Is It Worth Going to Church When I Can’t Even Be in the Service?

Should I even bother going to church when I’m not going to be in the service most of the time?

In the disorienting, frustrating blur of fresh motherhood, this is a crucial question. First, your baby always needs to eat and/or nap during the service. Then, he becomes mobile and wants to practice walking rather than sitting in the pew. Next, he learns a word and wants to shout it repeatedly at top volume. This leads to months—or years, if you have multiple children—of wondering, Will I ever sit through a whole service again? 

The answer to both questions is a resounding yes! Yes, the day is coming when you will participate fully in every moment, without fussing over your child’s treatment of the hymnal or doling out the hush-goldfish. But in the meantime, your presence in church is vital—and it has nothing to do with your participation.

The Lord graciously used my years in and out of the hallway, pacing with an infant and shushing a stumbling toddler, to overthrow my understanding of my own place in the church service. Here are three things I learned. 

1. The Church Service is Not About My Feelings

It’s a bit of a shock to the system, especially if you grew up in church, to start missing significant chunks of the service. It has a way of exposing your feelings and expectations. You can begin to uncover these by exploring what you most hate to miss. Is it music? Prayers? The sermon? What is it that makes you “feel” like you’ve gone to church? And why? 

I came to the conclusion that I had a high view of the sermon as the focal point of the service. If I didn’t hear the whole sermon, I felt cheated—almost like that week’s attendance wasn’t valid. It’s hard to cope with that feeling of disappointment week after week. At some point, I remember having a conversation with my husband about our perceptions of the service. It was fascinating, because while I had always elevated the sermon above all, he placed much more emphasis on the Lord’s Supper. (Our church body receives the sacrament weekly.) 

This led to a shift in my thinking about my purpose in the service. Was I supposed to leave with an A+ comprehension of the sermon and take good notes? Was I there to sing out so those around me could hear me harmonizing on the hymn verses? And if I wasn’t able to do those things, was there any point in my being there? 

I needed to get beyond my feelings, examine my assumptions, and learn anew why I was really in church. 

2. When I’m in the Service, I’m There to Receive From God 

I began to shift my focus to the Lord’s Supper. Practically, it was much easier for me to join that brief part of the service than to sit through a whole sermon. I made sure that if I was outside the sanctuary, I popped back in to receive communion. Of course, participating in this required nothing of me, and that was entirely the point.

As so often happens, it's not until we come to the end of ourselves that we recognize God's work over our own. When I could barely string a few minutes together in the pew, he showed me that I wasn't there to perform for him. I was there to receive from him. 

I knew Ephesians 2:8–9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” But I had, unwittingly, been stressing about what I had to offer God on a Sunday morning. In contrast, the Lord’s Supper is all about his efforts. God is coming to me, to rescue me, and all I can do is receive that with humility. 

Over the years, this has deepened my understanding of what many churches refer to as “the means of grace.” In other words, the how. How does God reach us with His gift of grace? Through his Word and the sacraments, which we receive in the church service. 

In his column on the “Ordinary Means of Grace,” Darryl Dash includes this quote from Ray Ortlund: “His chosen means identify where he has concentrated his availability, like a gushing fountain of mercy for sinners who are so desperate that they are finally coming to Christ on his terms.”

And oh, what a joy it is to come to Christ on his terms. In the power of his Word (Isa. 55:10–11) and Spirit, he can strengthen my heart with just one passage or a few verses of a scripturally rich hymn, even if that’s all I am able to experience of that Sunday’s service. 

As Jeff Robinson says, “The ordinary means of grace may appear pathetic and insignificant, with little potential to accomplish anything of deep effect. But God works this way.” When I knelt, with a baby on my hip, to receive the Lord’s Supper, it put me in the right posture before him. Dependent on him for forgiveness of sins. At his feet to receive his gift of grace. 

3. When I’m Not in the Service, God Sees Me, and I Can See Others

My church didn’t have childcare or a children’s program during the service, so I wasn’t the only one moving about the hallways, bathroom, and nursery. If you find yourself in this season, your time outside the sanctuary is not wasted. Look for ways to support your fellow mothers. The other mom changing a diaper needs an encouraging word just as much as you do.

Scripture offers sweet truths about our worth as members of his body and the importance of gathering to encourage one another (Heb. 10:25). You are a valuable member, and the body isn’t complete without you (1 Cor. 12:14–27). The “God of seeing” sees you (Gen. 16:13). 

I encourage you to meditate on God’s unfathomable love for you while you feed your baby: “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you” (Isa. 49:15). As you walk your toddler around for the fifth time—in that backbreaking, hunched-over position to hold her tiny hands—reflect on how God upholds you with his right hand (Isa. 41:10).

Paul shares God’s assurance in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” When you have a baby, your weaknesses are exposed. It’s a time to examine and reorganize your life’s rhythms. And by God’s grace, it’s a perfect opportunity to develop a deeper understanding of the gifts he wants to give you in his house. Just as your baby is completely dependent on you, you are completely dependent on him. Come and receive your Father’s blessings.