Why We Need More Dads in Church

There have been many changes in Major League Baseball (MLB) over the last twenty years. Many of these changes have riled up longtime fans and those, like me, who enjoy the old ways.

A more recent debate is what to do with the designated hitter (DH) rule. Teams in the American League are permitted to have someone who doesn’t play the field hit for the pitcher in the lineup, while the National League doesn’t allow it. The American League added this rule in 1973, and most baseball leagues around the world have followed suit.

I think it’s only a matter of time before the whole MLB adopts the DH rule. Folks like me will voice our opposition, but it won’t make any difference. Sadly, the “Okay, Boomer” movement has entered the debate.

‘OKAY, BOOMER’ AND FATHERHOOD

In 2019, a meme known as “okay, Boomer” became a hallmark of the generational divide. “Okay, Boomer” is a quick retort of frustrated disagreement from a younger generation to an older generation.

Those opposed to progress are not only wrong, but they are also of a by-gone generation with nothing to add to the conversation. One is wrong for opposing the DH simply because he is old. The game has passed by the old-timers and they need to move out of the way. Their opinions are dismissed outright.

I can’t help but think that this dismissive attitude towards “the old ways” of baseball is at least partially linked to absentee fatherhood. Would we be so quick to toss aside the opinions of the generation of men that came before us if we had stronger connections to them?

A 2012 study found that, “among children who were part of the ‘post-war generation,’ 87.5 percent grew up with two biological parents who were married to each other.” This was true for only 68.1 percent of children in 2011. Additionally, in 1960 only 8 percent of children lived with their mother only, while the number reached nearly 25 percent in 2012.

As the line from the great baseball movie The Natural goes, “A father makes all the difference.” Absentee fatherhood impacts issues far more consequential than the DH rule, including prison rates, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and more.

FATHERHOOD AND CHURCH ATTENDANCE

Seventeen years ago a fascinating article from Touchstone reported on research linking a father’s church attendance to his children continuance in the faith. In homes where both parents attended church regularly, “33 percent of their children [ended] up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent [ended] up attending irregularly.” This means when both parents attend church regularly, nearly three-quarters of their children will continue on with some level of church attendance.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there is a cataclysmic shift when the father doesn’t go to church, while the mother attends regularly. In this situation, only 2 percent of their children will attend regularly with 37 percent attending irregularly. That leaves over 60 percent of their children devoid of any church life.

At this point, none of this data should shock us. If both parents go to church regularly, it makes sense that the majority of kids continue on with church in some capacity. Only one parent goes regularly? Of course we would expect a noticeable drop. However, it’s not a matter of only one parent attending regularly.

DAD, GO TO CHURCH

If the father attends regularly and the mother doesn’t, 44 percent of children will be regular church attenders! That’s even higher than the children who have both parents who attend regularly.

This should go without saying, but this is the internet, so I’ll make it clear: None of this is to say fathers are more important than mothers. God has given critical responsibilities to both parents in raising up their children in the Christian faith. Yet the data is clear: If the father attends regularly, there is a better chance the children will do so themselves once they are adults.

Unfortunately, we know women attend church more frequently than men. And while this data is about women and men, not mothers and fathers, it’s well documented how often fathers are men and mothers are women. According to a 2016 Pew Research study, 53 percent of U.S. Christian women attend church weekly while only 46 percent of men do the same.

The church’s mission is to make disciples of all nations, including men and women. Both need the gospel. Yet this research clearly indicates attracting men to the church potentially sets up a greater impact for the next generation. We need to preach to all demographics, but if winning fathers leads to winning families and children, the church can’t overlook how it speaks to dads.

GETTING DAD’S ATTENTION

Unfortunately, many churches have a caricatured view of masculinity. I recently watched an advertisement for a Christian men’s conference and it featured all the clichés: sports, paintball, yelling, camo, archery, hair metal, explosions, and even a Batman appearance.

Now let me be clear: With the possible exception of the hair metal, all of those things are awesome. If you set up a March Madness bracket tournament, I’m in. I have at least five camo hats. I’m mesmerized watching something blow up. These things are cool. (Well, they’re cool to me.)

And while they may be fun for many or even most American men, there are plenty of men who have divergent interests. Sure, these types of events will bring some dads out, but these men can watch the new Fast and Furious movie at a nearby theater, sign up for fantasy football with their co-workers, or attend the Mötley Crüe/Def Leppard reunion tour.

What do men—specifically fathers—really want?

TRENDS IN AMERICAN FATHERHOOD

For Father’s Day last year, Pew Research reported on eight trends about American dads:

1. More dads are staying home to care for their kids.

2. Dads see parenting as central to their identity.

3. Work-family balance is a challenge for many fathers.

4. Most Americans think men face a lot of pressure to provide financially for their families.

5. It’s become less common for dads to be their family’s sole breadwinner.

6. Dads are much more involved in child care than they were 50 years ago.

7. When it comes to caregiving, moms and dads are still viewed differently.

8. While they’re spending more time with their children, many dads feel they’re not doing enough.

These issues are how churches and parachurch ministries connect to fathers in 2020.

PUTTING THE RESEARCH INTO PRACTICE

At least six of these eight trends (numbers 1, 2, 3, 5, and 8) are directly related to the connection of the father to his child or children. Dads are home more often. In fact, they want to spend more time with their kids. They want to balance the time they spend working with the time they spend with their kids.

Being a father is central to who they are. True, getting the father is key to getting the children, but appealing to fatherhood is what gets the fathers (Batman optional).

What does this mean in practice? It means providing opportunities for fathers to spend time with their children, like a good old fashion father-daughter dance or fishing trips. It means teaching them how to be better fathers through discipleship networks and parenting conferences.

And it certainly means emphasizing a right relationship with Christ. Fathers who recognize Christ as the one who laid down his life, and then submit to this Christ, prioritize the spiritual wellness of their families over their own desires. These fathers will disciple their children through Bible reading, prayer, and serving the church.

LABORING IN THE FIELD

I’m an anomaly in all this. Neither of my parents went to church when I was kid. They started after I began attending in response to a friend’s invitation.

I know one thing for sure, though: Had my dad started attending when I was younger, I certainly would have gone. I would have followed him anywhere, and the pews of a church would have been no exception.

“The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few” (Matt. 9:37). Many ministry fields need tended to: college students, children, women, men, urban, rural, foreign, domestic. All these represent just a portion of opportunities to labor for the kingdom. None of them should be excluded.

However, it’s clear that men—and more specifically, fathers—are key to reaching many of these people and places.

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Tony Beard is a student affairs professional who has worked in the college setting for the past decade. He holds an MA in Counseling in Higher Education from the University of Delaware and is the staff advisor for his college’s Christian Student Fellowship. Tony’s new book, Let No One Despise You: Emerging Christians in a Post-Christian World is available now. Tony is married to Angela, has two children, and can be followed on Twitter @TonyBeard.