Rescue One Another
David came to the church alone that night. He grew up in church, but his attraction to men made him feel excluded, dirty, and shameful. A group claiming Christians can live a gay lifestyle and still please God had begun to woo him, but deep down he didn’t trust their message. That night he heard a friend of our church share about his own struggle with same-sex attraction and how the love of fellow Christians had been a refuge for him.
David heard compassionate truth and met other believers who embodied it. And the Lord used that night to change the trajectory of his walk with God. Today he is a faithful member who, while still battling same-sex attraction, strives to honor God with the help of many brothers.
Christians are people who “speak the truth in love” with one another (Eph. 4:15). This means we love each other enough to be honest about our struggles, and we care enough to help others with theirs. We pursue each other and discuss uncomfortable areas of our sin, for we know isolation is the enemy of purity and darkness the breeding ground for sin.
“There is a hypocrisy that appears earnest—even shedding tears in confession—yet makes no real steps to change.”
But being “authentic” is not an end in itself. Satan is glad for people to talk openly about their sin—so long as they make no strides toward repentance. There is a hypocrisy that appears earnest—even shedding tears in confession—yet makes no real steps to change. We must develop healthy relationships that graciously push each other toward honesty and repentance.
Are you developing intentionally intrusive relationships in which you are giving and receiving godly encouragement, confession, and rebuke?
Sharing with those who have similar struggles can provide empathy and insight but may also prove unhelpful at times. If your accountability partner is actively sinning in the same way you are, the temptation to be overly sympathetic and withhold strong words of warning can take over. Someone who knows his own need for grace, but who isn’t entrenched in the same sin, may be freer to offer the words you need.
This is certainly (though not exclusively) important for believers who struggle with same-sex attraction. It’s vital for such believers, like David, to develop healthy relationships with members of the same sex. Accountability relationships should be with someone of the same sex, but not with someone tempted toward same-sex attraction. Satan can prey upon a mutual struggle to disastrous ends.
Satan also undermines honest relationships through shame. Many women with strong sexual desires are hesitant to share because, as one sister said, “Everybody will think I’m a hoochie.” Many feel shameful because the church has too often addressed lust, pornography, and masturbation only as temptations men struggle with. This perception is just not accurate. Candid conversations about sexuality among sisters may take extra work, but they must happen. The temptation to compare with others can be crushing. It will take courage to share, especially the first time, but God will supply it, as well as the ability to respond well. If you don’t struggle in this area but a sister risks sharing with you, pursue her compassionately and consistently.
“Though it’s never safe to sin, a healthy church will be a safe place to struggle. We’re not all sexually broken in the same way, but we all stand equally in need of grace.”
Though it’s never safe to sin, a healthy church will be a safe place to struggle. We’re not all sexually broken in the same way, but we all stand equally in need of grace. Learning to be vulnerable together can be scary.
And the fact is—other Christians will hurt you. We will misunderstand each other. There may be times we forget to check in when someone is hurting. We may act overbearing when we should back off. We may grow impatient toward someone genuinely trying. Pursuing holiness is messy. But God will use our failures and forgiveness alike to shape us into the image of his Son.
Struggle alongside One Another
Richard and Andy worked in a factory outside a West Texas town. Andy’s new faith was growing, but he told Richard his drive home was a daily battle. A few miles from his house was a fork in the road: a left turn led home, but a right took him to the strip club that had long been his escape.
One afternoon, Andy confessed he craved to go to the club after work. Before Richard left, he prayed with Andy and assured him Jesus would help him resist.
It was pouring rain when Andy began his drive. Approaching the fork in the road, he noticed something in the median. As the windshield wipers brushed aside the rain, he saw Richard standing at the fork with a large piece of cardboard. On it was an arrow pointing home. Andy turned left toward home that day, and every day since.
Do you regularly talk about Jesus with fellow believers? Are you a sign-holder for struggling sheep?
Satan would have us do anything but remind each other of the inexhaustible riches we have in Jesus.
Jesus is God’s final Word, the risen one who equips us to do what is pleasing in his sight. He sympathizes with our weaknesses and stands ready to bestow mercy in our time of need. Jesus is our sure and steady anchor who holds us firm in temptation’s tossing seas (Heb. 6:19–20).
Jesus is our risen high priest who eternally lives to make intercession for us. His completed work secures our redemption and assures us God will remember our sins no more. Jesus appears in God’s presence on our behalf, enabling us to hold fast to our confession with hope of promised reward.
When feelings of discontentment tempt us toward sin, we point to Jesus who promises to never leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5–6). Though our feelings, emotions, and physical stamina are ever changing, our hope rests in him who is the same yesterday, today, and forever (13:8).
As we encourage each other with these truths today, we keep an eye toward the eternal day in which we shall see him face to face. Hope for Jesus’s return must remain in the forefront of our minds, hearts, and conversations.
Even now, Jesus prepares to return for those eagerly awaiting him (Heb. 9:28; 10:13). So as we await that fast-approaching day, may we help each other toward heaven. May we gather weekly to fix our eyes on him through receiving his word, singing, praying, baptizing, and sharing in the Supper he gave. Then may we scatter to call the lost to believe, all the while helping each other obey his commands. May we do this day by day, until it is no longer called today.
Come soon, Lord Jesus. Come soon.
Content taken from Pure in Heart: Sexual Sin and the Promises of God by J. Garrett Kell, ©2021. Used by permission of Crossway.
J. Garrett Kell (ThM, Dallas Theological Seminary) is a pastor at Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia. He and his wife, Carrie, have six children.