Spiritual Strength Training - Part One
(Editor's note: Here's Spiritual Strength Training - Part Two.)
Most pastoral problems, such as burnout, backsliding, depression, begin with neglect of the body.
Let me say that again in a different way. From what I’ve seen and experienced, most pastoral soul-care problems begin with neglect of the body, a lack of strength training. Soul-care problems do not usually begin with channel-surfing or with a click of the mouse, nor with wandering eyes or hands, nor with shortening or missing private devotions. They begin by neglecting the body, by denying or ignoring its many varied needs. The other problems inevitably and inexorably follow.
Theological Problem
This question of spiritual strength training is not merely a practical problem or a physical issue. This is also theological problem, a problem that’s associated with a wrong view of God. And it’s not just a slightly wrong view. Its error is fundamental and foundational because it concerns the fundamental and foundational truth that God is our Creator.
That’s the very first truth that’s revealed to us in Scripture. And it’s first for a reason. It’s because if we go wrong there, we run a great risk of going wrong everywhere else. Now some of you are thinking, “Don’t insult me, man. I believe in God as Creator. I defend God as Creator. I fight those who deny God as Creator. I can even prove God is Creator. How can you say that my soul-care problems arise from denying God as Creator?" Well, maybe we are not denying God as Creator with our lips, but some of us are with our lives.
Creationists living like Evolutionists
There are lots of people who call God “Lord” but don’t live as His servants. And there are lots of people – yes, even pastors - who call God Creator and preach God as Creator, but who live like evolutionists. Some pastors give the impression that the ministry is about the survival of the fittest! (OR THE FATTEST!)
God’s Creatorhood has massive implications for the way we live and the way we do ministry. Although we usually skim over that chapter in our Systematic Theologies and rush on to more “gospel-centered” material, I’ve become increasingly convinced that we cannot be gospel-centered unless we are also Creator-centered. We cannot live as zealous saints unless we first of all live as dependent creatures. The soul and body are so intertwined and inter-connected that we will make no progress in soul-care unless we start with, and go on with body-care.
Our Maker’s Instructions
How would you feel if you built a remote control model car for your children, only to come back home a few days later to hear that they had broken it by trying to use it as a plane? You’d say, “I gave you instructions, why didn’t you follow them?” Similarly, God has given us instructions about how to live as creatures. To some of us God may be saying, “Why are you trying to live as angels or as disembodied spirits? Why aren’t you following my instructions?”
God publishes his instruction in various places in His Word, but also, especially in this subject area, in his World. Increasingly he is allowing scientists and researchers to discover how the body functions best. For example, yesterday I saw research that was headlined, “The more you sit, the sooner you will die!” That made me sit up! In fact it made me stand up!! That’s my loving Creator’s instructions coming to me via reliable research, which I read through the spectacles of Scripture. We ignore such gracious instruction at our peril.
The body is a complicated mix of physical material and physical forces: electricity, chemistry, physics, biology, plumbing, gasses, pumps, siphons, lubrication, buttons, switches, receptors, etc. Then there’s the soul, way more complex than the body and completely inaccessible to empirical research methods. Although we have some Biblical data to mine and research, yielding us some basics about the soul’s capacities and abilities, so much about the soul remains a mystery. Then you put complex body and complex soul together and what do you get – multiple complexities! How do they relate, how do they interact? How do problems in the body affect the soul and vice versa?
Biblical Link
The Bible confirms a link between distorted thoughts or emotions and many of our bodily ailments: “A merry heart does good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones” (Prov. 17:22). Guilt also damages the body (Psalm 32:3–4).
And what about feelings and thoughts? Where do they originate? What do they influence and impact? What do they link with and overlap with? How come when our body is sick, even with a common cold or allergy, that our thoughts, feelings, and even our spiritual life are impacted? Does that go the other way as well? It seems to. When our spiritual life is damaged, it often seems to impact our bodies as well. When our emotions are depressed, so many things go wrong with our bodies as well. Doctors call this psychosomatic (mind/body) illness.
Layers of Complexity
Then throw on top of all that the conscience and the will? Do they operate independently or are they simply part of the soul? Are they affected by the body and/or just the soul? Analysis of the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual contributions to each situation is so difficult. Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote:
Christians don’t understand how physical, psychological, and spiritual realms interrelate because Satan muddies the boundaries. Many of our troubles are caused because we think a problem is spiritual when it is physical or we think a problem is physical when it is emotional or spiritual.
The complexity and interconnectivity of human nature, means that the health of the body effects the health of the soul and vice versa. And it also means that it’s not easy to figure out the contribution of each to our problems! One thing is for sure, we cannot neglect one realm and expect the other not to suffer the consequences.
Creatures, by definition, are less than their Creator. He is infinite; we are finite. He is unlimited; we are limited. Hopefully none of us really think that we are unlimited. However most of us think we are less limited than we actually are. We certainly vastly over-estimate our physical strength, emotional stamina, moral courage, spiritual maturity, volitional muscle, and conscience steel.
Crashing and Burning
Underestimating our limitations and over-estimating our abilities can only have one outcome – weakness, fraying, and eventually breaking. Try it with anything – your car engine, a towrope, your computer, etc. Underestimate the limitations and over-estimate the abilities and you will eventually blow the engine, break the rope, and crash the computer.
Why do we think it’s any different with ourselves? Some people may break after two weeks or two years. Others may take much longer. It’s these people who especially need to be careful because their habits have become so engrained that they no longer pay attention to any warning signs. It’s like the elastic band. Better it snap before you pull it too tight, because the stronger the band - the further you can stretch it - the more forceful and damaging the eventual snap.
Changing and Challenging Limits
Our limitations also change through the years and seasons of life. Hormones and brain chemistry change, our responsibilities increase as marriage and children come along, “events” come along, stressful and painful providences that stretch and strain us.
Some initially do very well under huge stress. I’ve seen people pass through multiple horrendous troubles, and everyone’s amazed at their fortitude and perseverance. Then, maybe something smaller comes along years later, and they fall apart. They break down. Everyone looks on in amazement, “How can they not cope with this?” But the stress on our bodies and minds is cumulative. The straw that broke the camels back came after years of beating with a very heavy club! Everyone has limits.
Isn’t it strange that we very rarely take health advice for ourselves until we lose our health!? Health advice is for others isn’t it? We must find out our limits – physical, spiritual, emotional, moral, etc. – and we may need someone objective to help us with this. And when we find them, we must accept and work within them.
Men and women with very high limits must not impose them on those with lower limits. And those with lower limits must not impose that on those with higher limits. Let not the lower limit people be jealous of the higher limit people. Let not the higher limit people despise the lower. Let those that think they stand, take heed lest they fall. God has his way of humbling us and showing us our limitations.
We are Dependent Creatures
Even before the Fall, Adam and Eve were dependent upon their Creator. That’s how they were made. They leaned upon him, sought help from him, and sought to live in a way that pleased him. Independence did not cross their minds…until they heard, “You shall be as gods…You won’t need God. You can do without God. You can be god yourself. You can depend on yourself, on your own wisdom and strength.” And what a disaster ensued!
Many of us are theologically dependent but experientially independent. We depend on God with our lips but not with our lives. We say we lean on him for everything, but he rarely feels our weight. And disaster is often the result.
Imagine you’re in New York City with your family. Your two-year-old is just learning to walk and decides to experiment when you get to Times Square. He hops out the pushchair and starts walking away from you. You call out, “Come back, stay with me!” No answer. You run after him and try to grab his hand. He pulls away and keeps going toward the crowds and the cars. And all the while he’s saying, “Daddy, I love you!”
Some of us are living like this. Our Creator’s name is on our lips, but we are not living in dependence upon him. We say we love him but we never lean on him. And that puts us in far greater danger – physical, moral, and spiritual danger – than the two-year-old in Times Square!
Two-way Protection
God has not just made our souls to protect our bodies, but our bodies to protect our souls. If we are sleeping well, resting well, exercising well, eating well, our minds are clearer, our wills are stronger, and our defenses are higher. It’s easier to pray, to discipline ourselves, to read the Bible, to serve. A good conscience is greatly helped by a sharp mind and strong will.
Remember: most pastoral problems - burnout, backsliding, depression - begin with a neglect of the body. The most basic Christian experience is dependence. If we don’t live as dependent creatures we are not worshipping our Creator. By our independence, we are worshipping and serving the creature rather than the Creator.
We are not just creatures, not just complex creatures, not just limited creatures, and not just dependent creatures, but we are also fallen creatures! As part of the curse upon us for our first parent’s first sin, death entered the creation and even the greatest creature – humanity. Death entered into our bodies, our souls, our minds, our wills, and our emotions. Death is at work in the youngest baby. As soon as conception occurs and life begins, so does dying and death. If you thought we were complex before, we are even more complex now.
A Complex Mess
Like all anglers, I’m fatally attracted by the latest “guaranteed” fish-catching reel. And of course, as we all know, the more complicated (and expensive) a reel is, the more likely it is to catch fish. Right?! Now complicated reels are great when they are working well, but when they break down, they make a much bigger mess than standard reels.
That’s why humanity is in a much worse state than any other creature; the more complex the creature the more mess when they break. And that’s why nature films focus on animals rather than humanity. Who wants to look at ugly human creatures in all their brokenness when you can see much more residual beauty in the animal kingdom!
Welcome to humanity! What a mess – our bodies, our minds, our organs, our members, our chemistry, our physics, our plumbing, everything is in such a mess – each part of our humanity on its own and especially each part as it interacts with other parts.
Spiritual Strength Training
But the best news is that our gracious and powerful Creator is in the business of re-creating. Our Creator has come down into our fallen world and lived as a creature to save His creatures and begin the process of making all things new.
However, that renewing requires our cooperation. We will hinder the process of re-creation as creative creatures if we do not live within our creaturely limits and if we do not respect how God created us. And that includes regular rest – healthy daily sleep patterns and a weekly Sabbath – recreation, relaxation, routine.
Let me encourage you further along the road to spiritual strength training with this fact: Creativity research has shown that the most creative people find most of their creativity insights and breakthroughs in down-time. Eureka moments - breakthroughs in thought, design, engineering - usually come when the mind and body are resting.
Creative Creatures (and Preachers)
To put it bluntly, tired pastors produce tired sermons. If we want fresh sermons we need to refresh and be fresh ourselves. If we don’t live as creatures, we will not be creative! As the 19th century pastor, William Blaikie wrote:
But even where there is no positive disease, there may be a physical languor that reflects itself in feebleness of voice, dullness of tone, stiffness of manner, and a general want of lively and attractive power. It may be difficult to persuade some preachers that physical causes have to do with this, but the connection is beyond all reasonable doubt. And the fact that such symptoms are the effect of some transgression of the laws of health makes it incumbent upon the student to attend to the condition of his outer man.
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David Murray was a pastor in Scotland for 13 years before accepting a call in 2007 to be Professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology in Puritan Reformed Seminary. He continues to preach most Sundays in Grand Rapids and the surrounding area. He is the author of Christians Get Depressed Too and How Sermons Work. He is also President of HeadHeartHand Media, a small Christian film company. David is married to Shona and they have four children ranging from 8 to 16. You can read his blog at HeadHeartHand.org/blog or follow him on Twitter @davidpmurray.
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For more in-depth resources for pastors, check out Tony Merida's Proclaiming Jesus.
For more free articles for pastors, read: Winfield Bevins' What is Gospel-Centered Ministry, JR Vassar's Domain of Influence, Jared Wilson's Five Ways to Keep Church Discipline from Seeming Weird.
