What Moms Need in a Social Media World
It’s safe to say my experience as a mom differs greatly from my grandmother’s or even my mother’s. As my first child grew in my belly, a world of information and advice rested securely in the back of my pocket. If it used to take a village to raise a family, these days moms need only an internet connection and a social media account.
A simple search for “mom” on Facebook brings a never-ending list of available groups. There is a place for moms who use homeopathy, moms who work from home, older moms, moms who homeschool, budgeting moms, girl-moms, boy-moms, moms with anxiety, moms who write, and even a place for the self-described “bad moms.” The internet has made available a smorgasbord of community for any mother–changing the way she relates to the world from years past.
These days when an expectant mom needs a recommendation on what baby gear to register for, she most likely doesn’t ask a friend- but types in a quick Google search that brings up the top picks for the year. When the newborn is adjusting to their sleep schedule, a new mom might find solace in the newsletter of a sleep baby guru or the notifications of the baby app that alert her when to wake and when to put down for a nap. It’s often quicker, and more informational, to send off a quick question about a weird rash to a group of hundreds of moms than waiting for the text back from a friend or parent.
With all the information and opportunities available to moms today, saints in the church may wonder at their own role in the life of the mother. Do you have anything to add? You might believe physical acts of service remain the sole purpose of the local church—the internet can’t babysit or deliver a casserole, after all. Though these are wonderful gifts the body of Christ can and should employ, I’d like to encourage you to see your mission even beyond the physical. Mothers living in the age of the internet and social media may have more resources, but these very mediums leave us desperate for specific encouragement our church family can provide.
Give Moms Jesus
More than naught, moms search for answers. How do I handle this attitude? How can I get my kid to stop screaming? How can I help my child’s worry? For every question, Google and Facebook groups dish out answers by the hundreds. Moms don’t lack information. Perhaps you’ve found yourself living this reality, as you tried to offer advice only to realize the mom had already tried that method themselves.
Though moms might not be short on suggestions, we ultimately ache for something more substantial. Methods, tricks, or disciplining hacks can provide help, but they’ll never guarantee success. Moms know this deep down. The internet tempts us with tidy answers and formulaic processes, but we know life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes the child still struggles, and circumstances don’t resolve quickly. It’s here when a mom needs to be reminded of the sure foundation of Jesus and his promises. We need reminders from our church family that motherhood is about continued dependence on the Son, not perfect formulas for always-behaved children.
If you aren’t up-to-date on the latest baby news, child-rearing practices, or homeschool resources, you can still encourage a mom in any kind of parenting struggle by helping her lift her eyes up to Christ (Heb. 12:2). You can strengthen her fears by reminding her to run towards her own Father in prayer–the God who has created her children with these very specific personalities and struggles (1 Pet. 5:7). You can assure her of her standing in Christ that doesn’t depend on her perfect parenting decisions (Rom. 8:1; Col. 3:3). You can rest her guilt-ridden heart over a-moral issues and lead her to value dependence on Christ far more than the surety of any plan (John 15:5). Encourage her to try different options, yes, but urge her to rest in Christ’s comforting hands when the results fail (Ps. 46:1).
We tire from tips and ideas on our phones each day, but we’ll never tire of being led back to the feet of Jesus. In the haze of our social-media-saturated world, we need the church to grab our hands and take us there.
Give Moms Purpose
While the internet has been a hive of community and help for the last generation, its underbelly has come to light in the last few years. A recent study concluded that frequent exposure to social media increased the cortisol levels in mothers. We probably didn’t need a study to discover social media increases anxiety. The very nature of constantly peering into others’ lives displaces our perspective and contentment in so many ways.
I remember my own early days of motherhood when I was home alone with a screaming baby. In-between feeding and changing diapers, I’d log onto social media and enter a vibrant world spinning on without me. Pictures flew by my face of all the activities I wasn’t doing. I’d close the app and return back into the smallness of my own day at home with dissatisfaction.
As my kids grew, our days became more filled, but the messages on social media continued to taunt me. The curated images made me question my purpose as a mom and a woman. I daily had to fight the feeling that my primary purpose in life wasn’t curating a life that looked like someone else but serving in my own God given-tasks.
In his recent book on social media, The Wolf in Their Pockets, Chris Martin remarks that “the joy of following Christ can easily become a burden when we are so frequently faced with others’ versions of the good life on our feed” (46).
Moms need our church families to help restore joy in our God-given roles (1 Pet. 2:9). We need to be reminded that our end goal isn’t in a farmhouse aesthetic or a yard full of chickens, but we were instead made to glorify God and enjoy him forever. We need sisters and brothers to come alongside us and remind us this purpose can be fulfilled in an outdated kitchen, amidst the screams of a three-month-old, and even in two-day-old sweatpants. Moms need to be reminded that the very small acts of changing those diapers or answering another question of “Why” is actually kingdom work for their Savior (1 Cor. 10:31).
It’s true we might read these reminders on Christian blogs or websites, but the simple words in a text or email from a saint from our local body will mean so much more than any essay penned by a stranger.
Give Moms Intentional Pursuit
Despite all the connections social media has provided, studies consistently show that people feel more lonely than ever. Chris Martin notes that “the social internet asks for little more than our time” (74). There isn’t much effort required in tapping a like button on a friend’s picture. The small hit of dopamine fades quickly, and moms often are left feeling the isolation.
This is why intentional movements into friendship jolt us from our everyday expectations. We don’t expect to get an email of purposeful encouragement. We don’t expect to receive a specific Bible verse and prayer from a friend. We might expect those plastered on a Facebook wall or an Instagram post, but we don’t expect to be the recipient of purposeful and pointed encouragement.
Yet this kind of surprise is what moms need and crave. The Scriptures time and again tell us we are all made for community, and this kind of community isn’t solely the low-cost kind found on social media (Rom. 12:5). The church plays a vital role in encouraging one another (Prov. 17:17; Gal. 6:2; Heb. 10:24–25). It calls women to disciple younger women and men to disciple younger men.
Sometimes this can mean we have a discipleship relationship where we study a book of the Bible together. Yet I think we can forget that most of the time discipleship can be a small text sent on a Tuesday afternoon. It can be an email on a Monday evening to follow up about a prayer request. Opportunities to encourage and build up the moms in your church exist all around, and most of them are not huge commitments, but small steps of obedience.
Yet each of these small acts does require intentionality. It requires you to interrupt your own day, in order to interrupt another with the hope of the gospel. You might believe moms in your church already have enough friends—enough people to encourage them—but we could always use an intentional pursuit in encouragement.
Moms may have more resources at their disposal these days, but our need for the church is just as vibrant as ever. Much good has resulted from social media; it also, however, brings specific temptations that the church can guide mothers out of. We need the saints around us to intentionally push our eyes up to Christ. We need them to bolster our joy and focus on our purpose. We need to be pursued. How can you interrupt a fellow mother with a small bit of encouragement today? Believe me, she’s aching for it.
Brianna Lambert is a wife and a mom to three, making their home in the cornfields of Indiana. She loves using writing to work out the truths God is teaching her each day. She is a staff writer with GCD and has contributed to various online publications, such as Christianity Today and The Gospel Coalition. You can find more of her writing at lookingtotheharvest.com