunshine. Chats in the cul-de-sac turned into casual meals. Long talks at the mailbox rolled into afternoons on the front lawn. We threw a block party and invited all the houses up and down the street. Most of them came and stayed late.
From those informal moments grew regular gatherings, coffee, book club, frequent backyard cookouts. Our daughters became everyone’s pet sitters and babysitters. As we welcomed others in, they welcomed us into their foyers, kitchens, and lives.
Our mentor was right: we were just there, and they came.
SIMPLICITY GIVES BIRTH TO COMMUNITY
We carried this conviction to just be there into our church plant. Along with a handful of like-minded families, we wondered if God was asking us to start something simple—a community that loves Jesus, believes in the power of the gospel, and wants to just be there for our neighbors—and for whatever the Lord might want to do among them.
Church met in our living room on Friday nights. Kids spilled out into the front yard and the cul-de-sac. Cars lined the streets. Our patio was packed with people. Neighbors asked, “What are you doing in there?”
“Church!” we said. “You wanna come?”
Some did.
We were just there, and they came.
CREATED FOR COMMUNITY
We instinctively know it is not good for us to be alone (Gen. 2:18). We were created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26) who himself lives in the intimate community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We long for—and need—deep relationships with those who are near.
Like many neighborhoods in the United States, mine is host to an array of activities, more than we could ever do in one lifetime. We have plenty to keep us busy: PTA meetings, trips to the gym, music recitals, and tennis matches, all of which are easy to attend without actually connecting with another person.
We tend to be physically present, but relationally absent. Our overstuffed schedules keep us moving at a pace that prohibits more than a reflexive wave or nod of the head. We long for more, but the buffet of options vying for our time makes it tough to connect.
And so, when someone is just there—when someone holds still and makes time to linger—we’re moved. We’re drawn in. We want more.
LOVED BY THE GOD WHO IS THERE
We’re attracted to Immanuel—God with us. We love, and feel loved by, the God who is there. He knows this; he made us this way. Throughout time, he has reminded us he is there.
- When Joshua took over leadership of Israel from Moses, God said to him, “Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you … do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:5, 9).
- Though the prophet Isaiah God comforted Israel, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Is. 41:10).
- In oft-repeated Psalm 23, David said to the Lord, “I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Ps. 23:4).
- Jesus’ very last words to his disciples before ascending into heaven were, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20).
- God has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).
When we are just there, we reflect our Savior, who moved from heaven to earth to be with us (Phil. 2:5-11). By simply being there, we can be like Jesus, who gave up his throne in heaven to be with us. It’s a ministry of presence and, in this frenetic world, it’s a holy calling.
SIMPLICITY FOR THE SAKE OF THE GOSPEL
We Christ-followers don’t seek and offer simplicity for the same reason as magazines, HGTV, or Marie Kondo. We’re not offering up a Zen lifestyle or more time to perfect our hobbies. We pursue simplicity for the sake of the gospel. In offering our presence, we offer God’s presence to others.
Just being there is one of the best gifts we can give our neighbors who don’t yet know the intimacy and unconditional love of Jesus Christ. We are God’s temple and God dwells in us (1 Cor. 3:16). When we sit in the rocking chairs on our front porch with our neighbors, so does Jesus. When we spend enough time talking on the driveway and earn the privilege to hear of our neighbor’s cancer diagnosis, Jesus is there.
And just being there is one of the best gifts we can give to our brothers and sisters in Christ, too. A simple pace of life is an act of ministry in our church. Just being there—avoiding the temptation to fill our evenings with commitments, disciplining ourselves to be free and available to our church family—is ministry.
We isolate ourselves when we pursue a frenetic pace of life. We kill community by glutting ourselves on all the activities culture has to offer—both with the unbeliever and the believer in Christ. When we are too busy to gather, we lose something of the dynamic nature the God who is there.
A simple life, a simple schedule creates space for relationships, intimacy, and community. To just be there is to reflect our Savior to the lost and the found. When we are there, Jesus is there.
The world is on to something in its pursuit of the simple life. We all know there’s more to this life. May we, the church, excel in paring down and seeking the simple life. May we declutter our schedules and make space for one another. May we fill the void left by simplicity with community. May our simple lives bring God glory and loves to our neighbors. And may that community be one that lifts high the name of Jesus.
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
'I Don't Know How You Do It': God's Grace for Foster Parents
As I stood there watching him sleep, I was reminded of the terrible reality that there are 430,000 children just like him in foster care across our country—and not nearly enough families to take them in. I had tiptoed into the room so I wouldn't wake him. Laying on a mattress wrapped in his red 'blankey' was a napping three-year-old little boy. While typically an explosion of energy, loudly bouncing around from one toy to the next, he lay there asleep and looked so peaceful.
We had received a call from Child Protective Services (CPS) a few days before saying there was a child in need of a temporary home. We accepted, and it wasn't long before a blue-eyed boy with long reddish-brown hair entered our lives.
'I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT'
Fostering is hard. A child comes into our home, alters the norm of our everyday lives for a number of weeks or months, and then by government order leaves as quickly as he or she came. Many find it difficult that we regularly let children we've grown attached to go back home, usually never to see them again. People often say to us, "I just don't know how you do it." That bewildered statement implies that we have some special gift or ability that others don't have, but the truth is, we don’t.
Foster care is hard at every level. It's hard when you first get a child. When a worker brings by a snoozing child at 3 a.m., your family is forced to make quick adjustments. Numerous scheduling changes have to be made. It might mean pulling the spare bed out of the attic, or it might mean running to the store for diapers and wipes.
And yes, it's hard when you've grown close to a child and they return to their family. Reunification is always the goal, so we rejoice when it happens, but that doesn’t make it easy. The last child was a part of our family for nearly a year. We celebrated her first birthday. We watched her take her first steps and heard her first words. Then one day the court decided it was time for her to go home, and just like that, she was gone.
GIVING US MORE THAN WE CAN BEAR
The challenges of foster care from beginning to end are often more than we can bear. It’s a struggle to incorporate another child into our family dynamic. The behavioral issues are frustrating and overwhelming at times. Juggling home inspections, doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and visitations can quickly zap our strength. It’s heart-wrenching to hear a child crying in the middle of the night, “My mommy doesn’t love me anymore!” while trying to convince her that’s not the case. We become well acquainted with our own weaknesses when we face these burdens.
On one occasion, I was exhausted and just about at the end of my rope. Already wondering if I was in over my head, I walked into our foster child’s room (who was supposed to be sleeping) and he had destroyed the room. I’m typically not a crier, but I wanted to weep at that moment. As I cleaned up the mess, I uttered to the Lord, “God, we need your help.” At that moment, I was reminded of my own helplessness and weakness.
