The Friend We Need, and Need to Be
The pressure was intense. Every decision weighed heavily. He went to the Lord in prayer, seeking answers multiple times. He wanted to be sure his next move was God’s will, not his own. Still, he felt uneasy, unsettled, unstable. The battles waged around him, and he seemed always caught in the middle. He was willing to help, willing to suffer, willing to endure hardship so that others might find life. But it was hard. Really, really hard.
How long could he keep this up? When would relief come? He knew God always worked out in the wilderness, but can’t he also work in the comfort of home just as well? Why this place, this season, this burden? Why him?
Maybe you know those feelings too. Maybe you wonder how you’re going to make it through. You wake up each day and force yourself to put your feet on the ground, trusting that somehow God will show up again and somehow you’ll make it through the day.
What do you need in those seasons? You need strengthening from a friend.
Jonathan and David
Perhaps that’s a surprising answer to such an intense need. But God designed us for friendships—deep ones that strengthen and sustain.
“God designed us for friendships—deep ones that strengthen and sustain. ”
Take one biblical example. If ever there was a man under pressure, it was David in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. King Saul was chasing him, seeking his life. David did Saul no wrong. He was just the king after God’s own heart. Everyone loved him. But Saul hated him because God chose him and because people loved him. Saul’s envy grew unabated.
So David ran. He ran out of Jerusalem, leaving behind his home, his wife, his job—everything. He ran into the wilderness, making caves his shelter. Still, men found him and joined themselves to him (1 Sam. 22:2). Even on the run, David was a leader and commander. He couldn’t run from his calling to save and protect God’s people. He wasn’t trying to, of course, but it might have been nice not to have four hundred men to lead in the wilderness while on the run for his life.
The scene is 1 Samuel 23:1-14. An Israelite city is in trouble and asks David for help against the Philistines. He asks the Lord if he should go up and save them. The answer is yes. So he does. And what is the thanks he gets? Betrayal. The men of the city tell Saul David is there. He can’t catch a break.
It’s in the middle of this story when a friend shows up. Jonathan, the King’s son, previously made a covenant with David (1 Sam. 18:3; 20:16). He hitched his future to David’s, promising to be with him and for him. He was his friend who loved him as his own soul (1 Sam. 18:3). Now, that friend came to David to strengthen his hand in God (1 Sam. 23:16). Oh, how David needed that.
A Strengthening Hand
How did Jonathan strengthen David’s hand in God? He said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this” (1 Sam. 23:17).
Jonathan was a reminder. David knew who he was. He knew the promises of God. He looked at his situation and considered it part of the deal. He was God’s chosen king for God’s chosen people, and he would serve them at great cost to himself all his days. But that doesn’t mean it was easy, and it doesn’t mean doubt didn’t enter David’s mind from time to time. How could it not?
Jonathan was the friend everyone needs. He was the kind that sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24). Coming to David couldn’t have been easy. Jonathan was, after all, Saul’s son. His friendship with David already got him in trouble (1 Sam. 20:30). Saul was looking for him even now, but Jonathan was the one who found him. And instead of bringing death, he brought life. Instead of beating him down, he lifted him up. Instead of greater hardship, he made his burden lighter.
Jonathan had nothing new to bring David. He had no gifts of comfort. He had only a threefold reminder of God’s promises. David need not fear, God would protect and deliver him, and even his enemies knew David’s eventual destiny as King of Israel.
Yes, David’s life wasn’t what he thought it would be by now, but the day was coming. Hold fast to God’s word.
That’s a strengthening hand.
The Friend We All Need
You and I will not, most likely, face the pressure David faced. We are not God’s chosen king. But if you trust Christ for your salvation, you are his chosen child. That means you have either known the wilderness or one day will. Someone or something will stand against you, making all kinds of false accusations and tearing your heart to pieces with doubt and despair. If not another person, certainly another spirit, our great Enemy. You will wonder if God cares, if he sees, if he knows, if he will deliver.
“In those moments of greatest need, you need someone to remind you of God’s promises. You need a Jonathan who will risk much to remind much.”
He will. And in those moments of greatest need, you need someone to remind you of God’s promises. You need a Jonathan who will risk much to remind much. You need a Jonathan with the words of God’s promises upon his lips, willing to find you and speak them to you. You need someone who will strengthen your hand in God. You cannot do this alone, and God doesn’t intend you to. He has encouragers out there right now looking for you.
So, you’re thinking, “Where are they?” Probably no further than your local church. Each week, your pastor stands to preach from God’s word (I hope), and one of his aims is to strengthen your heart in God. Each week, one person after another walks through the door with the Holy Spirit living within them. Are you open to them? Are you listening? Are you receiving the promises of God through the grace of the local church? Is there a Bible study you missed because you wanted extra sleep? Is there a small group you didn’t attend because life was just too busy? Don’t miss the regular means of grace God has provided in the local church. It’s filled with Jonathans.
The Friend We Must All Be
But there is another lesson to the story. Yes, we all need a friend like Jonathan. But we all must be one too.
Though we don’t mean to, we tend to look at our life through selfish lenses. We know our hardships. We feel them deeply. And we wonder why no one is coming to encourage us. We’re waiting for our Jonathan out in the wilderness, mad at all those bums for not remembering us.
But to have a friend, you must be a friend. There is someone right now who needs your encouragement—someone waiting on the edge of their world, heavy-hearted and wondering if they can make it through today.
During this horrid year we’ve all experienced, this is perhaps more acute than it’s ever been in our modern world. We’re isolated from one another. Many haven’t hugged a friend in months. Some haven’t even seen a friend face-to-face in months. But the pressure valve hasn’t been released on our lives. We continue to carry our burdens. We wake each day to another set of challenges. Right now, someone you know is wondering how they will endure. Perhaps God means for you to encourage them.
How can you be the kind of encourager they need? You do it the same way Jonathan did. He didn’t come to David with empty promises of ease and comfort just around the bend. He didn’t say things would get better. He didn’t know if they would or not. But he did know God’s word, God’s promise, God’s purpose. You do too. You don't know how another’s life will turn out, but you do know what God’s word says. You encourage best by reminding others of what God has said.
As reminders of God’s promises, the pressure is off to come up with the right words to say. God already gave them. We just repeat them. As we read our Bible in the morning, we’re not seeing a word only for ourselves but for all God’s people.
Share it.
Speak it.
Spread it.
Strengthen another’s hand in God.
David McLemore is an elder at Refuge Church in Franklin, Tennessee. He also works for a large healthcare corporation where he manages an application development department. He is married to Sarah, and they have three sons. Read more of David’s writing on his blog, Things of the Sort.