God's Concern for the Socially Anxious Christian
It happened when I moved away from home and started college.
I distinctly remember a switch going off inside me, but I wasn’t yet equipped with the skills, practice, or language to articulate what was going on in my head. Suddenly, the mere thought of interacting with people terrified me. I would spiral in punctuated cycles of anxiety, paralysis, and unhealthy introspection. I used to love spending time with people, but I suddenly found myself exhausted by the thought of even a passing “hello.”
The years since have been a mix of anxiety-filled seasons, from small flickers of fear before leading Bible study to debilitating anxiety in anticipation of new social situations.
How does a Christian navigate social anxiety? After all, aren’t we knit into the body of Christ and called to love the family we’ve been adopted into? Isn’t it our privilege to love the neighbor and co-worker and share the good news of salvation with those who don’t know it? How can we do any of that without interacting?
What happens when we find ourselves afraid of the very interaction God says is good and necessary in the life of every believer?
EXPOSING YOUR WEAKNESSES TO OTHERS
I know I’m not alone. Years in ministry have shown me that these struggles are common. I’ve met some amazing women who struggle with social anxiety. We can be very high functioning and love people extremely well. Yet there’s a lot that goes on under the surface.
If you’ve made a habit of psyching yourself out about everything from Sunday gatherings, sharing the gospel, or even the amount of energy it takes to walk into a room with people in it, I encourage you to bring it to the surface, remembering Paul’s words to the Ephesian Christians:
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. (Eph. 5:8–11)
We were once those who were in darkness. The fall of man had corrupted every fabric of our humanity including our ability to see ourselves, others, and every interaction with accuracy, purity, wisdom, and a humble self-forgetfulness. We liked hiding. A childish game has become the spiritual reality of those under the curse.
Yet the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ has changed everything. Once we were in the dark, but now, if we are his, we have been transferred into his kingdom of light. Let us not be subjects of the kingdom of darkness, who live by the motto, “hide everything.”
If you are in Christ, you are free indeed! You are free to bravely expose your struggles and display a Christ-like humility by asking others for prayer, wisdom, and accountability. I’ve confessed to sisters in my church when Sundays were hard. I’ve asked for prayer when I needed God’s help to love and care for others well. Who knows, maybe God will use your example to encourage another saint who is struggling with the same thing.
REMEMBER GOD’S CONCERN FOR YOU IN CHRIST
It is only as we meditate on our freedom in Christ that we will be more willing to expose our weaknesses to others and ask for prayer. Christ has given us freedom from death. Freedom from the power of sin. Freedom from social anxiety and shame. Freedom to love God, serve others selflessly, and receive his grace.
I used to ask God, If Christ has met my greatest need, why am I struggling with anxiety? That’s just it though! The gospel does apply to our social anxiety. It applies to every detail of our lives! Christ is sufficient. He has lightened our burdens and given us a supernatural boldness to die to self and to love others while giving us the strength we could not supply.
If God appoints all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose, we can trust that even the moments of social anxiety are lovingly placed there, not to torture us but to sanctify us. Instead of acting as a slave to these thoughts, let them serve you as reminders to look to Christ and lean on him.
By grace, we can say his power is made perfect in our weakness. The social anxiety may exist because of underlying sin or it may be a weakness that weighs us down from running freely the race set before us. Whatever it is, know that Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness. Because of the gospel, we can begin receiving even painful moments with joyful expectation that God is maturing us and helping us reflect what he is like.
Instead of letting these moments of social anxiety become temptations to only dwell on ourselves, we can redeem them as moments where we see God’s love and concern and cling to him instead. We can see his Spirit at work in and through us as we put to death fears and move towards others in love. We have the kind of Savior, the Bible says, who is gentle, a bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out (Matt. 12:20). Our Savior has great concern for us and is with us in the midst of our struggles.
PRACTICE THE ART OF SELF-FORGETFULNESS
A final encouragement to the socially anxious: Practice the art of self-forgetfulness. This is not simply a humanistic sort of self-denial. It is not thinking bad thoughts about yourself instead of too many good thoughts. In fact, the constant meditating on our own selves (whether good or bad thoughts) is still a prideful orientation towards self. It’s still centered on us and our perspective instead of around Christ.
We need a self-forgetfulness that is distinctly Christian. The kind that takes every thought captive. It looks much like the Israelites as they suffered bites from snakes in the desert. Their only remedy? To stop staring at their gaping wounds and look at the bronze serpent held up on a pole before them. Jesus applied this moment in history when he said, “Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.” (Jn. 3:14)
In his book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, pastor Tim Keller encourages believers to remember that only God’s opinion matters. And in his courtroom, those in Christ already have the verdict: Not guilty! Righteous in Christ!
We don’t need to be consumed with thoughts about every interaction or non-interaction we’ve had or will have or whether we wish to be seen or unseen. Instead we can remember this:
Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things with myself. It is an end to thoughts such as, “I’m in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?” True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.
We can find healing and grace when we stop focusing on ourselves and focus instead on Christ lifted up. It’s not something we needed once for salvation and never again. It’s something we need every day. We need to enjoy the freedom that comes with taking our eyes off ourselves and placing them on Christ.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
At times I have despaired that as much as I desired to know and be known deeply, I was equally tired (physically and emotionally) and afraid. Wrestling through this anxiety has been an incredibly difficult struggle.
But this I know to be true: A very good and faithful God has met me again and again in my times of need, and he will do the same for all those who call on him for help.
Beverly Chao Berrus lives in Southern California with her husband Jason, a pastor in Los Angeles. They have three children. She contributed to His Testimonies, My Heritage: Women of Color on the Word of God. She also teaches for TGC Women's Training Network. She enjoys serving in her local church, exploring the world with her kids, watching movies with her husband, and reading.