But in our weakness, we are reminded that Christ is strong (2 Cor. 12:10). The Alpha and Omega never sleeps or slumbers (Psalm 121:4). He sees every tear shed and frustration expressed. By his power, not only did he speak everything into existence, but he continues to hold all of creation together by the power of his word (Col. 1:16-17). He is the one who sends forth the lightning and provides for the ravens. At his command the eagle mounts up, and he measures all the waters of the earth in the hollow of his hand. The nations are like a drop in a bucket to him, he stretches out the heavens like a curtain. He calls the stars by name, and because of his strength, not a single one goes missing (Job 38-40; Isaiah 40:9-31).
I’m not strong enough to face the challenges that come with foster care, but he certainly is. The great promise for the believer is that this powerful God will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut. 31:6; Heb. 13:5). We live moment by moment, depending on him and trusting that he will give us the exact amount of grace needed for each trying time.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT
I trust that the Lord, in his sovereignty, brings these children to our home. He sees every child’s unique situation and struggles. It's easy to doubt this, though. In spite of the teaching of the popular cliché, the Lord will give more than we can handle at times. He is gracious to take us to the end of our strength so we that we learn to rely on his. Without his grace, we couldn’t do it. We couldn’t handle another heart-breaking "good-bye." We couldn’t survive another long day filled with the challenges of foster care. Thankfully though, in those moments, his grace proves to be enough.
The staggering number of children in foster care can make us feel powerless. We often want to bring massive change all at once, but the Lord doesn't always work that way. While I wish I could help all the children in foster care, I simply can't.
But as I stood in my room that day watching that little boy sleep peacefully with his red blanket, I realized that even though we can't bring mass change, perhaps the Lord can use us to make a massive change in his life. We can't help all 430,000, but we can help this one.
That’s why we foster—to overwhelm the life of one child with the love of Christ for as many days as we get to share with him.
A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
Scripture reminds us often of the Lord's heart for the vulnerable and oppressed, especially orphans (James 1:27). His heart breaks for the 430,000. And as God's people, ours should too. We should be the most willing to die to our comforts, our dreams, and our convenience for the sake of the vulnerable and orphaned.
I recognize not everyone can take a child in, but we can all serve foster children in some way. There are ministries that provide creative ways for anyone to contribute by ministering to foster families and CPS workers. Some help collect needed items (clothes, car seats, etc.) that foster families can use, or help provide “parent’s night out,” where they offer childcare. Others adopt CPS workers and try to minister to them through encouraging notes and gifts. There may not be a ministry like this in your community, and if so, there's an opportunity to start one through your local church.
It’s not easy, but the Lord’s grace is sufficient. His strength is perfect to overcome every frustration and obstacle in foster care.
In our short time of fostering, we've cared for babies with meth in their system; we've had children from homes where they were left to live in their own feces; we’ve received precious children that bear the image of God, from dysfunctional and broken homes.
When you engage in foster care, you get a front-row view of the depravity of man. You get a glimpse into the darkness. But it's in the darkest places that the church's light can shine the brightest.
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX since 2013. He is married to Jenny and they have three children and are actively involved in foster care. He is in the dissertation stage of a Ph.D. in Systematic Theology. You can follow James Twitter or his blog where he writes regularly.
Why Gospel-Centered Community is Key to Reaching Millennials
In March 2017, PBS NewsHour interviewed Casper ter Kuile, an irreligious researcher from Harvard Divinity School about how Millennials are interested in spiritual matters, but not in traditional religious community settings. Casper says that Millennials are disregarding traditional religious congregations because they “don’t appeal to him,” and that he’s not alone—a high percentage of Millennials are doing the same. Casper says that he has found “countless examples” of Millennials finding new ways to create community that fulfill the same functions a religious community has, but without the religion. Some examples he lists are CrossFit, Afro Flow Yoga, and simply sharing a meal together. He says, “You may dismiss these communities as simple entertainment, but we’re convinced that this is the new face of religious life in America.” Casper’s right. His equation of a local church and CrossFit or yoga is unfortunate and inaccurate from our evangelical perspective, but in the eyes of many Millennials, finding community in a Sunday morning “Afro Flow Yoga” class is not really all that different from finding community in a local evangelical church—in fact, from their perspective, it’s better because their yoga friends don’t judge people like they believe a local evangelical church or other religious community would.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMMUNITY AND GOSPEL-CENTERED COMMUNITY
For many Millennials, community alone, even if that community is built upon the superficial foundations of workouts or meals, is what provides the transcendent experience their souls so desperately seek.
For many Millennials, the community is the end in itself. The feeling of “belonging to something greater” is simply derived from hanging out with more than one person. “Greater” is almost used as a quantitative term, not a qualitative one. Even at it’s best, non-Christian Millennial community does community service work that might be “something greater” but is ultimately temporary.
For Christians, community is not the end itself. The feeling of “belonging to something greater” is actually derived from belonging to something greater, something better, something eternal. Unfortunately, what irreligious Millennials do not understand is that communities built around yoga mats or dinner tables cannot parallel Christian communities because, while they may look similar, their foundations are different—their reasons for meeting are different.
The foundation for an irreligious Millennial community is the shared interests in food or workout regimen. The foundation of an evangelical Millennial community is the gospel of Jesus Christ, and this community simply works itself out around dinner tables or church buildings. Millennials have their problems, and it’s fair to call them out on those. But when it comes to how they want to do church, Millennials’ preferences align with much of what we see in the New Testament. Just two examples are Acts 2 and Galatians 6. In both chapters, the local church functions more like a loving family than a rigid institution. Acts 2 shows us what it looks like when a church is drawn to repentance and generous giving so that the church might be unified in its pursuit of Jesus. Galatians 6 encourages Christians to bear one another’s burdens and to persist in doing good for the benefit of those who are in the faith.
So what does gospel-centered community look like? Gospel-centered community is built on the gospel (duh), but the gospel is a complex reality that has multiple facets and countless implications.
2 FOUNDATIONS OF GOSPEL-CENTERED COMMUNITY
First, gospel-centered community is built on sacrifice. The heart of the gospel is sacrifice. The good news is that Christ gave himself up for the sins of the world. Jesus Christ lived the perfect life we can’t live and died the horrible death we should have died so that, by his sacrifice, we can live with God forever. What does this sacrifice look in our church community, though? Does it mean we should be giving our lives for people? Possibly, but obviously that’s not very common.
Gospel-centered community requires us to sacrifice our time, our money, our emotions, our homes, our hobbies, and a host of other things we might rather keep to ourselves.
Gospel-centered community looks like sacrificing your time on a Saturday to help someone in your small group move, taking up money to help pay for a car for a single mother in the church, or hosting a missionary on furlough for a couple of months. All of this sounds uncomfortable, and that’s because gospel-centered community does not make comfort a high priority. Gospel-centered community, being built on the gospel, is characterized by the sacrificial love that members of the community have for one another, not by the toleration of selfishly maintaining personal comfort.
