Five Ways to Pray for Reconciliation
When we’re tangled in frustration, when we’re overwhelmed by the divisions of our world, when we don’t know what to pray for, Paul’s words to Philemon offer us a helpful guide.
In what is arguably Paul’s most personal letter, the master theologian applies the global gospel to a single relationship within a local church. As Paul looked at the world, needful of Christ; as he considered the influential position of governmental leaders; as he experienced the pain of his own imprisonment; he decided to address a relationship between two individuals that needed reconciliation.
Whether it’s reconciliation with a fellow believer and church member or reconciliation among a racial divide, in Paul’s letter to Philemon we find five helpful prompts for our own prayers for reconciliation.
1. PRAY FOR THE LOCAL CHURCH AND SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS TO HAVE A VOICE OF AUTHORITY IN YOUR LIFE
“Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, to Philemon our beloved fellow worker and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house…” (Phm. 1–2).
Paul is focusing on a specific relationship between Philemon and Onesimus, but he addresses his letter to the entire church. That seems like an overreach, doesn’t it? Did he really need to involve the whole church? Apparently.
God designed the local church as the soil in which believers will grow in the image of Christ. As we pursue reconciliation, we need the local church. We need older sisters and younger brothers to help us see our blind spots and apply the gospel. Our forgiveness towards another person is dependent on other people.
As you pray for reconciliation, ask God to give you a heart for the local church. Pray for fellow believers by name as you ask God to use them for your growth and sanctification.
2. PRAY FOR GRACE AND PEACE TO BEGIN, SATURATE, AND CONTINUE THE WORK OF RECONCILIATION
“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ” (Phm. 3).
“The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.” (Phm. 25).
It was not uncommon for Paul to begin and end his letters with grace. But it was also not unintentional. Paul knew that his readers, both original and ongoing, would need the grace to receive his words and grace as they applied them.
You need the grace and peace that comes from God to begin the work of pursuing reconciliation, to saturate the work, and to continue the work. There’s not one moment of life, or one part of the pursuit of reconciliation, in which you are not dependent on grace. There is also not one moment in which grace is unable to provide for you.
But do you pray that way? As you pray for reconciliation, recognize your ongoing need for grace. Empowering grace will equip you for the work of obedience. Sustaining grace will keep you through the work and all the way until the end.
If you know your own heart to be quick to anger or avoidance in the midst of controversy, pray for peace that will help you walk with Jesus in tumultuous times.
3. PRAY FOR LEADERS TO HAVE BOLDNESS AND HUMILITY
“Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love's sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus—I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment” (Phm. 8–10).
Paul models powerful leadership. Here he recognizes the boldness he could rightfully employ, yet tempers that boldness with love and rather chooses to appeal. But his use of appeal does not weaken the demand.
Leaders must have boldness. That’s part of the reason why we follow them. But bold leadership, if not held with humility, can be a provocation instead of a help. So can weak leadership not mixed with boldness. In the pursuit of reconciliation, leaders must have boldness and humility.
As you pray for reconciliation, pray for your leaders. Pray for governmental leaders. Pray for the leaders of organizations such as Black Lives Matter. Pray for the leaders of local law enforcement as they are caught between protests and riots. Pray that these leaders would have boldness and humility and the wisdom to exhibit each accordingly.
4. PRAY THAT GOD WOULD REPLACE RELATIONSHIPS OF INEQUALITY WITH RELATIONSHIPS OF BROTHERHOOD THROUGH SACRIFICIAL FELLOWSHIP
“For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother” (Phm. 16).
Paul knew that when Philemon would read this letter, he would likely do so in front of Onesimus. How would Philemon respond? Would he, in anger, make owner-like demands of the former slave?
Part of pursuing justice is pursuing reconciliation. As long as inequality is part of our outlook, injustice will remain part of our practice. We cannot be equals with someone we see as “less than.” But the gospel reminds us that there are no “less than” people. We’re all made in the image of God and we’re all reconciled through the work of Christ alone.
As you pray, pray that God would replace relationships of inequality with relationships of brotherhood. Pray that he would replace the heart of stone that propagated injustice with a heart that seeks the interests of others and those of Jesus Christ (Phil. 2:21). Pray that sacrificial fellowship would distinguish the church from a self-exalting world.
5. PRAY CONFIDENTLY FOR OBEDIENCE AND IN HOPE OF LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF OBEDIENCE
“Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you” (Phm. 21–22).
Believer, God is accomplishing his purposes. Yes, he can and does use what is intended for evil. And he uses the obedience of his people.
We ought to be confident in the obedience of God’s people. Not expecting perfect obedience but expecting ongoing obedience. We ought to celebrate that God is using countless unseen men and women of every ethnicity in the pursuit of justice and in the accomplishment of his purposes. Consistent and quietly obedient believers around the world are even now hard at work. Perhaps only in heaven will they get their recognition. And they’re probably okay with that.
Pray confidently knowing that God is at work in their obedience.
FINDING THE WORDS
So, believer, in the midst of your frustration, pray. And when you don’t have the words to pray, open up God’s Word and inform the words of your prayer with the words from God’s mouth.
And as you pray for reconciliation, know that you have Paul, Philemon, and Onesimus cheering you on.
Jeff Mingee is the glad husband of Lauren and proud dad of Aiden and Carter. He pastors Catalyst Church in Newport News, Virginia, and serves as a Church Planting Strategist with the SBC of Virginia. Jeff is the author of Called to Cooperate: A Biblical Survey and Application of Teamwork and a bible study on Philemon, Forgiveness: A Risk Worth Taking.