11 Practical Steps Toward Caring for Orphans
Along with crisp air and beautiful leaves, November also brings an awareness of broken families. It’s this month, more than any other, where our gaze is directed, perhaps uncomfortably, to the fatherless. That’s because November is National Adoption Month and November 11 is Orphan Sunday. Many people live their whole lives without giving any thought to the fatherless. Orphans remain comfortably out of sight and out of mind. The idea of neglected image-bearers stays beyond the boundaries of our carefully crafted bubbles.
Despite whatever unwillingness on our part to engage the global orphan crisis, our heavenly Father aggressively pursues these vulnerable people—and he clearly instructs us to do the same.
Ignorant?
God identifies himself as the “father of the fatherless” (Ps. 68:5). He teaches us that pure religion is to “visit orphans and widows in their affliction” (Jas. 1:27). He commands us to “seek justice, correct oppression, and bring justice to the fatherless” (Is. 1:17).
Despite our seeming reluctance, we are informed. We can’t say that we are unaware of the broken state of families. We’re aware that children in our zip codes and across all time zones are growing up abandoned due to death, poverty, illness, and sin.
We are not ignorant, we are merely indifferent. Brothers and sisters, this cannot be. Followers of Christ must not be known by our indifference but by our love.
Engaging orphans and vulnerable children can seem daunting, which is why many believers are reluctant to jump in. But if we want to side with the Father, we will act to bring justice to orphans.
Eleven Practical Steps Toward Caring for Orphans
So how do we begin to take steps of obedience towards caring for orphans? Consider the following steps.
Be informed. There are an estimated 140 million orphans worldwide. Only about ten percent of all orphans are “true” orphans, meaning they have lost both parents. About 125 million children considered to be orphans have at least one, if not two, living parents. In the United States, about 110,000 children are waiting to be adopted into families. Some 420,000 children are in foster care. Educate yourself on this growing number of fatherless children. Here are some resources to get you started:
- Follow Jason Johnson’s blog about foster care and adoption.
- Read Adopted for Life by Russell Moore.
- Learn more about the global orphan crisis from CAFO (Christian Alliance for Orphans).
- Read Orphanology by Tony Merida and Rick Morton.
- Subscribe to the Think Orphan podcast hosted by Phil Darke.
Use your voice for the voiceless. The voiceless aren’t voiceless because they have nothing to say; they’re voiceless because no one listens when they speak. But you have a voice. Scripture commands God’s people to speak up for the voiceless (Prov. 31:8). Use your voice to raise awareness of the plight of orphans within your relational networks. Tell people how they can join God in his work of caring for orphans. Be a voice for the voiceless.
Pray. We are not the savior of the fatherless but we can confidently approach the One who is. Cast yourself before God’s throne to plead for the salvation and care of the vulnerable. Our Father hears the cries of his children (1 Pet. 3:12). We can fight for orphans on our knees. We know their needs, both spiritual and physical, and we can go to our good Father and petition his help.
Become a foster or adoptive parent. This may be the first idea that comes to mind when you think of how to care for orphans, and rightly so! Adoption and foster care require sacrifice and a huge investment into the lives of orphans, but the church should be leading this movement as we are a people who have benefited from adoption into our heavenly father’s family. Take advantage of some of the resources mentioned under “Be informed” above to learn more.
Partner with parachurch organizations that care for orphans. Adoption is great but with over ninety percent of the world’s orphans ineligible for adoption, it’s not enough. We must find other ways to help. Partnering with organizations like 127 Worldwide who work with local leaders around the world caring for orphans is a wise solution. Invest in organizations that are committed to meeting the physical and spiritual needs of the fatherless.
Leverage your skills and networks for orphans. When orphans “age out” of group homes and institutions, they become vulnerable to gangs, criminal activities, prostitution, and trafficking. Invest in job training both locally and globally for these young adults to give them the means to provide for themselves and their families. Connect your networks with the vulnerable as they transition into adulthood. Invite them to your church. Help them find jobs.
Serve adoptive families. Adoption is very expensive. One way you can help adoptive families is to sacrificially give towards their adoptive costs and encourage others to do the same. Get creative: host fundraisers; have yard sales; make and sell t-shirts; donate services to be auctioned off to raise money; get certified to provide respite care for foster families; or bring meals to families as they welcome the fatherless into their homes. Serve families who are on the front lines of caring for orphans.
Extend your pro-life ethic beyond the womb. Support life from the womb to the tomb. When we encourage parents to choose life for the unborn, we must walk alongside and help them care for their children. We must welcome these children into our families if the birth parents are unwilling to raise them. Being pro-life is more than being anti-abortion. It means being pro-children and pro-adoption.
Meet orphans. Take time to invest in the lives of vulnerable children in your community. Go on short-term mission projects to visit orphans around the world and share the gospel with them while encouraging their caretakers. Befriend families with foster kids. Hear their stories and tell them the story of the heavenly Father who never abandons his children. Invite them into God’s redemptive story.
Support church planting in vulnerable communities. Invest in pastor training and church planting efforts around the world. Loving the fatherless means more than providing food, water, and education. It means giving them access to the gospel. It means investing in the eternal good of their cities and villages by planting gospel-proclaiming churches. Consider partnering with great organizations like Acts 29 to advance the church around the world.
Raise up future generations to embrace caring for orphans. Parents, if you want orphan care to be normal in your family, then expose your children to the global orphan crisis. Work together as a family to love the fatherless. Teach them God’s Word and pray for their obedience. Set the example of obedience and lead them to reflect God’s heart for the orphan.
Change Your Culture
God’s Word is clear on our role in caring for orphans. Our access to Scripture is unprecedented and unlimited. We have printed Bibles, podcasts, commentaries, Bible apps, teachers, pastors, and books. What we do not have is room for excuses. We know what the Bible says, but knowing is not enough. Doers of the Word step into obedience.
In his book, Radical, David Platt writes, “We learned that orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.”
Change starts with you. It starts in your home, your church, your neighborhood, and your workplace. Change your culture by reflecting the Father’s heart for the fatherless in your speech, attitude, and actions. Inspire others to be obedient to God’s command to care for orphans.
It starts with one step. Then one step turns into two, and two steps become three. Before you know it, you’re walking in obedience.
Take that first step and follow Christ into the world for the good of the fatherless and for the sake of his glory. You don’t have to single-handedly solve the global orphan crisis. You can’t. But you can step out in faith. Christian, get your feet moving.
Christy Britton is a wife and mom of four boys. She is an orphan advocate for 127 Worldwide and writes curriculum for Docent Research. Her family worships at Imago Dei Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. She writes for several blogs, including her own, http://www.beneedywell.com/. You can follow her on Twitter.
6 Practical Ways to Cultivate Face to Face Friendship
True friendship doesn’t just happen. Friendship—real and deep friendship—takes wise and careful cultivation. Although letters, texts, and phone calls each can be used to strengthen friendship, it especially thrives when we spend time together, life on life and face to face. And this is also the best context in which to help one another grow as disciples of Jesus Christ—it is when we’re together in the mix of everyday life that we see how we really live, and see evidence of what we really believe. For the sake of deeper community and discipleship, here are six ways to cultivate face to face friendship.
1. Get Face to Face
Our digital age gives us very convenient tools for friendship. We can call one another across great distances; we can text and email; we can share pictures and videos. But nothing replaces face to face experiences. The apostle Paul wrote meaningful letters to those whom he loved, but he also said, “we pray most earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face” (1 Thess. 3:10). The apostle John wrote, “I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete” (2 John 12). Notice the connection between getting face to face and joy. Technology is a great gift, but relational joy will only come to completion when we get face to face.
Why? Because we are not disembodied spirits; we are embodied human beings. We were made for the full experience of human communication. We were made to see the sincerity in our friend’s eyes, to feel the reassuring touch, to hear the unrestrained laugh. This fullness of friendship can only be experienced when we’re together.
One of the most practical steps to cultivate friendship is to simply step into the presence of a friend. And use technology not just to connect, but also to schedule times to get together.
2. Add Food to Friendship
Food is one of the greatest tools for strengthening relationships. Food is not just for continued existence; it provides a context for community. In many cultures, sharing a meal signifies friendship. Meals provide an opportunity to slow down, relax, and open up to one another.
When Jesus came, he didn’t just meet with people, he spent time with them around a table. “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!'” (Matt. 11:19). Jesus was not a glutton nor a drunkard, but the accusation stuck because of his reputation for spending so much time eating with people.
We each eat about twenty-one meals every week. Why not block off two of those—for example, breakfast on Tuesdays and lunch on Fridays—and invite a friend to join you? And then establish a weekly or every-other-week rhythm of grabbing coffee with someone.
3. Ask Lots of Questions
We honor friends when we ask them good questions about their lives. Comments about the weather are fine, but not if we neglect speaking about the climate of our souls.
Here are a few questions that help us drop below the surface, into the deeper waters of our souls: What are you encouraged about recently? What has been discouraging to you? How are things going at home (or at work, or at school)? What are you reading recently, and what has stood out to you from it? What are a few themes in your life, or a few things that are often on your mind these days?
4. Actually Listen
We also honor our friends when we listen to them. This is different than merely hearing their words and even different than understanding what they’re saying. This is also different than paying attention, but primarily waiting until you have an opportunity to speak again.
The listening that strengthens friendship is listening curiously. True friendship requires conversational give-and-take. Be curious, ask questions, and listen carefully.
5. Set a Tone of Encouragement
Our words often determine the health of our friendships. And not just specific words here and there, but the general tone that we set with our speech. And the cumulative force of our words affects our relationships. What tone do you set by what you say?
We strengthen friendships by saturating our speech with encouragement. Christians are called to speak “only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). Whenever a thought comes to your mind to affirm something about someone, do it without hesitating. Let them know why you respect them. Let them know you’re proud of them.
This kind of direct, look-your-friend-in-the-eye affirmation may seem awkward at first, especially for men. But over time we will find this kind of encouragement life-giving. As those who have heard God’s gracious acceptance of us in Christ, and as those who will hear a “well done” on the coming Day, we are called to generously give affirmation and encouragement to one another.
6. Turn Your Unique Circumstances into Opportunities to Connect
Maybe friendship was easier in a previous season of life. But now your job involves drive-time. Or your studies are demanding. Or you are raising young children. Or sports schedules keep your evenings and weekends unpredictable or full. How can you find time for friendship in this new season?
Here’s a plan: Identify what makes your season of life challenging, and ask how you can creatively turn that very obstacle into an opportunity for friendship. If your commute is long, ask if someone else would like to carpool with you one day each week. If you have to drive to a basketball practice or soccer game, invite someone to join you. Students, consider studying with others and take a couple five-minute breaks to talk. Parents with young children, schedule play-dates for your kids—walk together, go to the park together, have lunch together.
True friendship is worth every bit of effort we put into it because we were made for friendship—life on life and face to face friendship, the kind that endures through thick and thin. This kind of friendship provides the best context for helping one another grow as disciples of Jesus Christ together.
Drew Hunter (MA, Wheaton College) is the author of Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys. He is also the teaching pastor at Zionsville Fellowship in Zionsville, Indiana. He previously served as a minister for young adults at Grace Church of DuPage and taught religious studies at College of DuPage. Drew and his wife, Christina, live in Zionsville, Indiana, and have four children.
Simplicity for the Sake of the Gospel
Simplicity. It’s one of our obsessions. Now that magazines, consultants, and television shows all have our attention, we’re eager to learn how to pare down to what really matters.
We feel glutted—overstuffed on overabundance. We are sick of our calendars and Amazon shopping carts being jammed full with far more than we need. Maybe less is more, we think.
A decluttered entryway. Leisurely evenings. A reduced pace of life. We’re searching for the simple life.
But to what end? What is it we’re after? What will fill the void created by our new, simple lives?
‘JUST BE THERE. THEY WILL COME.’
When my husband and I sensed God calling us to plant a church in our new neighborhood, the man we consider our spiritual father had some wise words for us.
“Do not get busy,” he said. “If you want to minister to your neighbors and your community, you need to be home. Don’t make a bunch of commitments. Just be there. They will come.”
I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t imagine our new neighbors stopping by and coming in for a while. And for months, they didn’t. For months our house was pretty quiet. Except for the occasional hello at the end of the driveway, we didn’t really know anyone.
Then spring came. We all emerged from our houses into the sunshine. Chats in the cul-de-sac turned into casual meals. Long talks at the mailbox rolled into afternoons on the front lawn. We threw a block party and invited all the houses up and down the street. Most of them came and stayed late.
From those informal moments grew regular gatherings, coffee, book club, frequent backyard cookouts. Our daughters became everyone’s pet sitters and babysitters. As we welcomed others in, they welcomed us into their foyers, kitchens, and lives.
Our mentor was right: we were just there, and they came.
SIMPLICITY GIVES BIRTH TO COMMUNITY
We carried this conviction to just be there into our church plant. Along with a handful of like-minded families, we wondered if God was asking us to start something simple—a community that loves Jesus, believes in the power of the gospel, and wants to just be there for our neighbors—and for whatever the Lord might want to do among them.
Church met in our living room on Friday nights. Kids spilled out into the front yard and the cul-de-sac. Cars lined the streets. Our patio was packed with people. Neighbors asked, “What are you doing in there?”
“Church!” we said. “You wanna come?”
Some did.
We were just there, and they came.
CREATED FOR COMMUNITY
We instinctively know it is not good for us to be alone (Gen. 2:18). We were created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26) who himself lives in the intimate community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We long for—and need—deep relationships with those who are near.