Gospel-centered community is not natural for many of us because our sinful hearts prevent us from wanting to care about others more than ourselves. We must rely on the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit to empower us to maintain the selfless, sacrificial love for others that gospel-centered community requires. This is no easy feat, and it requires much prayer.
Second, gospel-centered community is built on unconditional love. Next to sacrifice, nothing is more central to the gospel than love. Really, they are quite related. The unconditional love of God is what ultimately led him to sacrifice his Son to pay for the sins of the world. This love is unconditional because it is not based upon who we are or what we do. In the same way, as we think about gospel-centered community and what it might look like in our churches, gospel-centered community does not love conditionally. Our love for those in our church or in our small group must not be based upon what others can do for us. Our love for those in our church or small group must be based upon what Christ has done for us and for them. This sort of unconditional love means we cannot be content with each other discovering our “own truth” or doing whatever we think may be right. This sort of unconditional love requires us to spur one another on to holiness (Hebrews 10:24). We must love one another so deeply that we grieve when we see a brother or sister in Christ run astray the gospel.
It’s pretty clear how we show this love to others: we love people no matter who they are or how they might be different from us. Furthermore, unconditional love must withstand disputes and fights within the church community. The church is made up of a bunch of sinners, and the sin that involuntarily oozes out of our mouths and our hands will inevitably burn others like a sort of radioactive acid. When such filth and pain accompanies Christian community, the temptation is to bail on the local church. We must not do this.
Christ died on the cross for the people spitting at him and the people praying for him. We ought to love our community enough to endure the sins of the community. Christ loved us enough to save us from our sin by dying on a cross constructed in sin. We ought to love each other enough to forgive and love as he has.
If we are to benefit from the sacrificial love of gospel-centered community, we must also love sacrificially for the sake of our community. This can be burdensome. Sacrificial love is rarely easy—after all, it is sacrificial. But, by the grace of God, sacrificial love brings joy in its wake. Loving others as Christ has loved us is a worshipful, God-glorifying experience.
Chris Martin was born in Fort Wayne, Indiana. He earned his undergraduate degree in Biblical Literature from Taylor University in 2013 and his Master of Divinity degree from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in 2017. He started blogging when he was in the eighth grade and he continues to write online through various outlets today. He works at LifeWay Christian Resources in Nashville, TN and lives outside Nashville with his wife, Susie, and their dog, Rizzo.
Is Hospitality Your Mentality?
Our house was always open. People were always in and out. Chunks of concrete from our tropical storm-ravaged roof were always falling. We were young. We had children and were adopting another. It was hot. Large bugs and even larger lizards lived right alongside us. Among those insects and reptiles, we were learning how to make disciples.
It was chaos. It was sacred.
MILITARY MISSION
When I was twenty-five, my husband and I packed up our six-month-old baby girl and two 50-pound suitcases and moved to Okinawa, Japan. We went as missionaries to the American military stationed there.
Our job was to live in a large home right outside the base and welcome in-service members and their families for meals, holidays, game nights, and Bible studies.
Every Friday, a handful of military wives and I cooked dinner for a hundred and my husband preached. The Holy Spirit moved. People got saved. Marriages were mended. Men and women walked with Jesus like they never had before.
BIG, EMPTY HOMES
We moved back to the States two years ago. People in our neighborhood come home at night and pull into their garage, close the door, and disappear inside. Many of us see our homes as our refuge; our oasis; our fortress of solitude.
Rather than opening and sharing our homes, the current American Dream is that each family member has his or her own room, their own screen, and their own bathroom. The typical American home built in the 1950s was 1,700 square feet, while in 2017 it was 2,600 square feet. Our homes are larger and nicer—but there is less life within.
We know this solitary way of living isn’t good for us. Research[1] shows that my own hometown of Denver is among the loneliest places to live. People are moving here in droves—by the hundreds of thousands every year. Transplants want the outdoor lifestyle, the great weather, the young and active population, the hip places to eat, work, and play.
But they get here, move into their homes, and find not a place of belonging, but of loneliness. My trendy city is one of the loneliest places in America; Denver residents report feeling relationally empty and lacking purpose.
MADE FOR COMMUNITY, CALLED TO HOSPITALITY
This is not the way it's supposed to be. God created us for community. His grand plan since the first days of creation was that we humans would commune with him and with one another. The Lord made a home in the Garden of Eden—a place of hospitality, where his people could gather and be satisfied. When Adam was alone, God said it wasn’t good (Gen. 2:18). He made Eve and told the new couple to multiply and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28).
Throughout the Old and New Testaments, we see the Lord calling his people to welcome in the foreigner, the stranger, the neighbor, the brother and sister in Christ (Lev. 19:34; Deut. 10:19; Matt. 25:34-36; Mark 12:31; Heb. 13:2). Our God is a welcomer. Loneliness is not his will—it’s not his nature. Christ-followers have been commanded to gather in their homes to share meals and conversation. When we welcome others into our homes for a meal, we are modeling what life was like when our God welcomed us into his dwelling and we ate and were satisfied, communing together with one another.
Paul says, “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). Peter says to do so without grumbling (1 Pet. 4:9). The church models its welcoming Lord by being hospitable. Hospitality is of such importance that church elders “must be hospitable” (Titus 1:8). God lays upon church leaders the need to live open-handedly with their homes and resources.
We’re all called to do it, so why don’t we?
We think our house isn’t big enough, our kids are too crazy, we don’t know how to cook, people don’t do that anymore; it’s weird, they’ll think we’re selling something. Or maybe we think it sounds too simple. We’re looking for a professional way of doing hospitality; for the latest three-point strategy to love our neighbors and get them saved.
But all of this misses the point.
SHARING THE GOSPEL—AND OUR LIVES
Back in Okinawa, the missionary who lived in the “Hospitality House“ before us hand-painted a sign that hung in the main gathering space. The sign read, “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thess. 2:8, NIV).
Sharing the gospel results in sharing life. The gospel compels us to love our Lord so much that we can’t help but see others the way he does. And if we love others, we’ll share not only our faith with them—but our lives as well.
May it not be said of us who live in big, empty homes that we don’t love enough! May it not be said of us who dwell in solitary apartments that we don’t actually believe God when he says hospitality is important! May it not be said of any of us that we don’t resemble Jesus in the way we use our home.
Jesus—“who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men” (Phil. 2:6-7)—is the ultimate welcomer, the preeminent host who left heaven, walked with us, and invited us to sit at the table with his Father. It was Jesus the Thessalonians were emulating when they shared the gospel and their lives. It was Jesus who loved us so much that he was delighted to share with us not only the gospel of God, but also his life and death and resurrection!
