It Is Not Well with My Soul
I overheard a church singing the famous hymn, “It Is Well with My Soul, ” one Sunday morning. Before I could lift my voice to join in its chorus, my soul said, ”NOOOO! It is not well with me!”
Snapshots of faces and pavement flashed through my mind. Mike Brown. Scenes of bloodshed. Things I wish I could unsee. Philando Castile. Cases never brought to justice. Eric Garner. Mistrial after mistrial. Aiyana Jones. Backs turned, but guns still fired. Rayshard Brooks. More pavement, more faces. The cold and callous look on Officer Derek Chauvin's face juxtaposed against the terrified and tear-ridden face of George Floyd.
Then there’s her beautiful brown face that haunts me, causing me to question if black female lives matter. She was shot eight times but recorded as having no injuries, gasping for air but received no medical attention. It’s been 166 days and the cops who killed Breonna Taylor have still not been arrested. One hundred and sixty-six days of no accountability. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX DAYS of a country in mourning with no response.
My soul is clothed in sackcloth and ashes for Breonna. And now, for Jacob Blake, who was shot seven times before the eyes of his three little black boys. And again for Trayford Pellerin, who was mercilessly killed with eleven rounds of gunfire for holding a knife.
So, no. It is not well with my soul! And don't ask for it to be.
OUR SAVIOR’S SOUL
When Horatio Spafford sat down to pen “It Is Well with My Soul,” he was writing out of the heaviness of losing his daughters as they perished in the sinking of the Ville du Havre on a trans-Atlantic crossing. Though their death was tragic, it was not the result of an act of injustice against them, rather an unforeseen accident.
It's one thing to accept the hardships of sickness, death, and even a pandemic, but may our souls never be well with injustice. May our souls always lament and scream out for justice!
May our souls—like our Savior’s—weep over cities filled with stubborn and sinful structures that result in the disproportionate suffering of some more than others (Luke 19:41). May we, like our Savior, seek to proclaim the good news to the disenfranchised, liberate the oppressed, and recover the sight of those blind to the truth of systemic racism (Luke 4:18). May we, like our King, empty ourselves of our privilege and become servants of our neighbors (Phil. 2:7). May our souls be willing to follow our Savior's trajectory by dying to ourselves for the betterment of those in need around us.
It's here, in the character and agenda of my Savior, that my soul finds comfort and hope. I know he is not for the scenes of injustice I wish could unsee. I know with great certainty that he is not in agreement with the injustice endured by Black bodies in this country. And I know that when he died for the sins of the world, these sins were included.
It is not well with his soul either. This is why he came, and this is why he will come again.
AFTERWHILE . . .
Maybe, like me, you’re unable to lift your voice to sing “It Is Well with My Soul.” If so, I want you to know three things:
It’s okay.
You’re in good company. God hates injustice (see Deut. 25:13–16; Prov. 6:17, 17:15; and all the prophets) and condemns those who act unjustly (Matt. 25:31–46).
There are other sacred songs to sing.
In times of struggle, my grandmother would remind herself that this world isn’t all there is by singing,
Afterwhile, it’ll all be over.
Afterwhile, the sun will shine.
Afterwhile, dark clouds will rollover.
And we will shout Hallelujah afterwhile.
I'm not sure what aches my grandmother was trying to soothe, but she would sing it while washing dishes and hum it while driving. She's gone and at rest now, but the song still goes on for those who wait.
SONGS ABOUT THE SAVIOR
This song that offers us hope for a future with no more terrified faces shoved into pavement does not stand alone in sacred songs you can sing. It’s joined by the freedom songs of the Civil Rights Movement that will strengthen you to “Keep Your Hands to The Plow” and “hold on” as you seek to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. Songs that remind you how those before us “overcame” segregation and voter suppression despite the fear of lynching and police brutality on buses and at marches.
If you ask anyone who participated in the Civil Rights Movement what helped them to carry on in the face of adversity, they would tell you about the songs that reminded them of their Savior and their call as his children.
On his darkest days, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would call up Mahalia Jackson to soothe his weary soul with "Precious Lord." After being brutally beaten in a jail cell for participating in a sit-in, Fannie Lou Hamer led her cellmates in "This Little Light of Mine," to remind herself and others that darkness cannot squelch light.
After John Lewis and others were chased off the Edmund Pettus Bridge by dogs and police officers with clubs, "We Shall Overcome" inspired them to march again two days later, even though they weren’t sure if state troopers would allow them to pass. Through singing "Ain't Gone Let Nobody Turn Me 'Round," they filled their souls with hope and resolve to keep on walking, talking, and marching to freedom land.
FIND YOUR SONG
Freedom land is still up ahead of us, and your soul may be weary. You may desire to throw in every towel you’ve got in your house and wave as many white flags as you can get your hands on. In the face of all that’s come with 2020, that's justifiable. But, as we discipline our souls to gaze upon the face of our Savior, we find the comfort and hope we need to carry on.
As we call for our souls to remember our God, who executes righteousness and justice on behalf of all the oppressed, we will find the strength to endure in hard conversations about race, speak out against injustice in our workplace, and care for the disenfranchised in our community. Spiritual songs can spur us on, especially when we can't find words of our own.
Find a song that reminds you of God's faithfulness. Find a song that helps you, in faith, to carry on. Find a song that keeps your heart from growing bitter. Find a song that leads you to prayer. Find one that you can sing at your sink or hum in your car that will help your soul find rest when it's disturbed and troubled by the realities of this world.
Afterwhile, it’ll all be over. Afterwhile, the sun will shine. Afterwhile, dark clouds will rollover. And we will shout Hallelujah afterwhile.
Yana Conner is a proud St. Louis native residing in Durham, NC. After fifteen years of full-time ministry in both the parachurch and church context, she still can’t get over the fact she gets to dedicate her life to making disciples. She recently graduated with a Master of Divinity in Christian Ministry from Southeastern Theological Seminary and serves as an Associate Campus Director at the Downtown Durham Campus of the Summit Church. You can follow her on Twitter (@yanajenay).