Like many neighborhoods in the United States, mine is host to an array of activities, more than we could ever do in one lifetime. We have plenty to keep us busy: PTA meetings, trips to the gym, music recitals, and tennis matches, all of which are easy to attend without actually connecting with another person.
We tend to be physically present, but relationally absent. Our overstuffed schedules keep us moving at a pace that prohibits more than a reflexive wave or nod of the head. We long for more, but the buffet of options vying for our time makes it tough to connect.
And so, when someone is just there—when someone holds still and makes time to linger—we’re moved. We’re drawn in. We want more.
LOVED BY THE GOD WHO IS THERE
We’re attracted to Immanuel—God with us. We love, and feel loved by, the God who is there. He knows this; he made us this way. Throughout time, he has reminded us he is there.
- When Joshua took over leadership of Israel from Moses, God said to him, “Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you … do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:5, 9).
- Though the prophet Isaiah God comforted Israel, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Is. 41:10).
- In oft-repeated Psalm 23, David said to the Lord, “I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Ps. 23:4).
- Jesus’ very last words to his disciples before ascending into heaven were, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20).
- God has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).
When we are just there, we reflect our Savior, who moved from heaven to earth to be with us (Phil. 2:5-11). By simply being there, we can be like Jesus, who gave up his throne in heaven to be with us. It’s a ministry of presence and, in this frenetic world, it’s a holy calling.
SIMPLICITY FOR THE SAKE OF THE GOSPEL
We Christ-followers don’t seek and offer simplicity for the same reason as magazines, HGTV, or Marie Kondo. We’re not offering up a Zen lifestyle or more time to perfect our hobbies. We pursue simplicity for the sake of the gospel. In offering our presence, we offer God’s presence to others.
Just being there is one of the best gifts we can give our neighbors who don’t yet know the intimacy and unconditional love of Jesus Christ. We are God’s temple and God dwells in us (1 Cor. 3:16). When we sit in the rocking chairs on our front porch with our neighbors, so does Jesus. When we spend enough time talking on the driveway and earn the privilege to hear of our neighbor’s cancer diagnosis, Jesus is there.
And just being there is one of the best gifts we can give to our brothers and sisters in Christ, too. A simple pace of life is an act of ministry in our church. Just being there—avoiding the temptation to fill our evenings with commitments, disciplining ourselves to be free and available to our church family—is ministry.
We isolate ourselves when we pursue a frenetic pace of life. We kill community by glutting ourselves on all the activities culture has to offer—both with the unbeliever and the believer in Christ. When we are too busy to gather, we lose something of the dynamic nature the God who is there.
A simple life, a simple schedule creates space for relationships, intimacy, and community. To just be there is to reflect our Savior to the lost and the found. When we are there, Jesus is there.
The world is on to something in its pursuit of the simple life. We all know there’s more to this life. May we, the church, excel in paring down and seeking the simple life. May we declutter our schedules and make space for one another. May we fill the void left by simplicity with community. May our simple lives bring God glory and loves to our neighbors. And may that community be one that lifts high the name of Jesus.
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
'I Don't Know How You Do It': God's Grace for Foster Parents
As I stood there watching him sleep, I was reminded of the terrible reality that there are 430,000 children just like him in foster care across our country—and not nearly enough families to take them in. I had tiptoed into the room so I wouldn't wake him. Laying on a mattress wrapped in his red 'blankey' was a napping three-year-old little boy. While typically an explosion of energy, loudly bouncing around from one toy to the next, he lay there asleep and looked so peaceful.
We had received a call from Child Protective Services (CPS) a few days before saying there was a child in need of a temporary home. We accepted, and it wasn't long before a blue-eyed boy with long reddish-brown hair entered our lives.
'I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT'
Fostering is hard. A child comes into our home, alters the norm of our everyday lives for a number of weeks or months, and then by government order leaves as quickly as he or she came. Many find it difficult that we regularly let children we've grown attached to go back home, usually never to see them again. People often say to us, "I just don't know how you do it." That bewildered statement implies that we have some special gift or ability that others don't have, but the truth is, we don’t.
Foster care is hard at every level. It's hard when you first get a child. When a worker brings by a snoozing child at 3 a.m., your family is forced to make quick adjustments. Numerous scheduling changes have to be made. It might mean pulling the spare bed out of the attic, or it might mean running to the store for diapers and wipes.
And yes, it's hard when you've grown close to a child and they return to their family. Reunification is always the goal, so we rejoice when it happens, but that doesn’t make it easy. The last child was a part of our family for nearly a year. We celebrated her first birthday. We watched her take her first steps and heard her first words. Then one day the court decided it was time for her to go home, and just like that, she was gone.
GIVING US MORE THAN WE CAN BEAR
The challenges of foster care from beginning to end are often more than we can bear. It’s a struggle to incorporate another child into our family dynamic. The behavioral issues are frustrating and overwhelming at times. Juggling home inspections, doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and visitations can quickly zap our strength. It’s heart-wrenching to hear a child crying in the middle of the night, “My mommy doesn’t love me anymore!” while trying to convince her that’s not the case. We become well acquainted with our own weaknesses when we face these burdens.
On one occasion, I was exhausted and just about at the end of my rope. Already wondering if I was in over my head, I walked into our foster child’s room (who was supposed to be sleeping) and he had destroyed the room. I’m typically not a crier, but I wanted to weep at that moment. As I cleaned up the mess, I uttered to the Lord, “God, we need your help.” At that moment, I was reminded of my own helplessness and weakness.
But in our weakness, we are reminded that Christ is strong (2 Cor. 12:10). The Alpha and Omega never sleeps or slumbers (Psalm 121:4). He sees every tear shed and frustration expressed. By his power, not only did he speak everything into existence, but he continues to hold all of creation together by the power of his word (Col. 1:16-17). He is the one who sends forth the lightning and provides for the ravens. At his command the eagle mounts up, and he measures all the waters of the earth in the hollow of his hand. The nations are like a drop in a bucket to him, he stretches out the heavens like a curtain. He calls the stars by name, and because of his strength, not a single one goes missing (Job 38-40; Isaiah 40:9-31).
I’m not strong enough to face the challenges that come with foster care, but he certainly is. The great promise for the believer is that this powerful God will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut. 31:6; Heb. 13:5). We live moment by moment, depending on him and trusting that he will give us the exact amount of grace needed for each trying time.
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT
I trust that the Lord, in his sovereignty, brings these children to our home. He sees every child’s unique situation and struggles. It's easy to doubt this, though. In spite of the teaching of the popular cliché, the Lord will give more than we can handle at times. He is gracious to take us to the end of our strength so we that we learn to rely on his. Without his grace, we couldn’t do it. We couldn’t handle another heart-breaking "good-bye." We couldn’t survive another long day filled with the challenges of foster care. Thankfully though, in those moments, his grace proves to be enough.
The staggering number of children in foster care can make us feel powerless. We often want to bring massive change all at once, but the Lord doesn't always work that way. While I wish I could help all the children in foster care, I simply can't.
But as I stood in my room that day watching that little boy sleep peacefully with his red blanket, I realized that even though we can't bring mass change, perhaps the Lord can use us to make a massive change in his life. We can't help all 430,000, but we can help this one.
That’s why we foster—to overwhelm the life of one child with the love of Christ for as many days as we get to share with him.
A LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
Scripture reminds us often of the Lord's heart for the vulnerable and oppressed, especially orphans (James 1:27). His heart breaks for the 430,000. And as God's people, ours should too. We should be the most willing to die to our comforts, our dreams, and our convenience for the sake of the vulnerable and orphaned.
I recognize not everyone can take a child in, but we can all serve foster children in some way. There are ministries that provide creative ways for anyone to contribute by ministering to foster families and CPS workers. Some help collect needed items (clothes, car seats, etc.) that foster families can use, or help provide “parent’s night out,” where they offer childcare. Others adopt CPS workers and try to minister to them through encouraging notes and gifts. There may not be a ministry like this in your community, and if so, there's an opportunity to start one through your local church.
It’s not easy, but the Lord’s grace is sufficient. His strength is perfect to overcome every frustration and obstacle in foster care.
In our short time of fostering, we've cared for babies with meth in their system; we've had children from homes where they were left to live in their own feces; we’ve received precious children that bear the image of God, from dysfunctional and broken homes.
When you engage in foster care, you get a front-row view of the depravity of man. You get a glimpse into the darkness. But it's in the darkest places that the church's light can shine the brightest.
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX since 2013. He is married to Jenny and they have three children and are actively involved in foster care. He is in the dissertation stage of a Ph.D. in Systematic Theology. You can follow James Twitter or his blog where he writes regularly.
Is Hospitality Your Mentality?
Our house was always open. People were always in and out. Chunks of concrete from our tropical storm-ravaged roof were always falling. We were young. We had children and were adopting another. It was hot. Large bugs and even larger lizards lived right alongside us. Among those insects and reptiles, we were learning how to make disciples.
It was chaos. It was sacred.
MILITARY MISSION
When I was twenty-five, my husband and I packed up our six-month-old baby girl and two 50-pound suitcases and moved to Okinawa, Japan. We went as missionaries to the American military stationed there.
Our job was to live in a large home right outside the base and welcome in-service members and their families for meals, holidays, game nights, and Bible studies.
Every Friday, a handful of military wives and I cooked dinner for a hundred and my husband preached. The Holy Spirit moved. People got saved. Marriages were mended. Men and women walked with Jesus like they never had before.
BIG, EMPTY HOMES
We moved back to the States two years ago. People in our neighborhood come home at night and pull into their garage, close the door, and disappear inside. Many of us see our homes as our refuge; our oasis; our fortress of solitude.
Rather than opening and sharing our homes, the current American Dream is that each family member has his or her own room, their own screen, and their own bathroom. The typical American home built in the 1950s was 1,700 square feet, while in 2017 it was 2,600 square feet. Our homes are larger and nicer—but there is less life within.
We know this solitary way of living isn’t good for us. Research[1] shows that my own hometown of Denver is among the loneliest places to live. People are moving here in droves—by the hundreds of thousands every year. Transplants want the outdoor lifestyle, the great weather, the young and active population, the hip places to eat, work, and play.
But they get here, move into their homes, and find not a place of belonging, but of loneliness. My trendy city is one of the loneliest places in America; Denver residents report feeling relationally empty and lacking purpose.
MADE FOR COMMUNITY, CALLED TO HOSPITALITY
This is not the way it's supposed to be. God created us for community. His grand plan since the first days of creation was that we humans would commune with him and with one another. The Lord made a home in the Garden of Eden—a place of hospitality, where his people could gather and be satisfied. When Adam was alone, God said it wasn’t good (Gen. 2:18). He made Eve and told the new couple to multiply and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28).
Throughout the Old and New Testaments, we see the Lord calling his people to welcome in the foreigner, the stranger, the neighbor, the brother and sister in Christ (Lev. 19:34; Deut. 10:19; Matt. 25:34-36; Mark 12:31; Heb. 13:2). Our God is a welcomer. Loneliness is not his will—it’s not his nature. Christ-followers have been commanded to gather in their homes to share meals and conversation. When we welcome others into our homes for a meal, we are modeling what life was like when our God welcomed us into his dwelling and we ate and were satisfied, communing together with one another.
Paul says, “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). Peter says to do so without grumbling (1 Pet. 4:9). The church models its welcoming Lord by being hospitable. Hospitality is of such importance that church elders “must be hospitable” (Titus 1:8). God lays upon church leaders the need to live open-handedly with their homes and resources.
We’re all called to do it, so why don’t we?
We think our house isn’t big enough, our kids are too crazy, we don’t know how to cook, people don’t do that anymore; it’s weird, they’ll think we’re selling something. Or maybe we think it sounds too simple. We’re looking for a professional way of doing hospitality; for the latest three-point strategy to love our neighbors and get them saved.
But all of this misses the point.
SHARING THE GOSPEL—AND OUR LIVES
Back in Okinawa, the missionary who lived in the “Hospitality House“ before us hand-painted a sign that hung in the main gathering space. The sign read, “Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thess. 2:8, NIV).
Sharing the gospel results in sharing life. The gospel compels us to love our Lord so much that we can’t help but see others the way he does. And if we love others, we’ll share not only our faith with them—but our lives as well.
May it not be said of us who live in big, empty homes that we don’t love enough! May it not be said of us who dwell in solitary apartments that we don’t actually believe God when he says hospitality is important! May it not be said of any of us that we don’t resemble Jesus in the way we use our home.
Jesus—“who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men” (Phil. 2:6-7)—is the ultimate welcomer, the preeminent host who left heaven, walked with us, and invited us to sit at the table with his Father. It was Jesus the Thessalonians were emulating when they shared the gospel and their lives. It was Jesus who loved us so much that he was delighted to share with us not only the gospel of God, but also his life and death and resurrection!
As Christ followers, may we be like Jesus. May we be like the Thessalonians. May we love those around us so much that we share not only the gospel of God, but our lives—including our homes—as well. May we lay down our lives, lay down our personal space, lay down our homes, lay down our kids‘ playroom, lay down our quiet nights on the couch, and invite others inside.
HOSPITALITY WORKS
There is power in hospitality. It works. My heart fills with joy when I think of the many young men who ate dinner with us, who were drawn to Christ through us, who couldn’t resist the powerful grace of him who sent us. My inbox is filled daily with updates from women who once were lost, but now are found because of time spent around our dinner table; women whose marriages were ravaged but are now whole; women who pondered abortion but then chose life; women who had walked without Jesus for years but are now raising their kids in him!