As Christ followers, may we be like Jesus. May we be like the Thessalonians. May we love those around us so much that we share not only the gospel of God, but our lives—including our homes—as well. May we lay down our lives, lay down our personal space, lay down our homes, lay down our kids‘ playroom, lay down our quiet nights on the couch, and invite others inside.
HOSPITALITY WORKS
There is power in hospitality. It works. My heart fills with joy when I think of the many young men who ate dinner with us, who were drawn to Christ through us, who couldn’t resist the powerful grace of him who sent us. My inbox is filled daily with updates from women who once were lost, but now are found because of time spent around our dinner table; women whose marriages were ravaged but are now whole; women who pondered abortion but then chose life; women who had walked without Jesus for years but are now raising their kids in him!
If hospitality works on a far-off island in a crumbling concrete home, amongst lizards and young adults who don’t really know how to cook yet, I assure you God will work through hospitality right where you live.
Who lives on your street or in your building or in your dorm that would be blessed by an invitation for coffee-and-donuts at your table this Saturday morning? Who could you share lunch with at work? Is there a family your kid plays soccer with that might enjoy hot dogs on your grill after practice? How about asking that new single at church to lunch this Sunday?
Hospitality isn’t flashy. People can be loved well in the ordinary chaos of life. It simply requires laying down your life and inviting others in. It’s what Jesus did, and it’s what he’s asking—and empowering—us to do, right where we live.
[1] https://www.denverite.com/denver-metro-ranked-last-colorado-well-way-behind-boulder-31344/
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
Do You Love Your Friends Enough to Hurt Them?
Most of us know the popular slogan "Friends don't let friends drive drunk." It's a simple phrase that's been around since the early 80s.
With just a few words, the phrase carries much meaning. The subject, "friends," shows that we’re talking about people who care. What do these friends do? They don't let their friends drive drunk. Why would they step in to stop this behavior? Is it because they're hateful and arrogant? Is it because they're judgmental people who need to mind their own business? Are they controlling people who want everyone to act like them? No.
True friends stop their friends because driving drunk can be destructive and life-ending. A friend who truly cares will do what they can to stop this from happening.
When we think of using our words in our friendships with believers, we often think of Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." What are words that build up? Does that mean we only speak "positive" words? Does that mean we only say things that will be well received and make the person feel good?
Tucked away in the midst of many wise sayings, Proverbs 27:5-6 gives us some insight: "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy."
OPEN REBUKE IS BETTER THAN HIDDEN LOVE
In our culture, someone who speaks against a person's behavior is seen as hateful, while the one who keeps his words to himself is praised as a loving person. Unfortunately, this understanding has crept into the church as well. Our individualism has set up walls that even our Christian friends dare not cross.
Asking someone how their job is going is acceptable, even praiseworthy. But asking someone about a sin in their life is considered "crossing the line," and the solution is to "mind your own business."
God's Word teaches that open rebuke is better than hidden love, though. James 5:29 states, "Let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." We are told in the first verse of Galatians 6: "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness."
Admonishing others is difficult, and we can easily talk ourselves out of doing it. We tell ourselves that it won't work or that what they are doing is "not that bad." At times, we're guilty of underestimating the destructive power of sin.
The Destructiveness of Sin
Sin is a destructive cancer. It kills and destroys. It takes good relationships and tears them apart. It takes peaceful situations and makes them divisive and chaotic. It takes individuals made in the image of God and leads them down a path of everlasting destruction.
If we don't understand the destructiveness of sin, we'll never see the need to lovingly rebuke our friends. If we think they are just "choosing a different path," we might keep quiet, but if we see they are on a path to destruction, perhaps that will motivate us to speak up. Someone who doesn't believe drunk driving is that dangerous might let their friend do it, but someone who recognizes the danger will try to stop them at all costs.
As believers, if we don’t see the destructive nature of sin, we might not speak words of truth our friend needs to hear.
Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend
Nobody likes to be called out. It doesn't feel good; it wounds. Scripture doesn't shy away from this reality or try to sugar-coat it. This is why many interpret correction as harmful or hateful. But, if done in love with the goal of repentance and healing, it can be a most loving act. Wounds from a friend can be trusted.
Proverbs warns us against rebuking everybody (Prov. 9:8), but true friends are a means of grace the Lord uses to bless, encourage, and even rebuke us. True friends are those who are willing to wound us in order to help us see our sin and point us to Christ.
I’ll never forget receiving a call from a church member who was broken-hearted after finding out his wife was having an affair. As a twenty-two-year-old pastor, I had no prior experience handling such a situation. It would have been much easier to step back and do nothing. However, by the Lord’s grace, that’s not what happened. We set up a meeting with the wife, told her we loved her, and reminded her of the mercy and grace of the gospel of Christ. Though she already knew, we told her that she was in sin and needed to confess and repent before the Lord.
These types of meeting don’t always go well, but in this case, the Spirit worked powerfully. She was convicted of her sin and immediately took the proper steps toward repentance with many sisters in Christ at her side, and her marriage was restored!
I’ve also been on the receiving end of such rebuke. While blinded to my own sin, I’ve had brothers in Christ hold me accountable and love me enough to confront me. While I didn’t like it at the time, I look back and am grateful to God for their boldness and love toward me.
True Friends Love Enough to Wound
Since most of us don't like confrontation, having to speak out at the risk of being rejected or losing a friend makes it even more horrifying. So, what would possess us to do something we hate when there's so much to lose?
Love.
If my friend is in sin, and I truly believe that their sin is destroying them, stealing their joy, and robbing God of his glory, then I am willing to face my fears of rejection and awkward conversation to address this issue.
To lay down our preferences for the good of others is love . . . and only those who are truly our friends are willing to do it.
If we are going to have a culture of speaking truth to one another in this way, then we must be willing and ready to receive it. Since we're all sinners, there will come a time where we are the ones in sin. If our friends confront us, it will hurt, but we must be willing to trust the wounding of our friends. We may not agree or understand at first, but we must fight to be receptive and willing to learn. Being defensive and attacking does not encourage a culture of openness with our friends.
PROFUSE ARE THE KISSES OF AN ENEMY
True friends love us enough to wound us, but what do our enemies do? They flatter us.
They tell us what we want to hear and make us feel good about it. They aren't concerned about our good and they will only speak with their best interests in mind. They know well the old adage “flattery will get you everywhere,” and they use it to their advantage. In the Old Testament, we read about false prophets who told the king the message he wanted to hear (2 Chron. 18:4-7). The New Testament also warns us to beware such people: “For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naïve” (Rom.16:18).
It's easy to understand how we can get confused as to who our true friends are. It's counterintuitive to say the one who wounds might be the true friend while the one who flatters could be the enemy.