The Gospel Grid
When in the midst of counseling, focused discipleship, sermon prep, or a weighty time of confession with another follower of Christ – if you are anything like me – a moment rises to the surface and you think, "What do I say?" or "What do they need to hear?" or “How do I bring this to the gospel?"
In comes the Gospel Grid. The grid covers four M's:
- Message
- Motivation
- Model
- Means
Working through the grid helps keep the ball rolling by providing a track for your words. And it helps the conversation come back to particular truths and encouragements from the gospel again and again.
Start with:
1. Gospel Message -- What needs to be heard?
The gospel is a word with many words. It's a message, a proclamation of truth. Here we ask ourselves the question, "What do they need to hear?" Volumes could be said, but what will be particularly helpful to this situation and to their heart?
Gospel Identity
In Message, we are appealing to the earth shattering, veil-tearing truths of our gospel identity. Remind people that they are:
- New creations (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- Freed from sin (Galatians 5:1)
- Adopted (Romans 8:15)
- Forgiven (1 John 2:12)
- Loved (Romans 5:8)
Before cooking up a slab of good advice, put the good news on the grill and watch the aroma of Christ fill the room. If we are diligent to remind the saints that the Son of God suffered in their place, not begrudgingly, but with joy, to forgive them of this sin – joy is not far away. Gospel focus will harp on belief before behavior. Good news before good advice. Beholding before behaving.
Jesus' Identity
Remind people of Jesus' identity. It is vital to think rightly of Jesus. Without him, we can’t think rightly of ourselves.
Jesus is our friend and our Lord. He is the Cosmic King, and he’s closer than our skin. We ought to fear him, but should never be afraid of him. The gospel is meant to humble us. And part of the gospel is the glory due Jesus. The glory of Christ needs to take hearts and minds hostage. Jesus is to be exalted over all things in our lives. We have not been given names at which every knee will bow (Philippians 2:9-11).
Gospel-centered discipleship should always resound with the person and work of Jesus. No one can hear too often that Jesus is our great God and Savior, he has made us his people, and he is purifying us for his glory and our good (Titus 2:13-14).
I’ll never forget hearing another pastor confess pain and heart ache to Ray Ortlund. Ray looked into his eyes and began with, “Brother, Jesus loves you.” Powerful.
2) Gospel Motivation -- What needs to be done and why?
Message focuses on right thinking. Motivation hones in on right doing for the right reasons. Here we are asking the question, "What needs to be done?” in accordance with a gospel-driven motive.
Kill Sin
Do they need to go ask someone for forgiveness? Do they need to forgive? The gospel compels us to seek and grant forgiveness with one another as God in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Confession and repentance is essential in all discipleship, but especially if we want to be gospel-centered.
What sin(s) need to be brought the chopping block of mortification? The gospel reveals to us that we are no longer our own, but that we belong to Jesus. And now we make it our aim to honor and please him (1 Corinthians 6:20; 2 Corinthians 5:9). Encourage them to flee sin, not simply to avoid getting in trouble, but to enjoy God and glorify Jesus.
I’ve heard Christians say, “I’m waiting to be freed/released/saved from ______.” The satanic forces conjured up that formula. Christians are not waiting to be freed sin. Here’s why – a man from Galilee once screamed, “It is finished.”
Paul writes:
We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (Romans 6:6-14)
So why should we flee sin? We’ve been brought from death the life. Why won’t sin bully us any longer? We’re under grace. The chains don’t need re-breaking. We need renewed minds (Romans 12:1-2).
Cultivate Good Works
In discipleship, it is common to focus on the things we shouldn’t do – but gospel soaked discipleship also explains what we should do.
Encourage disciples to flee sin – yes and amen! – and invite them to the good works that Jesus has prepared (Ephesians 2:10). What was Jesus’ motivation in his life and ministry? “Hallowed be your name…” Ours? “Hallowed be your name.” And through their serving “God may be glorified through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:10-11)
Ask the disciple if there is someone to serve as they have been served? Is there someone to go and encourage? Are they living on mission with a passion to see others worship Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:20-21).
Gospel motivation seeks to mortify sin and cultivate good works with a constant gaze on the person and work of Jesus, “to let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel Christ” (Philippians 1:27).
3) Gospel Model -- How should it be done?
Here we focus on attitudes, tones, postures, and the heart. The gospel gives the reason (motivation) and the rhythm (model).
How should a husband and wife relate? In accordance with the model God provides in the gospel – Jesus and his Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).
Is the disciple pursuing community with the people that God obtained with his blood (Acts 20:28)? Jesus didn’t only buy people; he bought a people, a body, The Church.
Are they practicing humility in all corners of life? Jesus is the definition of humility. Philippians 2:1-11 extols the striking humility of Jesus; and that Christians should “have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus [emphasis added] (v.5).”
All Christian virtue is modeled and made known to us by the person and work of Jesus. If we want to be more loving, humble, and selfless – there is nowhere better to look than the cross (John 15:13).
The Proverbs are a wonderful, but often abused, section of Holy Scripture. They are more than quick-and-witty tips to living right. The Proverbs are details into the life of Jesus, who is our Wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:24, 30), that we can now live because of Jesus.
4) Gospel Means -- How will it be done?
Up to this point everything sounds all fine and dandy, but a question looms. The disciple will wonder it – you’ve thought it too. “How am I going to change and do all this? I fail often. I struggle. I want to change and grow but my goodness – this seems beyond me.”
Assure them, “You are right. This is beyond you – way beyond you. But not Jesus.”
We cannot forget our gospel means. Without this truth, our discipleship will be nothing more than mega-ton yokes.
Gospel-centered discipleship clutches to the words, “It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20). Remind the disciple that Jesus is alive in them. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead – a.k.a. God – has setup shop in their body. He is tinkering, sanctifying, and empowering them to live anew. Whatever God demands he also supplies.
The means, muscle, capacity, and know-how of the Christian life are not in us; but in Jesus. And if we are in Christ and Christ in us, the power for the Christian life is now in us. The Holy Spirit of God is rumbling through our lives – and he will bear fruit. Christians work in concert with the Spirit of Christ (Philippians 2:12-13).
In gospel means we are moving the disciples eyes away from sola bootstrapa and towards solus christus – Christ Alone. Do they believe that apart from him they can’t do a single thing (John 15:5)? Gospel-centered disciples admit total reliance upon Jesus. And it leads to a plea, a prayer for help.
“Jesus, apart from you I cannot do _______. I cannot be ________. I need you. I need your strength, power, and righteousness. Help me Lord. Renew my mind. Do this in me, for your glory and my joy. Amen.”
Putting It all Together
One final example; Pastor Paul said it best.
I have been crucified with Christ (MESSAGE) It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me (MEANS). And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God (MODEL), who loved me and gave himself for me (MOTIVATION). – Galatians 2:20
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Jeff Medders is the Lead Pastor of Redeemer Church in Tomball, TX. He is pursuing his M.Div at Southern Seminary. He and Natalie have one precious little girl, Ivy. Jeff digs caffeinated drinks, books, and the Triune God. He blogs at www.jeffmedders.org and tweets from @jeffmedders.
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For more in-depth discussion of sharing the gospel, check out Jonathan Dodson's Unbelievable Gospel.
For more free resources on strengthening your witness, read: Jeremy Carr's Impressing the Gospel Through Questions, David Fairchild's Gospel Diagnostic Questions, and Jonathan Dodson's All the Right Answers: Reason it's Difficult to Share Our Faith.
The Unqualified Disciple
When I ask women in our church if they would be willing to invest in a discipleship relationship with a younger woman, I am usually met with hesitation. “Me?” their eyes seem to ask. “Me? Disciple someone else? You must not really know me. I don’t think I’m qualified.”
The conversations take different forms, but the responses are often the same. Again and again, I hear women voice a sincere doubt that they have anything worthwhile to give. Even if they are willing to give a discipleship relationship a try, deep down they are thinking with something akin to panic, “I’ve got nothing!”
I know how they feel. I feel the same way every Sunday afternoon. I have three young women who come to my house to engage in a small discipleship group. We often discuss what we’re learning from Scripture or a book we’re reading together and how it relates to the gospel and our lives. But every Sunday afternoon, in the couple of hours before they arrive, I hear the same refrain in my head… “Who am I to disciple these girls? I haven’t spent good time with the Lord at all this week. I snapped at my husband this morning and am irritated with one of my children for not sweeping the floor. I’ve got these girls showing up in 30 minutes to a dirty kitchen, and I haven’t even read my chapter yet! Lord… I’ve got nothing!”
The Unqualified Disciple
How do I answer the women in my church, when I know exactly how they feel? When they express doubt about their qualifications, I’m tempted to say, “That’s not true! You’ve got a great marriage and are raising some stellar kids. You’re hospitable and easy to talk to. You’ll be fine!”
Though my praise might convince them, that response won’t do. It certainly doesn’t help me on Sunday afternoons when I feel neither great nor hospitable. I’ve had to go to the Scriptures to search out the truth. What does God’s Word have to say about how we feel?
To some degree, what we are feeling is true. We don’t have anything, in ourselves, to give. We see in the Scriptures that our hearts are deceitful and desperately sick and even beyond our ability to understand them (Jer. 17:9). We also see that anything we call righteousness basically amounts to a bunch of dirty rags that are only fit for the fire (Isaiah 64:6). In fact, there is not one of us who can claim righteousness on our own (Psalm 14:3). Jesus tells us unequivocally, “apart from me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). So if we’re trying to dredge up righteousness and truth from inside ourselves in order to give that away to others, it’s true. We’ve got nothing.
God's Qualifications
I think Moses felt the same way. When God approached him in the wilderness and instructed him to go and speak to the most powerful man in the land, Moses must have lifted his eyebrow just as I’ve seen the women in my church do. He said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” (Ex. 3:11) Moses was wanted for murder and had been tending sheep for most of his adult life. I’m sure inside he was screaming, “Me?!? I’ve got nothing!”
But God doesn’t assure Moses of his qualifications as I’m tempted to do with the women I talk to. No, on the contrary. God assures Moses of God’s qualifications. God answers Moses’ question of “Who am I?” with a resounding “I AM.” This is the response we need to hear.
When women raise their eyebrows and express doubt about discipleship, my job is not to convince them that they are equal to the task. My job is to convince them that God is equal to the task. “You’re right,” I need to reply, “You’ve got nothing. Neither do I. But God has everything.”
We can’t forget that we’re branches. By ourselves, we will bear no fruit. Worse than that, we will die. But attached to the vine, we feed off the life of Jesus and become healthy, bushy branches, laden with fruit to nourish others. Attached to the vine, we have a lot to give.
Jesus says it this way, “By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples” (John 15:8). And as we bear fruit, we share that fruit and make more disciples, all the while bringing glory to the Father. You’ve got nothing, you say? Oh, no. If you’re attached to the vine, you’ve got everything.
Gospel Opportunities
The hesitancy that we feel when it comes to engaging in a discipleship relationship is real. We know ourselves better than anyone. We know our past mistakes and our current failings. We think that these disqualify us from leading anyone in discipleship, but actually the reverse is true. Our very hesitations are gospel opportunities.
When we remember that we’re branches, we remember that what is flowing through the branch is the life of Jesus, the gospel itself. The gospel! The good news! The gospel reminds us that we don’t have to live a perfect life in order to engage in discipleship. Jesus lived the perfect life in our place. He died to take the punishment for all our mistakes and failings. Then, praise God, he rose from the dead, canceling our debt and disarming the power of sin in our lives. This is what we give to others in discipleship: the good news of the gospel!
So next Sunday afternoon, things are going to look different at my house. When I look around at my dirty floor and my unread chapters, I am going to remind myself of something. I am not giving these girls myself, I am giving them Jesus. I am not attempting to present to them a perfect life, but Jesus’ perfect life. My goal is not to show them how to do everything right, but to apply the gospel when we do everything wrong.
