Family Partners: Men and Women Serving Together in God’s Church
“If there were not both women and men on staff, then there wouldn’t have been a moral failure!”
“Women and men are not meant to work together, especially on a church staff!”
“She’s a threat to male leadership. She should not be on an equal footing in the church staff.”
Have you ever heard or said any of these sentiments?
Until recently, I wasn’t even aware people held these positions. My history has involved serving on a church staff for thirty-three years, and I’m a female. I held two positions: children’s ministry director and women’s ministry director. Although I was the only female, I have experienced wonderful working relationships between males and females on our church’s staff.
Late in my career, however, it came to my attention that my experience wasn’t commonplace. We had a guest speaker come for a women’s conference. After being with us, she observed that I got along very well with the male leadership, and she was very impressed by our camaraderie. Because of this encounter, I began to see that my experience was not always the case in other churches.
In the church community, there has been much written about guarding ourselves from moral failure. This is not a bad thing, but this thinking has spilled over into the conversation about men and women working together on staff in churches. We can see where this thinking comes from if we look at the world around us. The movies that have men and women falling into bed with one another after one glance have influenced our world, and the church has followed along with it.
We don’t seem to have a problem if men and women are working together in a secular job. Let’s consider the difference in the workplaces. The church staff should be working for the promotion of the gospel rather than strictly making a living wage. There are examples in the scriptures of men and women working alongside one another for the sake of the gospel. We should want to follow the model given to us. How can we do this? What keeps us from doing this? We need a theological vision of brothers and sisters working shoulder-to-shoulder for the sake of the gospel.
Men and women working together is so beneficial because that’s how God created us to work—it goes all the way back to Genesis. Adam and Eve were tasked with the work of dominion over the earth. They were to work together for the glory of God on this endeavor. We miss so much when we don’t work together. God has gifted us as individuals for his purposes. These gifts are to be used together as male and female with the same goal of God’s glory. I can honestly say that I have experienced this in my work history. This doesn’t mean that we always agreed, but we worked together going in the same direction, following Jesus. Our working together was out of mutual respect and understanding of one another. I brought a different perspective to the table that was perhaps new to the men on staff, and God has used those different perspectives for the benefit of our church.
Every Monday morning, we had a staff meeting to review Sunday’s service and to catch everyone up on the ministries represented around the table. I was the only woman sitting there. It can be intimidating to sit with a group of pastors who have varying degrees of education. However, God saw fit for us to be together as a staff. My input was always welcomed in areas other than women’s ministry. The health of the church in all areas would be discussed. I could see that it was important to everyone else to have a female perspective on these issues.
What Keeps Us from Serving Side by Side?
The simple answer to this question is fear. There is a fear of female dominance as held by the feminist movement. Another fear is of physical contact happening if a man and woman are working side by side. Yes, there are legitimate and wise boundaries we should have in place, but as I mentioned earlier, these fears are supported by the world, and brothers and sisters in Christ should not give into fear (1 John 4:18). Can the events happening in the world influence the church? Yes! Does the world determine what happens in the church? No! Rather than giving into fear, we need to remember who we are in Christ, and that identity should determine our behavior, not our agenda. A male or female who comes to the table with his or her own agenda is not working for the glory of God. Isn’t that the bottom line?
How Can We Do This?
It is important for us to build relationships on a church staff—these relationships are built on mutual respect, not competition. A church staff is not to be divided between men’s and women’s issues, but it is to be about the entire family of believers. We can build relationships with each other by prayer and encouragement. Getting to know one another as family is the key to these relationships. It is important to get to know our extended families, as well. We can be involved in each other’s lives to a greater extent when we are willing to be vulnerable. Christ made a relationship with God possible through his death and resurrection. God, himself, has always been about relationship within the godhead. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have enjoyed a relationship together forever—relationship is important to God and should be to us. Brothers and sisters are to be in a great relationship as they model themselves after God.
I consider my brothers on staff as some of my closest friends. I know that I can go to them with any problems or concerns in my private life, and they will give me comfort and impart wisdom to me. The pastor and I met every other week to catch up on life. Our conversations were more about our families than ministry. This, too, was ministry—the ministry of relationship. We were able to pray for one another. I had many one-on-one meetings with the others on staff, as well. They would come to me or I would go to them to get counsel on various areas of life.
Jesus and Women
Jesus traveled with women on his gospel journeys, and it seemed he was not at all afraid while doing this. We read in Luke’s gospel of the women who traveled with him:
Soon afterward he went on through cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God. And the twelve were with him, and also some women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, and Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household manager, and Susanna, and many others, who provided for them out of their means. (Luke 8:1–3)
These women were part of the ministry work of Jesus. They provided for him and heard all of his teachings. It appears from this passage that there were many women who followed Jesus, serving him along the way. The point is that Jesus valued men and women. He determined for them to work side by side for the kingdom of God.
Women on the Church Staff
As you have been reading this article, you have probably thought about the women you have on your church staff. Maybe they’ve had a different, largely negative experience than I had on a church staff, which was largely positive. The women you’re thinking of have meaningful roles in assisting the pastors, but they have no voice in leadership. But this is not enough. We need women on our church staffs who have a true voice at the table. The scriptures teach that the church is to be led by male pastors, but there also needs to be female voices heard by the leadership. Women have been given gifts, which need to be a part of the functioning of the church.
One of the areas of weakness in most churches is that women need theology. As I took my position in women’s ministry, I knew this to be true. The focus of the roles of women had permeated our congregation to the point of women thinking they could just rely on men to know theology. God calls us each to know him, and then to live out our lives on this foundation. It is a great benefit to have a woman leading women in the church to know God at a deeper level. The entire church benefits from this. It is so important for women to be involved in the entire ministry of the church also for the purpose of counseling. I have counseled women for over thirty years now from a biblical perspective. Being on staff, I was able to take some of the load of counseling from the pastors. This has been one of my greatest joys to see how God can work in an individual’s life for her good and his glory!
God can bring about great relationships within a staff of men and women working together. The reality is that a church staff should be all about God and his kingdom. After all, in the kingdom to come, that’s exactly how it will be, so let’s begin to practice now. The health of the church depends on it.
Denise Hardy has recently retired after being on the church staff of Cornerstone Baptist Church for 33 years. In that time, she served as the Children’s Ministry Director for 12 years and as the Women’s Ministry Director for 21 years. She is a certified biblical counselor through ACBC and has 28 years of experience. Currently, she still serves in Cornerstone Baptist Church as a counselor, in the choir, and teaches in the children’s and women’s ministry areas. Her role as sister to the church staff continues today as she gives input when called upon. As a caretaker for her parents, before their deaths, she learned many lessons from the Lord, which she blogged about on denisehardy.org. Denise has been married for 50 years and has two children and five grandchildren.