I’ve Been Plagued My Entire Life with the Disease of Jealous Competition
In the Garden, Adam and Eve had access to everything they needed for a flourishing life. They lacked no good thing as they enjoyed unbroken fellowship with their Creator. But the enemy deceived them into thinking there was more, that God’s provision simply wasn’t enough. Since the fall, sinful humanity has embraced the implicit idea that God operates with limited resources. This is why we work relentlessly to achieve and acquire. We race the other children to the ice cream truck for fear that someone else will get the last Fudgsicle. It’s always a competition when there’s not enough to go around.
This was likely the mindset of the man lying beside the Pool of Bethesda (John 5:1–17). Perhaps that’s why Jesus asked him an odd question with an obvious answer: “Do you want to get well?” Surely this man who had been crippled for nearly forty years wanted to be healed. That much can be surmised from his proximity to the pool. The issue, then, wasn’t his desire but his disability. Other people always beat him to the pool when the “healing” waters were stirred. It was a first come, first served operation, and only the first to dip into the waters received any benefit, or so he believed. His attitude, however, was a much greater handicap than his affliction because he looked at life through the lens of scarcity. There was only enough healing in those turbulent waters for one needy and speedy person, and it would never be him.
The crippled man sought healing in a pool instead of a Person. The context is different, but we make the same mistake when we feast at the table of worldly ambition. Whenever the source is not Jesus, the supply will always be limited. He alone has inexhaustible riches, wisdom, strength, and healing. When he exerts power, his strength is not diminished; when he gives treasure from his storehouse, the inventory is never depleted. This releases us from the pressure to run harder and faster than the next person or to cut in front of someone to be first in line. What’s the value of getting to the ice cream truck ahead of everyone else if there are more than enough Fudgsicles to go around?
It’s taken me a long time to figure this out, as I’ve been plagued my entire life with the disease of competition. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy contest on the baseball field or in the business world, but it’s a sign of sickness when the drive to dominate infects the heart. The poison of competition is in the notion that there’s a limited number of winners. This is why competitors will choose the pool over the Person every time, because only the first one in the water receives the prize. If everybody wins, then where’s the joy in winning? C. S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity that pride doesn’t find pleasure in simply having or achieving something, but only in having or achieving more than someone else. The beauty of God’s bounty is that there’s more than enough for everyone and no one goes home with only a ribbon for “honorable mention.” Not only is there a Fudgsicle for the slow kid at the back of the line, but he gets served first. And those of us who ran hard and fast to be the first in line learn a valuable lesson about the kingdom of heaven.
It’s entirely possible to be crippled and running at the same time; some disabilities are not in the body but in the soul. Those who run most eagerly toward the finish line are often the same ones who lie next to a pool they are unable to reach. When the waters of accomplishment and acquisition are stirred, other people seem to jump in first. It’s always someone else who gets the promotion or acquires the possession. Over time, we either resign ourselves to a life of dissatisfaction or we rub our souls raw trying to crawl faster toward the healing waters. Either way, we live beneath the burden of our unfulfilled desires.
I know about this firsthand because I saw in that pool the opportunity to be extraordinary, to make my mark in this world, to matter. I have the scars on my soul as evidence of those times I sought meaning and purpose in the turbulent waters, but there was always someone better and faster, someone who reached the pool ahead of me. In high school, I was an average student. No matter how hard I studied, the same girl outperformed me every time. So, after a while, I stopped trying to secure that perfect score and settled for academic mediocrity. To the other extreme, I’ve rushed to respond to a text thread so I could be the first to say something profound. This scarcity mindset will produce despair because there’s not enough for me, or greed because there’s only enough for me.
Like the man at Bethesda, our problem may lie not in our desire, but in our disability. We want to get well, to be whole, but sin has blinded us to the true source of our healing. What we need most is not found in a pool, but in a Person. In Christ, we become our truest selves and discover ultimate healing and wholeness. We are relieved of the impossible burden of self-promotion to rest in the sufficiency of Christ. In him alone we find living water to satisfy our deepest longings and to soothe our weary souls.
Melinda Wallace lives in Shreveport, Louisiana with her husband Stan and they have two grown children. Her passion is leveraging her love of language to exalt Jesus and invite others to enjoy Jesus revealed by the Holy Spirit through Scripture. She has written Bible study curriculum for Lifeway Christian Resources and for use in local churches. You can follow her blog at melindawallaceblog.com.