THE GREATEST FRIEND
Friendships are a gift from the Lord and a means of grace, but there is one friend who truly sticks closer than a brother. Jesus, the lover of our soul, knows exactly what we need. He willingly laid down his life for our sin, thus showing there’s nothing he won’t spare for his children. He's able to provide encouragement at just the right time, and he loves us enough to wound us when we need to be rebuked. We know that the Lord disciplines those whom he loves (Heb. 12), and this is done out of care and concern for our soul to train us in righteousness, thus, we can trust him.
Sometimes, he might provide a needed correction through the words of a faithful friend who's willing to speak the truth. Other times, he might be doing that very thing through us in the life of someone else.
Are we willing to be used by the Lord this way? We speak often of encouraging one another, but are we just as willing to be used when "building up" our brother or sister means giving a loving rebuke?
For the good of our friends and the glory of God, let us be willing to encourage and admonish one another with our words. As one commentator has said, "Flattery kisses and slays; friendship wounds and saves."
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17).
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX for four years. He is married to Jenny and they currently have four children in their home (three biological, one in foster care). He is in the dissertation stage of a PhD in Systematic Theology. You can follow James on Twitter or his church’s blog where he writes regularly.
Rhythms of Life-Giving Groups: Word and Prayer
When Jesus spoke, people listened. He didn’t come to put an end to the Old Testament law but instead to “fulfill” it—to bring it to completion and fullness by rooting God’s ways in the hearts of God’s people. In our community groups, we can encourage one another in a number of spiritual rhythms—Bible study, confession, prayer, and so on. But how might our small groups actually learn together how to meditate on God’s Word?
THE RHYTHM OF SCRIPTURE
Our community groups can go beyond increasing knowledge to actually cultivate and practice devotional Scripture reading together. Devotional Scripture reading, or biblical meditation, has often been described as a middle road between reading and prayer: Our minds are engaged in God’s Word, yet our words come directly from our heart and are expressed to our Father in prayer. This is a reading for the purpose of increased fellowship with God together.
Learning to Meditate Together
For centuries biblical meditation has been practiced both individually and communally, and we can restore this practice in our small groups today. The church fathers spoke of “descending with the mind into the heart”—a helpful phrase describing biblical meditation. Meditation engages the mind by focusing it on God’s Word. In the midst of a thousand concerns and thoughts, it directs our minds to stillness on God’s Word in his presence. Like a centripetal force, meditating on Scripture slowly pulls us inward toward the center of communion with God.
The best place to begin Scripture meditation, whether individually or in a group, is with the Book of Psalms. We must remember the Psalms were written for congregational use; they were penned to be read aloud, sung aloud, and prayed aloud with others. As Eugene Peterson once noted, just as a farmer uses tools to cultivate the ground and produce crops, so we can use our prayers to stir up our hearts and become more like Christ.
In other words, if our prayers are tools, the Psalms are our toolbox. God has given us 150 rich, impassioned songs and prayers for our devotional life. Unlike any other genre of the Scriptures, the psalms enable us to express ourselves, understand our own hearts, find perspective for our circumstances, give language to our emotions, and pray God’s Word back to him.
In our group prayer, we can pray the psalms to our Father in a powerful way—together, we can descend with our minds into our hearts.
Here are two recommendations for making the most of these prayers.
First Reading: Content and Meaning
Gather your group and introduce the topic of biblical meditation. Before beginning your reading and prayer time, ask the Lord to bless your time of reflection together.
In this first reading, read the psalm aloud. Since it was written to be read (or sung) aloud, there’s likely a natural rhythm and flow to it. The first time through, get a feel for the psalm’s content and pause for a moment whenever you see the word Selah. After the first reading, take about five minutes to ask basic questions about the psalm’s content and meaning. What was the psalm’s original context? Was the psalmist primarily writing a private prayer or a congregational song? How would you put the message of the psalm into your own words?
Second Reading: Application and Meditation
Remind one another that the goal of devotional reading is increased fellowship with God, not merely understanding the psalm. With a basic understanding of the psalm’s content and meaning, now read the psalm aloud again, this time more slowly and with longer pauses. As one person reads the psalm, the rest of the group can follow along in their Bibles or simply close their eyes and listen. The goal is to personally absorb the psalmist’s prayer as much as possible. When you reach a Selah, pause for a few moments and reflect silently on the previous stanza.
After this second reading, take twenty to thirty minutes to discuss the psalm’s movements in a more personal way. How do you resonate with the psalmist’s cries for help? Where do you see yourself similarly in need of God? What aspects of your life are driving you to seek refuge in the Father?
THE RHYTHM OF PRAYER
Descending Into the Heart
After your discussion time, close with prayer together. A great exercise for our prayer lives is to learn to reword and then pray the psalm aloud. Take turns doing this, putting the most significant or applicable part of the psalm into your own words and praying it to our Father. Use the language of the psalm and add your own requests, praise, and prayer for others. (This exercise will be awkward the first time or two, but don’t get discouraged.)
In our groups, we have found new life in this historic pattern. Slow, meditative reading of Scripture, heart-level discussion and application, and deep personal prayer have drawn us closer to God and to one another. Groups can practice this kind of Bible-based prayer with visitors and non-Christians present, so long as it’s explained well. We’ve found that outsiders expect us to be doing spiritual things, and are refreshed by a group of people who long to be more deeply connected to God’s presence.
Prayer Together
Of course, prayer in community group doesn’t always feel this majestic. In most community groups I’ve been a part of or led, prayer has become just a way of listing others’ needs out loud to God. We try hard to summarize Frank’s work situation, try not to be condescending as we pray for Jim and Amy’s struggling marriage, and make sure we “lift up” Sue’s second cousin’s knee soreness. My goodness, this doesn’t feel significant at all.
So, why is praying together important as a community group?
Think back to Jesus’s life and ministry again. In his famous teaching on prayer in Matthew 6:5-15, it’s important to note that the Lord’s Prayer seems to be instructing us in a prayer that we could offer together: “Our Father… Give us… Forgive us… Lead us…” Prayer certainly can and should be practiced in private, but it’s instructive that the pattern our Lord gives us in his most famous prayer is a shared prayer.
In the same way, our heavenly Father wants us to come to him together with our needs and problems. Following the pattern of the Lord’s Prayer, we have the opportunity to pray for each other’s needs and so intercede on their behalf. As we pray for others in their presence, they feel God’s love and presence. Similarly, we can pray boldly together for God to advance his kingdom and then live that prayer by faith together.
Think about it: Where did you learn how to pray? Probably from watching another person praying for you or around you. I learned prayer from my father around the dinner table, from my earliest community group leader when we blessed dinner, from my wife when our sons have been sick, from my pastors when we have gathered to plead with God for renewal in our midst.
Praying together is an essential aspect of community life and, along with the other rhythms and practices, it enables a life of growth in Christ.
