Redeeming Love Has Been My Theme and Shall Be Until I Die: Faith Reflections from a Cancer Oven (#15)
[A note from our Managing Editor: Tim Shorey, pastor and author, is one of our Gospel-Centered Discipleship staff writers. Tim is also currently battling stage 4 prostate cancer. On Facebook and CaringBridge, he’s writing about his journey. We’re including some of his posts in a series on our website called “The Potter’s Clay: Faith Reflections from a Cancer Oven.” To preserve the feel of a daily journal rather than a published work, we have chosen not to submit these reflections to a rigorous editing process.]
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Redeeming Love Has Been My Theme and Shall Be Until I Die
September 25, 2023
Dear Journal,
I did go to church yesterday.
Funny thing: I’m sure that to anyone who doesn’t know me, my cameo appearance made me look like a bored-out-of-my-mind unsaved husband whose wife nagged him into being there. I didn’t sing. I didn’t stand. I didn’t clap my hands or shout Amen. I didn’t hang around afterward. I was in too much pain for any of that. Two simultaneous and relentless “8.0-out-of-10.0 headaches” will do that to you. But I was there because I wanted to be.
And here’s what I got out of yesterday. I exchanged loving nods with several of my brothers and sisters. I also got introduced to a young couple I didn’t know who had a newborn who took to me like a bear to honey. It was a moment, I think, for them, and I know for me. I also heard some nourishing preaching and shared Communion remembrance, although admittedly with limited impact given how I felt.
I heard songs as well, one of which included this simple affirmation: “Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die.” That impacted me more than anything yesterday. I have noticed that whenever a worship song and hymn touches on death, it hits me more than it used to—as if they were written for me.
Whether it’s Henry Lyle’s famous words:
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee
In life, in death, o Lord, abide with me
Or Matt Redman’s stirring words:
And on that day, When my strength is failing
The end draws near, And my time has come
Still my soul will sing, Your praise unending
Ten thousand years, And then forevermore.
Or William Cowper’s heartfelt affirmation: “Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die.”
I heard this in church yesterday. Songs about death in Christ have become my songs. They make death personal, poignant, and powerful.
Ever since I’ve had a general sense of when my “Expiration Date” is likely to be, death has stopped feeling distant or impersonal or abstract. And songs about death now touch me differently. It was true again yesterday.
With my likely cancer-caused death drawing closer by the day, this is my affirmation: “Redeeming love has been my theme [the theme of my life and ministry] and it shall be until I die!” The redeeming love of Christ because of which he willingly went to the cross to offer himself in my stead, to offer the sin-atonement I could never offer, and to provide the perfect righteousness I could never provide—that redeeming love has been my theme (for nearly my whole life long), and it will ever become more so, as the countdown to the grave keeps ticking.
The nearer death draws, the more precious—and all-important—the redeeming love of Christ becomes.
In one sense, I didn’t get much out of church yesterday, but then again, I brought home a cherished spiritual truth and treasure. I brought home a reminder of what life is to be all about in the time I have left.
* You can read all the posts in this series here.
Tim Shorey is married to Gayline, his wife of 45 years, and has six grown children and 14 grandchildren. After over forty years of pastoral ministry, he recently retired from Risen Hope Church, in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. Among his books are Respect the Image: Reflecting Human Worth in How We Listen and Talk; The Communion Truce: How Holy Communion Addresses Our Unholy Conflicts; 30/30 Hindsight: 30 Reflections on a 30-Year Headache; his award-winning An ABC Prayer to Jesus: Praise for Hearts Both Young and Old. To find out more, visit timothyshorey.com.