When I hear the familiar refrain, “I’ve got nothing!” I will reply with certainty, “If you’ve got the gospel, you’ve got everything.”
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Lindsay Powell Fooshee is married to John, a pastor and church planter with Acts 29. They are raising 3 great kids in East Tennessee, soaking up the joys of toddlers and teenagers at the same time. Lindsay holds an M.A. in Christian Thought from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and enjoys teaching and writing about what’s she’s learning. She is passionate about discipleship and blogs regularly about it here.
Kids in the Family of God - Part Two
(Editor’s Note: This is the second part of a three part series entitled Kids in the Family of God. Here is Part One and Part Three.) Kids Ministry: Equipping Parents
The focus of a kids ministry shouldn’t actually be kids. The focus of a kids ministry should be parents. Whether kids are in preschool or high school, the same principle applies. Churches and leaders who put time, effort, money, resources, and intentionality into equipping parents instead of putting on a show for children accomplish two significant things: they work toward developing the whole-life spiritual maturity of the children, and they put parents back in the place the Bible places them. Let me explain both concepts.
Developing a Child’s Whole Life
Generally, churches with Sunday-focused kids ministries spend 50-100 hours per year (of the 8,760 hours in the year) with kids. Minus vacations, sickness, and other reasons to miss, trained workers teach kids biblical concepts for an hour or two on Sundays, and very intentional churches might host a second age-specific gathering sometime during the week. In those few hours, trained leaders must cram in entertainment (crafts or games depending on kids’ ages), sometimes music, sometimes a snack, and according to nearly every curriculum we surveyed over 18 months, a Bible story that immediately transfers into a life lesson. “Discipleship and growth” become limited to a few hours a month, and generally become limited to one “style”: in a group, with lots of energy, listening to a teacher teach a broad lesson.
But what happens in the rest of a child’s week when the teacher isn’t there? Who hears about getting made fun of on the playground? Who’s there to encourage the student in the midst of a specific high school struggle? At minimum, if a child is in school until 4pm and goes to bed at 8pm, parents interact with their kids 1460 hours a year! Parents see the daily struggles. Parents have conversations in the car. Parents are asked the hard questions. Parents deal with the specifics, the scenarios, the struggles, the sins. Parents meet their child - every single day - where the real-life rubber hits the road.
Those are the moments where faith is tested and proven. Those are the instances where stories and concepts break down. Those are the times where reality is faced and decisions are made. Why wouldn’t we pour all effort into the people who are there in those moments? That’s the idea of developing a child’s whole-life – kid ministry leaders and missional community facilitators don’t see a kid’s whole-life, so they can’t develop a kid’s whole-life.
Putting Parents in Their Place
The fact that parents are with their kids more than church leaders isn’t a scary concept, and the fact that church leaders can’t develop a child’s whole-life isn’t a bad reality: it’s biblical! Throughout the Bible, God says that parents are the primary disciplers of their children. This concept is most clearly seen in Deuteronomy 6, as God gives one of the most well-known and beloved commands in the entire Hebrew scriptures:
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. - Deuteronomy 6:4-7
It’s generally understood that the first half of this command is the primary belief in Hebrew theology. It’s a big one: “God is one, and you must love him with your entire being.” The rest of the Bible shows how to do that, and indeed, the rest of Deuteronomy contains many of the 613 commandments that make up the Old Testament Law. But notice the second half of this passage: God doesn’t tell his people to farm spiritual instruction out to “experts.”
And he doesn’t command them to limit it to a few hours, in a controlled setting, like parents often do today. “YOU shall teach them diligently to your children…” Who should? “YOU! Any reader of this passage. Every parent is instructed to teach God’s Law to your children!” And the venue for this spiritual instruction is in the midst of everyday life and activity: when you sit, when you travel, when you go to bed, when you get up. In the midst of normal activity, a child’s whole-life spiritual development occurs.
Parents, this principle isn’t isolated in the OT; it’s echoed throughout the Bible: you are the primary disciple-maker of your children. Giving that responsibility to “the church” is to abdicate your biblical role. That’s a dangerous place to be.
Church leaders, when you focus on entertaining children instead of training their parents, you potentially prevent parents from fulfilling their biblical command, and you unintentionally limit children’s spiritual development. That’s a dangerous place to be.
Churches, Equip Parents to Train Their Children
The best kids ministry is the one that equips parents to disciple their children well. Train parents in the gospel and the Bible, resource them to overcome their fears and inadequacies, equip them to teach their kids in both objective and situational circumstances, then come alongside them as a family and support them in their biblical role. That’s a biblical, healthy kids ministry.
How’s this look practically? My church has tried different ideas for the past two years, but here’s some of what’s happening now, and what’s in development:
- Our youngest kids follow the weekly rhythm of “parents – church gathering – missional communities” for objective biblical training: every week our kid ministry leader sends a Bible story, memory verse, and questions to parents. Parents read and discuss the stories, verses, and questions with their kids before Sunday, so that parents are the first to introduce biblical stories and concepts to their children. Then at church gathering, kids have the passages reiterated by kid ministry leaders, allowing them to see that other adults believe the same thing as their parents. In this way, the church comes alongside parents to support the material parents have taught their kids. Finally, the missional community comes alongside parents in reinforcing the same scriptures - with new questions and activities - as young kids have their own discussion in community meetings. Every concept is taught three times, and the church first resources parents to be the primary disciplers of these foundational truths, then comes alongside the parents to reinforce and support the teaching.
- Older kids experience whole-life spiritual development alongside the rest of the church: with kid-specific mentions in sermons and encouragement from small groups, kids first grade and older walk through scripture and regularly hear the gospel and biblical truth address real-life issues, everyday problems, sin struggles, and prayer concerns, alongside the rest of the church family. Many families continue to use the parent and small group resources mentioned above in various settings and discussions as their kids grow through their elementary years.
- Quarterlies: In our church’s decentralized model of “communities on mission,” we see great benefit in regularly bringing families and kids together based on age. Rather than a programmed, weekly event which is the focus of that age’s ministry, these “quarterlies” are more focused on our “family identity” – we’re simply connecting as a unified church, and meeting other families by age. For kids, these events are starting points for relationships and intentionality; for parents, there’s training, discussion, or the beginning of their own relationships and intentionality. The relationships then overflow into everyday life as families live as “THE family” of God together.
- Classes and discipleship plans: In addition to the weekly rhythm above, we are beginning to pour resources into equipping parents well, in intentional areas of need. However this looks in your setting, on top of objective Bible knowledge, parents need to be trained in everyday things like…
- Living their biblical role as a parent in today’s culture
- Speaking the gospel on their kids’ level
- Gospel-centered discipline, which plays out differently by age
- Answering needs and situations with the gospel
- How and when to talk to their kids about tough issues well (like faith, sex, puberty, school, college, driving, and many more)
- Dealing with tough parenting decisions well (sin, schedule, schooling, budget, saving for college, etc.)
We’re compiling resources to intentionally train parents on these issues and more, or to eventually develop resources in areas where resources are lacking. We’re also developing a resource to help parents think intentionally through their child’s spiritual development. This “discipleship plan” simply asks parents to take time at least once a year, to consider different areas of their child’s life, faith, patterns, identities - and ask how they hope to see their child grow the following year. Our leaders and the parents’ missional community then comes alongside to help in the child’s discipleship.
God’s Instruction Regarding Kids
My church hasn’t developed and carried out these principles of kids ministry simply because they’re “different” or “cool” – and we certainly don’t do kids ministry like we do because it’s easy! Instead, every idea we have regarding kids in the family of God is found deeply rooted in the picture of God’s family seen in the Bible. All we do is carry out the same principles, as closely as possible, in today’s context.
A Summary of Children in the Family of God
Here are four principles we see in the Bible, with a few verses (among others) in which the principle is seen clearly. All verses ESV; italics added throughout:
1. Parents are the primary disciplers of their children
- Deuteronomy 6:4-7: “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
- Proverbs 1:8-9: “Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.”
- Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
- Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (echoed in Colossians 3:21)
2. Children are specifically addressed, and are found in the gatherings of God’s people, throughout the Bible
- Deuteronomy 31:12-13: “Assemble the people, men, women, and little ones, and the sojourner within your towns, that they may hear and learn to fear the LORD your God, and be careful to do all the words of this law, and that their children, who have not known it, may hear and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as you live in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.”
- Nehemiah 8:1-2: “And all the people gathered as one man into the square before the Water Gate. And they told Ezra the scribe to bring the Book of the Law of Moses that the LORD had commanded Israel. So Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand what they heard, on the first day of the seventh month…”
- Psalm 78:4, speaking of the Law: “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done…”
- 1 John 2:13: “I am writing to you, fathers, because you know him who is from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I write to you, children, because you know the Father.”
3. Jesus valued children, even – or especially! – when they were distracting/unwanted
- Mark 10:13-16: “And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.’ And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them…”
- Matthew 18:2-7, 10: “And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, ‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!’ …See that you do not despise one of these little ones.”
- John 6:8-9, as Jesus prepared to feed the 5000: “One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, said to him, “There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?”
4. There are things about God’s kingdom that only children can teach us
- Matthew 11:16-17, 25: “But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their playmates, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn’…At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children…”
- Matthew 18:2-4: “And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven…”
- Matthew 21:16: “…and they said to him, ‘Do you hear what these are saying?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Yes; have you never read, “Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?”
- Mark 10:15: “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”
What do these passage lead to?
When we add to these principles the “family” imagery that runs throughout the Bible – especially the New Testament (it’s in nearly every book), and when we add the fact that, for the first 1900+ years of church, there was no separate “kids ministry,” we get the principles our church follows, as we try to raise kids in the family of God:
1. We believe that children, as young as is logical, should be included in the normative activity of the church family
2. We believe that as often as possible, families should worship together
3. We believe in setting high expectations for our children
4. We believe in equipping parents and the church to minister well to children
Thanks for learning with us how, by following the examples of scripture and history, all believers can try to raise kids in the family of God.
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Ben Connelly lives in Fort Worth, TX, with his wife and daughter (with another on the way this fall). He started The City Church in 2010 and lives on mission by teaching public speaking at TCU. Ben sits on the board of a few city-focused organizations, trains occasionally across the country, and writes at benconnelly.net. Twitter: @connellyben
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Parents, for more resources on discipling your children at home, check out Winfield Bevin's Beginner's Guide to Family Worship.
Domain of Influence
Those who have been laid hold of by Jesus Christ have the same mission. Jesus gave it to us. He gave us his gospel, his Holy Spirit, and his commission to make disciple-making disciples of all peoples. We are called to take the gospel of Jesus into our neighborhoods and into the nations. However, one’s specific involvement in that mission is unique with regards to one’s role and one’s reach. You have a specific task or role to play in this mission. The Holy Spirit has equipped you for that role. It might be preaching and teaching, or pastoring, or administration, or mercy, or hospitality, but God intends you to use that gift, faithfully carrying out your role in the mission to make disciple-making disciples.
You also have a reach in this mission, a context that we might call your “domain of influence.” Your domain of influence is the sphere in which your ministry role is carried out. Some domains of influence are broader in scope; they are far reaching. Some people are given smaller spheres with a localized influence. This is fairly obvious to us. Some people pastor large influential churches and are invited to preach before great crowds, while others live in obscurity, faithfully pastoring small churches. The role of pastor is the same, but the reach one has in carrying out that role is different. Two pastors may have a similar calling, but different God-given capacities that bring with them differing spheres of influence and impact.