If hospitality works on a far-off island in a crumbling concrete home, amongst lizards and young adults who don’t really know how to cook yet, I assure you God will work through hospitality right where you live.
Who lives on your street or in your building or in your dorm that would be blessed by an invitation for coffee-and-donuts at your table this Saturday morning? Who could you share lunch with at work? Is there a family your kid plays soccer with that might enjoy hot dogs on your grill after practice? How about asking that new single at church to lunch this Sunday?
Hospitality isn’t flashy. People can be loved well in the ordinary chaos of life. It simply requires laying down your life and inviting others in. It’s what Jesus did, and it’s what he’s asking—and empowering—us to do, right where we live.
[1] https://www.denverite.com/denver-metro-ranked-last-colorado-well-way-behind-boulder-31344/
Jen Oshman is a wife and mom to four daughters and has served as a missionary for 17 years on three continents. She currently resides in Colorado where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International, and she encourages her church-planting husband at Redemption Parker. Her passion is leading women to a deeper faith and fostering a biblical worldview. She writes at www.jenoshman.com.
How Foster Care and Adoption Shine the Light of the Gospel
It was 2:30 a.m. when we received the call. After months of training, house inspections, CPR certifications, and background checks, we were finally approved to be foster parents. Half asleep, my wife answered the phone. A five-year-old girl had been rescued from the hospital and was in need of a home, so we agreed to take her. About an hour later, a little girl with pink pajamas and a teddy bear was fast asleep in our living room. My wife and I gazed with a nervous excitement at this child who was now in our care. Had we made the right choice? Were we really qualified? All we knew was this little soul had been through a lot. She was exhausted. She missed her mom. She needed to be loved. She needed Jesus.
Oftentimes, the most meaningful things in life are also the most difficult, and caring for children in need is no exception. There are long and challenging days. Sometimes I’m tempted to quit and just go back to “normal.” Not having this child might make the day somewhat easier, but what a great opportunity to show the love of Christ to a family in need.
FOSTERING AND ADOPTION REFLECT THE GOSPEL
Is it hard to get attached to a child only to have them removed a few months later? Absolutely, but the same Christ who gave his life for others also empowers us to do the same. On my own, I lack the strength to be a foster parent, and often it’s more than I can bear. “Perfect” foster parents simply do not exist.
However, the Lord’s grace is sufficient for each day, and he won’t ask us to do something he doesn’t equip us to do. He takes unqualified, imperfect people and uses them for his glory.
Caring for orphans through foster care and adoption is such a beautiful picture of the gospel that Scripture often uses it as an illustration. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’” (Romans 8:15). In Ephesians 1:5, we are told that God “predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.”
Basically, you and I were born in sin, an enemy of God, thus an object of his wrath. God was under no obligation to do anything for us and could have let us slide into eternity without him. Yet, even though he didn’t have to, he called a people to himself. John 1:12 states, “But to all who did received him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…” When God adopts us, it is at that point we can call ourselves children of God. He, by his grace, has brought us into his family. Now, we can call him Father.
FOSTERING AND ADOPTION ARE FRUITS OF THE GOSPEL
Not only is foster care and adoption a picture of the gospel, it is also a fruit of the gospel. When the gospel changes a person’s heart, that person now looks not to their own needs, but to the needs of others. We begin to see the needs of those around us and we are burdened by them. James 1:27 says it like this: “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction…” Fostering and adopting are one of the many avenues we have to care for orphans.
A CHANCE TO SHINE THE LIGHT OF CHRIST
There are many children in need of a home. Some need permanent homes while others need temporary homes. This is an area where the church can make a difference in their community and shine the light of Jesus Christ. David Platt, president of International Mission Board and a former pastor in Alabama, tells this story:
"One day I called up the Department of Human Resources in Shelby County, Alabama, where our church is located, and asked, 'How many families would you need in order to take care of all the foster and adoption needs that we have in our county?'
The woman I was talking to laughed.
I said, 'No, really, if a miracle were to take place, how many families would be sufficient to cover all the different needs you have?'
She replied, 'It would be a miracle if we had 150 more families.'
When I shared this conversation with our church, over 160 families signed up to help with foster care and adoption. We don’t want even one child in our county to be without a loving home. It’s not the way of the American Dream. It doesn’t add to our comfort, prosperity, or ease. But we are discovering the indescribable joy of sacrificial love for others, and along the way we are learning more about the inexpressible wonder of God’s sacrificial love for us."
What a testimony of God’s people! What a picture of the power of the gospel! This is the church being the church. Can you imagine the impact to the surrounding community? Not only were they ministering to those children, they were ministering to all in that county who had heard that there were no more children in the system.
TEN WAYS YOU CAN GET INVOLVED
Are you willing to pray about your role in helping the children in your areas? Not everyone will be able to invite a child into their home, but we all can contribute. Here are some ways you can be involved:
- Pray
- Become a foster parent
- Adopt a child through the Foster Care System
- Encourage those who are fostering/adopting
- Provide Respite Care (those who are trained and certified to babysit)
- Financially support and/or raise funds
- Help raise awareness of those in need
- Become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer
- Volunteer on a local Foster Care Review Board
- Talk with the local schools about needs of enrolled foster children
Would you consider where you might be willing to help? Would you commit to do something, no matter how small it may seem? Yes, it may require sacrifice. Yes, it could be difficult. And yes, you will likely get attached. But, that’s what it means to minister to others.
We die to ourselves so that others might live, just like our Savior.
James Williams has served as an Associate Pastor at FBC Atlanta, TX for four years. He is married to Jenny and they currently have four children in their home (three biological, one in foster care). He is in the dissertation stage of a PhD in Systematic Theology. You can follow James on Twitter or his church's blog where he writes regularly.
Making the Most of Turkey Time: Thanksgiving on Mission
What if God had more for our kin this Thanksgiving than the Macy’s parade, tryptophan-induced naps, and NFL football? What if we saw our gatherings with extended family not as a chance to check out, but as an opportunity for Christian mission? It should be good news to us that we don’t have to be Jedi-master evangelists to be agents of gospel advance among those whom we know best. In fact, it may be better if we’re not.
So before bellying up to this year’s turkey feast, here’s a few thoughts from a fellow bungler to help us think ahead and pray about how we might grow in being proxies for the gospel, in word and deed, among our families this Thanksgiving. These are some practical ideas for what it might mean to see ourselves as sent among our relatives. These suggestions are inspired by Randy Newman’s excellent book Bringing the Gospel Home: Witnessing to Family Members, Close Friends, and Others Who Know You Well.
Sent on Thanksgiving
1) Pray ahead.
Begin praying for your part in gospel advance among extended family several days before gathering. And let’s not just pray for changes in them, but also pray for the needed heart changes in us — whether it’s for love or courage or patience or kindness or fresh hope, or all of the above.
2) Listen and ask questions.
Listen, listen, listen. Perhaps more good evangelism than we realize starts not with speaking but with good listening. Getting to know someone well, and specifically applying the gospel to them, is huge in witness. Relationship matters.
Ask questions to draw them out. People like to talk about themselves — and we should capitalize on this. And most people only enjoy talking about themselves for so long. At some point, they’ll ask us questions. And that’s our golden chance to speak, upon request.
One of the best times to tell the gospel with clarity and particularity is when someone has just asked us a question. They want to hear from us. So let’s share ourselves, and Jesus in us. Not artificially, but in genuine answer to their asking about our lives. And remember it’s a conversation. Be careful not to rabbit on for too long, but try to keep a sense of equilibrium in the dialogue.
3) Raise the gospel flag early.
Let’s not wait to get to know them “well enough” to start clearly identifying with Jesus. Depending on how extended our family is, or how long it’s been since we married in, they may already plainly know that we are Christians. But if they don’t know that, or don’t know how important Jesus is to our everyday lives, we should realize now that there isn’t any good strategy in being coy about such vital information. It will backfire. Even if we don’t put on the evangelistic full-court press right away (which is not typically advised), wisdom is to identify with Jesus early and often, and articulate the gospel with clarity (and kindness) as soon as possible.
No one’s impressed to discover years into a relationship that we’ve withheld from them the most important things in our lives.
4) Take the long view and cultivate patience.
With family especially, we should consider the long arc. Randy Newman is not afraid to say to Christians in general, “You need a longer-term perspective when it comes to family.” Chances are we do. And so he challenges us to think in terms of an alphabet chart, seeing our family members positioned at some point from letters A to Z. These 26 steps/letters along the way from distant unbelief (A) to great nearness to Jesus (Z) and fledgling faith help us remember that evangelism is usually a process, and often a long one.
It is helpful to recognize that not everyone is near the end of the alphabet waiting for our pointed gospel pitch to tip them into the kingdom. Frequently there is much spadework to be done. Without losing the sense of urgency, let’s consider how we can move them a letter, or two or three, at a time and not jerk them toward Z in a way that may actually make them regress.
5) Beware the self-righteous older brother in you.
For those who grew up in nonbelieving or in shallow or nominal Christian families, it can be too easy to slide into playing the role of the self-righteous older brother when we return to be around our families. Let’s ask God that he would enable us to speak with humility and patience and grace. Let’s remember that we’re sinners daily in need of his grace, and not gallop through the family gathering on our high horse as if we’ve arrived or just came back from the third heaven. Newman’s advice: “use the pronouns ‘we’ and ‘us’ far more than ‘you’” (65).
6) Tell it slant.
Some extended family contexts may be so far from spiritual that we need to till the soil of conversation before making many direct spiritual claims. It’s not that the statements aren’t true or desperately needed, but that our audience may not yet be ready to hear it. The gospel may seem so foreign that wisdom would have us take another approach. One strategy is to “tell it slant,” to borrow from the poem of the same name — to get at the gospel from an angle.
“If your family has a long history of negativity and sarcasm,” writes Newman, “the intermediate step of speaking positively about a good meal or a great film may pave the way for ‘blinding’ talk of God’s grace and mercy” (67). Don’t “blind” them by rushing to say loads more than they’re ready for. As Emily Dickinson says, “The truth must dazzle gradually / Or every man be blind.”
7) Be real about the gospel.
As we dialogue with family about the gospel, let’s not default to quoting Bible verses that don’t really answer the questions being asked. Let’s take up the gospel in its accompanying worldview and engage their questions as much as possible in the terms in which they asked them. Newman says, “We need to find ways to articulate the internally consistent logic of the gospel’s claims and not resort to anti-intellectual punch lines like, ‘The Bible says it, I believe it, and that settles it.’”
Yes, let’s do quote Bible when appropriate — we are Christians owing ultimately to revelation, not to reason. But let’s not make the Bible into an excuse for not really engaging with their queries in all their difficulty. (And let’s not be afraid to say we don’t know when we don’t!)
8) Consider the conversational context.
Context matters. It doesn’t have to be face to face across the table to be significant. “Many people told me their best conversations occurred in a car — where both people faced forward, rather than toward each other,” says Newman. “Perhaps the indirect eye contact posed less of a threat” (91). Maybe even sofas and recliners during a Thanksgiving Day football game, if the volume’s not ridiculous. Be mindful of the context, and seek to make yourself available for conversation while at family gatherings, rather than retreating always into activities or situations that are not conducive to substantive talk.
9) Know your particular family situation.
In some families, the gospel has been spoken time and again in the past to hard hearts, perhaps there has been a lack of grace in the speaking, and what is most needed is some unexpected relational rebuilding. Or maybe you’ve built and built and built the relationship and have never (or only rarely) clearly spoken the message of the gospel.
Let’s think and pray ahead of time as to what the need of hour is in our family, and as the gathering approaches pray toward what little steps we might take. And then let’s trust Jesus to give us the grace our hearts need, whether it’s grace for humbling ourselves enough to connect relationally or whether it’s courage enough to speak with grace and clarity.
10) Be hopeful.
God loves to convert the people we think are the least likely. Jesus is able to melt the hardest of hearts. Some who finished their lives among the greatest saints started as the worst of sinners.
Realistically, there could have been some cousin of the apostle Paul sitting around some prayer meeting centuries ago telling his fellow believers, “Hey, would you guys pray for my cousin Saul? I can’t think of anyone more lost. He hunts down followers of The Way and arrests them. Just last week, he was the guy who stood guard over the clothes of the people who killed our brother Stephen.” (53)
With God, all things are possible. Jesus has a history of conquering those most hostile to him. We have great reason to have great hope about gospel advance in our families, despite how dire and dark it may seem.
When We Fail
And when we fail — not if, but when — the place to return is Calvary’s tree. Our solace in failing to adequately share the gospel is the very gospel we seek to share. It is good to ache over our failures to love our families in gospel word and deed. But let’s not miss that as we reflect on our failures, we have all the more reason to marvel at God’s love for us.
Be astonished that his love is so lavish that he does not fail to love us, like we fail to love him and our families, and that he does so despite our recurrent flops in representing him well to our kin.
—
8 Ways to Comfort the Suffering
I have officiated over forty funerals ranging from suicides to infants. I have buried the young and the old. I have sat in hospitals with the dying as well as in prisons with those who have taken life. For the last two years, I have walked with my Resplendent Bride as she has suffered through Lymphoma, Leukemia, and, as of twenty-two days ago, a bone marrow transplant. With one addled brained banality I hope to forever clinch my claim to the title of “Captain Obvious” by opening an article on how to disciple a member of the fellowship of the suffering with this astute observation: “People suffer differently.” So the process of discipling them through their pain will look different depending upon the person you are walking through the shadow lands with. People suffer differently. People are soothed differently. The goal of discipleship in the midst of suffering must be comfort in Christ, for the closer we walk with the Lord Jesus the more we see a small portion of the massive burden he always carries on our behalf. Surely the Lord Jesus walks with us through the feasts and the famines (Ps. 23).