Taken from Life-Giving Groups: "How-To" Grow Healthy, Multiplying Community Groups by Jeremy Linneman (Copyright 2017). Used with permission.
Jeremy Linneman is lead pastor of Trinity Community Church in Columbia, Missouri. He was previously a community pastor of Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, Kentucky for seven years. Jeremy's recent writing projects include Life-Giving Groups; How to Grow Healthy, Multiplying Community Groups and the Grace is Greater Small Group Kit. He and his wife, Jessie, have three sons and spend most of their free time outdoors.
What Coaching Soccer Taught Me About Leading Small Groups
When my oldest son decided to play soccer, I was a little nervous. I wanted to be involved in his life, but I grew up playing football. All I knew about soccer was that you couldn’t use your hands, and the weirder your hair, the better you probably were. When the county soccer league sent out an email to parents asking for volunteers to help coach, I felt more than underqualified. But I said yes because I wanted to meet a need and be involved. When I went to the first coaches meeting, I had a realization—small group leaders at church must feel the same way I do right now. Pastors and ministry leaders live in ministry 24/7, and it’s easy for us to forget what it feels like to step into leading ministry for the first time. We have a desire to see our churches multiply disciples, but it’s easy to forget the perspective of those we’ve asked to fulfill the mission. They’re scared, nervous, unsure what exactly they signed up for, or how they’re going to do it. They feel the same way I did in that coaches meeting—nervous, unsure, unqualified, wanting to meet a need but also wondering if they’re enough.
I left that meeting knowing more about coaching soccer, but I also left having learned about how to mature followers of Christ. Here are three lessons coaching youth soccer taught me about equipping small group leaders.
THEY NEED A CLEAR JOB DESCRIPTION
When I walked into that coaches meeting, I knew I would need to be at practice and show up to games, but that was about it. The Director of Coaching walked us through a very clear and well done packet that outlined what we were expected to do throughout the season. Everything from calling parents, getting cones, balls and nets, scheduling practice times, sample practice outlines, age appropriate expectations, drills and rules, etc. I knew what I was expected to do, and how they wanted me to do it.
Small group leaders need the same. What exactly do we want them to do? What is a win? If we want mature leaders, we need to put them in a position where they understand what they are supposed to be doing beyond a weekly list of questions to ask the people in their group.
Some leaders will have an expectation that they’re supposed to show up to group and preach a sermon or teach a lesson. Others will think their job as a group leader is to set out great snacks and provide a clean house. Others may see their group as an opportunity to promote their theological or political agenda. Still others may have absolutely no idea, but they are willing to show up and fill a need.
Small group leaders will not mature if they do not have a clear understanding of what you are asking them to do. There is no silver bullet job description to mature your small group leaders understanding of their mission, however. It will be largely dependent on your context, strategy, and philosophy of groups. If you don’t help your people to understand what you’re asking of them, they will drift into the assumptions they bring with them.
THEY NEED EFFECTIVE TRAINING
In the coaches meeting, I found out I could take a coaching certification course online through USA Soccer at my own pace and get an “f” license, and the program would pay for it. So I did. And I learned a ton! The video sessions were five to ten minutes long, easy to understand for a beginner, and came with a quiz afterwards. I moved from knowing that you can’t use your hands and off sides is bad, to understanding how USA Soccer believes soccer players develop. I learned skills to grow and mature players, drills and exercises to employ at practice, and how I could avoid harmful mistakes.
The soccer program invested in formal training for their coaches. It made me exponentially better at developing my team because I had high level, professional training. Churches can talk about training and developing leaders, but if we do not make training effective, accessible, and attractive, we won’t see it bear any fruit. They gave us a coaches meeting, but also provided engaging and accessible on-going development opportunities.
I was learning and growing as a coach every week. Are we giving our leaders the same opportunities to mature and grow in their leadership? Are there online resources you can equip them with? Is there space in your budget to provide them with equipping opportunities at conferences, or with coaching or online courses? Is there a local ministry or seminary that can provide resources or training to your leaders?
Any level of formal training we can provide our leaders will mature their faith and ministry. It doesn’t have to be complicated, expensive, or require a large chunk of our time. With all the digital options at our fingertips, we can cheaply and effectively train and equip our small group leaders. They almost all desire more training, we just have to show them where to find it.
THEY NEED COMMUNITY
Leadership is lonely. Anyone in ministry has learned that very quickly. They need a community of leaders and mentors to lean on when small group life gets discouraging, when they’re criticized, when they make a mistake, or when they feel unsure or lonely. Aside from the great information our soccer league gave us at the coaches meeting, we also walked away with a sense of community. We had a director of coaching who was available to help us build a practice plan, and as a go-to with questions about player development. We had a commissioner we could go to with problems like angry, disruptive parents, referee issues, or conflicts with other coaches.
Where can your first-time small group leader go for help when a group member confesses an affair, is dealing with addiction, has significant conflict with another person in the group, or the church? If our leaders are isolated as they shepherd a group, then hurt, conflict, and difficulty will overwhelm them and make it much more difficult for them to lead their group into a healthy obedience to Jesus Christ.
One of the greatest challenges church leaders face in maturing small group leaders is in seeing the ministry from the perspective of a person who has never done it before. We can’t assume maturity and confidence of the people leading a group. Anyone in church leadership would say mature and effective small group leaders are a cornerstone of the church blossoming into the body of Christ and multiplying disciples, but if we are not intentional about understanding and equipping our leaders, they will not mature into the leaders their groups need them to be.
Coaching soccer is a weird place to learn about maturing small group leaders, but it has radically changed and challenged the way I view leadership development in my church, and I hope it will for you too.
Nick Strobel lives in Terre Haute, Indiana and serves as the Discpleship Pastor at Marlyand Community Church. He and his wife Kayleigh have two boys Ethan and Sawyer, love Jesus, old houses and animals. Follow Nick on Twitter for church stuff, Stars hockey and West Wing quotes.
A Playlist for Anxious and Hurting Disciples
I’ve heard it said that every Christian is a theologian. The question isn’t whether you are or aren’t one, but whether you are a good theologian or a poor one. Similarly, every believer is called to be disciple-maker. The question isn’t whether or not we’re called to make disciples, but whether we’re making strong, healthy disciples or weak, shaky ones. We recognize that discipleship is happening in small groups, Sunday School classes, and in one-on-one meetings over coffee. Certainly we would affirm that discipleship is happening as Christians soak up the Scriptures through hearing the word preached. We don’t often talk about the rest of a worship service in the same way, though.
Everything we do as the body gathered, whether following written liturgies or informal ones, hearing pastoral prayers or laundry lists of announcements, tells us something about who we are. This is especially true of the psalms, hymns and spiritual songs we sing together. Music, with an inherent power invested by its Creator, has a rare ability to shape our identity as disciples—as well as our vision of who we can become.
