Let’s Stop Giving Gospel-Less Counsel
Jane Eyre is a classic book about a poor orphan who is taken in by her aunt (Mrs. Reed). Mrs. Reed, with the help of her other children, abuses Jane in the name of discipline. She sees Jane as a rebellious, suspicious, sullen girl who needs her bad propensities shaken from her.
In one of these acts of discipline, she locks Jane in the red-room, ignoring her pleas for help. Jane later muses on that day and how it remained with her:
“No severe or prolonged bodily illness followed this incident of the red-room: it only gave my nerves a shock, of which I feel the reverberation to this day. Yes, Mrs. Reed, to you I owe some fearful pangs of mental suffering. But I ought to forgive you, for you knew not what you did: while rending my heart-strings, you thought you were only uprooting my bad propensities.”
This quote pierced me and led me to consider my own actions. Though I haven’t done anything physically that might rend a person’s heart-strings, what if I’ve spoken words that have? Do I ever give heart-string rending counsel? Do I ever deeply hurt people by my discipleship in an attempt to uproot their bad propensities?
And if so, how do I change that?
COUNSEL THAT RENDS HEART-STRINGS
Heart-string rending counsel often begins with good intentions; there’s a sin that needs to be stoned, and so we go searching for the perfect rock to throw. We give our struggling sister or brother a list of laws to help them conquer this sin. We tell them what to put off and put on, setting up boundaries and guards to protect them from temptation. And when they come back still struggling, we pile up verses to memorize, more laws to follow, and send them digging into their hearts for the true root of the problem.
This sounds good—we want to kill sin! But there’s a reason why this kind of counsel damages believers: It ties the burden of the law on their backs and is devoid of the gospel. The Pharisees were good at this: “They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger” (Matt. 23:4). We give similar counsel when we say:
If you would just do this . . . If you would simply memorize this verse . . . If you would just use some self-control . . . If you prayed harder . . . If you looked deep inside yourself and found that sole root of your sin . . . Still struggling? I guess you’re doing something wrong. Or maybe you’re not saved at all.
“The law and behavior modification can’t save us from sin. We need the gospel for true change.”
This is the kind of heart-rending counsel we need to forsake. We need to stop telling the weak to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and do better. We need to stop teaching people to rely on their own strength and ability. The law and behavior modification can’t save us from sin. We need the gospel for true change.
This is what Paul was saying in Romans 8: “For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Rom. 8:3–4).
COUNSEL THAT BINDS UP THE HEART-STRINGS
When people come to us with rent heart-strings, we can help bind them up with the hope of the gospel. When they feel hopeless and stuck in the mire of sin, we need to remind them of the good news of Jesus Christ. Legalism says, “Carry this, do this, and keep working to make yourself better,” with no hope of ever being able to do that. But the gospel says,
“Come to me [Jesus], all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:28–30).
When we trust in Christ for salvation, he begins a work in us that isn’t of our own doing. He sends the Holy Spirit to abide in us and make us more like him. Maturity, repentance, and obedience are all fruit of the Holy Spirit. We may not always understand or see how this is happening, but we will see the fruit as time passes—or perhaps others will see it more clearly than we do.
As we counsel and disciple others, we should always return to the gospel. We can’t always get it right, but thank God that Christ did and that he gave us the Holy Spirit to enable us to live rightly. We can’t make ourselves holy, but God can—and he promises he will see us through to completion (Phil. 1:6).
This doesn’t mean we’re discipling lawless Christians who will do as they please. Rather, we’re teaching them to live and obey out of their identity in Christ instead of a place of shame, fear, regret, pride, or earning God’s blessing. We’re teaching them to live as children of God.
John Calvin describes this beautifully in The Institutes,
“Those bound by the yoke of the law are like servants assigned certain tasks for each day by their masters. These servants think they have accomplished nothing and dare not appear before their masters unless they have fulfilled the exact measure of their tasks. But sons, who are more generously and candidly treated by their fathers, do not hesitate to offer them incomplete and half-done and even defective works, trusting that their obedience and readiness of mind will be accepted by their fathers, even though they have not quite achieved what their fathers intended. Such children ought we to be, firmly trusting that our services will be approved by our most merciful Father, however small, rude, and imperfect these may be. . . . And we need this assurance in no slight degree, for without it we attempt everything in vain.”
Let’s counsel our brothers and sisters to obey from their identity as children, not as fearful subjects without hope of grace from the King.
As a legalism-inclined woman, I pray this is the kind of counsel I always give—to my readers, my friends, my son, my husband, and myself.
WHAT KIND OF COUNSELOR WILL YOU BE?
Though Mrs. Reed was supposed to take Jane Eyre in as one of her own, she treated her as less than a servant. No matter how hard she tried, Jane could never gain any kind of praise. Mrs. Reed only pointed out her faults and disciplined her harshly.
Friend, what kind of counselors will we be? Will we only give law and behavior modification in an attempt to uproot bad propensities? Will we send our brothers and sisters in Christ into deep self-examination to dwell on their wretchedness and dig up all their sins on their own?
Or will we point our friends to Christ and what he has done? Will we teach them to rely on him? Will we show them who they are because of Christ and then lead them to obey out of love and gratitude?
Lara d’Entremont is a biblical counselor in training, and her desire in writing is to teach women to turn to God’s word in the midst of their daily lives and suffering to find the answers they need. She wants to teach women to love God with both their minds and hearts. Lara is married to Daniel and they live in Nova Scotia, Canada. See more of her writing on her website, Twitter, or Facebook.