Here are some lessons I have learned since joining the fellowship of suffering.
1. Show up.
Saying the wrong thing is a moot point if you don’ t show up at all. Do you know what is worse than saying the wrong thing? People feeling like you have abandoned them in their darkest hour. The elders of the church I have the honor of shepherding all agree on this truth when it comes to visitation: It’s trepidation followed by relief. For many visitation is trepidation followed by feeling silly because it wasn’t that bad at all. Solidarity with the suffering requires presence. Show up. Send a text. Dial a number. Mail a care package.
Partner—GCD—450x300
Show up even if you have to take a road trip to do so. As our society becomes more and more transient we find that people appear in our inner orbit for a minute only to show up in our outer orbit moments later. We hear of this or that tragedy, but they live way over there. If only there was something we could do. We feel sad about it for a few minutes and quickly move on to planning our up coming trip to the big gospel shindig where we’re going to fellowship with a bunch of brothers over how awesome it is to serve the one true living God. . .
We’ll go miles and miles for fun, while ignoring the shut in next door. My Resplendent Bride moved from St. Louis to the small town near Omaha I pastor in. Her pastor from St. Louis has visited three times over the last two years. One time he stopped on the way to Sturgis. Another time he brought up my Resplendent Bride’s father (who has a long history with brain tumors and can no longer drive long distances) with a trunk load of Christmas presents from his church. That’s a pastor.
Riddle me this:
How far would you travel if you were invited to speak at a conference?
How far would you travel for the silent invite of a member of the fellowship of the suffering?
I don’t like the answer I see in my heart either. Show up.
2. Bring Communion.
Bring the Bread. Bring the Cup. Bring them to the hospital room. Bring them to the empty, desolate house of mourning. Bring them to the hospice. Bring them to the nursing home. Bring them. Break bread with those who suffer.
Read Scriptures together and point them to Christ throughout (Lk. 24:27). Pray, confess sin, and partake together. Remember Christ as he commands us to remember him, for in doing so the sufferer will remember that Christ remembers them in the midst of their plight. If you belong to a tradition that has legislated only certain individuals handle the Lord’s Supper: gently remind certain individuals of their beautiful privilege.
3. Get Vaccinated.
If your doctor does not want you to get a flu shot because, say, you are pregnant, then by all means decline the flu shot. If, on the other well manicured hand, you are a man who fears needles or a sore arm I would humbly ask you to reconsider your position.
Many of those whom suffer are also immunocompromised. Many senior saints languishing in loneliness at the local nursing home have weakened immune systems. People undergoing chemo have weakened immune systems.
Don’t take your Typhoid Mary self to the hospital to go “love on people” if you haven’t gotten a flu shot. And whatever you do: don’t scoff at a suffering saint for following doctor’s orders.
4. Don’t Say Things You Don’t Really Mean.
Don’t say, “I’ll be praying for you” if you are not actually going to pray for a suffering saint. The phrase “I’ll be praying for you” exists to convey to a suffering saint that you are indeed remembering them before the God of all comfort. The phrase does not exist to make you look good. If you catch yourself typing “I’ll be praying for you” on social media consider praying before you type the infamous phrase.
In the same vein: refrain from saying, “If you ever need anything, and I mean ANYTHING, don’t hesitate to ask” to a person suffering if you are not willing to do absolutely anything. Suffering is not on a schedule. Sometimes it's a late night phone call, or a last minute meal. Sometimes a shoulder to cry on. If you offer anything, be ready and willing.
5. Talk About Things That Don’t Matter.
Sometimes what a person needs is to be reminded of the world of the living. The suffering saint is often consumed by their suffering. Talking about your child’s messy trip to Dairy Queen may be a most welcomed distraction. Talking about normal, everyday life can be balm to the soul for a member of the fellowship of the suffering. Talking about the mundane normalacy many take for granted can give hope to the suffering saint that they might enjoy such things again.
Make them laugh, unless they have stitches.
A word of caution: remember our overarching truth that people suffer differently. A suffering saint may well wonder, “Why is this person talking about their mush brained dog while I have the weight of the world weighing down on me? How rude.” Know the situation. Know when silence may be needed.
6. Talk About Things That Do Matter.
Did the Lord Jesus move to a pizzeria and not tell me? I do not jest. Did the Lord Jesus switch up the apocalypse and return as a barista? Because there is an entire school of thought out there that can be boiled down to: Get the suffering saint around good food. Cry all over them.
Suffering saints need you to lovingly bring their attention back to the promises of the Lord Jesus. He ordains this to be done with words. D.A. Carson rightly observes this of Job’s friends:
“In the custom of the day, they display their distress by crying loudly, tearing their robes, and sprinkling dust on their heads. And then they do the wisest thing they could have done, certainly much wiser than all the speeches they will shortly deliver; for seven days and seven nights they keep silence, awed by the depths of Job’s misery.” (How Long, O Lord? p. 137)
Yes, Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” By all means weep with the heart broken, but while you weep speak words of solace through your sobs.
John 11:35 does read, “Jesus Wept.” Yet John 11:25 precedes it with “Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies.'” And, John 11:43 follows it with, “Lazarus come forth.”
Additionally, it is a worthy goal in the midst of all the weeping to not weep so much as to cause the one suffering to feel such pity for your distress that the roles of mourner and comforter need be reversed.
7. Yes to Romans 8:28, but No! to idle speculation.
Ah, yes, our mutual friend Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Is God causing all things to work together for good? Yes. God is absolutely working out all things for good.
Do you know how? No. But, why not speculate that the reason God gave the cancer patient cancer is to be a great witness to the medical staff?
Why is this poor form? Piled on top of a person already in immense physical pain from cancer is the eternal destiny of the entire medical staff: doctor, resident, nutritionist, care coordinator, mid level, nurse, tech, house keeper, house keeping survey collector, murse, trash man, sharps collector.
“No pressure, and, feel better!”
The connotation is, “God’s working it all out, but it’s all dependent on you maintaining a cheery disposition during the most painful days of your life.” God is working out all things according to his plan and he will as sure as he lives bring good out of evil situations. I for one can’t wait to look back from the vantage point of eternity and see how our God orchestrated it all. But until that day much theory is idle speculation.
It also matters who is quoting Romans 8 and why. The “all things” of Romans 8 are brutish bloody things. We do not breezily quote Romans 8 at a suffering soul as if to say, “Get over it; don’t worry be happy!”
When the saint who has been in a scrap or two quotes Romans 8 there is a look in their eyes when they get to the “all things” part. The haunted hunted kind of look. The look is recognizable to all the fellowship of the suffering.
Others seem to quote Romans 8 as if to skip over or negate the “all things,” because their version of Christianity is a painless glossy kind of Christianity. The same verse coming from two different people can cause either comfort or rolled eyes.
I asked my Resplendent Bride what should go in this article, and this was one of her main suggestions. She felt that there were some whom used the Bible to dismiss the validity of suffering because they were the type of Christians who didn’t like to think about it.
8. Don’t blame the suffering saint for their suffering.
Job’s friends famously blamed Job for his suffering. Job must have done something wrong, right? How does such a blessed man fall into such disrepair if he is not being punished by the divine? If Job’s friends were around today they’d be quoting James 5:16b, “the effective prayer of a righteous man accomplish much.” When a person is first diagnosed, folks come out of the woodwork quoting James 5, carrying little bottles of oil; ready to anoint and pray for anything that moves.
However, should the illness linger, the sin hounds all come a sniffing. You see, the prayers of a righteous man accomplishes much, “Are you not righteous?” they say. Little attention is given to the fact that in James 5 the party praying is not the afflicted, but the elders.
The Bible does talk about God judging his errant children in the flesh. Ananias and Sapphira were struck down by the Lord for their sin in Acts 5. The assembly at Corinth suffered from sickness and death because they partook of the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy fashion (1 Cor. 11:27-30). Hebrews 12 talks about God the Father disciplining his children.
Yet in my visits to the hospital over the years I cannot with confidence say that this or that person was being judged for sin. I would caution the Christian to not rush to premature conclusions because to do so wrongly is the epitome of being judgmental. Such a casual suggestion could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Rather, we are to always have the gospel message, “Repent for the Kingdom of God is near” on our lips.
—
Evan Welcher is senior pastor of First Christian Church in Glenwood, Iowa. Husband of the lovely Danielle. Evan graduated with a B.S. in Bible from Emmaus Bible College in 2005. His goal in ministry is to stir up love for Jesus Christ by the giving of great care and fidelity to the teaching of the Scriptures. He blogs at EvanWelcher.com. Follow him on Twitter: @EvanWelcher
[Editor’s note: Evan requested I share with the readers that Danielle, his resplendent bride, died and saw her Savior May 3, 2014]
The Idol of Hospitality
My husband and I host people in our home all the time. We are called to live in community with one another. We strive to live in community on a regular basis, but with that community comes hosting duties. As a hostess I provide food, entertainment, and above all make sure my house is clean. These three things can become an obsession for me, so much in fact that I find I never leave the kitchen. It's unbelievably easy to get wrapped up in the details and not enjoy our company. We get so distracted with preparing that we leave little time for fellowship and gospel-intentionality.
When I get so consumed with preparing, the story of Mary and Martha hits home for me.
Hospitality: Gift or Idol?
While Jesus is traveling, Martha opens her home to him. At this point, Jesus is pretty popular in some circles. He isn’t just traveling with the 12 anymore. There are crowds following him. I picture Martha’s house resembling a sardine can, so I see why Martha felt the need to get everything ready.
Can we all relate to Martha? Don’t we all get a little apprehensive about having people over? Will there be enough food? Is my house clean enough? This concern and attention to detail can spread into a much bigger problem. Hospitality is a spiritual gift, but it can quickly become an idol.
I can’t count how many times I have been cleaning in the kitchen alone when people are over. People leave their plates everywhere; someone needs to clean it up. It’s my house so it’s my responsibility. There is a mental checklist of things I have to get done before I can join everyone. The countertops are dirty, there are dishes in the sink, and the chip bowl is empty.
Like Martha, I am distracted by all of the service..
I get so encumbered by these tasks that I don’t enjoy our company. My guests aren’t here to watch me keep my house clean. They are here to fellowship with me, just like Jesus is there to fellowship with Mary and Martha. What can start as a little preparation can become a big distraction.
Mary gets it. She probably laid out some cheese and crackers and made it a point to get a good seat. So good a seat that she was literally “at his feet.” Mary seems to be excited by the opportunity to spend time with Jesus. . Not only was Mary at Jesus’s feet, but she also “listened to his teaching.”
Meanwhile, Luke writes, Martha “was distracted with much serving.”
This simple juxtaposition calls the posture of their hearts into question. While Martha’s serving is not a bad thing, she quickly becomes consumed by it. Her heart is more centered on the hustle and bustle of having people over. Mary is captivated by Jesus. He is all she needs. Mary has centered her heart on Jesus.
Hebrews 12 says, “Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith...” Mary was laying aside every hindrance. She was intentional with her attention. I’m sure Mary knew there would be plenty of distractions, and she knew this was not the time to get caught up in them. Her sister, however, did not have the same perspective.
The Greek word for ‘serving’ is diakonian, which means ‘ministry.’ Oh, how this changes my mindset when I read it as, “Martha was distracted with her ministry.” How many times do we get caught up in our ministry we forget who we’re doing it for? We are so distracted by the ministry itself we forget to focus our hearts on the one our ministry is for. Instead of looking up, we begin to selfishly look inward.
A Change of Heart
We worship a God who is jealous for our attention and we live in a world that offers an endless supply of distractions. I justify my behavior by saying, “Jesus, I’m doing this for you!” I need to clean up while people are here so there are no distractions between them and God. Jesus gently replies, “No my child, you are doing it for yourself, in my name. You are the distraction.” Ouch.
Jesus replies the same way to Martha. The Message says, “Martha, dear Martha, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.”
Jesus isn’t telling Martha that her preparations are bad. He is saying that they have taken his place in her heart. Only one thing is needed: a heart held captive by God. Mary has chosen what is essential.
I’m a Martha. I am anxious and troubled about a huge list of things that have to get done before I can sit down. We have people over to eat good food and enjoy one another’s company. I want my home to be a welcoming hospital for the broken and hurting of the world to come in and be healed by the Physician. But the Spirit cannot speak through me when I am distracted with the ministry of “doing”. Christ no longer holds my heart captive, my selfish desires do.
My friend recently took her daughter to story time at the library. The children were seated looking at the storyteller. Every child had a view of the book until her child decided to stand up for a better view. She blocked everyone else’s view of the book. The other kids were now focused on her and not the story. They couldn’t see through her to the storyteller.
Martha was so consumed with her ministry she blocks the view of Jesus. “She went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’” (Luke 10:40) How often are we the ones who stand up in front of Jesus while blocking others’ view? And we do it in the name of our ministry.
Christ-centered Gatherings
So how do we stay Christ-centered at a simple gathering? For me, it means putting 2 Corinthians 10:5 into practice by “taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” When I get the itch to do the dishes that are piling up, I say a quick prayer to refocus my heart on Christ. Through the gospel, he alone offers me freedom from idolizing hospitality toward others.
