Hospitality: A Command for Our Joy

Steam rose from the waffle maker, filling the house with the aroma of brunch. We bustled about, setting the table, imprisoning the dog behind a baby gate, and ensuring toppings and sides were ready. When guests arrived, we sat down at the table, prayed, and dug in to both the food and conversation.

My parents, and many members of the church I grew up in, valued hospitality. We regularly had both believers and unbelievers in our home for brunch or dinner. Since we lived close to the airport, friends or friends-of-friends sometimes dropped in to spend the night or nap on a long layover. Even as an introvert, there was something thrilling about having guests in our home—and not just because in Dubai almost everyone had a fascinating accent and different culture to enjoy. For us, it was always delightful to introduce non-Americans to waffles, tacos, and peanut butter.

Once I had small children of my own, hospitality seemed more intimidating. What if guests thought they had to leave when we put the kids to bed? What if we had to reschedule because of sick children? What if the toddler was having a day-long meltdown? These were the worries that hindered my hospitality, but no matter what stage of life you are in, reasons may always be found not to open your home.

Why Be Hospitable?

If I hadn’t grown up in a community that loved hospitality, I wouldn’t naturally think of having people over for a meal. I can cook, but most of what I make is not that exciting. I love being with others, but too much social interaction exhausts me.

Despite those excuses and the uncertainties children add to the picture, we’ve chosen to prioritize hospitality. This is in part because of the joy it’s brought to our lives but also because Scripture commands us to.

Consider the following verses: “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Pet. 4:9). “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Heb. 13:2).

The passage from Hebrews is reminiscent of Jesus’s words from Matthew 25:34–36, where he explains that our care for other human beings is like caring for Jesus himself. Contrary to our culture’s idea of having friends over for a dinner party, the focus of hospitality is not entertainment.

Hospitality is simply opening your home to others. Most dictionaries add that it includes a “generous disposition” of the host to guests. This isn’t grudgingly having neighbors over because you “have to.” Nor must the table be set with fine china, cloth napkins, and the best tasting food.

The context of Hebrews 13:1–3 emphasizes the goal of loving our guests when the author writes,

Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.

The same heart behind hospitality—whether to strangers or close friends—is also seen in the way we care for suffering Christians outside our homes as well, as we love our brethren and the outcast. Our motivation for hospitality should flow from the commands of Scripture, yes, but also from our desire to help and be involved with those around us.

Hospitality  Suggestions

Even when your heart is in the right place regarding hospitality, it can still be intimidating. With practice, you’ll grow more comfortable with your guests, and there are tips and tricks that make it easier.

Communicate with your family. When in your schedule can you have people over? If you are married, how can your spouse help? Or if you have children, could you involve them in the preparation? How does the rest of your week need to be used to prepare for or recover from guests? What needs to be cleaned ahead of time, and what messes can be overlooked? Messes from toys or cooking may be fine, but I do want to honor our guests with a clean-ish bathroom!

Plan ahead. We occasionally invite guests for dinner that morning at church. While that isn’t always a bad idea, it tends to be more stressful for me and might mean we end up not having anyone over or that I’m scrambling to come up with an allergy-friendly meal. It’s better to extend invitations before grocery shopping, to better work around any food intolerances or dislikes. I also like to keep pasta and sauce on hand so if we have unexpected guests, we’re still ready. But even if I run out of those pantry staples, we can always order pizza.

Communicate with your guests. Be clear about the when and the where of an invitation—remembering that while we think of hospitality mostly in terms of at your house, you can also invite them to a picnic in the park. Ask about any foods you need to avoid. Let them know beforehand if you have to leave at a certain time or are only free until the kids go to bed. Alternatively, tell them as you put the kids to bed that you want to keep talking afterward—or have multiple singles, couples, or families over at once so that conversation doesn’t stop when your children need you.

Keep it simple. Make hospitality sustainable for your family. If that means paper plates and takeout, do it! The focus is not the food but edifying your guests. Our favorite company meal is taco bowls—they’re easy, I can stretch dinner with more toppings, and guests may leave off any foods they don’t want. Some ingredients can also go in the crockpot to make preparation easier.

Think of conversation starters. The most stressful part of hospitality for me is when conversation slows. Having pre-planned questions to ask guests has helped me prepare for this inevitability. Some of these are general questions for anyone: How did you become a Christian? How did you meet your spouse? Where did you grow up? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? Other questions are tailored to our specific guests and what I know of them already. It’s much easier to go deeper in conversation and be more open and honest in a home, around a meal, without distractions of church duties or interruptions in conversation.

While these tips and tricks don’t guarantee that a visit will go smoothly, they do minimize opportunity for things to go wrong. We have had to reschedule because of illness (especially during Covid), but people are gracious and understand if it’s a few months before we can make it work again.

Hospitality and Your Spiritual Growth

The more we’ve opened our home to friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers, I’ve found that hospitality is good for my spiritual growth.

I grow when I have to work through heart issues before guests come over—sometimes pride about a perfectly executed meal, sometimes embarrassment from burning the roast veggies or not being aware of a food allergy.

I grow when I have to push through fears of awkwardness in conversation, both with people I know and people I don’t, navigating disagreements or the aforementioned lulls in conversation.

I grow when I listen to the stories and trials of people not like me, increasing my love and care for them.

I grow when the conversations we have edify me, and the people I have in my home to encourage often turn that around on me.

Not only do I grow, but I delight.

I delight that my whole family gets to know our church more deeply and become comfortable around people of all ages and ethnicities.

I delight in sharing with others the food I have made (even if it doesn’t look like the picture).

I delight in seeing my home become a place not just for us, but for the whole church, the whole community.

Hospitality may be a command, but it is also a joy.