We see this principle of domain throughout the Scripture. One example is found in 1Corinthians 12. When Paul addresses the Corinthians about spiritual gifts, he highlights not only the variety of the gifts but also the differing impact that each person has in the exercise of his or her gift.
Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. - 1 Corinthians 12:4–6
But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you. For we are not overextending ourselves, as though we did not reach you. For we were the first to come all the way to you with the gospel of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:13–14
We see this same principle in Jesus’ parable of the talents. A master goes on a journey and entrust differing amounts of his possessions to his servants. To one he entrust ten talents. To another he entrusts five talents. To the third, he entrusts one talent. Jesus tells us that each was given an amount according to his ability. Each was entrusted with an amount that was in keeping with that person’s potential for functioning at a certain level. In other words, each would have a differing domain of influence and varying degrees of accomplishment with what they were entrusted because each had different capacities.
The Temptations of Domain
There are two great temptations in ministry with regard to domain. First, it is possible that we can under-reach our domain out of fear, sloth, or lack of faith. God may very well desire to expand our influence and reach, but our own timidity or laziness can keep us from moving into God’s intentions. This may be what Timothy struggled with. He was appointed and given a platform of great influence in Ephesus. As we read through Paul’s letters to Timothy, it is clear that he struggles with insecurity, timidity, and possibly even a lack of faith. In 2Timothy 4:5 Paul tells him to fulfill his ministry, to be faithful to his domain.
There are some that are not dreaming enough. God has greatly gifted them, but they are not reaching for what God has for them due to insecurity, fear, or sloth. But I believe the bigger temptation that most in ministry face is that of over-reaching for a domain out of pride, envy, or comparison. When we see the ministry success of others, we can enviously aspire for a similar platform and the visibility that comes along with it. John the Baptist provides a good case study for this temptation.
John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because water was plentiful there, and people were coming and being baptized (for John had not yet been put in prison).
Now a discussion arose between some of John’s disciples and a Jew over purification. And they came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, he who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you bore witness—look, he is baptizing, and all are going to him. - John 3:23–26
If I am John, I am immediately faced with the temptation to comparison and envy. “All are going to him...” John has been at this longer and yet, Jesus shows up on the scene - endorsed by John at that - and John is losing his following. There is a constant temptation in ministry to ask, “How am I measuring up? Am I keeping up? Am I standing out? Is my church growing at a similar or quicker pace than others?” But notice how John responds.
John answered, “A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.” - John 3:27–30
John understands that God sovereignly appoints his role and sets boundaries on his domain (v27). His ministry is received, given to him from God, and he cannot add even one thing to what God has appointed for him. John knows his role is the forerunner. He is not the groom but friend of the groom. John gladly accepts his shrinking platform. His only real concern is that Jesus increases, which means his domain must now decrease. John is not trying to over-reach his domain here; he is submitting to his God-given role and reach.
I often meet pastors and leaders who are over-reaching and trying to operate in a way that is not in keeping with how God has gifted them and that is not in step with the sovereign boundaries he has put on their reach of influence. For example, they see Driscoll, Chandler, or Piper preach hour long sermons, so they preach for an hour. But they do not have the capacity to hold an audience for an hour. Many assume that they should be doing multi-site because other pastors are doing it. It is not a decision grounded in inspiration from God but imitation of another church. These over-reaching pastors feel the pressure to keep up with other churches. But if they are honest, they know God has not given them the leading, discipling, and preaching capacities for a broader domain than one healthy, local church. I recently had a conversation with a pastor struggling for years to move his church beyond the 40 or so people who were attending. He said he had a vision to plant more congregations all over his city out of that congregation. What if God does not intend his domain to go beyond one healthy congregation. Pastor, God might be calling you to plant a church and get it healthy and lead it well, and that might be the reach that heaven sets for you. And if so, that is OK. Remember the parable of the talents. Each servant is given a measure of responsibility in keeping with his ability and the commendation comes in response to his faithfulness to their role, not the expanse of their reach.
Faithfulness to Your Domain
If you are going to be faithful to your role and reach, you need first and foremost a passion for Jesus. John was content with growing obscurity because Jesus was increasing. As long as Christ is trusted and treasured, we can be content. Second, we need a Gospel-Identity. John sees himself as a friend of the bridegroom - a person in a privileged position. When we know who we are as those privileged by the gospel, loved by God, adopted into his family, set aside for his purposes, then we begin to break free from trying to establish an identity through achievement. Third, we need self-awareness. By self-awareness, I simply mean knowing how God has gifted you and wired you. John knows who he is and who he isn’t, and he does not try to be someone the Lord has not made him to be. Self-awareness comes from the Lord by means - assessment tools, giftings, passions, fruitfulness, and the affirmation of other leaders. Through these means, the Lord often reveals the reach of our domains. In this sense, domains seem to me to be an unfolding awareness - more of a discovery than an announcement. It is not about reaching for what you want to do, but discovering what God has gifted you to do and then being faithful with it as he reveals it. And, as we are faithful over a little, he makes us faithful over much.
I’m afraid that we may have bred in the hearts of pastors today a desire for greater platforms instead of greater faithfulness. Humbly accepting our domains of influence and being faithful to them is the key to being content in the ministry God gives us.
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JR Vassar is the founding and lead pastor of Apostles Church. He and his wife Ginger have three children and make their home in NYC's Upper East Side. Twitter: @jrvassar
Grief and the Gospel - Part One
(Editor's Note: This article is part of a new series on Grief and the Gospel. It originally appeared at Soma Tacoma's blog.) Our theology does more than an adequate job of explaining the reality of the broken world in which we find ourselves. We know that God didn’t design the world to work this way, that sin has devastated the landscape of every relationship in all of creation, and that someday Jesus will restore all things to the way in which they were originally created. Since the fall, sin - committed by us and against us - and the effects of sin have made a mess of the world. As we await the second advent of Jesus, along with the glimpses of the great joy and full redemption that is to come, “creation groans” (Romans 8:22-23).
Practically, however, we often live as though our theology has nothing to say about what to do with this groaning (which we might call grief). This is strange given the breadth of human experience and emotion portrayed in the pages of scripture. Sackcloth and ashes and weeping and tearing one’s garments were among the many ways that humans historically expressed grief. Groaning took on many forms. In western culture, death seems to be the only valid reason for grieving, and pop psychologists have led the way in helping people navigate those difficult waters.
Understanding Grief
So how should the gospel inform our understanding of what it means to grieve?
Ephesians 4:25-31 says:
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
The words of verse 30 are familiar to us: "...do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." But the simple reality of the verse (and it’s very far reaching implications) often go unaddressed.
The context of verse 30 is essentially a list of sins. Don’t lie, don’t sin in your anger, don’t steal, don’t speak evil things, don't be bitter or filled with wrath, don’t slander other people or concoct evil schemes. And sandwiched near the middle of the list is the reason why we should avoid these things: because sin grieves God. (It also gives the devil room to work, but that’s a whole other article.)
Sin grieves God. Sin grieves God. Sin committed by us and sin committed against us. Sin grieves God.
If we’re looking for an invitation to grieve, and to grieve more than just death, then the news that sin grieves God should strike a chord. We’ve been created in the image of God. Like God, we have the unique components of personhood - mind, emotions, and a will. So if God grieves, then grief is a part of what it means to be human. Grief is normal. Grief is good (or at least it can be since God himself grieves).
Grieving Sin
The gospel tells us that sin should grieve us. We should be grieved by the sin we’ve committed, and we should be grieved by the sin committed against us.
I have had the sad privilege of talking with many people who’ve been groaning most of their lives. Some were exposed to graphic porn before 1st grade. Others were raped by a relative before they were 10. Some cried themselves to sleep at night while mom was working the swing shift after dad left. Still others have made painful and destructive choices over very long periods of time. When I hear these stories, it has been so helpful to encourage people to deal with their groaning by grieving the sin involved in their stories.
When you’ve sinned, God has been grieved, and you should be grieved, too. When sin has been committed against you, God has been grieved, and you should be grieved, too. Grieve the absence of your father. Grieve the loss of your youth because of abuse or neglect. Grieve the fruitlessness of the years you spent abusing drugs or alcohol. Grieve the times you’ve gotten angry with your children. Sin grieves God, and it should grieve us, too.
Human Grief
The picture of a grieving God reminds me of Isaiah’s description of Jesus, the suffering servant, in Isaiah 53:3 - “He was… a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
Jesus is the image of God (2 Corinthians 4:4). Jesus was the perfect human, the most complete man who ever lived, the most accurate representation of the image of God since Adam. Jesus is the image of God, and he was acquainted with grief. So again, grief is a part of what it means to be human.
But furthermore, Jesus is no stranger to the grief we experience. We often think about how Jesus can identify with us in temptation (Hebrews 4:15), and in suffering (1 Peter 4:12-13), but how often to we ponder the fact that Jesus can identify with our feelings of grief, sadness, and sorrow?
The gospel also tells us we’re not alone in our grief. Jesus has walked in our shoes, and is well acquainted with the full spectrum of grief that sin invokes.
John 11 offers a tremendous picture of Jesus as a man of sorrows who is acquainted with grief. In the story, we see Jesus’ grief in action, prompted by the death of his friend Lazarus. Jesus sees the hurt and the pain that death brings, especially to the surviving family, and he appropriately grieves.
However, even as the man of sorrows, Jesus’ grief in this story is surprising to me on two levels.
First of all, the very fact that he grieves is unexpected. Jesus had encountered Martha on his way to Lazarus’ tomb, but it was his interaction with Mary that seemed to push him over the edge emotionally.
Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!" - John 11:32-36
With striking vulnerability and humanity, the compassion and sensitivity and deep concern of the Triune God are on full display through the tears and troubled spirit of Jesus. JESUS. WEPT.
(I’m convinced that Robert Estienne, the French scholar who divided the biblical text into verses in 1551, intentionally created the shortest verse in the NT in order to call attention to the stunning nature of God weeping.)
“He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.”
But Jesus’ grief is also surprising to me because of the timing of his grief. We need only to read ahead a few verses to find out that Jesus was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He knew his delayed arrival would result in Lazarus’ death, which would in turn provide a unique and poignant opportunity for his own messianic power and glory to be displayed. Jesus knew that he had power over death, that the grave could not hold Lazarus, and that the sound of his voice was about to wake Lazarus from his flat-lined slumber.
Grieving the Effects of Sin
And yet, Jesus grieves. But why does Jesus grieve? Why does he grieve when he knows what’s about to happen?
I think the answer is because Jesus is grieving the effects of sin. When Jesus returns and establishes the fullness of his kingdom, there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). More or less, this is an adequate summary of the effects of the fall on humanity. “…sin came into the world through one man, and death (came into the world) through sin…” (Romans 5:12).
So here, Jesus, the one by whom all things were made (Colossians 1:16), is grieving, perhaps with a thought like this running through his head: “This is not the way I designed the world to work! Death is terrible and painful and grievous!”
Death is perhaps the one area in which we still give ourselves permission to grieve. Death is so striking, so at odds with the way in which God designed the world to work, that we can’t help but grieve when it occurs. It’s instinctual for humans to grieve death. (For a helpful treatment of the grief that specifically accompanies death, see Paul Tripp’s New Growth Press booklet “Grief: Finding Hope Again.”)
But what about the other effects of sin? What about disease? What about broken relationships? What about corruption? What about economic and social inequality? We live in a fallen world filled with brokenness. The effects of sin are all around us. Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where no single person’s sin is the cause of our pain, and yet, we are clearly experiencing life in a way that God never intended. Here again, we find a reason to grieve.
Grieve the fact that cancer took your father when he was 47. Grieve because your best friends had to move out of state in order to find work. Grieve for siblings or dear friends who have no interest in Jesus. Grieve that millions in Africa starve while warlords rape and pillage.