It is especially important, then, for worship pastors and planners to consider how they are making disciples as they prepare for Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. They must be in touch with their people, not just their principles, as they pray and plot. Leading a church through expressions of worship is an extension of that church’s shepherding ministry.
Many Christians will come into a corporate worship service struggling with clinical anxiety or depression. Others are wracked with guilt and shame from sins they’ve committed—or sins committed against them. These wounds may be from the previous six days; they might be from the distant past but feel as fresh as when they were first inflicted.
We want to always lead our fellow disciples to hope in Christ, and to truths that transcend our present realities. Yet we do our brothers and sisters a disservice when we skip steps, moving past grief, pardon, and assurance to triumph and celebration.
As you consider what your church needs to sing this Sunday, or over the course of an entire season of its life, here are four types of songs that can lift the spirits of anxious or hurting disciples.
#1 – SONGS OF LAMENT
Author and scholar Carl Trueman once wrote of the Western church’s failure to sing the entire Bible. He was especially surprised that, given their musical nature, we don’t do a great job of singing the Psalms. The Psalms give us a beautiful model for bringing our laments to God.
Lament is a necessary part of living as a Christian in a broken world, and we should regularly grieve together. The Christians in your church are lamenting individually, whether they call it that or not; our willingness—or lack thereof—to lament as a body communicates something powerful about the perceived rightness or wrongness of that discipline.
We might not preach the prosperity gospel within the walls of our churches, but when we only sing the shiniest, happiest parts of our faith, we run two serious risks.
First, we risk communicating to the hurting among us that they are wrong or defective in some way. They bring their lamentations with them into a worship service. If they are met only with songs that seem to say Christian living is all about joy and fulfillment, it can be devastating.
We also risk communicating something unhelpful to a second group of believers, the one that seems to be doing just fine. There is something good and right about naming our grief and yearning, and laying it at the feet of God. When we don’t make room for corporate lament, we reinforce the idea that it’s just not a necessary part of the Christian life.
That’s why we need songs like Brian Eichelberger’s “Raise Up Your Head.” It follows the path of the psalmist who regularly described his fears and failures, then—even in weak faith and through gritted teeth—just as often reaffirmed what he knew to be true about God.
Eichelberger’s lyrics call Christians to “straighten up” and raise up their heads, to acknowledge that the kingdom of God is imminent. But not before asking “Does your body feel broken? Like a soul stuck to skin? Have you sunken in sorrow from the affects of your sin?” And not before describing the sorry state of the world around us or acknowledging that “all creation is groaning in childbirth pains,” a direct reference to Romans 8:22.
We fear lament, in part, because we fear our people getting stuck there. We act like anyone who admits their depression, sadness, or hurt will be lost to it forever. That’s just not biblical. As the church, we live out our responsibility to one another by modeling what it looks—and sounds like—to lament, then raise up our heads to see our God.
#2 – SONGS OF SURRENDER
Saints suffering from depression and anxiety are, in a sense, more in touch than anyone with the truth that they are not enough to save themselves. They are confronted daily with their inadequacies.
There are two directions to go with that. One leads to despair, defeat, and further spiraling; the other to a glorious surrender. One turns its gaze inward at our broken parts. The other turns our eyes to Jesus, leads us to throw our hands up in the air, put our knees on the floor, and ask God to be everything we lack.
There is arguably no better song of surrender than the classic hymn “Rock of Ages.” Consider these beautiful admissions, these glorious confessions that cast all a soul’s cares on Christ:
- “Not the labor of my hands can fulfill Thy law’s demands.”
- “Thou must save, and Thou alone.”
- “Nothing in my hand I bring / Simply to Thy cross I cling / Naked, come to Thee for dress / Helpless, look to Thee for grace.”
- “Wash me Savior, or I die.”
And of course, the words we sing over and again, “Let me hide myself in Thee.” To the hurting and anxious, few images are more comforting than that of hiding ourselves in God. There we hear the Father say “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).
#3 – “NO CONDEMNATION” SONGS
One of the most beautiful judgments in Scripture is no judgment at all. Romans 8:1 declares, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” While sin is a clear and present danger to our souls, and must be dealt with as such, we do well to agree with God and acknowledge that Christ has removed our sins from our record. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).
As someone who lives with anxiety, I am quick to rehearse my past mistakes. Some spring from legitimate sins Jesus dealt with on the cross. Others don’t rise to that level, but still loom large in my heart. I think over and over about things I didn’t say, wish I hadn’t said, or things I wish I’d said differently. I stew, sometimes to the point of obsession, about my perceived failures. I need to sing—and hear sung around me—songs that saturate me in the truths of Romans 8:1.
One song that has made a felt difference is John Mark McMillan’s popular “How He Loves.” Near its end, we find this beautiful verse:
“When heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss / And my heart turns violently inside of my chest / I don’t have time to maintain these regrets / When I think about the way that He loves us.”
My anxiety and guilt, real as they are, get crowded out when confronted by the deep, deep love of Jesus. What a beautiful reminder that there is little time to sit around steeped in regret when the God of the universe loves me so well and with such genuine passion.
#4 – SONGS THAT POINT TO THE END OF THE STORY
When reading a novel or watching a movie, it’s not a great idea to turn immediately to the last page or fast forward to the last five minutes. Talk about spoiling it.
The Christian life is a wholly different thing. We have to know the end of the story to live faithfully in the present. We need to meditate on the truth of Christ’s victory. We need to run our fingers over the passages of Scripture that serve as a “save the date” for the wedding supper of the Lamb. When we do, we are stirred to embrace our place in the story even as it unfolds around us.
Christians struggling with depression or plagued by guilt need to hear what awaits them. They need to be reminded of who God says they are, not just who they feel like today. They need to understand that, while they are works in progress, the end result is promised.
A great song toward these ends is “Completely Done” by Jonathan Baird, Ryan Baird, and Rich Gunderlock. The words are a beautiful marriage of Philippians 1:6—“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”—and the 24th verse of Jude, which reminds us that God is able to keep us in his love and hold us in his secure grip.
My favorite passage in the song says “What you complete is completely done.” Amen and amen. If it were up to me, I would stay an unfinished man, perpetually in process. But God has completed his work in me, yet is simultaneously bringing it to completion. That truth bucks against—and ultimately triumphs over—any self-talk that tells me I’ll never make it to the finish line or ever experience victory in my struggle with sin.
Of course, these songs aren’t the only ones to fit these categories. The Christian canon is overflowing with examples of songs that are good for the souls of the anxious, depressed, hurting, grief- and guilt-stricken. I am thankful beyond measure that my church sings each of the songs mentioned above—and then some.
A significant part of our corporate worship services is to prepare disciples to be disciples the other six days of the week. Singing songs like these communicates that they are not left alone, that both God and their fellow Christians are with and for them. And these songs equip them with truths they need to fight back against the lies they can easily swallow whole—all set to melodies they can hum in their hearts all week long.
