I Didn’t Want to Go to Heaven
I have a confession to make, and given the title you already know what it is. But I’ll say it anyway: I didn’t want to go to Heaven. Unfortunately, the situation was worse than you think. Here’s why: I can’t remember a day when I didn’t trust Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I grew up in a loving, supportive, and joyful Christian home. I grew up enjoying church. I grew up loving other Christians. I knew I was called to become a pastor at the age of sixteen. All of this is what makes my confession so startling.
Despite it all, I still didn’t want to go to Heaven. My life wasn’t perfect, but surely a kid like me would have a favorable attitude toward Heaven, right? But I didn’t. I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn’t feel that way. But it was the honest truth. Heaven simply wasn’t appealing.
Can you relate? For starters, I had other plans. I had goals. I had dreams. There were countless things I wanted to accomplish and experience first. Sports, college, ministry, marriage, kids—those sorts of things. I had too much to do to want to go to Heaven. I also had a healthy fear of death. Who wants to die? Not me. No thanks.
But there was something deeper churning under the surface. I wasn’t convinced Heaven was all that great. I mean, if pushed, I knew it would be great not to sin anymore and not to be sinned against. As a teenage boy I was eager for the day when temptation was gone. I knew the world was screwed up and there would be benefits in leaving that behind. I also deeply loved Jesus. I loved reading his Word, praying to him, and spending time with him. I sincerely wanted more of him. That part of Heaven was going to be great; I was sure of it. But Heaven itself? The place? The actual reality of it? It seemed like the one part of the good news I could do without.
What led me to these conclusions was a lack of knowledge of what the Bible said about Heaven. All I had in my mind was what other people said about it, but their words were a far cry from the truth. I had in my mind some horrific conglomeration of Precious Moments angels, old-fashioned organ music, prominent displays of Sunday school felt-board art, creepy flashbacks of the Left Behind movies, and frigid, cloud-like seats. Who wants that?
Missing of course were all my favorite things, save Jesus. Gone was the smoke wafting off my Dad’s BBQ on a Saturday afternoon. Gone was the taste of my Mom’s hot apple pie for dessert and the hug that followed. Gone was the crisp green grass of the soccer pitch and the mossy, bass-filled water of my grandparents’ pond. Gone were the drums I loved to beat on in youth group, the holiday gatherings with family and friends, the good books I’d sneak away to read, and the hopes I had to pursue and marry the woman of my dreams. Yeah, I knew I was supposed to want Heaven, but I couldn’t help but think it was going to be a disappointment.
I suspect most readers can relate, to some degree or another, with my feelings about Heaven. I also think most of you might be tempted to conceal this feeling, at least until a pastor says it first. So now that I have, you can too. Really, you can confess that you’re not so sure about Heaven.
With that taken care of, let’s move on to the good news: I was completely wrong about Heaven, and you probably are too.
Heaven, thankfully, is far better than we’ve been told.
Adapted from Always Longing: Discovering the Joy of Heaven by Stephen R. Morefield (© 2022). Published by Gospel-Centered Discipleship. Used by permission.
Stephen R. Morefield (M.Div., Covenant Theological Seminary) pastors Christ Covenant Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Leoti, Kansas. Stephen and his wife, Morgan, have three wonderful children. He is the author of several books.