God Commands Christians to Forgive, Not Cancel
“I think you should go, Jen.”
I was on the phone with a colleague—one who I supposedly mentor, mind you—and she weighed in on a dilemma I shared with her. I had been invited to a gathering that would also be attended by several people with whom I had strained relationships because of the fallout and polarization of the last year. I was considering not going because How awkward is that? Everyone present would be aware of the hurt feelings, the different perspectives, the water under the bridge that hasn’t yet settled into a sleepy stream but remains tumultuous rapids.
“I’m pretty sure Jesus would say ‘Go,’” she concluded. Anyone else ever been corrected by their mentee? It was humbling, but honestly she teaches me so much every time we talk. And in this case she was right. I was nursing wounds and wanting to take the easy way out. Just avoid the situation, avoid the people, avoid the topics, and move on.
Cancel culture, we call it. We cancel people broadly, in public ways, and we cancel people in our own hearts, in secret ways. We’d rather write people off and move on than dig deep and stay put.
“We cancel people broadly, in public ways, and we cancel people in our own hearts, in secret ways.”
My friend reminded me of what’s true. She rehearsed the good and hard words of Jesus to me. “We are meant to be reconcilers,” she said, “forgivers, who move toward, rather than away from, those who hurt us.”
Polarization and cancel culture aren’t showing any signs of letting up soon. It appears we’re in for a future of more fractured families, churches, and communities, not less. It’s an explosive reality that you and I need to figure out how to navigate well, before God and before each other.
Of course some relationships should and must be ended. Abuse is real, and those who survive it should seek health and freedom with the help of a qualified counselor. And of course, some relationships need to be navigated with intention and boundaries in place, so that genuine love might flourish. Know that I’m not writing here about these kinds of situations. I’m writing about the increasingly familiar conundrum of how to move forward after we’ve been hurt, wronged, or offended. In this therapeutic age, there’s no shortage of Christian voices helping us to justify our tendency to cancel one another. We give and receive advice that says, God wants me to be happy. Jesus would not call me to endure such toxicity. Peace isn’t possible unless I rid my life of these destructive personalities.
“In this therapeutic age, there’s no shortage of Christian voices helping us to justify our tendency to cancel one another. ”
The wisdom of the age is self-seeking, self-protective, self-justifying, self-centered. And it just doesn’t align with Scripture. We must not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of our minds (Rom. 12:2), by the Word of God, with the help of the Spirit of God and the accountability of the people of God. So what does the Bible have to say about cancel culture, forgiveness, and moving forward in an ever-polarizing age?
God does not require us to clean ourselves up before we are reconciled to him. While we were yet sinners, while we were Christ’s enemies, he died for us (Rom. 5:8, 10). You and I who belong to Jesus did nothing to earn his love, grace, and reconciliation. He treats us with immeasurable mercy, that we might be reconciled to him. Let us not require more of others than God requires of us.
The blind cannot lead the blind. We are finite humans with limited perspectives, fallible reasoning, and at times sinister motives. Lacking humility, we are quick to correct others without first looking within to correct ourselves. Jesus calls us hypocrites when we see the speck in our brothers’ eyes but do not remove the log that’s in our own (Luke 6:39, 42). Let us remember that it’s very possible those “on the other side” are right and see things better than we do. We are not God. We are not omniscient.
We have been forgiven much and must therefore forgive. I recently spoke too harshly to a friend about a debatable issue. Over the course of a few days she gently admonished me, I repented, and I asked for forgiveness. Her response was, “Friend, I’ve been forgiven so much, how could I withhold forgiveness from you?” What a kind, counter-cultural, and Christlike response. She embodied the spirit of the parable of the unforgiving servant. If we withhold forgiveness from others, the Master has every right to say to us, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt . . . and should you not have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you” (Matt. 18:23–35)?
““Friend, I’ve been forgiven so much, how could I withhold forgiveness from you?” What a kind, counter-cultural, and Christlike response. ”
No one is the sum of their best deeds or worst sins. As the people of God we know all humans are made in his image. We know every life is precious and for a purpose. We are not permitted, therefore, to write anyone off, nor put them on a pedestal. We see in his Word that he resurrects murderers, adulterers, liars, and moralistic teachers and changes them from the inside out. As a people saved by grace, let us not make another’s good deeds or bad deeds their identity. All things are by him, for him, through him, to him (Col. 1:16–17). So then, our best deeds are gifts of grace and our worst deeds are not beyond it. If you have been wronged, remember no one is beyond God’s reach.
Vengeance belongs to God alone. As in the first century when Paul wrote his letter to the Romans, we too are eager to repay evil for evil, but God says he will repay (Rom. 11:17, 19). Not only does Paul say we are not to avenge, but even more, he calls us to bless those who persecute us, to live in harmony with others, to not be haughty, to never be wise in our own sight, to love our enemies, and to overcome evil with good (Rom. 11:14–21). Let us remember that we are saved by undeserved grace alone, only God is the judge, and only he is qualified to make judgments.
Remember this life is brief and troubles are light and momentary. Our media-saturated age and our self-focused tendencies lead us to believe that this life is all there is. We tend to put heaven on the back-burner and focus instead on our immediate context and instant gratification. But the Lord says we are being prepared for an eternal glory. Heaven awaits! Let us look not to things that are seen but to the things that are unseen (2 Cor. 4:16–18). As we seek the things that are above (Col. 3:1), we will be more likely to give and receive grace, remembering that these offenses and this life are but a mist (James 4:14).
God really does call us to love one another and sacrifice for one another. The New Testament contains nearly one hundred verses that call us to serve one another in various ways. Be at peace with one another (Mark 9:50), do not grumble among one another (John 6:43), be kind, tender-hearted, and forgiving toward one another (Eph. 4:32), bear with one another and forgive one another (Col. 3:13). Unity amongst us—even when we disagree, even when we offend, even when we sin—is not optional in Scripture.
Forgiveness is hard and canceling is easy. To forgive is to acknowledge a wrong and to incur the debt ourselves, rather than requiring payment from the one who offended us. It’s not a sweeping under the rug; it’s a full-on measurement of the pain, bearing it, and casting it onto the shoulders of the One who forgives us. We have no greater example than Jesus, who for the joy set before him endured the cross (Heb. 12:2) for you and me and the one who hurt us.
The path forward is not in self-preservation but in self-denial. Cancel culture and hardness of heart leads to death, not life. It’s forgiveness that leads to joy. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who grew up as a black South African under the gross injustice and violence of apartheid, insists that “without forgiveness there is no future.” He’s right.
If Jesus Christ endured the cross for those who offended, wronged, and murdered him—and then experienced joy!—then you and I can regather and reconcile and reunite with those who offended us. Through Christ, we have every reason to expect joy on the other side.
My mentee was right. Jesus would say, “Go.”
Jen Oshman has been in women’s ministry for over two decades as a missionary and pastor’s wife on three continents. She’s the mother of four daughters, the author of Enough about Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self (Crossway, 2020), and the host of All Things, a podcast about cultural events and trends. Her family currently resides in Colorado, where she and her husband serve with Pioneers International and they planted Redemption Parker, an Acts29 church. Read more of Jen’s writing at jenoshman.com.