Our Friendship with Jesus Should Matter More than Our Political Ideologies
In 2016, data scientists Eitan Hersh and Yair Ghitza analyzed data among registered voters to determine how often Democrats and Republicans married. They learned that 30 percent of couples were politically mixed, meaning they did not share the same party identification. However, most of those mixed marriages were between Independents and a spouse registered as Republican or Democrat. Only 9 percent of marriages were between Democrats and Republicans. That number has worsened. In 2020, the American Family Survey saw that only 21 percent of marriages were politically mixed, and fewer than 4 percent were between Democrats and Republicans. The indications are that we tend to only have deep friendships with those who share our political ideology.
In 1958, Gallup Research asked respondents, “‘If you had a daughter of marriageable age, would you prefer she marry a Democrat or Republican, all other things being equal?’ The results: 18% of Americans said they would prefer their daughter to marry a Democrat, 10% preferred a Republican, and the majority didn’t care.” When Gallup asked the same question in 2016, the number of those who cared nearly doubled: “28% of respondents said they preferred their child to marry a Democrat and 27% a Republican.”
In 2017, after Trump won the presidential election, 10 percent of Americans ended a romantic relationship because of different political views.
Politics are divisive no matter what country you live in. England has been split over Brexit (leaving the European Union). France has been divided over immigration policies. And South Korea has massive political division between its younger and older residents and between those in urban and rural environments.
Let’s make this personal. What would your reaction be if you learned a close friend of yours voted for a different presidential candidate than you in each of the past three elections? How would you feel if you walked into a new friend’s home and MSNBC was on the TV in their living room? How about Fox News? How would it impact your friendship?
We long to be around those who validate our opinions and share our worldview. It’s not surprising, then, that our political allegiances have a significant impact on our friendships. We struggle to share deep relationships with those who have different political commitments.
So strong is our allegiance to our ideology, Facebook and Twitter have realized, that to even expose us to those who disagree with us is bad business. Facebook’s algorithm feeds you more posts from friends you engage with and fewer posts from friends you don’t respond to.
You see the post from a friend about how excited they are after their candidate won (and you voted for the other candidate). Your stomach tightens. Do you respond? Unlikely. You scroll past it. Will you see the next post they make? It’s less likely now that you didn’t respond to their celebratory post. And so Facebook nudges you one inch further away from each other. A few months later, you’re not quite as close with this friend, and you might not even know why.
The echo chambers we live in form silently around us. They segregate us and form us into communities and friendships based on our political ideologies.
“You are Republican,” your Facebook algorithm whispers in your ear. “You are a Democrat,” your social circle chants. “You don’t just believe in those political ideas; they are who you are,” the world murmurs. Taking a side and defending it has become the norm in our society. Being with others like us feels safe, comfortable, protected from critique. But when we’re in a place where we separate from others, where we only hear, “Yes, you’re right,” we stagnate and fail to grow. Our political substitute identities leave us self-righteous, angry, and unable to cope with life’s reality: not everyone is like us, sees things the way we do, or wants the same things we do. If our happiness depends on being isolated from differing opinions, it is a false happiness.
What a Friend We Have in Jesus
Christ invites us into a new identity—that of a friend. This is not an identity rooted in our political association but an identity that is rooted in our kingdom association.
In the kingdom of heaven, there will be no independents, conservatives, or liberals. There will be no squabbles over the best way to rule; there will be no one who is disenfranchised and no systemic sin. We will live in a world where we each live in the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We will willingly lay down our rights. In this kingdom, our rights aren’t necessary. There is one King. His name is Jesus, and in his kingdom we are friends of God. And Jesus invites us to be friends with one another.
Pause for a moment and think about what it might look like to live today as if a taste of heaven came down to earth in your own heart and mind. Imagine the peace of knowing you don’t have to be right. That Jesus has right and wrong settled. Think how your friendships might change if you lived in the overflow of your friendship with Christ and not friendships established through political allegiance.
Your identity in Christ is that you are a friend—a friend of Jesus. You are special. You are set apart. And he delights in you . . . no matter what happens.
This is an excerpt from Trading Faces: Removing the Masks that Hide Your God-Given Identity (Kregel, 2023) by John and Angel Beeson. Used with permission.
Note from authors: My wife, Angel, and I have written our book Trading Faces: Removing the Masks that Hide Your God-Given Identity to help us identify these false identities and put on the true identities we have in Christ. We have developed a quiz to help you begin your journey of self-discovery. We would encourage you to take the quiz and pass it along to friends if you find it helpful. Check it out here.
John Beeson is co-lead pastor at New Life Bible Fellowship in Oro Valley, Arizona. His previous work includes Blogging for God’s Glory in a Click-Bait World with Benjamin Vrbicek. Angel Beeson is the founder of and a counselor at Whole Hope Christian Counseling. The Beesons blog together at thebeehive.live.