It’s okay to be prepared, but as soon as the door opens, preparation should stop. Chances are, your house is already spotless and most of the food is ready to go. You've been there, done that. Something will always need to be cleaned, but company will not always be with you. So when you feel a Martha tendency surfacing, refocus your heart. Make Christ the ‘main course’ of your fellowship because it can’t be taken from you. Your friends are willingly walking into a Christ-centered environment, so make the most of it for Christ and the gospel.
In the grand scheme of things, what will you remember later in life? Will you remember you checked everything off your to-do list? Or how awesome it was to experience God’s presence in your home? Let’s make it a priority to focus on Christ who is Lord of our ministries rather than the ministry itself.
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Danielle Brooks lives in St. Augustine, Florida where she owns and operates Danielle Brooks Photography. Danielle and her husband, Rich, attend Coquina Community Church and host various weekly gatherings in their home. They are also parents to a crazy Russian Blue cat named Ava.
Reverse Hospitality
I am a serial home-opener. I admit it. If there’s a party to be thrown or a meeting to host, I’m first in line to volunteer my home. It’s just the way I was formed in my mother’s womb – one with the gift of hospitality. The desire and love for using my space (clean or dirty!) flows through my veins as powerfully as my morning caffeine! A few weeks ago, I hosted a Super Bowl party for our neighborhood church in our new home. When I say “new,” I mean, “we’ve been here for three months” kind of new! We had about forty adults and four hundred children running through our home for about four hours. (Okay, I it was more like two hundred kids). There were children crying, noses running, adults laughing, people eating, friends drinking for a very long time. Every once and I while I thanked the Lord for our 1-year home warranty because I was quite certain the ceiling was going to collapse. A friend even said to me on her way out the door, “I’m so thankful that you hosted this party.” Translation: I’m so glad this is your house and not mine. Eventually, everyone was gone. The house was quiet. And the quiet house was a disaster.
Now usually this is where I make my big confession that having the gift of hospitality really, really stinks. It’s usually at this moment that I realize that all my hard work of cleaning the house, preparing food, keeping everything flowing has been rewarded with house shrapnel. But not this time. This time was different for me. Why? Because for the first time in a very long time, I was loved and thought of as the host from before the party even began. From an hour before the party started and throughout the evening, I was constantly met with help and hospitality from the party-goers! I’m actually tearing up as I type this. The house was left just as horrifyingly messy as usual…but I was thrilled and content. Why? Because of the kindness shown to me by my guests, I awoke the following morning eager to clean and thank the Lord for a wonderful night with old friends and new. I didn’t have an ounce of frustration.
Reverse Hospitality
All this got me thinking (yes, while I was loading the dishwasher for the third time and still smiling!). I imagine that there are plenty of you out there who are not home-openers but home-goers. You aren’t the ones volunteering your homes, but you are very happy to enter other’s homes for meetings and parties. I’m going to take a wild guess and assume many of you have no idea how to be a good guest. I mean seriously, have you ever said to yourself before entering a home: “Man, I hope I can show hospitality to the host tonight?” Don’t lie. I know what you say. You say to yourself, “Man, I hope the host throws a good party tonight!”
Christian circles chatter a lot about how to be hospitable, but this is almost always from the perspective of the one playing the role of the host. The fact of the matter is that we spend far more time being an attendee than we do the host. I’d love to share some thoughts with you about how to be a hospitable recipient of hospitality. 1 Peter 4:9 says: “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” Why would he write this down for all of eternity if grumbling isn’t a typical side effect of showing hospitality? As someone who is more often the giver than the receiver of hospitality (let’s face it, no one invites their pastor or his family over for dinner, right!?!), I thought I’d share with you some ways that you can help your hostess win the battle against grumbling.
8 Hints for Reverse Hospitality
1. Think ahead. Call or text (do not email!) the host about an hour before the gathering. Ask her if there’s anything she needs…or even crazier, if you can help clean! Gasp! Try to consider that the host (and the family she has enslaved for the hour) is running around frantically trying to hide the clutter in every nook and cranny while her kids are simultaneously pulling out every toy they never knew they had. Most likely they’re finding permanent markers and paint. She’s fighting a losing battle. One simple gesture of being thought of can give her a great deal of momentum.
Recently, I had one friend text to see if she could come help me clean before the party. I had a couple volunteer to do my dishes before the party, and yet another friend came by to drop off a television. She looked around, saw the state of the home, and stayed to help clean too. Dang, I’m looking like a really awesome housekeeper right now. Anyway, I needed the help, but I would never have asked for it. What a gift those friends were!
2. Take a gift. You know, a hostess gift. It’s pretty easy for me to say this being that I’ll often be the recipient, but it’s true. This used to be common sense, but in recent years the notion of a hostess gift has gone to the wayside. I’d love to see it brought back to life. I don’t mean a gift like you run out to Anthropologie and buy her a cardigan (I mean, unless you want to!). I’m just saying it’s customary to enter the home with something in your hand to contribute to the party or her home. A bottle of wine. A CD with party music that you’ve mixed for her. A bag of salad mix – anything that says, “I’m not a freeloader. I appreciate you having me over.”
Our Super Bowl party was a potluck, so fortunately almost everyone came with a hostess gift. The cool thing is that several guests left us treats – an unopened box of tiramisu, a box of steaks, and a bottle of wine. Thanks friends! One of my favorite “gifts” is a pack of napkins. I buy several packets from Ikea every time I visit so that I always have a pack ready to give.
3. Think about the guests – during the gathering! Remember that the church is a family. We work and play together. We should all look to exercise hospitality at a party—pursuing the stranger, loving a neighbor, encouraging others. There is no possible way that the hostess can be present with everyone at every moment. Her goal is to keep everyone entertained and feeling welcomed. Feel free to join her on this mission by keeping an eye out for the wall flowers and corner dwellers in the room. Go up to them. Introduce yourself. Make a new friend. Your hostess will be delighted.
We had a great mix of neighbors, friends, and acquaintances. We had a couple come that was so new to the city that they’re not even living in Austin yet. Suffice it to say they knew no one in the room. Wanna hear the crazy thing? They were the last two to leave! This is because so many people reached out to them and showed interest in them. Heck, I’d savor every last moment of that too!
5. Keep it short and gracious with the hostess – your conversation, that is. Trust me on this. She is thinking about everyone in the room. Not just you. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but during the party you are not the only planet in her solar system. Please do not use the event as the perfect time to fill her in on your latest heartache and how devastated you are. Use the party to express interest in hanging out later in the week. Also, and I have seriously had this happen – do not, under any circumstances, use the party as the time to confess how you’ve been angry and bitter towards her. End of story. Don’t do it.
The Super Bowl party was so enjoyable to me! I was able to keep floating around the room, checking on people, adoring the children, making introductions, and so forth. I was never once asked to sneak away for a private conversation… and, sigh of relief, was never punched in the proverbial gut for disappointing someone that week. Whew! Good times.
6. Take what you brought. Please hear me on this. I wish there was a more gentle way of saying this, but this is the best I can come up with: The hostess just cannot deliver your Pyrex containers to you. It cannot be her responsibility to wash your casserole dish or your fleece sweater. Please take what you brought, and kindly arrange a time to pick up what gets forgotten. She will most likely lose your casserole dish … or, knowing her, will give it to someone who needs a meal!
Of course there were items and dishes left on the counter last time…but so far no one has made any demands on me to deliver anything. I am rejoicing in that! In fact, I’ve set up a Lost and Found bin in my garage. If anyone leaves something, I throw it in there. No more transferring unclaimed clutter from room to room day after day. Freedom!
7. Think about the hostess – during the gathering! You cannot begin to imagine how much it helps to have people tending to your home while you’re entertaining. Be mindful of juiceboxes and paper plates just lying around for the elusive “someone” to pick up. Why not pick them up yourself? If you see the ice level getting low, how about not telling the hostess but rather fill it up yourself. Trust me – she won’t mind. She has no personal connection to the ice maker.
A gentleman came to me during the Super Bowl and quietly asked, “Where do you keep your trash bags?” Are you kidding me!?! What a beautiful question. I wanted to hug him! Most guests say something like: “Your trash needs to be emptied.” Nate let me know he was on it and just needed some help with the supplies. His wife married good!
8. Think twice. By this I mean to contact your host sometime following the party to thank her. Of course you should thank her before you leave…but I’m suggesting contacting her again once it’s all said and done. She has poured her heart out in preparation. Even the smallest of gatherings require cleaning and a lot of thought. When everyone is out of her house, she will spend quite a bit of time trying to determine if everyone enjoyed themselves and if the goal of the evening was accomplished. Your simple text, voicemail, email can make a huge difference to her. Something so quick and effortless carries a huge impact on her heart. Grateful hearts give her fuel to host another gathering!
I’ve had several emails thanking me for the party and know what’s even better? I’ve had two women ask me if they can come over and help me clean up! What a joy to be offered help like that. That is reverse hospitality!
These are seven simple ways that the receiver of hospitality can profoundly encourage the giver of hospitality. I have hosted events where none of these happened, and I’ve hosted events where each of them occurred. There is a marked difference in my memories of the events. I’ll give you two guesses s to which I remember more fondly.
The Chief Host
I want to be clear before concluding. As a bearer of a spiritual gift, I am responsible for my own heart. I believe each gift from the Lord comes with it’s own job hazard such as pride and fear of man. The job hazard of hospitality is often bitterness. I am responsible to guard my heart against it whether or not anyone ever expresses gratitude for offering my home, time, money and energy. Even under the best of circumstances, there’s always something I can find to complain about. After about twenty years of using my gift of hospitality, the Lord has proven to me that He alone can bear the burden of meeting all my needs. Even the best of parties can leave me wanting if I am not serving or leaning on the power of Christ. He is the gift provider and the giver of the grace to accomplish it.
Having said that, isn’t it wonderful, though, that as family of God we can make things easier for each other? We can “show hospitality to one another,” even if you don’t do much hosting. We can bear one another’s burdens, while enjoying a party. Jesus frees us to serve one another, and from keeping a record of hospitality, because he is our chief Host. He lays a banquet of perfect rest and delight.
My hope in writing these words is to encourage you to be an encourager. I’d be so thrilled if just one more hostess could wake up the morning after so grateful that the Lord gave her the privilege of destroying her home for His people. As a serial home-opener, I’m encouraging you to be a hospitable receiver of hospitality, to practice reverse hospitality. The party will be better for it!
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Robie Kaye Dodson lives in Austin, Tx with her husband Jonathan and their three young children. She's a horrible cook and a worse housekeeper...but she loves Jesus who gives her worth and meaning in the majestic and mundane of life. When all else fails, she makes dresses! Read more of her craft at www.sosewsomething.com. Follow on Twitter: @RobieDodson
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Read Gospel Amnesia by Luma Simms.
More articles on this topic: The Domain of Influence by JR Vassar and Hospitality and the Great Commission by David Mathis
Hospitality and the Great Commission
The twelve of us sat in silence, on the edge of our seats. You could have heard a pin drop. I had pilgrimaged from Minnesota to muggy Orlando, and her stifling August humidity, for a weeklong intensive course on evangelism with Steve Childers. Fortunately, Reformed Theological Seminary is as air-conditioned as it is Reformed.
With only a dozen students on board for five 9-hour days with one of the country’s top church-planting strategists, it was a rich week, to say the least. During these precious hours, the Beijing Olympics were playing second fiddle to learning about the advance of the gospel around the world and in personal conversation.
Time and again Childers had thrown us curveballs. He knew how to keep us on our toes. But now he had us nothing short of captivated.
The Key to 21st-Century Evangelism
“You know what the key to evangelism in the 21st-century will be, don’t you?”
He wasn’t talking Global South, but the Western hemisphere — and America in particular.
I’m sure he could see on our faces how eager we were for his answer. Wow, the key, we were thinking. This is huge.
He paused and smiled that memorable Steve Childers world-evangelism grin. He waited. Still waiting. Still paused. Still nothing. Hold it . . . hold it. I was almost ready to burst with, “Just c’mon already!”
Finally he lifted the curtain.
“Hospitality.”
Then another long pause to let it sink it.
Hospitality and Post-Christendom
In a progressively post-Christian society, the importance of hospitality as an evangelistic asset is growing rapidly. Increasingly, the most strategic turf on which to engage the unbelieving with the good news of Jesus may be the turf of our own homes.
When people don’t gather in droves for stadium crusades, or tarry long enough on the sidewalk to hear your gospel spiel, what will you do? Where will you interact with the unbelieving about the things that matter most?
Invite them to dinner.
For several of us in Childers’s class, the lights went on after his dramatic revelation. Biblical texts on hospitality were springing to mind. A theme we’d previously thought of as a secondary fellowship-type-thing was taking shape as a significant strategy for evangelism in a post-Christian milieu.
Love for Outsiders
The New Testament word for “hospitality” (Greek philozenia) comes from a compound of “love” and “stranger.” Hospitality has its origin, literally, in love for outsiders.
One of the more memorable texts is Hebrews 13:1–2: “Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Yes, love the brothers, says Hebrews, but make sure you don’t forget this. Don’t neglect to love strangers as well.
Love for fellow Christians is important, essential — some call it “the final apologetic,” based on John 13:35 — but there’s a way in which it may not be all that impressive. Loving those who love you — “Do not even unbelievers do the same?” asks Jesus (Matthew 5:47). But showing love to outsiders, now that rings of life-change. That has the fingerprints of your heavenly Father all over it.
Seeking to Show Hospitality
In Romans 12, as the apostle Paul points us to important flashpoints for how our lives should look when claimed by the gospel, he says, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Romans 12:12–13).