God's Grief
The gospel tells us that sin grieves God so it should grieve us, too (sin committed by us, sin committed against us, and the various effects of sin). It also tells us that because Jesus is a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief. We are not alone in our grief.
But how should we grieve? And more importantly, what should be the outcome of our grief?
As we’ll discover, the gospel offers answers to these questions concerning grief, as well. I'll address them in a forthcoming second part of this article. At this time, consider praying for understanding of the deep effects of sin and the even deeper power of grace found in gospel of Jesus Christ.
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Abe Meysenburg serves as a pastor and elder with Soma Communities in Tacoma, WA. After living in the Midwest for most of their lives, he and his wife, Jennifer, moved to Tacoma in the summer of 1999. In 2001, after working as a Starbucks manager for a few years, Abe helped start The Sound Community Church, which then became a part of Soma Communities in May 2007. Twitter: @abemeysenburg
5 Ways to Keep Church Discipline from Seeming Weird
Recently, the subject of church discipline has hit the radar in many circles due to some high profile controversies and scandals. The way some churches appear to poorly exercise church discipline is as distressing as the way many Christians reacted to the concept. There has been a collective incredulity about church discipline as some kind of “strange fire” in the evangelical world. I can’t help but think that this aversion is partly because, as God has built his church, his church leaders have not always kept up with what makes a church a church. So even to mention the idea of a church disciplining its members strikes tenderhearted and undereducated Christians as weird, mean, and legalistic. How do we work at keeping church discipline from seeming weird? Here are 5 ways:
1. Make disciples.
Many local churches have simply becoming keepers of a fish tank. A surface level of fellowship is often in place, but the central mission of the church - to make disciples - has been neglected. Instead, churches are structured around providing religious goods and services, offering education or even entertainment options for their congregational consumers. People aren’t being trained in the context of ongoing disciple relationships. But this largely what “church discipline” is - training.
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. Matthew 18:15
In discipling relationships, we are always disciplining one another, not chiefly or only in the fight against sin but largely in our encouragement of each other, edifying one another, teaching one another, and sharing one another’s burdens. In short, disciples know each other. And so Matthew 18:15 might be happening all the time, perhaps weekly within loving relationships where there is no imminent danger of somebody being kicked out of the church but rather a constant iron sharpening of iron.
In churches with healthy discipleship cultures, church discipline is going on all the time in helpful, informal, everyday ways. When the more formal processes of church discipline become necessary, they are much less likely to be carried out too harshly or received strangely. The church will already have a positive training context for knowing that discipleship requires obedience, correction, perseverance, and mutual submission.
2. Create clarity about church membership.
In many churches, there is no church membership structure at all. But even in churches that maintain formal church membership, the expectations and processes are unclear. Prospective church members need to provide more info than merely their profession of faith, previous church membership, and the area of service they are interested in. They need to know what the body is promising to them and what they are promising the body. If church membership is a Christ-centered covenant relationship - and it is - their needs to be a clear, mutual promise between all invested parties that their yes will be yes and their no will be no, so that there can be no surprise when someone’s yes to sin is received with a no from the church.
3. Teach the process.
I remember a church meeting once upon a time where elders were sharing the grounds for dismissal of the lead pastor. The evidence was extensive and serious, and there was plenty of testimony about the elders having for years seeking the pastor’s repentance and his getting counseling to no avail. One woman, visibly upset, shouted, “Where is the grace?!” The whole idea seemed weird and unchristian to her. She did not have the biblical framework to know that the last several years’ of seeking the pastor’s repentance was a tremendous act of grace, and that indeed, even his dismissal was a severe mercy, a last and regrettable resort in seeking to startle him into Godly sorrow over his sin. But churches aren’t accustomed to thinking of discipline that way; they think of grace as comfort and niceness. This is because we don’t teach them well.
For some, church discipline will always be objectionable because it seems outdated and unnecessary. But for many, their objection is a reflection of simply not knowing what the Bible teaches on the matter. If a church never broaches the subject until a church’s response to someone’s unrepentant sin must be made public, church discipline will always seem alien. “What are you doing bringing all this law into a place that should be filled with grace?” And the like. So we have to preach the relevant texts.
One word of caution, however: Some churches love teaching the process of church discipline out of all proportion; they love it too much. In some church environments, church discipline is mainly equated with the nuclear option of excommunication and the leadership of the church is not known for its patience but for its itchy trigger finger. Teaching the process of church discipline is not about filling the church with a sense of dread and covering the floor with eggshells. It’s about providing enough visibility about the guardrails and expectations that people can actually breathe more freely, not less. Church discipline - rightly exercised - is motivated by real, sorrowful love and concern.
4. Follow the process.
Once again, we fail our congregations when we don’t begin church discipline until we feel pressed to remove someone from membership and refuse them the Lord’s Supper. It’s as if there aren’t previous, patient, hopeful steps in Matthew 18. Even the context of Paul’s command in 1 Corinthians 5:13 appears to demonstrate excommunication is the final straw, not the only one. If we will follow the biblical process of church discipline, beginning with confidential and humble rebuke of a brother’s or sister's sin, if unrepentance persists and the circle of visibility widens, expulsion will be seen as a regrettable and sorrowful necessity, and as something intended for a person’s repentance and restoration, not for their punishment.
5. Practice gospel-centeredness.
God will get the glory and our churches will give him glory when church discipline is practiced in the context of a grace-driven culture. You can expect church discipline to seem unnecessary and legalistic in churches where the gospel has not had any noticeable effect on the spirit of the people. But in churches where God’s free grace in Christ is regularly preached and believed, church leaders will be regularly setting aside their egos and narcissistic needs and the laity will be bearing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things, and believing all things (1 Corinthians 13:7), including that while no discipline feels pleasant at the time, in the end it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).
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Gospel Centered Leadership - Transparency
There’s a scene in the movie, We Were Soldiers where Mel Gibson’s character assures the men he is leading into battle that he will be the first person off their helicopter and the last man to step back on when they leave the battlefield. He's upfront and transparent with his men. Good leaders are transparent. When leaders aren't transparent, when their behavior doesn't model what they say, people find it very difficult to follow them. Few mistakes shine brighter in an organization than when a leader violates the principles, traditions and ethical standards that shape the culture of that organization.
Gather people to your vision and show them what it looks like to walk through life in pursuit of that vision. This is true in both normative and catalytic seasons within your organization. Change brings uncertainty and resistance. No amount of instruction will pry people away from the golden myth of the past as effectively as a leader who models what it looks like to live out a new rhythm of life.
This goes deeper than the hard work of crystallizing what matters most to you into pithy statements or a set of bullet points that you post on your office wall like an alternate set of ten commandments. For example, it’s one thing to capture a conviction about a life shaped by God’s calling to community and mission. And while we never want to minimize the beauty of a life that’s built around other people as we declare and display the greatness and glory and goodness and grace of God in everyday life, there’s something else at work in the lives of leaders who change the way other people think and live and love.
We don’t grow into a family of missionaries - ultimately - through the collective adoption of best practices. What changes the people God has given us to lead is not merely their observation of our hospitality or incarnational posture. It’s quite possible that they’ll watch you live out this new way of life, provide the occasional word of encouragement, or offer of help - yet never embrace any of it as their own. This can be particularly problematic in established churches or Christianized cultures where the work of community and mission remains the sole work of professional ministers.
If we intend people to become part of a family of missionaries in our cities, we must lead with a transparency that is far more foundational and pervasive than missional convictions and communal methodology. I’ve spent this year meditating on the book of Colossians and this morning I was back at the beginning of the letter, greeted with a reminder that grace has been given and peace has been secured on my behalf. On one hand, this means that I am loved - lavishly - with an affection that is settled and steadfast. There is much that is uncertain in my world, but the love of my heavenly Father is not in question. On the other hand, this love that has rewoven everything that could possibly unravel my relationship with God is a tapestry of grace. It is love that is undeserved, even as it is freely and abundantly given. The very concept of grace is a reminder that while there is nothing that can separate me from the love of God, it is a love given in lieu of the actual content of my life.
Grace creates transparent leaders in two particular ways: it convinces us that we are loved with unbreakable and unyielding affection; and it compels us to own up to the manifold ways we reject such love. Beyond our principles and practices, Gospel-centered leadership models a life of repentance and faith. The call to community and mission protects this from discombobulating into a life of flaccid passivity. Yet in a culture that threatens to careen into a hyper-active obsession with all things communal and missional, here in the simple language of grace and peace is a patient and persistent reminder that the life we are called to is a life that never disconnects from undeserved yet unwavering love.
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Matt Adair is the lead pastor of Christ Community Church in Athens and area director for Acts 29 in the state of Georgia. Twitter @mattadair
Taking the Long View
A few years ago I read A Narrative of Suprising Conversions by Jonathan Edwards, and there is one particular paragraph that God used to shape and change my heart. Edwards is talking about his grandfather, Solomon Stoddard, who preceded Edwards as pastor of his church. Listen to how Edwards describes him: “He was eminent and renowned for his gifts and grace; so he was blessed, from the beginning, with extraordinary success in his ministry, in the conversion of many souls.” Edwards explains that this happened in five seasons or “harvests" spread over Stoddard's 60 years in ministry. Edwards tells us exactly when they happened:
Harvest one erupts, and many are saved… Four years pass… Harvest two comes, and a great number of people are converted… Thirteen years pass… Harvest three happens, many come to know Christ… Sixteen years pass… Harvest four comes about, people flock to faith in Jesus… Six years pass… Harvest five errupts, and many are saved.
Years passed - sometimes more than a decade - between the times in which this church saw God bless them with great seasons of numerical growth by conversion. This great man of God pastored in the same place for nearly 60 years, pouring his life out for the sake of Jesus, working hard to make disciples, and was blessed to see amazing things.
We like to talk about those periods when growth is happening. It’s exciting. It’s energizing. We love to tell stories of churches that are seeing many people coming to faith. New services are started. Locations are multiplied. Baptisms are happening. But my question is: what about the seasons in between? What was happening in Stoddard's congregation then?
For every harvest there must be a sowing. When you add up the numbers, for 39 of his 60 years in ministry Solomon Stoddard didn’t see extraordinary growth. To be sure, people came to faith. Undoubtedly, the Spirit of God was at work. But, by most standards today (at least those we use in the American Church), Solomon Stoddard wasn’t much of a success.
At the heart of his ministry is a quality that is unfortunately all but forgotten by many: faithfulness. If Stoddard had been evaluated today, he might have been told to give up. To reevaluate his call. To change things up, try something new, adopt another strategy. Why? Because we are so tempted to trade the call to faithfulness for the allure of success. It is not sexy or glamorous to spend decades faithfully preaching the Word of God, investing your life in the people God has entrusted to you while seeing very little visible fruit.
But for a true harvest to come, there must be seed sown. Cared for. Watered. Tended to. Protected. Nourished. It is only after this hard work of faithful care has been done that a lasting harvest can come.
My prayer today is that God would give us the long view of ministry, and that our desire would be to give our lives in faithful service – trusting God to bring a tremendous harvest!
Bill Streger serves as the Lead Pastor of Kaleo Church, an Acts 29 Network church in Houston, TX. Born and raised in Houston, he attended Houston Baptist University and is currently pursuing his M.Div. from Reformed Baptist Seminary. Bill is a husband to Shannon, daddy to Mirabelle and Levi, and a life-long Houston Rockets fan. Twitter @billstreger
The Gospel Affects How We Treat Leaders [video]
This part 4 in a series of video interviews about the book Gospel-Centered Discipleship.