Aarik Danielsen is the arts and music editor at the Columbia Daily Tribune in Columbia, Missouri, where he also serves Karis Church as a lay pastor. Find his work at facebook.com/aarikdanielsenwrites and follow him on Twitter: @aarikdanielsen.
5 Tune-Ups for Stuck Small Groups
Most churches focused on discipleship have an outlet for growing community through groups. We differ on the language—life groups, community groups, missional communities—but our goals in these groups are mostly the same, with some slight differences in emphases of course. Community groups traditionally emphasize study together, while life groups center on digging into relationships and community, and missional communities have more of an “outward” focus. But, at the end of the day, we all want it said of our group that we strived to make disciples and disciple-makers. We all want to study Scripture, fellowship with the saints, and serve one another.
All of these goals are well and good, but those of us who have been part of groups that have lasted for a significant amount of time know how they can drift and turn stale. Sometimes your group may reach the spot where you all just feel stuck.
Here are five small but significant steps your group can take to start getting un-stuck. I call them “tune-ups.” Like an out-of-tune trumpet, perhaps our small groups are still making music but feel slightly off-pitch. We don’t need a new instrument or new equipment, just some quick adjustments. To be clear, these won’t happen at the drop of a hat and without effort, but they may prove to be important shifts for your group to consider making.
Tune-Up #1 – Consider Theology
I recently sat around a table with fellow small group leaders, talking about what’s working and what needs improvement in our groups. A overwhelming majority of the group leaders said that they were struggling most of all with the content of their study time together. They all felt like their groups were sort of indifferent toward whatever it was they were studying.
It’s no secret that many small group curriculums feel cut from the same cloth—practical advice on marriage or finance, general Christian living, or surface-scratching Bible studies. Perhaps if your conversations are feeling less and less indepth these days, it’s time for moving on from milk to meat. There are infinite riches and depths in the study of God; it is hard to get “stuck” when studying theology. Here is a sampling of study recommendations for your group that will offer solid content and are sure to spark discussion:
- A study series on Romans 8. Check out John Piper’s “Look at the Book” video series on Romans 8, “The Greatest Chapter” (here).
- Bonhoeffer, Dietrich, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community (New York, HarperOne, 2009).
- Pearcey, Nancy, Total Truth: Liberating Christianity From Its Cultural Captivity, Study Guide Edition (Wheaton: Crossway, 2008).
- The New City Catechism Devotional: God’s Truth for Our Hearts and Minds, ed. Collin Hansen (Wheaton: Crossway, 2017).
- Wilkin, Jen, None Like Him: 10 Ways God Is Different From Us (and Why That’s a Good Thing) (Wheaton, Crossway, 2016).
Tune-Up #2 – Share Your Own Devotional Times
Many small group leaders feel the pressure to come up with a lesson for the group, and sometimes struggle to do so. One way to combat this is to ask a different couple each week to lead by sharing what they have been reading and learning lately in Scripture. We have had success with this in my own life group. It has been encouraging to see how God is speaking to each of us in our own rhythms and using those lessons to impact the group where they are. One week, I shared what had been on my mind in reading Isaiah. Another week, a couple shared from Exodus.
This tune-up gives everyone leadership opportunity. Not only this, but the bar to lead is low. No study must be prepared to lead and there’s no pressure to know the right way to facilitate. It is simply reflecting on time in the Word and hoping to offer some wisdom to others. It encourages each of us to be accountable to be in the Word on our own time. Last, it gives group leaders the opportunity spot other leaders who they can disciple and send out to leader other groups.
Tune-Up #3 – Don’t Always Study Scripture
Easy now. If you’re looking for someone that believes we cannot exhaust our study of the Scriptures, I’m your guy. While I do believe that studying God’s Word should be a fundamental component of our time together in community, perhaps what could help some groups that feel stuck is switching up the agenda from the normal mingle-Bible-study-prayer-mingle rhythm and do something new.
In my current life group, we love “Game Night.” We get together, sometimes with dinner, and we just play board games for the night. It’s obviously not all we do, not even what we mostly do. But it allows us to bond in ways that actually support our times in the Word together. And, believe it or not, some of our best gospel conversations happen in these moments. Have a cook out. Play yard games. Go do something out of the ordinary. Leverage these gatherings to make your time in Scripture together that much sweeter.
Tune-Up #4 – Pray for Your Heart, Not for Your Circumstances
I have a love-hate relationship with prayer request time in small groups. It is valuable. It’s one of the main reasons Christians should meet together (Acts 2:42, 12:12; Jas 5:16). But I often believe prayer request time turns into diatribe laments of the same old circumstances, or circumstances that really don’t matter. When circumstances come our way, the weekly update is often very much of the same, and our prayer time together can turn into the same song and dance.
We should work to re-tune our small group prayer times by focusing on our hearts and striving for repentance. For example, your job transition may be a weekly circumstance—but how’s your heart handling it this week? Are you angry you cannot get traction? Are you getting short with your spouse because of it? Are you struggling to trust in God’s leadership? Are you hopeful and confident in the Lord’s provision? The disciples in Acts, compellingly, prayed not for Peter and John’s protection from persecution but for their hearts to be bold and not lose faith (Acts 4:23-31). We can learn from their example. In these moments, groups can speak the truths of the gospel to one another and truly bear the burdens of their neighbors (Gal 6:2).
Also, maybe add times where we pray Scripture. I recommend working through some of the Psalms or using a book like The Valley of Vision that’s filled will gospel-rich prayers. Spending time focusing on God instead of our circumstances can be invaluable.
Tune-Up #5 – Find a Way to Serve Together
In gospel-centered circles, many pastors warn of not falling into pontificating or building “ivory towers” in our discussion of theology and faith. These are good warnings, but they do not only apply to academics. We are prone to isolating ourselves and building our own ivory tower if our small groups are always 100% inward-focused.
Finding a way to serve together is bound to give your small group some life. After all, the discipleship mandate in Matthew 28 begins with, “Go.” It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Maybe it’s committing to having a “block party” for the neighbors where you meet. Maybe it’s ministry of mercy toward those in need. Whatever it is, work with your group to find opportunities to do something.
The final thing to remember is that finding small group renewal is a Spirit work; no tune-up will work instantaneously and perfectly. But these are some of the ways your group could, with a slight adjustment, perhaps begin to get out of neutral and move in the direction they hope to go.
Zach Barnhart currently serves as Student Pastor of Northlake Church in Lago Vista, TX. He holds a Bachelor of Science from Middle Tennessee State University, and is currently studying at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, seeking a Master of Theological Studies degree. He is married to his wife, Hannah. You can follow Zach on Twitter @zachbarnhart or check out his personal blog, Cultivated.