For God's Sake, Tell a Better Story
“On a large stone outcropping surrounded by savannah, in the recesses of a cool cave, a lioness gives birth to her first male cub.”
“In a cozy home in the side of a hill, a middle-aged hobbit enjoys his pipe and the prospects of a quiet life of leisure.”
“Under the stairs of a house on Privet Drive, a shy orphan boy sleeps in a cramped cupboard, mostly ignored and neglected by his guardian relatives.”
Imagine for a moment you don’t recognize these stories (perhaps you don’t!) and you have no idea what direction they will take. At first glance, there’s nothing especially interesting about them.
If continued as they’ve begun, they would go bylargely unnoticed and unpublished.
The lion cub would pass like so many other nameless wild animals into the great circle of life. The hobbit would live as an upstanding citizen in the eyes of his neighbors, traveling nowhere and avoiding adventures. The orphan would live a lackluster muggle life as a muggle boy in the muggle world.
But we know that’s not how these stories end! Something significant does take place in each of them.
A murderous uncle plots to overthrow his brother’s kingdom.
Thirteen strange dwarves fill Bag End with a dinner party and an unexpected job offer.
An owl arrives with a surprising message, revealing the orphan’s true identity and sweeping him into the center of a grand conflict.
These are great stories. But why?
WHAT MAKES A STORY GREAT?
The essential characteristics of a good story include a rich setting, well-developed characters, and an intriguing plot. Each of these works together to make a story good.
But conflict makes a story great.
Conflict is the struggle that takes place between two opposing forces in a story. Sometimes it’s internal, other times it’s external. Conflict creates the necessary tension that drives a story forward. It longs for resolve, and it’s this resolution that appeals to us. Without conflict, a story is simply uninteresting.
This points to the fact that we are, somehow, designed to enjoy—and even live in—stories that require resolution. And in a very unexpected way, we desire conflict. Conflict is a necessary part of life, and as such, is not necessarily a bad thing.
Now, before your conflict-averse mind goes nuts, hear me out. The point I’m trying to make is that we’re wired for resolution. We desire for dissonance to resolve into consonance. We long for harmony and peace, and this longing for tension to resolve points to what God is actually doing.
Conflict points us to resolution and taps into our desire for justice and righteousness to get the upper hand (Ps. 89:13-14). We desire all things to be made right and to be put into order (Rev. 21:4-5).
At the heart of God’s own story lies the cosmic conflict between Good and Evil—a struggle that drives the action of the story until its perfect resolution, when good overcomes and everything is made right. Ultimately, the dissonance in the universe is headed towards the greatest harmony the universe will ever know. This will take place, of course, because of God’s perfect justice, righteousness, mercy, and love (Exo. 34:6-7; Ps. 33:5). And this is what all of our hearts long for.
Ironically, this is the very reason we despise and avoid conflict. We loathe the tension and dissonance—the discomfort of argument, hostility, and contention. Conflict floods our lives with anxiety, physical ailments, loss of sleep, and depression. It often keeps us up at night and breaks our hearts.
I’m not saying that conflict for its own sake is a good thing. Conflict is good insofar as it leads towards resolution. So don’t be afraid of conflict, because conflict brings opportunity.
The lives we live are often filled with conflict. Most of us work hard to avoid or run from it.
Yet how can we tell a better story with our lives in the face of inevitable conflict?
CONFLICT PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY
It’s easy to consider conflict something to be avoided at all costs. Without thinking, we assume the best path in conflict to be its immediate end; that it would just go away. If this isn’t possible, some choose toeither ignore it altogether or agree to a quick fix. Many of us end up “peace-faking,” instead of actually dealing with the issues that caused the conflict in the first place.
In his classic book, The Peacemaker, Ken Sande helps us understand that “conflict always provides an opportunity to glorify God.”
Taking a cue from Sande’s observation, there are several distinct opportunities to glorify God when conflict is approached in a God-centered way:
1. Conflict can clarify what’s in our hearts. Sir Isaac Newton taught us that when two physical objects collide, the momentum and force are transferred equally, yet in opposite directions. This collision of objects gives us a helpful image of what takes place in personal relationships when there is conflict. The forces in play in human relationships are called “wills”, which are the expression of the desires, motivations, and values of our hearts. Our hearts drive our wills, our wills exert force in our relationships, and conflict inevitably results.
This conflict is exactly what we need, if we take the time to explore the heart-motivations that have caused the conflict. Sometimes the desires, motivations, and values in our hearts are good things—and we need to hold fast to them, even in and through conflict. Other times, the idolatrous, selfish, or wicked desires of our hearts are uncovered, and our greatest need is to repent.
2. Conflict shapes us into Christ’s image. As with all trials, God uses conflict to make us better people, strengthen our character, and draw us into trust him more:
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (Jas. 1:2-4).
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character” (Rom. 5:3-4a).
3. Conflict gives us opportunity to be peacemakers. Jesus himself taught us that peacemaking is a characteristic of those who are called God’s children (Matt. 5:9), because it is an attribute of their Father. God himself is a peacemaker, and God’s sons and daughters take on the family characteristics.
Without conflict, there is no opportunity to be a peacemaker. There are, of course, more dangerous paths to take in conflict: faking peace, domination, anger, murder, passive aggression, suicide. But God’s chosen way—often the most difficult way—is the way of peace. Choosing and championing peace in the midst of conflict is a real-time embodiment of the gospel, a picture of God’s peacemaking work through Christ.
4. Conflict gives us opportunity to love and serve others. Conflict provides us with myriad ways to love others—and not by caving in and letting others have their way. “Turn the other cheek” was never a directive to cease standing for truth, righteousness, and justice. We can serve others by bearing their burdens (Gal. 6:2, 9-10), speaking the truth in love (Eph. 4:15), helping them see their faults and own their sin (Gal. 6:1-2), being patient with them (Eph. 4:2), overlooking an offense (Prov. 19:11; 1 Peter 4:8), extending undeserved mercy and forgiveness (Luke 6:36; Col. 3:13), and answering gently when they expect a nasty fight (Prov. 15:1).
TELLING A BETTER STORY
As God’s children pursue the beautiful resolution on the other side of conflict, the gospel will be embodied and experienced in miraculous ways. God will be glorified, because he will be heard in voices of grace, observed in hands of mercy, and felt in shoulders that bear burdens.
In the end, conflict can be a good thing. As with any great story, the conflict in our lives can be dealt with in ways that bring life, glorify God, spur personal growth, and strengthen relationships.
So let’s tell a better story that points to the Best Story—one in which our souls can rejoice in the resolution yet to come.
Mike Phay serves as Lead Pastor at FBC Prineville (Oregon) and as a Staff Writer at Gospel-Centered Discipleship. He has been married to Keri for over 20 years, and they have five amazing kids.