When God’s Plans Leave Us Distressed

“Now his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of the Passover. . . . And when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it” (Luke 2:41,43).

Jesus's family traveled for the entire day and did not notice he was missing from their group. Whether it was because they were traveling in a caravan or each parent assumed he was with the other is unclear, but Jesus's family traveled on, unaware that he was absent from their party. Once they realized he was gone, it took three days of searching to locate him (Luke 2:46).

I've thought often about this passage because if I'm honest, I’ve always felt that Jesus was pretty insensitive to leave and not tell his parents. It seems careless of him to simply vanish and make no mention of it to his mom and dad. He was young, only twelve years old, and he disappeared for days on end. It's always been hard for me to reconcile Jesus's actions here. Had any other child who was not God behaved similarly, he would have been worthy of censure. Yet because it was Jesus, we know that there was no sin on his part, and there is far more to the story than a cursory read reveals.

As I reflect on this interaction between Jesus and his parents, I believe there are four lessons we can take away when God's plans leave us in a place of pain, uncertainty, or questioning.

1. God’s Plans Will Often Leave Us in the Dark

Jesus made plans to be in his Father's house, unbeknownst to his parents. I don't know why Jesus navigated his plans as he did, but it is clear that he left his parents in the dark about where he was going, which led to their distress.

There are times when God allows the same situation in our lives. I have experienced seasons when God's plans have left me feeling totally in the dark. I did not understand what he was up to, even years after the event. While I can certainly see the good that God has allowed to be drawn from the dark, the reality is that I have also felt very confused and distressed. Jesus's parents felt the same.

Simply because we feel as though we are in the dark does not necessarily indicate that we have missed God's intent or plan. Rarely, if ever, are we privy to all of what God intends. In these moments, it will serve us well to remember that Jesus's own parents felt distress, yet Christ's plans were not outside the will of his Father. It is the same for us.

2. There Are Times When God's Plans Will Leave Us Feeling Hurt

When Mary found Jesus, she responded as any other mother would respond; she rebuked him. “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress” (Luke 2:48).

As I think about my own life, I've asked the same questions of Jesus: “Why have you treated me so? I have been in great distress. Why have you done that? I am hurting so deeply. Why have you allowed what you have? Why have you chosen what you did? It feels uncaring. It seems so insensitive. Why, God?”

While Mary was certainly responsible for her own reaction and response, the reality is that, as a human, she was hurt by her son's actions because she didn't understand them. I imagine she had hopes and expectations of how Jesus should have treated her.

There are times when God's plans will leave us feeling distressed because we don't know what he is up to. There are times when God's plans will leave us feeling hurt. While I don't believe God's desire is to wound us, I do know that he is willing to do exactly that if it means our hearts are more tender toward him. He “[will tear] us, that he may heal us; he [will strike] us down, and he will bind us up” (Hos. 6:1). God will wound in order to heal. He is always at work and has promised to work all things for good, even if, in the moment, the plans seem painful and confusing.

3. It's Okay to Ask Questions of God and Tell Him How We Are Feeling

Mary's words to Jesus seem reasonable and relatable: “Why have you treated us so?” She was hurt. She responded out of her fear and distress. She was left in the dark about her son's plans. She certainly felt afraid when she couldn't find him. She gave every response a human mother could and should have when her child was missing. Yet even at twelve, Jesus, her son, was still God. More important than submitting to his earthly parents, he had to submit to the authority of God.

Mary questioned her son's plans. She questioned his care. In doing so, she was also questioning her God. I feel a lot of compassion for Mary. The God who spoke her into existence was also the one who submitted himself to her womb. It had to be incredibly difficult to be tasked with shepherding the Good Shepherd, parenting the Father of Life. Mary responded in her humanity when she rebuked her son in fear and distress.

What we see from Jesus is that he does not rebuke her for her fear. He is not offended by her censure. He simply engages her with questions, beckoning her to consider her own heart and fears in light of who he is. Could it be the same for us? Could it be that when we struggle with fear, when faith feels difficult, when we feel hurt by the plans of God, we are not rebuked either? Jesus knows that we are limited in our understanding of his plans. He didn't rebuke his mother's questions or fears. I think, at times, he does the same for us.

4. The Answers We Receive May Not Satisfy Us.

When Mary rebuked Jesus and asked him why he had treated them so badly, he asked her, “Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?” (Luke 2:49, NIV). I can't imagine that response satisfied Mary's wounded heart. I imagine Mary would have liked more of an explanation from Jesus. I suspect she would have liked to understand his reasoning, his plans, his thought process. Jesus didn't give her any of that. He simply told her where he needed to be: in his Father's house.

Beyond that, the passage says that Mary and Joseph “did not understand the saying that he spoke to them” (Luke 2:50). Jesus explained himself to his parents, yet in some ways, Jesus's response created more questions than answers.

Often God does not give us answers to the questions we are asking, especially the “Why?” questions that plague our hearts. What we see from this exchange is that even if we were to receive answers to our questions, we likely still would not understand what God is up to. His ways are unsearchable, and his judgments are inscrutable (Rom. 11:33).

There are times when God answers the questions of our hearts, yet often those answers do not actually satisfy us. They are answers that still leave us feeling confused or uncertain, rather than affirming what we hope to learn. Scripture tells us that despite the hurt she experienced, despite the disappointment and confusion she encountered, Mary “treasured up all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:51). When we find ourselves feeling hurt or confused over God’s plans or answers, we too can follow the example of Mary and treasure up the promises of God in our own hearts.

As we wrestle with seasons when God's plans leave us feeling in the dark, confused, hurt, distressed, and full of questions, we can also be sure that Jesus will deal tenderly with us as we struggle to trust that his plans are good. He was patient with his mother, allowing her to question and wrestle with his plans when she felt left in the dark. I think he will do the same for us.