Gospel Centered Parenting
Gospel centered parenting is filled with complexities, mysteries, and endless situations that call for practical advice. As parents, we often get so bogged down in questions of what to do that we lose sight of why we’re doing what we do and how we should do it. My aim here is to take a big picture view of parenting. I will not answer all the questions, but I want to offer a way of thinking about parenting that will help with specific difficulties. The big picture of parenting is the big picture of the Bible because parenting is a depiction of the gospel. Consider the language Scripture uses to describe our relationship to God: Conversion is called being “born again” (John 3:3); our salvation is called an “inheritance” (1 Peter 1:3-4); God disciplines those He loves (Proverbs 3:11-12); we are called “children of God” (John 1:12, 3:1). Our father/child relationship to God is so significant that Sinclair Ferguson says, “This is the fundamental way for the Christian to think about himself: ‘I am a child of God and his people are my brothers and sisters.’” Parenting is a picture of the gospel: to us, to our kids, and to the world around us.
On one hand, this sounds like good news because it roots the everyday, non-stop work of parenting in something big and meaningful. On the other hand, this could be discouraging because we all know that we are imperfect reflections of the gospel. This is an appropriate tension because the gospel is both bad and good news. We are simultaneously doing really well and really poor in our parenting, depending on the day and subject matter. That is our inescapable reality, and nothing speaks to that reality more effectively than the gospel.
THE GOAL OF GOSPEL CENTERED PARENTING
Much of our parenting struggles are about not having the right goal. Every parent wants to raise a good kid, but what is a “good kid”? What shapes our understanding of the stuff that makes a child good … what other people think of them, how well they do in school, how much they obey, how athletic or smart they are? These are all normal desires that parents have for their kids, but to the extent that any of these govern our parenting, they become idols. We bow down to goals of image, performance, control, and the like. We must subject our goals in parenting to God’s goal for parenting. There are probably a number of ways to describe what God desires for our children. I will take my cue from the book of Proverbs: The goal of parenting is to glorify God by raising wise sons and daughters.
“Wisdom” in the Bible characterizes one who loves God and knows how to live life according the priorities and purposes of God. As John Piper counseled the congregation of Bethlehem Baptist, wisdom refers to “practical knowledge of how to attain true and lasting happiness.” The wise person is characterized by humility (Proverbs 11:12) and obedience to God’s commands (Deuteronomy 4:5-6). Piper also insists that wisdom results in a “sensitive, mature judgment or discernment of how the fear of the Lord should work itself out in all the circumstances not specifically dealt with in the Bible.” A good kid, then, is one who is maturing in wisdom, learning to live in submission to God and to His will. This captures what we really want for our children.
The gospel starts with God; so we want to start from a God-centered view of parenting, not a kid-centered or culture-centered view. The primary issue is not how well a kid stacks up to other kids or even to our expectations. God is the issue. Are our children oriented toward God? Do they honor Him? That is the starting point. Everything else follows. Dan Allender writes in How Children Raise Parents: “A parent has only one core task: to reveal God.” How do we do that? Well, God reveals Himself to us in the gospel story of creation, fall, and redemption. Let’s consider how the gospel gives us a framework for parenting.
CREATION: Identity and Purpose
In creation, the man and woman are set apart in distinction above everything else because they are made in the likeness of God. People are created in the image of God, which means we are made to live in unhindered fellowship with God and others, representing and pointing to the glory of God in all we do. We have a hard time imagining how great we are made to be. In Created in God’s Image Anthony Hoekema makes this startling statement: “What we see and hear in Christ is what God intended for us.”
Not only does God create us with this unique identity (image-bearer), He also infuses our lives with purpose by giving us the task of subduing and ruling. God put Adam and Eve in the garden and told them to “work it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15). The story of creation is the story of God preparing the Earth to become His kingdom, and raising kids is at the center of His plan.
In creation, God reveals Himself as Creator and Ruler, and in Him we understand our identity and purpose. The critical point is that we should have a high view of our children. They bear the image of God and are meant to live on the mission of God. So if the core task of a parent is to reveal God, then we must instill in our children a sense of identity and purpose that befits the children of God.
As a point of practical application: How do you talk about your kids? Do you talk as though their identity is based on their performance or failure? Do you convey that they are a burden, as if their purpose was simply to accommodate your lifestyle? Everyone instills some kind of identity and purpose in their children: a child-centered identity or a child-honoring identity, a life lived for self or for the kingdom of God.
A logical question at this point would be: “If my kids are created in the image of God, then why do they disobey so much?” Well, they disobey so much for the same reason we disobey so much. They are corrupted by sin, which is the next part of the story.
FALL: Leaky Vessels
Before the fall, Adam and Eve knew who they were and what they were made for. There was no doubt or insecurity about these matters. It was not until sin entered the world that they began to fear and doubt. After the fall, they began to feel shame about who they were and experience struggle in their work. Their world unraveled, and all the certainties about God and life were clouded by sin.
Our children are born outside of Eden, and from birth onward they are looking for an identity and purpose. A brief survey of parenting wisdom confirms these core needs. Dan Allender suggests that children are asking two questions: “Am I loved?” and “Can I get my own way?” The first question is obviously tied to identity. The second question – though less obvious – is connected to purpose. Children are leaky vessels that need to be constantly filled-up with the answer to these questions. In Grace Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel identifies our children’s three basic needs as security, significance, and strength. We will explore these basic questions and needs in a moment, but first I want to emphasize that the effects of sin in our children are not merely behavioral. These effects are profoundly linked to identity and purpose.
Through a variety of means, Satan attacks our children at the level of their identity and purpose. If he can get them to believe that they are nothing more than a sinner (a message propagated through much of the evangelical church), then he can render them useless in the mission of God. The modern view of the world and humanity belittles both our identity and purpose. The world is so vast. What importance could we possibly have if all we are is a blip on this little planet, which is nothing more than a spec in the vast universe? The modern view is that we are insignificant. If a child sees his or herself as “just a sinner,” then they probably won’t sense much ownership in the mission of God to establish His kingdom on the Earth. But if our children understand themselves to be God’s children and ambassadors, then they will come alive to the mission of God and have a deep sense of fealty to the king and stewardship of His mission.
Sin has also affected our parenting. We demonstrate our tendencies toward legalism and licentiousness, not only in the way we relate to God, but also in the ways we relate to our children. Regarding licentiousness, Tim Kimmel points out that even Christian parents “erase clear moral boundaries” with their children. He adds, “It’s actually quite easy to become a bit desensitized by the boundary-less culture that we were raised in.” Equally dangerous is legalistic parenting, which moves the boundaries in far tighter than they need be. The following chart outlines some of the errors in legalism and license:
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Expectations
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Legalism requires external “obedience” but not transformation of the heart | License “loves” a child so much as she is that it doesn’t require behavioral change |
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Communication
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Legalism talks a lot about what a child should or should not be doing, but does not adequately addressing a child’s identity | License talk a lot about identity and is concerned with self-esteem, but does not adequately speak of the actions that flow from one’s identity. |
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Motivation |
Legalism fosters a culture of performance and seeks to motivate children by fear of consequences | License promotes a culture of permissiveness and seeks to motivate children by self-gratification |
Another way of thinking about the ways sin has affected our parenting is to contrast functional and formative parenting. Functional parenting is what we do in spite of what we say we believe. It has a short-term focus of doing what works and getting through the day, whereas formative parenting has long-term goal of raising wise children. In the day-to-day, we settle for much less than the glory of God: we abuse our authority; we value the wrong things; and we don’t adequately address the inner world of our children. All of this is functional parenting.
| Functional Parenting | Formative Parenting |
| Focuses on behavior (external) | Focuses on the heart (internal) |
| The goal is to get a child to act a certain way (behavior modification) | Aims to raise a child who wants to act that way (wisdom) |
| Parental authority becomes an end in itself (tends toward legalism or license based on which one will secure proper behavior) | Parental authority is a means toward the end of harnessing a child’s will and imparting wisdom through instruction and discipline |
| Children earn a parents acceptance through behavior or performance | Acceptance is unconditional and is the basis of a child’s behavior (not the goal of it). |
| Disobedience is the problem, and it must be disciplined. | Disobedience is a manifestation of the problem, and must be disciplined as a means of getting to the root of sin |
When you read the Bible you see God’s law (behaviors and actions that He wants us to exemplify), but a closer look at the Bible shows us that God’s goal encompasses more than that. It’s not merely external conformity that God wants. He wants His children to become the kind of people who naturally live in accordance to His law. God’s goal for us is that we experience transformation in our mind, heart, and will, which then expresses itself in our behavior.
If we want to raise wise sons and daughters, we must have a long-term vision for forming the internal world of our children (heart, mind, emotions) as the wellspring of their behavior. This is the aim of the next part of the gospel story.
REDEMPTION: The Power of Grace
In redemption, God is renewing all things according to His original plan. God sent Jesus to re-establish the beachhead of His kingdom expansion and to redeem a people through whom He would expand His kingdom on Earth. In Christ, we are adopted into the family of God, wherein we regain our sense of identity as His children. In Christ, we are commissioned to disciple the nations, wherein we regain our sense of purpose. The gospel restores us to the life we were made to live – fellowship with God and work in His kingdom.
Just as God meets our deepest needs in the gospel, we must answer our children’s deepest questions of identity and purpose by embodying the gospel of grace in their lives. To do this, we must experience God’s grace ourselves. God loves us unconditionally. He demonstrates His love by rescuing us even though we are proud and arrogant. He reconciles us even though we are His enemies and grants us ongoing access to His presence even though we continue to struggle with sin. Our experience of grace leads us to ask: Do I show my children unconditional love by moving toward them in their disobedience, embracing them in their sin, and inviting them into relationship with me regardless of their condition?
God restores us to live the life we were meant to live. He prepares good works for us to walk in, gifts us accordingly, and supplies the strength to exercise those gifts. Again, we must ask: Do I empower my children by helping them gain a sense of their gifts and place in this world and even by involving them in my work? Gospel-centered parenting is not legalistic. It begins with love and acceptance. It is not licentious because that love compels us to action. Just as Tim Kimmel has written, “grace does not exclude obedience, respect, boundaries, or discipline, but does determine the climate in which these important parts of parenting are carried out.”
With our restored identity in mind, we provide our children a sense of secure love by accepting them as they are, giving them a sense of belonging in our family, and lavishing our affection on them. With our restored purpose in mind, we provide our children with significance by inviting them into the mission of God, affirming their strengths and gifts, and empowering them to take risks.
Gospel-centered parenting begins with understanding what it means to be a child of God. As we experience His grace toward us in Christ, we reveal God to our children.
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After six years as a missionary to college students at the University of Texas and four years as an associate pastor at Coram Deo church in Omaha, NE, Will Walker followed God’s call to plant Providence Church in the fall of 2010. He currently writes for World Harvest Mission and New Growth Press. Will and his wife, Debbie, are the parents of two boys, Ethan and Holden.
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For more resources on applying the gospel to parenting, check out A Beginner's Guide to Family Worship by Winfield Bevins.
For more free articles on gospel-centered parenting, read: Gospel-Saturated Family Discipleship by Mathew Sims, A Child's Gospel by Ben Connelly, and Discipleship is for Young Parents Too by Melanie Yong
Replacing the Center of Youth Ministry
To truly disciple is to realign our affections - and those of the person we're discipling - to a greater Person. Unfortunately, many youth ministries do not focus on making disciples or the heart change of their young people. Instead, behavior modification, moral change, or intellectual assent are often emphasized. This method of enacting change will never bring about true, joy-filled change. It will merely adhere to dutiful rules and regulations. Our hearts and minds must desire something of greater worth. We need something that moves beyond and replaces the previous holder of our affections - something of supreme meaning and power. Thomas Chalmers puts it this way in The Expulsive Power of a New Affection: "We must address to the eye of his mind another object, with charm powerful enough to dispossess the first of its influence, and to engage him in some other prosecution as full of interest, and hope and congenial activity, as the former." (Emphasis mine) In other words, the Christ of gospel must replace the thing that holds the place of highest esteem and honor in the hearts, minds, and the eyes of those who we disciple.
