Self-Control Begets Self-Control
“You need to learn to control your body.”
It’s a sentence many parents have said a hundred times over. It’s especially true for parents of rambunctious boys like my husband and me. Countless times throughout the day I watch as limbs flop this way and that way without a single care in the world about the consequences of such flopping. It only takes one busted lip to learn the finesse of holding a little boy’s head with both hands before attempting to kiss their forehead.
And yet, like little boys and their wild limbs, we too have areas where we need to grow in self-control. As adults we’ve learned to “keep our hands to ourselves.” Well, most of us have at least. We’ve managed to curb impulses like darting past someone as they pull fries out of a hot oven or touching every cereal box in the aisle at Target while loudly singing gibberish.
But inwardly? And behind closed doors when we think we’re safe from watchful eyes? That’s a different story, isn’t it? That’s where a man hides his pornography. Or a woman lusts after characters in her spicy romance novel. There in the hidden place of the heart is where we justify our poor spending habits or our addiction to scrolling social media.
Sometimes our lack of self-control isn’t fully hidden though; we sin with or against other people. We openly slander another saint under the guise of “concern.” We lash out at our husband with a tongue that could slice through a watermelon. Or, heartbreakingly, we break our marriage covenant by indulging in an affair.
Self-control is not only a fruit of the Spirit like it says in Galatians 5:22–23, but also part of God’s will for our lives. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God” (1 Thess. 4:3–5, emphasis mine).
Why is it so important to have self-control? Because “God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness” (1 Thess. 4:7). In order to live holy lives that honor God, we must learn to exercise self-control.
Seeking to Live Self-Controlled Lives
The Greek word for self-control used in Galatians is egkrateia, which means “self-control or temperance.” It is “the virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, especially his sensual appetites” (Strong’s Greek: 1466, Biblehub.com).
Many of us have learned how to master many desires, passions, and appetites by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. Praise God! Yet, there is always more room to grow the muscle of self-control. There are blind spots that deceive us.
When teaching on this to a women’s Sunday school class at my church, I asked them to share a few areas where we might struggle to be self-controlled. I had a whole list and checked them off mentally as they were mentioned:
Sex
Eating
Our words toward or about others (gossip)
Temper/anger
Phones or screens
What we dwell on in our thoughts
Social media
Content we watch, read, or listen to
One woman said, “Shopping,” and I found myself feeling a deep, abiding oof inside. It wasn’t intentional, but I had left that one off the list even though it’s probably my biggest area of struggle with self-control. We all have areas in our lives where we need to exercise this fruit of the Spirit. Maybe for you it’s something on the list above or something totally different, but the truth is, none of us are exempt from this lesson.
So, what do we do? How do we move forward and put off our self-indulgent ways?
Cultivating Godly Habits to Grow in Self-Control
Closely related to self-control is self-discipline. Sometimes we use them almost interchangeably, but they are not exactly the same. It’s possible to be self-disciplined in certain areas of life but still lack self-control.
For example, there are many unbelievers who are incredibly self-disciplined in exercise or their eating habits. They only eat “clean” and have a perfect set of abs and well-defined leg muscles from the hours they spend at CrossFit. Yet, some health influencers are hiding an eating disorder, while others are addicted to exercise and the way it makes them look. It takes a great amount of self-discipline to say “no” to that piece of cake and to get up at 5 a.m. to spend an hour working out, but that doesn’t automatically mean a person is self-controlled in a way that honors God.
However, self-discipline in the Christian life can aid our growth in self-control. Paul even uses an athlete as an example:
Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. (1 Cor. 9:25–27)
Paul’s purpose in disciplining his body and exercising self-control is for the sake of the gospel. This is why we should want to live self-controlled lives. We want to honor God and draw others to the gospel, not away from it.
Our culture worships self-indulgence. It preaches the false gospel of relishing in any desire we wish to have fulfilled. Christians who live self-indulgent lives do not draw unbelievers to Christ; we tell them a false story—that Jesus is not enough, and the gospel doesn’t truly change lives.
Still, we can learn from athletes the art of forming habits. Like exercising a muscle, self-discipline in any area can strengthen our endurance in spiritual disciplines, and these things aid our growth in self-control. The more self-disciplined we are in other areas (going to bed at a decent time, not hitting snooze over and over, cleaning the toilets when it’s the last thing you want to do), the easier it will be to develop our spiritual disciplines.
These are some of the godly habits we want to partake/grow in:
Reading and studying the Bible
Prayer
Memorizing Scripture
Sitting under the teaching of God’s Word each week
Fellowship with other saints
Worship
Taking communion with our local church body
Serving in our church
Sharing the gospel
Sabbath rest in Christ alone
If I go to bed at a reasonable time, I will be more likely to wake up at my alarm and have a smooth start to my day. If I wake up before my kids, I am more likely to spend time studying God’s Word and quieting my heart in prayer, especially if I practice the habit of leaving my phone in another room (or using a tool like Brick) until I’ve read my Bible. This is how having self-discipline in an area that isn’t exactly “spiritual” can aid us in pursuing our spiritual disciplines. As we soak in the Scriptures and bow before God in prayer, we fix our eyes on Christ, and the Spirit grows us in self-control.
Lack of Self-Control Begets Lack of Self-Control
Many of us have areas where we are more self-controlled than we are in other areas. Yet it’s important to seek growth in self-control in every part of our lives because our lack of self-control can bleed into other places. Sin is a hard thing to contain. It permeates all that it can reach.
Maybe a woman gives into laziness instead of folding last week’s laundry. She turns on a show she knows she shouldn’t be watching due to the sex scenes but she’s adamant that they don’t tempt her. Later she heads to bed and remembers her new boundary: not taking her phone to bed with her. But she’s not super tired and watching funny reels on TikTok sounds comforting after a rough day. Seemingly out of nowhere, she finds herself aroused by a video that pops up. The temptation to watch porn is just a search bar away, and she can’t resist.
Oh, that she would have pumped the brakes at some point during this spiral slide into sin! Instead of watching the show that turned the heat up, she might have chosen something wholesome. What if she had held to her boundary to not take her phone to bed with her?
We will never be perfect, but it can be helpful to look at the patterns and see where we can grow. What were the steps that led us here, and how can we prevent it in the future?
The Holy Goal
Self-control is only one fruit of the Spirit, but it is one that is necessary for all of them. We can’t be patient without it. We can’t be gentle without it. If we want to make peace instead of strife, we need self-control. And we certainly need to control our impulses toward sinful things in order to live holy, pure lives that honor God, which is exactly what we are called to do.