Between Two Worlds: Discipling Teens in Blended Families

My fourteen-year-old stepson loves movies. In fact, he can rattle off new releases, plots, and spoilers to anyone who asks. Whether it’s Avengers, Minecraft, or Five Nights at Freddy’s—if it’s on the big screen, he’s interested. So, when he told me over the weekend that he wanted to watch Sinners, the new Ryan Coogler movie starring Michael B. Jordan, I was surprised but tried to brush it off. My unsettled feelings lingered. Sinners? He wants to see . . . Sinners?

My initial reaction was based on my familiarity with all the clamor surrounding its debut. I knew of its R rating, creative storytelling, and cultural controversy. Christians, influencers, and cultural commentators—especially in the Black community—debated its themes of racial injustice, assimilation, and even anti-Christian undertones. Social media comment sections became battlefields of opinion.

But all that noise faded the moment I stood beside him. Suddenly, the conversation wasn’t online. It was in my living room.

In that moment, I faced a dilemma. Do I prioritize relational ease or faithful discipleship? Do I silently affirm or risk being labeled a “judgmental Christian”? I worried that my honesty would push him away. But I knew my silence would allow the culture to disciple him instead. So, I paused and silently prayed, “Lord, guide my words. Give me boldness. Help me gently redirect him to you.” As I prayed, I knew God wanted me to put my prayer into action, because faith apart from works is dead (James 2:26). He also reminded me that discipleship happens in the everyday.

Be Intentional

Like Jesus, I wanted to take advantage of ordinary moments. Life was his classroom—from Martha in the kitchen, to “the least of these” (Matt. 25:40), to the lilies clothed in splendor (Matt. 6:28). For us and our teens, this might be car rides, dinner at the table, or shopping for clothes.

Repeatedly, we witness Jesus diligently teaching his little children—his disciples. Woven throughout, he always used ordinary life as intentional illustrations of God’s truth. He also taught through his interactions with the Pharisees, the Samaritan woman at the well, and those he encountered along the way. Sometimes he asked questions to uncover the heart’s disposition; other times, to expose one’s truest need.

When Jesus asked Peter, “Who do you say I am?” (Matt. 16:15), he wanted Peter to discover his identity as the Christ. Before healing the blind men, who cried out, “Have mercy on us, Son of David,” he asked, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” (Matt. 9:27–28). Not out of ignorance. Not because he lacked his divine nature as God. He asked in order to stir up their faith.

As parents, we can do the same with our children. With wisdom, we should ask God for opportunities to witness, to teach, to correct—even to rebuke. Instead of trying to “find time,” we can be proactive, noticing the pockets of life already in front of us.

However, it’s intentionality that causes us to slow down—to ask questions, lean in, and listen. That intentionality doesn’t just create moments; it shapes our curiosity, too.

Be Curious and Seek Understanding

Scripture instructs parents not to provoke or stir up anger in their children (Eph. 6:4). One way we do this is by leading with godly wisdom and Jesus’s gentleness. Together, they temper the flames and extinguish anger. This is especially true with kids who haven’t trusted in Jesus—like my stepson.

Conversations like these can be tricky. For instance, at his mom’s house, chores happen as needed, and social media isn’t monitored as closely. At our house, chores are expected and consistent, and we talk openly about digital footprints and personal responsibility.

This back-and-forth between households created tension, and it’s where discipleship gets complicated in blended families. The rules and values at one house don’t always match the ones at the other. For example, what I call sin, he may see as normal. What I consider dishonoring, he may see as just entertainment.

He lives in two different worlds with two sets of expectations—and to be honest, I often feel like the bad guy for holding a stricter line. For teens like my stepson, the tension is heavy. He wants to respect our values. He wants to follow the rules. But on the other hand, he views Christianity as the cage that stifles his fun.

The tension he wrestled with that day was palpable. His lack of eye contact, blank stare, and one-word answers told me one thing—he wasn’t interested. It was as if my words were going in one ear and out the other.

Still, I pressed on. I couldn’t allow this opportunity to pass us by. So, I started with a couple of lighthearted questions to better understand his interest in the movie and what he thought it was about. But first, I reminded him, “I care about you and want to hear why you want to see this movie.”

But discipleship doesn’t stop there—it’s also about helping our teens discern what’s good.

Help Your Teen Discern What Is Good

First, God determines what’s good. We see this in the first two chapters of Genesis. But when sin entered the world, good became shortsighted. Humanity wanted to define good on its own terms.

Like Adam and Eve, our teens want to define good on their own terms. For them, good is what everyone’s watching or what everyone’s doing. It may look like playlists filled with explicit lyrics or streaming series packed with morally questionable fantasy characters and antiheroes. In the end, popularity is the measure of good.

Unfortunately—like the movie Sinners—so much of today’s media violates what the Bible teaches. Sex and nudity, profanity, graphic violence, and substance use are works of the flesh that should be avoided (Gal. 5). Even worse, streaming networks make it instantly accessible—even when we aren’t looking for it.

So instead of policing or hovering with constant check-ins, my husband and I have candid conversations to equip him as he engages with content. To do this, we ask reflection questions to reveal his heart—what he values, longs for, admires, or wants to imitate.

Whenever he tells me about a movie he’s watched, I make it a point to lean in and ask, “What did that story make you think or feel about right and wrong?” He shrugs, so I follow up, “How does it compare to what the Bible says about good and evil, or people and life?” He pauses, thinking. “Do you feel closer to God after watching it, or further away?” I ask gently. Finally, I try, “What do you think this movie wants you to love or admire?”

My stepson shared that he’d never been asked these questions. And he’s probably not alone! Most of us parents—even Christian ones—stop at, “Did you like the movie?” Force of habit? Maybe. Perhaps it’s a combination of exhaustion and convenience. Nevertheless, when we stop there, we unintentionally settle for shallow conversations. By digging deeper, we teach our children how to discern the stories shaping them. It’s not about controlling their fun. It’s guiding their heart.

Guide and Trust

Paul said it best: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). Though Paul was speaking to the church of Corinth, his words still carry meaning for the body of Christ today—including parents. As we imitate Christ, we pray that our children do the same. Not from shame. Not from guilt. But for the glory of God.

When he’s older, he may not even remember Sinners. Just as your child may not remember the party or video game that was once such a source of contention. So, whether they reside in blended families or traditional homes, I pray our children remember that our conversations weren’t about limiting fun but about pointing them to Christ—the one who is truly good.