Replacing Our Affections If we do not replace these objects of highest affection with the Gospel, Chalmers says, we're in essence putting our young disciples through torture. We're removing their greatest joy and pleasure, their deepest happiness - the very thing that makes them who they are. We're stripping them of their identity and replacing it with a new “nothingness.” It’s no wonder our disciples struggle. The Jesus we preach is not worth replacing any of the desires of our hearers' hearts. The Jesus we preach is more like a guidance counselor than a Savior; more like a baseball coach than their Lord; more like a friend than a conquering King.
The Jesus we preach is not the Jesus of the Bible. The Jesus we preach may be great for saving us from the fires of hell, but He most defiantly will cause us to live a hell here on earth because He is not something that can fill our affections. This is not to say that the true Jesus cannot fill these voids, it’s that the Jesus we preach of cannot fill these voids. The Jesus we preach is a moralistic therapeutic Jesus. He is a Jesus for the future not for the present. He is not a Jesus that cares about our lives, our parent’s divorce, our grades, or our basketball team. All He worries about is how good we are, or if we're looking the part. It’s no wonder students don’t want to follow this Jesus.
Securing Our Affections We must not point our youth toward empty religion but to a love-filled cross, a beaten and battered Savior, a King who defeated His foe, a risen Lord who rescues our hearts. To the one who beckons us, “Come, rest, and be accepted not because of what you have done but because I love you.” The cross secures our affections to the one who was placed on it. All other affections will fail us. The cross and resurrection are not only the focal point of all of human history, they're the only lasting thing that can eternally hold our affections. Because of this, the cross is the one and only place where we can point our young disciples that will replace their highest wordly affections. Only a true view of what Jesus has done will cause a student to, in the words of Paul, “Count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Phil. 3.8). Because of His life, His death, and His resurrection, we can turn our eyes toward ultimate worth.
Ultimate Truths For too many of us we simply do not have a big enough view of what Jesus can - and has - done. Because of this disbelief in the power of the Gospel we have moved away from pointing our hearers to Jesus, the Gospel and a big God. Youth need to know three ultimate truths are central to affection-stirring discipleship:
1. Jesus The Jesus we teach, preach, and worship matters. Sadly, we teach a Jesus who is more concerned about our happiness than his glory - a Jesus who wants you to have your best life here and now. This thinking and teaching is not true. Yes, Jesus did come to give us joy and hope. He even came to guide us, much like a guidance-counselor. But many times what Jesus has called us to do is the exact opposite of what is comfortable, easy, or fun in our own eyes.
2. The Gospel Once we understand Jesus, our view of the Gospel needs an overhaul. We have relegated the central truth of the Scriptures to “a one and done” deal and removed the power from the Gospel by preaching it merely as the mechanism for salvation. The Gospel calls us to more then just intellectual knowledge that Jesus died in our place. It calls for allegiance to the King. An allegiance that brings about change in the world through the power of the Gospel (Rom. 1.16; Col.1.6).
Once students grasp the centrality of the Gospel to Christian life, they will no longer be tossed to and fro by every movement, thought, or idea that is thrown at them. No, they will have affections that are firmly rooted in the only place that can bring them lasting joy. This is something worth living for.
3. Big God A clearer understanding of Jesus and his Gospel leads us to a clearer understanding of God. We must teach students about our BIG GOD - a God who is bigger then their parents' divorce, their friends' suicide, their failed relationships, or the wars in the world. We need to teach a sovereign, all powerful God. A theologically correct view of God, who is all-powerful and all-knowing. This God is worthy of our very best. He gave His very best, Jesus His only son. When the God that we teach is better, more powerful, more glorious than what they see here on earth, then and only then can they endure the trials and sufferings of this world. When they lose what they have here on earth, they have only lost something of temporal joy and pleasure that pales in comparison to their God.
We must set our hope on Jesus who will lead us to denounce all other things upon which we have, or could, place value. Is the Jesus you're pointing your disciples to worth giving one’s life for? Or are you calling them to an empty hope, events, or moral change? Nothing truly changes until the object of our affections have been replaced with a big God, in the person of Jesus, through the hope of the gospel.
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Josh Cousineau was a youth pastor for over 5 years and is now the lead pastor of Redemption Hill Community, which launched in Auburn ME in 2012. Josh is married to his high school sweetheart, Anna. They have 3 amazing children (2 boys and 1 girl). Their daughter was adopted from Uganda in 2011. Josh blogs at http://joshcousineau.com
IMITATION: Getting Beyond Information-Based Discipleship
Karl Weick, in his book Making Sense of the Organization, says, “…whenever you have what appears to be successful decentralization, if you look more closely, you will discover that it was always preceded by a period of intense centralization where a set of core values were hammered out and socialized into people before the people were turned loose to go their own ‘independent, ‘autonomous’ ways.”* Weick is pointing out an important ingredient here when it comes to decentralizing the church for missional ventures. As much as we would like to see the church decentralized for mission, we cannot successfully de-centralize for mission until we first go through a period of centralization where the necessary foundations for movement are embedded within the community.
Centralized or Decentralized for Mission?
This is exactly what we see taking place in the life of Jesus, the revolutionary founder of a global movement. For 3 1/2 years Jesus discipled the twelve and modeled for them what discipleship, community and mission really looks like. When it came time for the disciples to launch out into a decentralized mission of disciple making and mission, they had the necessary training and tools to lead the movement. You can’t get to Acts without passing through the gospels. And you can’t make it through the gospels without passing through discipleship. The reality is, Jesus did not expect the 12 to know how to be or make disciples, live in community, or be on mission with God until he had modeled and trained them for 3 1/2 years.
Trying to catalyze a decentralized movement without laying a good foundation of discipleship is just trendy new-speak. In fact, if you try to decentralize without first going through a period of centralization where the core practices of being and making disciples along with living as an extended family on mission, you will not end up with movement at all. What you will end up with is a fragmented group of disillusioned people with no point of reference for how to move forward. To put it another way: Decentralization before discipleship equals diaspora. Decentralization after discipleship equals movement.
Imitation as the Missing Link
Most churches find themselves stuck in a stage of centralization, but it is not the kind of centralization Jesus has in mind. Instead of centralizing around the core practices of being and making disciples, and living as an extended family on mission, the church often centralizes around teaching and information. In this model of centralization, discipleship and mission take a back seat to the centralized gatherings that are primarily focused on preaching and the band. If there happens to be any mission minded leaders in the bunch, they typically challenge the church to go and do mission, but in essence they are wanting people to spontaneously go out and do mission on their own.
The only problem with this approach is that people tend to do what you model for them. So if you give only give them information, then challenge them to do mission, they will most likely equate mission with giving people information…about the centralized gathering where you receive…thats right….more information.
The missing link in this informational approach is discipleship; specifically, the principle of imitation. In order for me to learn how to be and make disciples, and live on mission, then I need to be invited into a relationship where I can have access to someone who actually lives it out in their own life. To get me going I need something to imitate. My friends at 3DM use this triangle to illustrate the proper relationship between information, imitation (discipleship) and innovation.
It starts with information, then leads to imitation, and finally moves into innovation. Centralization takes place during the first two phases. Decentralization takes place as you move towards the edge and innovate with new expressions of ecclesia. The order is really critical if you want to see a decentralized movement of disciple making and mission to emerge. The missing component, for most church plants (and churches for that matter), is the phase of imitation where a leader invites people into a relational process where they model for them how to be and make disciples and live like an extended family on mission. If the leader is aiming for decentralized mission where people move towards the edge and innovate new expressions of ecclesia within every nook and cranny of their context, then they need to invest the necessary time and energy to centralize around the patterns of Jesus’ ministry. Those who take the time, like Jesus, to build a discipling culture will always get what Jesus got……a movement. If we want a movement like the one Jesus started, then we need to do it the way he did it. There is just no way around this.
It is true that anyone can start a movement, but the sustainability of that movement will hinge upon whether or not the leaders of the movement can be and make disciples…that make disciples…that make disciples. Imitation is the portal through which all successful movements travel.
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Tim Catchim co-authored The Permanent Revolution: Apostolic Imagination and Practice for the 21st Century Church with Alan Hirsch. He grew up largely in the metropolitan region around Washington D.C. His leadership experience revolves around urban and semi-urban church planting, discipling, and working with at-risk youth. Tim functions as a multi-vocational entrepreneur. In order to support his church planting habit, he started a curbside recycling business. He is the founder and director of Generate, a coaching and consultant agency for apostolic ventures. As a practitioner of grass roots church planting, he brings a unique perspective that can only be forged through experimentation, failure, and success.
Gospel Centered Leadership - Ambition
My wife, Lindsey, is an incredible baker. Her apple cake tastes like fall and her sugar cookies are the stuff of legend, particularly because her creative and detailed decorations show up in various designs during holidays and birthday parties. I am amazed by how she takes a squeeze bottle of icing and creates a masterpiece. I hesitate to bite into it. It's art. While her skill is considerable, her ability to create would be severely hampered without tools. It’s one thing for her to have talent but when her sense of space and attention to detail are combined with something as simple as the plastic tip on the lid of a squeeze bottle, then what was once merely an idea or the stuff of possibility becomes a gift for family and friends.
Artistic Leadership
The idea of leadership as art is not a new concept. More than a few books have been written to articulate how leadership cannot be reduced to science, shrunk down into a series of paint-by-number steps that applies universally to anyone who wakes up with the opportunity to lead. Art takes many different forms - sculpture, music, cuisine - and each form requires a specific medium - stone, a Gibson SG guitar, my wife's royal icing. Similarly, leadership works in different environments using a particular medium that puts one’s leadership on display.
While much of leadership is contextual - a mother doesn’t lead her 18-month old twins the same way that a football coach leads 87 high school boys - there are some elements that show up wherever leadership is needed. Consider this the icing that brings color and shape to a family or to a football team.
Ambitious Leaders
Ambition is one type of icing that shows up in leadership, the medium that brings leading to life. So much of what I do in developing leaders begins with the basic question, ‘Do you want to lead?’ It is unsettling to encounter someone whose capacity to lead is uncoupled from a sense of ambition. As a pastor in a university town, capturing and unleashing ambition is one of my most significant challenges. The University of Georgia is a world-class institution and the students who arrive on campus are bright and possess a breathtaking capacity for leading others but it is rare to find a student with a sense of ambition - and even more rare to find a student with ambitions bigger than the size and scope of their life.
When I think about how the gospel influences leadership and, in particular, the ambition needed to lead, I have in mind the plastic tips on the end of the squeeze bottle that my wife uses to turn a tube of icing into an intricate design. It’s not enough to have ambition - every tyrant in the history of the world possessed a strong sense of ambition. No, the gospel takes ambition and funnels it with great precision into ordinary and everyday life.
The Context for Ambition
Gospel-centered leaders are ambitious - passionate about the glory of God shining brightly in the everyday places where providence has landed them. In Romans 15, Paul articulates his apostolic calling as an ambition to preach the gospel where it had not yet been proclaimed. While the particularities of our life and calling differ from a first-century Jewish missionary, what we do share in common with him is a God-given desire to see the glory, greatness, goodness and grace of God declared and displayed in our context.