It could be that this charge to hospitality is another way of saying “contribute to the needs of the saints,” but it seems more likely to be a summons to demonstrate kindness to outsiders — like the kind Publius showed Paul in Acts 28:7 on the island of Malta: “Now in the neighborhood of that place were lands belonging to the chief man of the island, named Publius, who received us and entertained us hospitably for three days.”
Outsiders from Around Town
Keep thinking through the New Testament mentions of hospitality, and see that it’s no peripheral theme. Hospitality even finds its way into such a prominent place as both lists of elder qualifications.
An elder “must be . . . hospitable.” 1 Timothy 3:2
An elder, “as God’s steward, must be . . . hospitable.” Titus 1:8
Are we listening? When was the last time we turned down a man from joining the council because he wasn’t hospitable? It’s important enough in Paul’s mind to mention it to both Timothy and Titus for their elder selection.
It matters tremendously how the elders orient toward “outsiders.” The elders set the tone for how the church will engage with nonbelievers. The church of yore may be taken aback to read that an elder “must be well thought of by outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:7), but as Christendom crumbles, we begin to see this value in new light. If the elders who are to be “examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:3) don’t themselves show up on the front lines to engage with the city’s unbelieving, it’s unlikely the flock will embrace the mission the shepherds are avoiding.
Inviting in the Believing As Well
Lest we swing the pendulum and think the charge to “hospitality” no longer enjoins us to care for fellow believers, 1 Peter 4:9 and 3 John 5–8 stand ready to balance things out. See 1 Peter 4:9 in context with verses 8–10:
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace . . .
So full Christian hospitality includes inviting in other believers as well, caring for each other, “washing the feet of the saints,” “contributing to the needs of the saints,” and so on. Not just for making converts, but for the Great Commission task of making disciples as well. And there's more.
Strategic Hospitality
Christian hospitality serves Jesus’s global mission by inviting in traveling missionaries. John’s third epistle commends this kind of care.
Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers,strangers as they are, who testified to your love before the church. You will do well to send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God. For they have gone out for the sake of the name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth. - 3 John 5–8
So let your hospitality include not only unbelieving neighbors and co-workers, but also furloughing missionaries sent out for global gospel propagation. John Piper calls it “strategic hospitality.”
Strategic hospitality . . . asks: How can I draw the most people into a deep experience of God’s hospitality by the use of my home . . . ? Who are the people who could be brought together in my home most strategically for the sake of the kingdom? . . .
Strategic hospitality is not content to just have the old clan over for dinner again and again. It strategizes how to make the hospitality of God known and felt all over the world, from the lonely church member right here, to the Gola farmers in Tahn, Liberia. Don’t ever underestimate the power of your living room as a launching pad for new life and hope and ministry and mission!
Why We Love Strangers
So Christian hospitality makes room for fellow believers and global gospel carriers, but the note we’re striking here is the evangelistic one — inviting in the outsider, welcoming unbelievers into our space, in hopes of bringing Jesus into theirs.
The reason this is no minor biblical theme is because the streams of hospitality flow deeply from the well of God. Christians love the stranger, because we have been loved by the Father when we ourselves were strangers. Hospitality rises in its purest form when we heed Paul’s counsel, “Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world” (Ephesians 2:12).
In Jesus, we find ourselves now to be the enemy who has been loved, the sinner who is saved, the stranger who is welcomed. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). And welcomed strangers should be quick to learn to welcome other strangers.
Our love for outsiders runs deep as it flows from remembering ourselves to be outsiders who have been dearly loved by a lavishly hospitable God.
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David Mathis (@davidcmathis) is executive editor for John Piper and Desiring God, and elder at Bethlehem Baptist Church in the Twin Cities. He and his wife Megan have twin sons (Carson and Coleman) and live in Minneapolis. David is editor of several books, including Thinking. Loving. Doing. and Finish the Mission.
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Read the e-book Gospel Amnesia: Forgetting the Goodness of the News by Luma Simms.
Read related articles: Paul's E-mail to Ephesus by Ben Roberts and Street Grace by Jake Chambers.
Generosity & Contentment
Editor's Note: This is a repost of How the Gospel Makes Us Generous and Content with Our Money. It appears here with the author's permission. ---
The danger of wealth has been a prominent theme in the teaching of several pastors in recent years. John Piper's chapter on money in Desiring God has shaped me and many others to a great degree. More recently, authors David Platt and Francis Chan have championed a similar message with their books Radical and Crazy Love.
Their message has met considerable resistance with counter warnings against embracing a “poverty theology.” Should we not rejoice in what God has given? Shouldn’t we want to take care of our families and provide for them? Shouldn’t pastors be paid well so their wives don’t have to work and they are not continually stressed out with financial pressure?
I'm afraid the framing of this discussion leads us to ask the wrong questions. Like the junior high boy who wonders "how far is too far" with his girlfriend, we are quickly caught up in questions about how rich is too rich, how poor is too poor, and the like. Where is the line? Do I feel guilty for having too much? Do the kids have enough? What does “enough” even mean? Should I feel guilty about not giving as much as so-and-so? If I give more, does that mean I am more spiritual? The hamster wheel of comparison, propelled by our spring-loaded legalism, keeps spinning unto exhaustion. We are all tempted to be prideful about what we give or feel guilty about what we don’t. Neither response befits the gospel, which crushes pride and erases guilt.
Financial Peace
Still, the question remains: how should we handle money? I've learned a lot from Dave Ramsey, an extremely popular radio host, author of The Total Money Makeover, and speaker who teaches people how to manage money so they can attain “financial peace.” He is also a Christian who loves to motivate people to cease being a “slave to the lender” Prov. 22:7 and manage their money so that their money doesn’t manage them.
Ramsey markets his successful 13-week program, Financial Peace University, to churches, schools, military institutions, and others all over the world. My wife and I used his program a few years ago to pay off all her graduate school debt and our minivan (total: about $50,000) in roughly four years. We have lived in the past with big debt. Now we are living with zero debt, as we rent a house. The debt-free lifestyle has given us freedom and removed the stress of money from our our marriage, even when times are tight.
When counseling young couples, we plead with them to obtain a plan for their money. If we would have heard about Ramsey when we were 22 instead of 30 years of age, our financial outlook would be much better today. But there is a point of grave danger that I always communicate when we talk about Ramsey. If you follow his principles, most likely you will have more money. You will perhaps get really rich. In fact, Dave emphasizes this every day on his radio show when he regularly says, “Debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has replaced the BMW as the status symbol of choice.” Is it wrong to be rich? No, but it IS dangerous.
When I read the Bible I don’t see the pursuit of riches as a worthy goal to pursue as an end in itself. I don’t think Ramsey believes this, either, but I wish he would state this clearer and more often.
Think of all the warnings from Jesus about money:
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. - Matt. 6:24
And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” - Luke 12:15
As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. - Matt. 13:22
Even so, we shouldn't respond to these warnings by resolving to be dumb with our money to make sure we remain poor. Rather, pursuing a biblical perspective involves three things: 1) financial wisdom, 2) contentment, and 3) generosity.
Seek Financial Wisdom
Said plainly, I would get Ramsey’s book and do what he says to get out of debt and manage your money. You might not agree with everything he says, but most of us need a much better financial plan.
Pursue Contentment
Contentment is a more biblical goal than getting rich. Paul writes about this 1 Timothy 6:6-10:
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.
This is where I have a problem with Ramsey’s emphasis on getting rich. It doesn’t seem to square with what the Bible teaches. Is it wrong to be rich? No, and “rich” is a very relative term. No one thinks he is rich, because everyone knows someone who is WAY wealthier. Ramsey is a millionaire many times over, but his wealth doesn’t hold a candle to Bill Gates or Michael Jordan. So what is “rich” anyway? Who knows, but however you slice it, the Bible tells us to be content with what we have and pursue simplicity (Heb. 13:5). The goal needs to be freedom with contentedness, not a yearning for more stuff.
Be Generous
To Ramsey’s credit, he frequently emphasizes the joy of extravagant giving. Look at how Paul exhorts the rich in 1 Timothy 6:17-19:
As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.
If you have the ability to make lots of money, maybe you should. But as you do, be sure to constantly check your heart along the way. Jesus’ words cannot be trifled with. Be constantly on the lookout for how you can be a blessing and how the kingdom of God can be furthered in our day through your resources.
Gospel Emphasis
Rather than debating between "radical" living for God and the dangers of "poverty theology," we learn from 1 Timothy 6 that contentment and generosity should be our emphasis in light of the gospel.
God has already provided all that we will ever need (Rom. 8:32). He cares for grass (Matt. 6:28-30) and birds (Matt. 10:29), so we can be content with or without stuff. God has been infinitely generous with us in Christ so, rich or poor, we can be joyfully generous in a way that makes our neighbors scratch their heads and say, “Who are these people?"
Generosity is not a poverty theology. Contentment with thankfulness is not a prosperity theology. The gospel motivates us to be generous and gives us ultimate contentment.
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Zach Nielsen is one of the pastors at The Vine Church in Madison, Wisconsin, where he serves in the areas of preaching, leadership development, and music. He is a graduate of the University of Northern Iowa and Covenant Theological Seminary and blogs at Take Your Vitamin Z. Twitter: @znielsen
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For more resources on thinking through the implications of the gospel in our everyday lives, check out Unbelievable Gospel by Jonathan Dodson. It is now also available in print.
For more free articles on the gospel and money, read: Against Transactional Sanctification by Bill Streger and 8 Ways to Fight Consumerism by Hugh Halter.
Finding Christ in the Family Room
Scripture does not give us an imperative for family worship. This is important to say at the outset so that we are not laying down “sanctification” markers for each other. Having said that, however, we still need to acknowledge that God's Word does command us to teach our children how to love the Lord (Deut. 6) and train them in his discipline and instruction (Ephesians 6:4).
Principles & Methods
Before looking at family worship, it is important to discuss how the Bible gives us principles that we are to take and wisely apply in our particular situation. We should not do this just to go along with the more “sanctified” crowd. No, we are to be realistic about ourselves, our children, our own family culture, our strengths and weaknesses, and then prayerfully and wisely make household decisions. So whether in education, entertainment, clothing styles, family activities, and so on, we look to Scripture for liberties and boundaries and make thoughtful, prayerful choices.
Sometimes, we may find that the choice we made doesn't fit with our individual family, and we should adjust. Either way, when Scripture gives us principles, we should not use our particular application as a measuring rod for other people's devotion to Christ, nor are we to hold it up as the only godly way of living out a particular Biblical principle. This is not relativism. This is called grace. We need to give each other grace to execute these principles differently in the context of our individual families. This is one of the differences between principles and methods.
"Family Worship"
I've prayed for my children throughout pregnancy, during delivery, and over them as babies. Even when we were nominal Christians, we prayed with our children before bed. But I remember distinctly the first time I saw what is known as “family worship.” We had just moved into a new neighborhood and began attending a small Reformed church when a dear family took us under their wings and began mentoring us. They invited us into their home, where we got to see a family living the life of faithful Christians.
I was a green-behind-the-ears stay-at-home mom, desiring to learn what this new role—which I had been kicking against and hoping to avoid—really looked like day in and day out. Even though I had just delivered our third child we felt “new” in our roles because we had at that same time decided to eschew feminism, careerism, and egalitarianism for “the traditional biblical model,” if such a thing was possible.
This family at the time was going through Starr Meade's Training Hearts, Teaching Minds. Their love for each other and the responsiveness of the children to the parents was evident. And so we promptly bought the same book, which is a family devotional based on the Westminster Shorter Catechism. After a few months, our mentor family moved away, but we kept on going with our family worship. We did different books through different seasons. But things kept escalating until we arrived at the point where my husband wrote a family liturgy that we would recite—a liturgy that might be beautiful if done correctly in a church but not fit for family worship. In our zeal for “godliness,” we crushed our children with "family worship."
Tools of Discipleship
Family worship is a tool, and if the parents are tethered to the gospel, it can be a wonderful discipleship tool in the home. However, if this tool is not used wisely it can become a joyless burden to the children. Discernment is required. We should probably think through a few guiding principles as we seek to use the tool of family worship in our homes.
1. A Merciful Perspective
First, we need to remember to be merciful to our children in the area of family worship. Many Christian parents love their children and desire them to grow into Christ followers. This is as it should be, and I praise God for it. But with this comes a temptation that we should be aware of and work to keep in check. We can be so driven by our desires to see our kids saved and sanctified we forget how God deals with us as his children. I think it is helpful to not only think of ourselves as parents but as children—Children of our heavenly Father. If we keep this thought at the forefront of our parenting, it will drive us to be more mindful of their perspective or frame.
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. - Psalm 103:13–14
In this Psalm, God is compared to a father who shows compassion on his children. If we are not characterized by compassion to our children, this should cause us to do a 180 degree turn! Scrolling up to verse 8, we are told, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.”
Do we give our children this kind of bountiful grace or do we call them on the carpet for every sin? Do we spend our time chiding them for their wriggly bottoms during family worship or do we adjust our expectations of these little souls remembering our own wriggly bottoms when the Lord is trying to teach us something? Psalm 130:3 says, “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.”
2. Acts of Gentleness
Let us take our parenting cues from our heavenly Father. Does your family have a two year old? Well, maybe he gets his own bedtime prayer and you wait until that little person is asleep instead of forcing a tired toddler to sit still in the lap to “participate” in family worship. A time of day when everyone is excited to be together and involved would be a good time to harness to use for building your children in the Lord (e.g. meal time, prayer time right before bed when most children tend to be more open and willing to be gently shepherded).
