Let Your No Be A Yes

Most people who’ve only known me during the past two decades don’t realize that I once struggled massively with my weight. In fact, I weighed more during that season than I did when I delivered my first baby. So, when a new friend recently learned that I haven’t always been a healthy weight, she wanted to know how I got here.

As I pondered her question, I realized that the same principles that once helped me lose weight years ago could also be applied to my current challenge: how to use my time wisely. At the time, I was employing the “put off/put on” principle, in which we put off our old self, corrupted by deceitful desires, and put on our new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness (Eph. 4:22–24).

I did not lose weight by saying no to overeating. If I had tried to simply say no to food, I would have fixated on what I was missing. Instead, I had to focus on saying yes to something better. This was long before body positivity in the age of “heroin chic,” when it was trendy to look emaciated. It was tempting to say yes to abs so flat that no one would suspect I had organs, but I knew that such a goal was ungodly and unhealthy. I needed a better yes. This pattern of saying no to one thing in order to say yes to something better has become my approach to every area where I need transformation.

Recognize

First, I had to recognize the problem: I was looking to food to fill needs God wanted me to fill in other ways. (I realize this is not the case for every person who struggles with their weight. That was just my honest struggle at the time.) I ate because I was tired. I ate because I was bored. I ate to get away from my live-in nanny job in the evenings. I ate to spend time with friends.

Instead of reducing my fatigue, overeating made it worse. Activities like hiking became harder. My shopping options were increasingly limited as I started to need the largest size in the stores where I bought my clothes. I recognized that I was outgrowing my ideal lifestyle and budget, and it was time to make changes.

Is God mercifully allowing you to experience consequences that show you a need for change in your life? Is your calendar too full? Are your children parroting you in ways that show you the ugliness of your anger? Do you drag through your days because you were scrolling social media into the wee hours? Recognizing the problem is the first step toward resolving it.

Repent

To repent means “to change one’s mind.” Part of changing our minds is having something we want to say yes to so badly we’re willing to say no to what we’re doing now. This is true whether the thing we’re doing now is sinful or simply not ideal.

I had to say no to eating when I was bored in order to say yes to productive boredom. Some of us remember the days of simply staring out the car window and tracking the slow journey of a rain droplet on a long road trip or lying on our backs and watching the clouds change shape. Boredom creates opportunities for contemplating the truth about God and meditating on his Word. I was robbing myself of the benefits of boredom while also damaging my body by filling the void with food.

I had to say no to overeating so I could say yes to treating the real root issue of my fatigue. If a person experiences ongoing fatigue as I did, it’s wise to seek medical help to rule out physiological sources of trouble. At this point in my life, I am aware that autoimmune issues are one source of my fatigue, and this knowledge helps me seek the right treatment. When fatigue is an indication of depression or anxiety, a biblical counselor, pastor, or godly friend can offer better help than food.

I had to say no to wasting food in my body so I could say yes to stewarding my body for God’s glory. Most of my overeating happened at restaurants, where I paid good money for a portion of food that brought me beyond the point of satisfaction to uncomfortable fullness. I felt guilty about wasting food and wasting money, but what I ultimately realized was that the food was already wasted when it was more than I needed. I was, in fact, creating a third kind of waste by cleaning my plate: waste in my body. While wasted food in the garbage is unfortunate, wasted food in my body had knock-on effects for my health.

Perhaps your struggle isn’t disordered eating. Maybe it’s something that other people can’t see when they look at you. Either way, you are not your own. You were bought with a price, so glorify God (1 Cor. 6:19b–20). Consider the ways God made you and how he wants you to use your gifts in service to him and others. What do you need to say no to so you can say yes to something better?

Rely on God

I did not grow up understanding God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility. In many ways, they are still a mystery to me. John MacArthur said we don’t need to understand how they work together—we simply need to affirm both truths because both are in Scripture. What does this mean for your sanctification as you recognize and then repent of sin in your life? It means you have a responsibility to obey Scripture, and you should also humbly realize your reliance upon God for your obedience. Paul urges us in Philippians 2:12b–13 to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” This is not a contradiction but rather a tension. We must obey, but it is God who works in us to obey, and even to desire to obey. Apart from him, you can do nothing (John 15:5).

Twenty years ago, God gave me a very gradual victory over my eating problems, and after developing a healthy lifestyle, I was able to reach a healthy weight. I am once again facing this struggle, but it’s harder this time. I know I need to discipline myself, but I also know that my self-discipline will fail apart from the extravagant grace of God.

Whether your current struggle is small or large, I know it’s something the Bible speaks to, and you can turn to God’s Word for guidance about how to be obedient in the midst of it. I do not know God’s timeline for helping you to overcome your struggle. It may be that he will give you a miraculous and instant transformation, and you will simply cease to struggle with that thing at all. Praise the Lord! It may be that he will give you very gradual, incremental success that is barely observable until you look back one day and realize it’s not as hard as it used to be. Praise the Lord! You might experience alternating seasons of victory and defeat until you die or Christ returns. Praise the Lord!

God can be just as glorified by your humble dependence upon him and recognition of your inability to sanctify yourself as he is by giving you victory over that sin in your lifetime. Soli Deo gloria. In whatever way you struggle, you can be reassured that Jesus lived perfectly in your place, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3).

One thing I know for certain is that just as God has freed you from the penalty and power of sin through Jesus’ death and resurrection, one day he will free you from the presence of sin at Jesus’s triumphal return! Hold onto him. Do not despair. And until then, let your no be a yes!