When such ambition is applied to leadership, it shapes the passion needed to turn what’s possible into a vision that inspires people into action. And while one only needs to look at churches across the Western world to see the unique and particular visions God gives to different groups of people, it should not surprise us that underneath our vision statements is a deeply theological foundation. It is not too much to say that our desire for community and mission - however that desire is communicated - is under-girded by a radically God-centered view of life in this world. As Paul reminds the Corinthian church, everything we do ultimately takes place in an effort to glorify God as we show and tell the world that He is all-satisfying and infinitely valuable.
The Ambition of the Gospel
Our vision for ambitious, gospel-centered leadership is far bigger than leadership within the church. This is kingdom work that shapes leadership in every sphere of life - business, medicine, education, service industries, politics, homemaking. Because of the grace we have in common, given to us as broken image-bearers of God, it should not surprise us to find places in the life of our organization where kingdom values are already on display. It is here that the task of ambitious leadership begins, rallying people around a shared vision for a better future that in time can only be explained by and accomplished through the regenerating, renewing, reviving work of the Holy Spirit expressed in the gospel for the fame of King Jesus.
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Matt Adair is the lead pastor of Christ Community Church in Athens, GA, area director for Acts 29 in the state of Georgia, and the U.S. Director for The Porterbrook Network.
8 Ways to Fight Consumerism
Whether you are part of a new church plant or an existing church, here are a few things to bear in mind as you make disciples in the midst of consumerism: 1. Consumerism only exists where it’s allowed to exist. So, to change people’s orientation from going to church to consume a presentation or program to becoming a part of a people who give their lives for the gospel, you must begin by removing things they don’t need. It’s actually a theological impossibility to “go to Church,” so begin changing the paradigm with language and stop referring to your Sunday gathering as “Church.” Start by only using the word “church” for the people, or activities that take place during the week. Change your weekend lingo to reflect what you actually do on Sunday. Maybe call it “Teaching time/The gathering/seminar.” Of course, the best way to root out consumerism is at the heart level, to replace our consumer identity with a servant identity. Acting as rescued servants of Christ, not demanding consumers, comes by turning away from self-centered demands and turning to Christ-centered, church-blessing service.
2. Begin the non-consumer paradigm by changing your own role from doer of ministry to equipper of the saints to do ministry. The only reason anyone should get paid for ministry is if they equip others to do the actual work. So if your role right now is teaching on Sunday, start pulling together your best potential teachers either of small groups or missional communities and start a monthly “teaching training.” If your role is shepherd or pastor, start a monthly shepherding training. There’s always more bang for the buck when you spend your time developing leaders instead of developing messages or programs.
3. Deliberately spend 50% less time on your own sermon as a starting point. That should immediately give you an extra 10 hours a week to work with leaders.
4. Move from nebulous ministry time coaching ministry relationships. View every appointment as a means to an end. The end is that they will do the work of ministry. Have a plan of basic coaching questions for each meeting. For example: What is on your heart to do? What is hindering you from doing this work of ministry? How can I help you overcome these obstacles? What is the one thing you can do this week to move forward? As you view your role as a coach/consultant/ and connector of people, you’ll immediately begin decentralizing ministry to people who are desperate to find their place in God’s kingdom calling.
5. Move from maintaining present ministries to modeling new forms of missional leadership. There’s no easy way to say it; missional leaders must lead by example. You don’t have to be the best at cultural engagement, evangelistic relationship, service to the poor, but you must be in the fight so that your life can inspire others. Just as your people have to work a full-time job and then learn to give an evening a week or a few hours on the weekend to missional community, you must do the same. If you have to, begin redrafting your own job description to free up space.
6. Consider part-time salaries instead of full time pay. Most of the jobs we traditionally pay full time salaries for can easily be done in half the time. So only pay for equippers. This includes you!
7. Consider outsourcing basic functions like “set up/tear down/nursery/financial services.” We often spend more than we need to on services that don’t directly relate to ministry.
8. If you’re going to pay staff, only pay and staff to your greatest need. Most churches can actually find people who have a passion and gifting to teach or lead worship, or work with kids without any financial remuneration at all. If you don’t pay for these roles, it may open up financial space for people and ministry ventures outside the church. Many missional churches now staff “community developers,” “business for mission” ventures, and other outside the box roles. Ask yourself, "What would be good news to my community and if we were to be good news," and "What types of people and roles do we really need?" Have the courage to put money into speculative ventures that bless the culture around you instead of just propping up the same ol’ roles that haven’t been producing fruit for years.
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Hugh Halter is the national director of Missio and pastor of Adullam in Denver Colorado. You can find out more about Hugh at his blog or follow his thoughts on Twitter. His previous writings includeThe Tangible Kingdom, And: The Gathered and Scattered Church, and The Tangible Kingdom Primer (Workbook).
Be Fruitful and Multiply Disciples
Historically, movements have stopped because they were primarily leader-led information dumps. Information isn’t a bad thing, but information-driven movements are limited in influence. Why should we create disciple multiplying movements? How can we create them? It's What We Were Made For In the garden of Eden, we see that image bearers of God we were made to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:22, 26-28). By issuing his first "great commission," God did not merely intend for us to have more people over for Thanksgiving dinner. Rather, he wanted his beautiful image to fill the entire earth through the multiplication of his image bearers. But through Adam, we sinned and were separated from God.
In the attempt to author our own story, we sought center stage--pushing God's goals for us aside. We sought to multiply our image for the sake of our own fame rather than God's fame.
When someone repents and turns to God, it is our responsibility to show them their new mission by pointing back to the garden. We must show how their mission is all about multiplying for the sake of God's glory not multiplying a life that is all about them and their legacy.
Most small groups in churches believe their goal is to get to know each other or form a close bond. If this is the goal, multiplication will never be desired. Drawing close to one another is not the goal of missional community, but making disciples who make disciples is (being fruitful and multiplying images of Jesus). Drawing close to one another happens because Jesus has given us the same Father, and we are a part of the same family. So, forming a close bond is a bi-product rather than the goal of living together on mission as family.
This Must be on Our Lips If our goal is to make disciples who make disciples (to be fruitful and multiply), then this must be on our lips constantly. I tell those who aren’t even followers of Jesus yet, that we desire to see communities like ours across the world doing the same thing. So, when they join our community as a follower of Jesus, they’ve already been discipled to know that we desire multiplication.
But it doesn’t stop there. We continue to talk about it as a group and continue to seek to hear from the Spirit on his timing and his power to send us out. The best way I can describe this is by relating it to your child. Do you desire to see your child stay in your house until they die? Or do you desire to see them leave the house and have a family of their own? Do you then wait until they are 18 and spring this on them and then kick them out? Or, do you continue talking to them about it, train them and seek for them to be ready when the day comes to leave your house and go and be fruitful and multiply with their new family? This is the same thing we need to be doing with our church families. We need to seek to see them grow in maturity and grow in the gospel so that they too can lead a family of missionary servants to live out the effects of the gospel with those around them.
People often ask me how I make it easy for our groups to multiply. I say the same thing every time: You must regularly talk about multiplication and train the next group for its certainty. It must always be on your lips and prayers, and always on your people’s lips and prayers. If it’s not, then it will be very difficult when it happens--like kicking out your unsuspecting child and telling them it’s healthy.
Transforming and Transferable You will do well by building the foundation of multiplication. You will also do well by regularly talking about it and listening to the Spirit in the process. But what happens if you have no leaders to lead the multiplication? This is where many groups and movements fail. The reason is that people in the group look at the leader and think, “There’s no way I can do what he’s doing. This takes too much time and too much theological knowledge.” Not only that, but you’ve merely spoken about multiplication without transforming people’s hearts to seek it out.
Merely talking about making disciples is sometimes fun and it’s a great theological exercise for the mind. But mere talk and theologizing rarely inspire people to make disciples.
If you desire to see others gripped to make disciples, you must not only penetrate their intellect. You must also aim at their hearts. If you merely aim at their heads with theological reasons why it’s good to make disciples, people will always come up with reasons why they are not convinced of its realities.
I think of Jonathan Edwards when he spoke of God’s holiness and grace and compared it to honey.[1]
In this way, he says, there is a difference between having an opinion that God is holy and gracious, and having a sense of the loveliness and beauty of that holiness and grace. There is a difference between having a rational judgment that honey is sweet, and having a sense of its sweetness. A man may have the former, that knows not how honey tastes; but a man cannot have the latter unless he has an idea of the taste of honey in his mind. So there is a difference between believing that a person is beautiful, and having a sense of his beauty. The former may be obtained by hearsay, but the latter only by seeing the countenance. When the heart is sensible of the beauty and amiableness of a thing, it necessarily feels pleasure in the apprehension. It is implied in a person's being heartily sensible of the loveliness of a thing, that the idea of it is sweet and pleasant to his soul; which is a far different thing from having a rational opinion that it is excellent.
So, we must, as leaders, show others what it means to make disciples. When a follower of Jesus sees new disciples being made, and they are a part of it, their heart will rejoice. And like honey on the lips, they will desire more honey instead of merely talking about honey. Jesus did the same with the blind man in John 9. He healed him, so that the blind man would taste and see that the Lord was good. Then he supported that heart-transforming act, to theologically tackle the implications of who Jesus was afterward in John 9:35-41. Notice the way the blind man desired others to taste and see that the Lord Jesus was good--because his heart was transformed.
Not only do we seek to transform, but we must also make sure what we do is transferable. I have many things I can share from experience that I believe are transferable for my people, but you must ask yourself these types of questions:
- Do I need a theological degree to lead the community like I do? Remember, not all people like to read and study as much as many of us pastors do. If we want to create a movement of disciple-making, then we have to move away from leading from a position of “trained” men, into leading like “untrained” men. (By the way, I’ve never been to seminary, nor am I paid by the church.)
- Do I need to be paid by the church to have the time to do what I do? See above.
- What resources are available to give future leaders so that they don’t feel like they have to think of new topics to discuss and study in their Missional Community? I do not do any book studies in the Bible that cause me to do an immeasurable amount of study and reading on my own. If I do, then people will see the group as one that can only be led by someone with my capacity. Instead, I use easily transferable studies (e.g., check out www.bild.org)
- How can I model all of this, so that I am going to be able to transfer leadership, instead of being the functional savior for our groups? Make sure you lead as you want others to lead. Don’t do studies that can only be led by a seminarian. Don’t do so many activities that can only be done by those with a job inside the church. Remember, as you lead, you are discipling those in your group on what it looks like to lead a group of disciple-makers. You can’t say one thing and model another. They’ll see right through that.
Because I have worked hard to hear the Spirit’s leading in this, 80% of those that are a part of the Missional Communities in my expression within Soma Communities desire to lead MCs at some point. When I baptized a new disciple, he first desired to lead a group of disciple-makers. He saw this as the only option for someone who was a follower of Jesus and, that it wasn’t anything special. In spite of being a new disciple, he didn’t see this as some “high calling” only for a few.
Since we want to lay the foundation of multiplication, we regularly talk about making disciples who make disciples. We seek to do this by modeling it for them in ways easily transferable. New disciples often can’t wait to lead others in the making of disciples who multiply to make more disciples.
So, go! Be fruitful disciples of Jesus by multiplying his beautiful image everywhere.
1 http://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/articles/onsite/edwards_light.html
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Seth McBee is the adopted son of God, husband of one wife and father of three. He’s a graduate of Seattle Pacific University with a finance degree. By trade Seth is an Investment Portfolio Manager, serving as president of McBee Advisors, Inc. Today, he’s a preaching elder, City Church leader and coach with Soma Communities in Renton, Washington. In his down time he likes to watch football, cook BBQ, host pancake ebelskiver breakfasts at his home and many other neighborhood events in his hometown of Maple Valley, Washington.