Think back to how longsuffering your heavenly Father has been with you. How many of your sins has he forgiven? How long has it taken you to get to where you are right now and how much more time will it take to be formed into the image of Christ? This should correct our expectations of our children and help us enact gentle kindness and longsuffering patience toward them as we use the tool of family worship in our home.
3. Relentless Prayer
Next, we must remember that family worship is only one tool, not the only tool that the Lord can and will use in the life of your child. Don't let it be the end all and be all, which was my temptation and stumbling block. Our heavenly Father is so creative. Every day I am surprised at the manifold ways he works on my children's hearts.
The most potent tool for discipling and reaching the heart of your children is actually prayer. No “family this” or “family that” will ever have the power to transform the lives of the members of the family—only prayer in the name of Jesus. Let us be like the widow who was relentless and persistent, who wouldn't stop going to the judge. (Luke 18:1–8) Let us day and night bombard heaven with prayers for, and often with, our children.
Putting the Worship Back in Family Worship
Having said all this, I do want to note that the Lord does indeed use the methods of family worship. I certainly don't want to discount that, I just want to put it in its proper place. Family worship should not occupy the center. Jesus does. Family worship is a tool that I personally love and believe can bring depth to the spiritual life of a family, when used wisely.
In our case, we now use three different gospel-centered books for family worship. We have five children, and their ages range from 1 to 18. For us, we needed gospel-focused books that would work in a family that has kids of all ages. So we rotate between using The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally-Lloyd Jones, The Gospel Story Bible by Marty Machowski, and Long Story Short also by Marty Machowski.
We are not perfectionists about these books. Sometimes we do one lesson or story. Other times we do more. We give the kids who can read the Bible readings to read to the family. We put the baby to bed first so he isn't a distraction and so we're not spending all our time trying to keep him still.
We also allow the children to choose what they want to pray for. Usually the older ones will pray for global saints and churches, the middle prays for church family members on the church prayer calendar, and our 4 ½ year old just loves to pray for his baby brother.
Now, this is just an example of our method. Don't feel compelled to go follow it. Pray and consider the frame of your children. Maybe what is best for right now is a short prayer in the morning with a verse or something from The Jesus Storybook Bible. There was a time when teaching and reciting the Children's Catechism was fruitful for us, and a time when it was good for us to look elsewhere. Explore different options and don't get caught in that harsh place where the perfect becomes the enemy of the good. Don't be too disappointed if something doesn't work out, keep trying.
Above all, remember that the goal of any of these discipleship tools is to draw that little person's (or big person's) soul to Jesus Christ. We don't need to prove our theological prowess to our children, we just need to show them the same kind of love Jesus shows us.
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Luma Simms (@lumasimms) is a wife and mother of five delightful children between the ages of 1 and 18. She studied physics and law before Christ led her to become a writer, blogger, and Bible study teacher. Her book Gospel Amnesia is forthcoming on GCD Press. She blogs regularly at Gospel Grace.
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For more resources on family worship check-out Winfield Bevin's A Beginner's Guide to Family Worship.
Gospel Hospitality
Hospitality is a forgotten art. It also has a lost biblical history. We can recover the art of hospitality by understanding what it is and discerning how the gospel changes our notions of hospitality. In general, hospitality is about treating strangers as equals by creating space for them to be protected, provided for, and taken care of, followed by assisting and guiding them to their next destination. Let's see how this holds up to scripture. The Origin of Hospitality
There is a lot of history to consider in understanding the act or art of hospitality, but it all goes back to the beginning. In Genesis 1-2, we discern God’s first hospitable act. Consider what God did when he created the world and the garden of Eden for humanity to live in it. He gave Adam and Eve all they needed to enjoy life restfully while doing the work He created them for. He gave them space to exist, to enjoy creation, and to enjoy each other and fellowship with Him. They were given both the space and the capability to create, to work, and to exercise authority, with all the resources necessary they needed.
Israel: God's Hospitable People
Consider God’s commands to His people regarding hospitality to strangers (Lev 19:9-10, 33-34; Deut 10:18-19). Through Abraham and Sarah, God created a new nation - a People blessed to be a blessing to all nations. He gave them all the resources and capabilities to exercise hospitality to strangers, orphans, and widows. Similar to the Garden experience, Israel offered His people a place of refuge where others could rest and receive all they needed, enabling them to do what God had created them to do. However, now this rest came in the midst of a broken, sinful world.
On the flip side, think of the number of occasions where Israel found itself as the strangers among a host people. In some cases they found a hospitable reception (Egypt with Joseph in charge; the spies and Rahab). In other cases they found themselves treated like enemies or slaves (Slavery in Egypt; Babylonian Captivity). God had called them to be hospitable, yet they often failed to do so. After, receiving hospitality this must have become clearer to them.
God allows us to experience grace as recipients so that we might be distributors of grace to others.
God allows us to experience grace as recipients so that we might be distributors of grace to others. Hospitality toward Israel was a clear example of God’s gracious gift, once again, and should have motivated generous hospitality. Unfortunately, Israel failed to enter God's rest because of their unbelief and disobedience (Heb 4). So, they not only failed to rest in the work of God, but also failed to offer that rest to other nations. In all their hospitable failures, they needed one who would fully rest in God in order to become an enduring place of refuge for others.
Rethinking Hospitality with Jesus
Jesus entered into a culture shaped by a variety of world views (The Imperial Cult, Jewish Monotheism, and Hellenistic Philosophy to name a few). In this culture, the concept of hospitality was rooted in several different traditions. First, the idea of taking in a hostile stranger or enemy and treating him as you would yourself. Second, the Greek practice of hospitality in which a stranger passing outside a Greek house would be invited inside the house by the family. The host washed the stranger's feet and offered him/her food and wine. Only after the stranger was feeling comfortable, could the host ask his or her name. This practice stemmed from the thought that the gods mingled among men, and if you played a poor host to a deity, you would incur the wrath of a god.
A third shaping force in the concept of hospitality in Jesus’ day was the Hebrew understanding (as briefly considered in the passages above and demonstrated also in the story of Lot and the angels– Genesis 19). Jesus comes into this cultural context and calls the weary to himself, feeds the hungry, mends the broken, eats with sinners and tax collectors, washes his disciples' feet...and ultimately gives his life to cleanse us from sin, deal with our unbelief and provide a way and place for us to rest. Jesus lives, loves, obeys, works, dies, and rises again so that we might find a place of rest, renewal and recreation. He offers us rest in order to send us on our way to be about God's purposes - rescued to offer rest. Jesus saved us to be His Hospitable People!
3 Ways the Church Can be Hospitable
In light of the Gospel, we might define hospitality as the creation of a space that allows people to BE themselves, to BECOME renewed, and to DO the works God has saved them for. When we properly exercise hospitality, we welcome people to be themselves in the warmth of the light of Christ, to become renewed by being changed by the work of Christ, and to do works we have been created for in Christ.
To Be Rested
In a broken world, marred and diseased by the effects of sin, people need the space to rest. This is why Jesus called people who were weary and heavy-laden to come to him. He would give them rest for their weary souls. Jesus calls us to rest in His work on our behalf so we can be a people at rest who provide sanctuaries of rest for others.
Before the Fall, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. God had created a place and made space for them to be themselves without covering or facades. If we are in Christ, we are clothed with His righteousness. We don’t need to cover up or hide. One of the ways we create space for people to experience and come to understand the gospel is by creating space for people to reveal their true self and see that they are loved regardless of the “wrinkles and scars” of sin. How do we create space for people to be their true self?
To Become Renewed
The gospel isn’t only about loving and forgiving sinners. It is also about restoring broken and marred people into healed and whole people who grow up to become imitators of Jesus Christ – restored image bearers of God. Jesus created space for people to be and to become (Think of Mary, Peter, Thomas, the woman at the well, the blind man, the paralyzed). Gospel hospitality implies creating space for people to be known, to be real, to be loved, and ultimately to be led with the Holy Spirit’s help to healing and wholeness through the work and person of Jesus Christ. How do we create space for people to be led toward healing and wholeness?
To Do Works
The gospel moves from who God is and what Christ has done on our behalf into the works He created us to do (See Ephesians 2:8-10).
This is the result of Jesus’ gospel hospitality. He got on the same level with his enemy – becoming human. He became our servant – to the point of death. He spent all that He had in order to clean us up – by becoming our sin and giving us His righteousness (2 Cor 5:21). Then He sent us His Spirit to empower us to do good works for His sake so others could be welcomed in to the family. When we engage in gospel hospitality, we are regularly asking ourselves this question:
How do we create space for the stranger to be rested, restored, healed, and prepared in Jesus Christ for the work God has called them to?
Will you join God's rich history of providing rest in order to extend rest? Remember, everything he has called you to do he has already done for you in Christ Jesus. You have everything you need to offer gospel hospitality to the strangers, friends, and even enemies around you.
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Jeff Vanderstelt and his wife, Jayne, have three children: Haylee, Caleb and Maggie. He is a pastor at Soma Communities in Tacoma, WA and a trainer for church planters. He blogs here. Twitter @JeffVanderstelt
A Story Of Gospel Community
In two weeks, in a suburban town outside of Seattle, we'll celebrate God's grace and the Spirit's work through baptizing a new disciple of Jesus. This is the story of how a neighborhood can look like the book of Acts, where disciples are made and we teach and preach from house-to-house, an example of how to make disciples in our sphere of influence... in today's context. We moved into our housing development 7 1/2 years ago, and for the first 6 years, we didn't know anyone who didn't live next to us. I’m serious. I didn't know the guy across the street. By the way, his name is Trevor, and he's getting baptized in my backyard. But, for the first 6 years, the extent of our reaching-out to our neighbors was leading a youth group and handing out bibles door-to-door and singing Christmas carols in the dark because people shut off their lights on us. Sometime while standing in the cold singing "O Come All Ye Faithful," I started to think, "Maybe we need a different modus operandi for bringing the gospel to my neighbors."
I decided to leave my one church to seek out help from people who have done this before, and I landed with Soma Communities. Truth be known, I am very prideful in the way I do things. Whether it is my orthodoxy or my orthopraxy, I feel like I have it down to some degree, which is a spillover from my success in business. It is wrong thinking, but I know this about myself. When coming to Soma Communities, I purposed to be a learner. What I asked myself was, "If you know so much, how come no one around you is repenting and being baptized?" So, even though I was soon asked to take a lead role in a Missional Community out in my suburban city, I decided to just sit back and learn. As I learned, as I listened, I began to be intrigued, and I finally had to act on it.
I asked a new friend of mine, Caesar, "How should I start? Where should I begin in my community?"
He suggested, "Ask the Spirit, 'What's next?'"
At that time, I rarely asked the Spirit to guide and empower me for mission because I was doing nothing that would require the Spirit. I was insular, hanging around only Christian people, and rarely ever engaging anyone with the Gospel or showing them the effects of the Gospel and how that might look in our community. There was no reason to pray. It would have been like asking God to help me flip the channels on my television.
Well. My wife and I prayed... Spirit, what's next?
If you want to open the power of the Spirit like freeing a hungry lion from its cage, then ask the Spirit what's next with a desire to show others what He's like for the sake of making disciples.
The Spirit answered by simply telling my wife and me this: On July 4th, instead of having your BBQ in the backyard, move it to the front yard.
This isn't earth shattering, but as Luke 16:10 puts it, he who can be trusted with a little, can be trusted with a lot. We agreed with the Spirit and decided that would be a good idea. Then He pressed. We ended up putting together a 4th of July wiffle ball tournament and cook off and going door-to-door handing out flyers. The response was overwhelming. This was the first time I met Trevor, my neighbor from across the street. He entered a wiffle ball team, and they won. Whatever. In the end, we had about 40 people play in the tourney and around 150 people at the 4th of July festivities. People continued to come up to me and tell me it was the best 4th of July party they had ever been to. It reminded us all of the Wonder Years. We didn't want this to only happen once a year. So, we started throwing BBQs all the time and inviting people over to have dinner from the connections we made on the 4th.
As summer was drawing to a close, my wife and I knew one thing: we needed help to build this community to reflect the community of God. We started praying that God would send helpers and had other leaders within Soma praying for us as well. God answered. He ended up moving another couple to our city from a different Soma Expression and then sent us another couple from our old bible study. It was beautiful. We came together with a plan that we felt was from the Spirit. We sought to continue the dialogue with these new couples by hosting Saturday morning breakfasts at our house. We wanted these other couples to be there with us to engage our neighbors and become part of our community. To do this, they had to be willing to lay aside some of the things they might have been more comfortable with to pursue our neighbors. But, our goal was to have these breakfasts with an eye on going through the Story of God at some point with those people with whom we were building relationships. We figured this might take a year or so to build these relationships strong enough to engage them on a deeper spiritual level.
This whole time, my wife and I kept asking the Spirit, "What’s next?" Now, we were able to put names to these prayers. We started the breakfasts in October and by the end of the month the Spirit was opening doors for the Gospel like I've never seen. People were asking us, "Why do you do all these things for the community? (We had also arranged a Halloween party, game nights, etc.) Do you sell Avon? Are you Christians? What church do you go to? etc."
We answered those questions, and then asked, "Would you be interested in walking through the story of what the Bible says about God and why we feel compelled to bring about this type of community? We can do it our house and have fun and eat like we always do anyways and then have this story time with dialogue among friends.”
