The Local Church Helps Rid Me of Morbid Introspection
Sometimes, I can’t turn my mind off. My internal narrator seems to be yelling at me through a loudspeaker—assuming my motives, questioning those of others, and over-analyzing every move I make. Sometimes I wonder to myself, If I woke up feeling this way, how will my day get any better? And my stomach sort of hurts; what should I eliminate from my diet? Could it be anxiety? At other times, I bemoan my failings: I said this awkward thing at the cookout the other day, I bet Luke thinks I’m an idiot. Also, I didn’t pray for very long this morning, and recently my heart felt cold during worship. Has the Spirit withdrawn his presence from me?
On and on and on it goes all day long. But is this type of introspection really such a bad thing? The Bible calls every believer to be watchful over their souls. Peter said, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Pet. 5:8). Similarly, Paul warned the Corinthian church to “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13). And Solomon encouraged his son—and believers who would also walk wisely—to “keep [our hearts] with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Prov. 4:23). Watchfulness is not the problem then. In fact, watchfulness will keep us from being devoured by Satan and deceived by sin.
Introspection—the process of looking inward to assess our thoughts, motives, influences, ideas, and worldview—is often used interchangeably with watchfulness. Other biblical terms such as sober-mindedness or examination capture this sense of self-reflection. In a culture that is typically shallow and entertainment-driven, Christians benefit from a healthy dose of introspection at times.
Yet, we shouldn’t look for too long. Introspection goes awry when we become too self-focused too much of the time. Our introspection becomes morbid when all we can think about is ourselves, how we feel, or how we respond to something. When we are so self-consumed that we can’t even believe the words of God for us, and all we see is ourselves and the messes we’ve made, we have become overly introspective. In other words, introspection is good until it becomes a hindrance to our view of God and our care for others.
In his book Spiritual Depression, D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones says,
We are meant to examine ourselves periodically, but if we are always doing it, always, as it were, putting our soul on a plate and dissecting it, that is introspection. And if we are always talking to people about ourselves and our problems and troubles, and if we are forever going to them with that kind of frown upon our face and saying: I am in great difficulty—it probably means that we are all the time centered upon ourselves. That is introspection, and that in turn leads to the condition known as morbidity. (17)
One of the most grievous aspects of morbid introspection is that it tends to be strictly negative. Unlike traditional narcissism, morbid introspection looks inward and only sees a mess. The deceptive belief is that the person who can fix the mess is the same person who is the mess. Eventually, this becomes a spiral of negativity and depression. The soul becomes consumed with itself, making it hard to see the light of day.
During some of my worst moments of deep introspection, Satan has fired darts at my mind to make me question my salvation and usefulness in my home and local church. This has made me want to give up writing, quit music, stop preaching, and never dream of pastoring in the local church. I can sometimes feel completely hopeless, all because I’m stuck in an inward rut that I can’t pull myself out of.
So often, when we are depressed or going through a trial, isolation seems to be the only answer. We think: Nobody understands me. Nobody can help me through this. I’m too far gone. I’m too stupid for help. Yet nobody ever knows we feel this way. The burden of morbid introspection is often invisible, making it all the more insidious. To let people know what we are battling, we must reject isolation and instead invite them into our thoughts and trials. We must build trust and be willing to open our hearts to others. We must confess our sins to others. We must share patterns or habits of thinking that may embarrass or anger us. In doing so, we allow others to use their spiritual gifts to serve us.
However, we should not only be on the receiving end of this blessing. We, too, can use our experiences to help others. Think about the young mother who is struggling because she can’t get enough sleep while caring for her newborn child. She feels like she never measures up and wonders how the Spirit could be at work in someone so weak and deficient. Someone who’s been where she is now could offer her much-needed encouragement and tips. Or consider the elderly saint, whose mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be, who feels like he has nothing valuable to offer in his old age. Imagine how a young man could encourage this brother in his exemplary life and faithful ministry!
The cure for introspection is ultimately beholding Christ. As we behold him, we look more and more like him (2 Cor. 3:18). If we aren’t looking to Jesus, we can never look like Jesus. Yet, when we get outside of ourselves and set our minds on things above, we grow (Col. 3:1–2). The mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Rom. 8:6). In other words, the promise of morbid introspection is that we will find the solution within. The promise of Scripture is that the answer is outside of us in the person and work of Jesus Christ.
As we behold Christ, we will also be led by the Spirit to share our lives with others. We become “others-centered.” Instead of carrying the weight of our burdens by ourselves, others carry them with us. Instead of only focusing on our own struggles, we open our eyes to see theirs. Then, as God and other people become central to our thinking, they become central to our love. Our actions display this love for God and others. Is this not fulfilling the royal law—to love your neighbor as yourself? (James 2:8)
Carrying the burdens of others pushes us to read our Bibles and pray for them. It opens our eyes to ways to help others instead of constantly beating ourselves up. Keeping a watchful eye on the needs of others motivates us to ask the Holy Spirit for insights that we would not see on our own. We experience a richer, more profound sense of corporate worship when we see God at work in the lives of the people singing next to us on Sunday and weeping with us on Thursday. When we witness the gospel taking root in a deeper way in their hearts, we understand the goodness and faithfulness of God in ways we hadn’t before.
The local church has often been the place in which God has rescued me from myself. Gathering together with fellow believers has encouraged me to consistently set my eyes on Christ through gospel-centered worship and expository preaching week after week. The local church has given me some of the most important relationships of my life, and most of this has happened together outside of the Sunday morning gathering, whether we study God’s Word in my living room or the neighborhood coffee shop. If you are struggling to look outside of yourself, start spending time and developing deep relationships in your local church. Find some godly Christians to pour your life into so they can pour their lives into you. Together, we can look outside ourselves, and together we can taste and see that the Lord is good.
Chrys Jones (@chrys_jones) is a husband and father of four. He attends Shawnee Run Baptist Church in Harrodsburg, Kentucky, and he writes regularly at dwellwithchrist.com. Chrys is also a Christian Hip-Hop artist and producer for Christcentric.