It Takes a Village to Be a Writer
You’ve probably heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” As a mom of twins and a toddler, I can testify to that truth. I’ve sought help over and over again. We hired two girls to come help me during the week, so I wouldn’t suffocate under laundry and diapers. We’ve had friends and family come over in the afternoons to help me feed my babies and play with my toddler. I’ve seen the beauty in having various people and generations within our home helping instill the right values in our children.
I’ve learned it likewise takes a village to be a writer. Though writing in itself is often a solitary work, it shouldn’t be done in isolation. As writers, we need a team of people to sharpen, encourage, carry, and guide us. I don’t mean a hired team to run your social media accounts, manage your website, or reply to comments. I mean friends and mentors, supporters, and loving editors. We need these kinds of people in our corner to keep us accountable, lift up our gaze, and grow us in our craft.
But who are these people? How do we find them?
Fellow Writers: The Ones Walking with You
Every writer needs fellow writers who are scribbling down thoughts alongside them. People who love the craft like they do and are facing the same annoyances, struggles, fears, and barriers. We can talk to our spouses or our nonwriter friends, but oftentimes we just get the same blank nod. They can smile and listen politely, but they simply don’t understand. Other writers, however, do.
These are the people who will encourage you when you’re ready to delete your website, scrap the manuscript, and give up writing altogether. As Andrew Peterson writes in Adorning the Dark, “They look you in the eye and remind you who you are in Christ. They reiterate your calling when you forget what it is. They step into the garden and help you weed it, help you to grow something beautiful” (159). The teacher of Ecclesiastes wrote,
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! . . . And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Eccles. 4:9–10, 12)
Since writing can be like a treacherous hike, you shouldn’t go alone. At times you may be able to run alongside your writer friends, but at other times you may need to carry one another or simply limp side-by-side. These friends keep you accountable and tell you when you’re not ready to write, because the pain is too raw. They nudge you forward when you need to write, but fears hold you back. They see your blind spots, in both your weaknesses and your strengths. They defend you against the online troll and lift you up when the unkind comments attack your character. They share your sorrows over rejection and rejoice with you over your acceptance letters. They aren’t your competition but your fellow workers for the gospel.
As you seek to build friendships, look for friends of character who are in a similar place as you in skill. While there are benefits to having friends who write in the same genre as you, don’t let that keep you from building friendships God is placing in your life. The principles (and struggles) of being a good writer stretch across all genres of writing.
Editors: Loving Critics & Coaches
Editors are another friend of the writer. As writers, we not only make grammatical errors and typos that hinder our message, but we also falter with our tone and our communication skills. Sometimes we misuse Bible verses. Other times our perspective and experiences keep us from writing clearly. And still other times we write too many words and need someone who is less attached to those words to say they aren’t necessary.
These editors are different from the trolls who mock your writing or the malicious person behind the screen ripping apart your words and character. An editor’s words come with love. That doesn’t mean it’s always enjoyable being edited; sometimes it’s unpleasant to have our words trimmed or to hear we need to rewrite the last five hundred words we labored over. But the work of a good and loving editor is the refining work of turning our tarnished words into something worth reading. As Proverbs says,
Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (27:5–6)
Editors are the friends with faithful wounds and open rebukes. They love you enough to protect you from writing something wrong, unkind, unhelpful, or simply just bad. They love your reader enough to protect them from an untimely or poorly written word. As the writer, we don’t always see these things, but good editors do.
Mentors: Those Who Are Ahead
As you write and read other writers, you may start to wonder how you can be like them. How can I tell captivating stories like her? How can I speak the truth so gently? How can I expound Scripture like him? How do I write concise and punchy sentences like them?
If you’re anything like me, you’ve longed for a mentorship with an older writer in which you sit across from one another in a library or coffee shop to have your work critiqued and be encouraged. Someone to bring your every question of publishing, rejection, skill, and habit. Yet, perhaps also like me, you have yet to find this kind of perfect relationship.
While there are paid mentorships (some of which I’ve done and have found immensely helpful), I think we forget that often the best place to learn from another author is by reading their books and articles. You want to know how to weave a tale that your reader keeps picking up at every spare moment? Analyze the books that have caused you to do that. Ask yourself what it is about the words in those books that is so captivating. Take notes as if you’re doing an assignment for a college class. This is one of the best ways we can learn from the authors we love.
If you have questions that perhaps can’t be answered by reading their books or by typing your query into a search bar, I’d encourage you to look at your current life and see who’s around you. Perhaps you already work with an editor at an online publication who has taken the steps you wish to take some day. Consider reaching out to them. Just be careful to respect boundaries and recognize editors and authors only have so much time.
Another way to be mentored by more seasoned writers is through writing communities where you can ask questions and interact with other writers. Every writing community I have ever been a part of has writers of varying levels of experience and maturity, and those groups often have the space where you can seek advice and glean pieces of a mentoring relationship.
Bravery for Friendships
I always hoped these people would just naturally (or perhaps magically) materialize in my life as I wrote. But more often than not, friendship requires some work. Sometimes I have to put my foot forward and initiate a friendship with another writer. I must swallow my fear and send the email to a writer I admire to ask for her help. I risk getting my feelings hurt by asking someone to edit my article. It’s awkward. It’s risky. But over time, I find caring writers, editors, mentors, and friends. Some of them move between categories—some of my friends are often also my editors and even mentors at times. This is the beauty of friendship.
Maybe you’re struggling to find your writing people. Don’t lose heart. Be brave and take a step forward. Be the friend, the editor, or the mentor to someone else. It’s not about helping someone else so they will in turn help you. It’s about friendship. It’s about serving one another. And over time, hopefully real relationships will form. It takes some bravery—because our writing is from our hearts, and so rejection hurts. But hopefully that bravery will lead to lasting friendships over the craft you each love so dearly.
Lara d’Entremont is a wife and mom to three from Nova Scotia, Canada. Lara is a writer and learner at heart—always trying to find time to scribble down some words or read a book. Her desire in writing is to help women develop solid theology they can put into practice—in the mundane, the rugged terrain, and joyful moments. You can find more of her writing at laradentremont.com.