We ended up asking about 6 couples from our neighborhood and 4 said yes, including Trevor and his wife. After 10 weeks of engaging in story and having a lot of fun, summer was back. We told those who went through the story that if they wanted to continue with us to dig into the Scriptures to see what the Gospel says about making disciples, we'd be happy to have them. Trevor and his wife agreed and really started to delve in. We again threw a huge 4th of July party with wiffle ball, cook off, and fireworks, and kept following up with BBQs and studied the word together as a Missional Community.
Now, this entire time, we had, as a group, been praying that God would put on our hearts those people in our lives who seemed to be pushing into the kingdom. We'd been praying (and are still praying), because we were going to once again be doing the Story of God coming up in January. We then had a study on baptism, and two things came out of Trevor's mouth: 1) I want to be baptized 2) I've been praying and talking to my brother and his fiancé and they desire to not only come to the BBQs but also to the Story of God when we start it.
Praise God!
In two weeks we'll be having Trevor's whole family, some friends, and our Missional Community in our backyard for a BBQ and a baptism. He's being commissioned to make disciples, but because he’s been watching me, and I've been walking this out with him day-to-day in normal everyday life for a year and a half, he's already doing it. To him, a disciple of Jesus naturally makes more disciples.
Our Missional Community started the day I put aside my own comforts and moved my BBQ from my backyard to my front yard. We went 6 years without knowing anyone. Now, if we throw a BBQ, we have 70 people show up. We have 6 couples in our Missional Community. We are doing pre-engagement for one couple and trying to save another couple from going through a divorce. We think we might have to multiply coming up in January because we could have close to 40 people that desire to go through the Story of God with us.
I'm no saint. I'm nothing special. I'm not paid by the church. I'm not paid by the community. God pays me money through my business - not to hoard it, but so I can be making disciples who make disciples in the neighborhood where I live.
This story isn't crazy. This story isn't outlandish. It's pretty normal. My family is pretty normal. That's the beauty of it. This is a small taste of what has been happening in our neighborhood and also in our own spiritual development. You’ll notice as you live this out, life, as usual, isn’t perfect. There are times of much difficulty. As a dude in our Missional Community put it, “You only get really irritated with people if you actually get to know them. It’s hard to get irritated at others if you merely wave at them when putting your garbage at the curb.”
If you're reading this, what’s holding you back from going to your knees tonight and just asking God, "What's next?" Be careful. Once you’ve let this Lion of Judah out of the cage, He'll take over the neighborhood.
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Seth McBee is the adopted son of God, husband of one wife, and father of three. He’s a graduate of Seattle Pacific University with a finance degree. By trade Seth is an Investment Portfolio Manager, serving as president of McBee Advisors, Inc. Today, he’s a missional community leader, preaching elder with Soma Communities in Renton, Washington, and executive team member of the GCM Collective. In his down time, he likes to do CrossFit, cook BBQ, host pancake ebelskiver breakfasts at his home and many other neighborhood events in his hometown of Maple Valley, Washington. You can find him on twitter @sdmcbee or at www.gcmcollective.com.
Messy Discipleship
In our house, we used to have a beautiful set of drinking glasses that were made of translucent artsy green glass. Notice I said we “used to"... A few weeks ago our house was full of the life, laughter, and mess of sharing our home and table with our community; after everyone left and my wife and I were cleaning up, we noticed one of our beautiful green glasses had a huge chip off the top. We now officially have only three of these nice glasses. They've moved from the threatened dishes list to the full-fledged endangered dishes list. I don’t have much hope for their survival either as they have yet to breed.
Just the other day a neighbor broke another one of our glasses, and as I was cleaning up the glittery shards, it hit me - if you have a complete set of dishes you just might not be on mission.
God’s mission is messy and costly. Think about it. In order for us to be a part of God’s family, to be his disciples, to get to live in eternity with him in his home, it cost him his comfort to the point of a dirty, torturous execution on a cross. Yet I often want to be his follower and have a life of comfort.
I want to do hospitality my way, on my time, around my schedule, with the people that are easy for me to be around, and I want to have a complete set of dishes when I am done. But this just isn’t the life God has called us to. God calls us to not just have hospitable events but to have an open door and hospitable life. Jesus was available for the sick. He fed the hungry crowds when it was inconvenient. He hung out with the drunks, tax collectors, lepers, and sinners. His way of discipleship was dirty and probably smelly.
I have a friend that has modeled this hospitality well and as a result often has men in his home that are so drunk and out of it they sometimes foul their pants. He and his wife have literally cleaned man-poop off their floor. This grosses me out and makes me want to think twice about the people I let into my house, but oddly enough it also inspires me. It looks so much like Jesus. A couple of weeks ago my neighbor’s daughter had a little present slip out of her diaper while they were visiting. We saw the log on the floor, and all of us wondered where it came from. I immediately checked my son's diaper, and people were diaper checking all around until we found the culprit. I instinctively cleaned up the poop, de-sanitized the floor, and went on with what turned out to be a wonderful evening.
Sometimes discipleship means people are going to poop on your floor. If we are servants like Jesus, we get to clean it up. Jesus modeled this when he washed his disciples feet. At the time, everyone traveled on dirty, smelly roads in sandals and often were hopscotching around camel dung. Washing smelly feet was reserved for slaves, yet Jesus, the master, took the lowliest task and washed his disciples' feet.
I like my things to stay nice, and I don’t like doing disgusting jobs. But I do want to follow Jesus, and I do want to be his disciple and make disciples. To do this all the time means I am going to have to do some things I don’t like and lose some things I do like.
So again, if you have a full set of dishes and nobody has ever pooped on your floor, you might want to stop and examine if you are really on God’s mission.
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Jake Chambers: A member of Jesus’ bride - the church, husband to his beautiful bride Lindsey, and a daddy to his boy Ezra. Jake is passionate about seeing the gospel both transform lives and create communities that love Jesus, the city, and the lost. He currently serves Red Door Church through leading, preaching, equipping, and pastoring. You can read more of his writing at reddoorlife.tv.
Show Hospitality & Share the Gospel
Jesus didn’t run projects, establish ministries, create programs, or put on events. He ate meals. If you routinely share meals and you have a passion for Jesus, then you’ll be doing mission. It’s not that meals save people.
People are saved through the gospel message. But meals will create natural opportunities to share that message in a context that resonates powerfully with what you’re saying.
Hospitality has always been integral to the story of God’s people. Abraham set the agenda when he offered three strangers water for their feet and food for their bodies. In so doing he entertained God himself and received afresh the promise (Gen. 18:1–18). God was Israel’s host in the Promised Land (Ps. 39:12; Lev. 25:23), and that would later shape Israel’s behavior. A welcome to strangers and provision for the needy were written into the law of Moses. Rahab is saved because of her faith expressed through hospitality (Joshua 2; James 2:22–25).
Hospitality continues to be integral to Christian conduct in the new covenant: “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Rom. 12:13); “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Pet. 4:9; see 1 Tim. 5:10); “Whoever receives you receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me” (Matt. 10:40; see 25:35–40); “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Heb. 13:2).
In Acts 10 God told Peter in a dream to eat from a collection of unclean food. It’s a key moment in the mission of the early church, for its prepares Peter to take the gospel to Gentiles for the first time. Peter says to those Gentiles: “You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a Jew to associate with or to visit anyone of another nation, but God has shown me that I should not call any person common or unclean. So when I was sent for, I came without objection . . .” (Acts 10:28–29).
Mission to the nations begins with a new understanding of hospitality.
Hospitality has continued to be integral to the church’s mission, at times being its primary expression. The Rule of St. Benedict, written around 540, says, “All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for he himself will say: ‘I was a stranger and you welcomed me.’” Monasticism, for all its faults, got this right: it expressed mission through hospitality to rich and poor alike. “Only monasticism,” Richard Niebuhr claimed, “saved the medieval church from acquiescence, petrifaction, and the loss of its vision and truly revolutionary character.” Missiologist David Bosch writes: “For upwards of seven hundred years . . . the monastery was notably the center of culture and civilization, but also of mission. In the midst of a world ruled by love of self, the monastic communities were a visible sign and preliminary realization of a world ruled by the love of God.” Monasteries weren’t necessarily founded for mission, but their occupants’ piety, hard work, learning, tenacity, and hospitality had a profound impact on the common people. “Each monastery was a vast complex of buildings, churches, workshops, stores, and almshouses—a hive of activity for the benefit of the entire surrounding community. The citizens of the heavenly city were actively seeking the peace and good order of the earthly city.”
Meals continue to be integral to the task of mission. Theologian and chef Simon Carey Holt says:
It’s good to be reminded that the table is a very ordinary place, a place so routine and everyday it’s easily overlooked as a place of ministry. And this business of hospitality that lies at the heart of Christian mission, it’s a very ordinary thing; it’s not rocket science nor is it terribly glamorous. Yet it is the very ordinariness of the table and of the ministry we exercise there that renders these elements of Christian life so important to the mission of the church. . . . Most of what you do as a community of hospitality will go unnoticed and unrecognized. At base, hospitality is about providing a space for God’s Spirit to move. Setting a table, cooking a meal, washing the dishes is the ministry of facilitation: providing a context in which people feel loved and welcome and where God’s Spirit can be at work in their lives. Hospitality is a very ordinary business, but in its ordinariness is its real worth.
Elsewhere Holt says: “Whatever it looks like, your own table is a sacred place and one just as implicated by the lavish nature of God’s grace as any other.”
Meals bring mission into the ordinary. But that’s where most people are—living in the ordinary. That’s where we need to go to reach them. We too readily think of mission as extraordinary. Perhaps that’s because we find it awkward to talk about Jesus out- side a church gathering. Perhaps it’s because we think God moves through the spectacular rather than the witness of people like us. Perhaps it’s because we want to outsource mission to the professionals, so we invite people to guest services where an “expert” can do mission for us. But most people live in the ordinary, and most people will be reached by ordinary people. Even those who attend a special event will, for the most part, have first been befriended by a Christian. “For those looking to connect with people in the local community it isn’t that hard if you really want to. Just invite people round, let them know they can go home if they need to and then enjoy a meal together. You’re going to eat anyway, so why not do it with others!”
Jesus’s command to invite the poor for dinner violates our notions of distance and detachment. Mission as hospitality undermines the professionalization of ministry. Mission isn’t something I can clock out from at the end of the day. The hospitality to which Jesus calls us can’t be institutionalized in programs and projects. Jesus challenges us to take mission home. It may be a surprise, given my emphasis on meals, but I loathe church lunches—those potluck suppers in drafty church halls. They’re institutionalized hospitality. Don’t start a hospitality ministry in your church: open your home.
Much is said of engaging with culture—much that’s right and helpful. But we must never let engaging culture eclipse engaging with people. People are infinitely variable and rarely susceptible to our sociological categories.
If you want to understand a person’s worldview, don’t read a book. Talk to them, hang out with them, eat with them.
People often complain that they lack time for mission. But we all have to eat. Three meals a day, seven days a week. That’s twenty- one opportunities for mission and community without adding anything to your schedule. You could meet up with another Christian for breakfast on the way to work—read the Bible together, offer accountability, pray for one another. You could meet up with colleagues at lunchtime. Put down this book and chat to the person across the table from you in the cafeteria. You could invite your neighbors over for a meal. Better still, invite them over with another family from church. That way you get to do mission and community at the same time; plus your unbelieving neighbors will get to see the way the gospel impacts our relationships as Christians (John 13:34–35; 17:20–21). You could invite someone who lives alone to share your family meal and follow it with board games, giving your children an opportunity to serve others through their welcome. Francis Schaeffer says:
Don’t start with a big program. Don’t suddenly think you can add to your church budget and begin. Start personally and start in your home. I dare you. I dare you in the name of Jesus Christ. Do what I am going to suggest. Begin by opening your home for community. . . . You don’t need a big program. You don’t have to convince your session or board. All you have to do is open your home and begin. And there is no place in God’s world where there are no people who will come and share a home as long as it is a real home.
Join in with the cultural events in your neighborhood. The chances are food will be involved somewhere, because food is such a powerful bond. Look for opportunities to reinterpret what is happening in biblical categories. In Acts 14 Paul addresses the people of Lystra. They want to worship him and Barnabas as gods because the two healed a crippled man. Paul calls on them to turn from idolatry, and then says that God “did not leave himself without witness, for he did good by giving you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness” (Acts 14:17). How many evangelistic messages have you heard along these lines? “[God] provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy” (NIV). So let’s give thanks to him rather than worshiping “vain things” (v. 15). We should engage in party evangelism.
I wonder what kind of reputation Christians have in your neighborhood. We should have a reputation for throwing the best parties.
It’s not hard to find an excuse to throw a party:
• personal occasions: birthdays, anniversaries, new jobs, exams, house warmings
• sporting occasions: the Super Bowl, the World Series, the soccer World Cup
• seasonal occasions: the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year
• cultural occasions: Mexican food theme night, the American Idol final
There are reasons enough to have a party every week. Parties, of course, are not enough. They create a great platform for gospel opportunities. But they must be accompanied by a passion for people and a passion for Jesus. You don’t have to give a little sermon—just be attentive to people and open about your faith.
This is an excerpt adapted from Tim Chester’s book, A Meal with Jesus: Discovering Grace, Community, and Mission around the Table.
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Tim Chester (PhD, University of Wales) is pastor of the Crowded House in Sheffield, United Kingdom, and director of the Porterbrook Institute, which provides integrated theological and missional training for church leaders. Chester also coauthored Total Church (Re:Lit), Everyday Church (Re:Lit), and has written more than a dozen books.