A Game of Hide-and-Seek: How Shame Keeps Us from the Father’s Forgiveness
“Where are you hiding?”
I call out my daughter’s name while peeking under the table and in the pantry. My voice rises in frustration as the search continues. “Please come out when Mommy calls for you!”
At last, I find her in the corner of her bedroom, curled under her white sleeping mat decorated with tiny pink castles. Her legs are pulled close to her chest, and her messy blonde head is buried in her folded arms. Pieces of broken pottery lie on the floor beside her. My anger has reached boiling point, and harsh words are ready on my lips. She raises her head, and I stop as I see something I’ve never seen before reflected in her three-year-old eyes: shame.
My heart softens. I know that look. I’ve had that look myself—when I’ve done something wrong and wanted to hide it from others; when I’ve felt burdened by my inability to defeat sin; when I’ve believed I’ve messed up “too much” this time.
The angry speech I was ready to give her melts away, and I drop to the ground next to her. I pull her close, and she cries against me. She is broken over her sin, yet she doesn’t know what to do other than try to hide.
I know that feeling, too.
God Pursues Us in Our Sin
My daughter’s response to her sin is no different from Adam and Eve’s in Genesis 3. They rebelled against God, and for the first time, they recognized their own nakedness and felt ashamed. Rather than turning to God for forgiveness, they hid from him. They thought they could cover their sin with garments of fig leaves which couldn’t even withstand a stiff breeze.
Their omniscient Creator knew what they had done the moment they bit into the fruit. Yet rather than storming across the garden in an angry tirade, God walked toward Adam and Eve, called their names, and asked a simple question, “Where are you?” (Gen. 3:9). He did not condemn them, but rather invited them to consider their position before him. They had hidden themselves from him, but in his great love, he sought them out.
Adam answers God’s question, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself” (Gen. 3:10). Sin not only resulted in shame, but in fear. They no longer felt at peace in God’s presence. Still, God pressed further, inviting them to confess their sins and be restored to a right relationship with him and one other.
Instead, Adam blamed Eve (and God) for his disobedience. Eve blamed the serpent. In his righteous justice, God exiled them from the Garden of Eden, but not before offering the first sacrifice to cover their guilt and clothing them to cover their shame.
This sacrifice and new wardrobe were only temporary, however. Humankind would need more offerings, more blood, and more short-term coverings for thousands of years. God promised Adam and Eve that the seed of the woman would one day defeat the serpent (and sin and shame along with him) once and for all.
God’s promise was fulfilled in Jesus, the Son of God, who lived a perfect life and died the death we deserved. He took on our sin and shame so we would be covered in his blood and clothed in his righteousness. Because “we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all” (Heb. 10:10), we don’t have to hide anymore. Through the blood of Jesus, we can confidently enter the presence of God (Heb. 10:19). There is no more hiding, no more shame, no more fear.
However, despite our freedom in Christ, we often still allow the serpent to draw us into shame.
God Isn’t Disappointed with His Children
Recently, in my women’s discipleship group, another mom confessed a sin she was struggling with and casually added, “I’m sure God is tired of me asking forgiveness for this sin over and over.” She made another joke about exasperated parents, and we all laughed. But while her statement was a humorous way to admit sin, it’s riddled with poor theology.
When we believe God is a begrudging Father, we hide from him. When we believe he’s frustrated at our repeated failure, we run away from him in fear instead of toward him for forgiveness. When we believe we’ve gone too far, we cut ourselves off from the very power which helps us overcome sin.
If, in my own imperfect motherhood, I respond with grace and mercy when I find my child buried in blankets and shame, how much more will our perfect Heavenly Father lavish us with his steadfast love and abundant mercy. Jesus reminds us, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:11).
I sought out my daughter because I love her. When she experiences the fullness of my love, she doesn’t fear me. As John writes, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18). My daughter is not afraid of my discipline (even though she obviously doesn’t like it) because she knows my discipline has nothing to do with her worth but with her growth.
Likewise, our Heavenly Father isn’t surprised by our sins or disappointed with our repeated mistakes. Like his pursuit of Adam and Even in the garden, he pursues a relationship with us, too. He seeks us out in our sin and shame, invites us to repent, and empowers us to walk in obedience. When God disciplines us, it’s because he loves us and wants to remove any barrier in our life to enjoying his presence. He doesn’t want fear and shame to keep us hidden from his love.
We Don’t Have to Hide
After a few minutes of sitting in the corner of my daughter’s bedroom, I coax her into my lap. “Do you forgive me?” she whispers.
“I’ll always forgive you,” I reply, lifting her chin so I can look into her eyes.
“Does God always forgive me?” she worries.
“He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, every time,” I respond, quoting our Scripture memory verse from 1 John 1:9.
“I promise I won’t disobey you tomorrow,” she counters, and I chuckle. While I let her know it’s good to try our best to obey, God knows she’s not yet perfect. She’ll disobey again tomorrow, and maybe even hide again, but I will still seek her out. And so will God.
I want my children to live a life free from shame. Yes, they will experience godly guilt when they sin, which can lead them to repent and turn to their Heavenly Father for forgiveness (2 Cor. 7:10). However, I never want them to feel like they must hide when they sin. I don’t want them to believe they are only the sum of their mistakes. I don’t want them to believe that when they fail again and again, God is disappointed in them.
Just as the shepherd sought out his wayward lamb, the woman rejoiced over her lost coin, and the father embraced his prodigal son with kissing and weeping (Luke 15), God will never be disappointed when his children return to him. No matter our sin and shame, our Heavenly Father is ready to welcome us home.
My daughter doesn’t have to hide. And neither do we.