Don’t “Give Yourself Grace”
My friend was lost. Over cups of coffee, he shared what had been bottled up inside of him for months. It was hard to figure out which came first, his depression or his spiritual spiral. Secret porn and drug addictions were now coupled with a full-blown affair, and his wife had demanded that he move out. He was confused and hurting, hard-hearted, and spiritually blind. “My girlfriend tells me I just need to give myself grace,” he shared.
“Give yourself grace” has become a common refrain in our culture. A friend might encourage us to give ourselves grace when we forget a workout, miss a deadline or drop the ball relationally. The encouragement comes out of a heart of kindness from our friend but has the potential to misdirect our hearts.
Don’t “give yourself grace.”
I’m not encouraging us to demand more of ourselves. I’m not urging us to turn from the gospel of grace to law, but I am encouraging us to consider where we turn for the source of grace. The source of grace is never ourselves—it is always God.
The most common definition of grace is “unmerited favor.”
John tells us that it is from Jesus “we have all received, grace upon grace.” The word picture John uses has us imagine an overflowing fountain, its water spilling over its rim and flooding the landscape. “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:16). What a picture! Imagine a family in the backyard on a summer’s day and a joyful child squealing with delight as he sprays his family with the hose running full blast. This is what Jesus does with grace. The grace of God sprays full blast over his creation as Jesus comes. His grace overflows. Again and again in his letters, Paul reminds us that grace comes from the Father and the Son (see 1 Cor. 16:23; 2 Cor. 1:2; Gal. 1:3; Eph. 1:2; Phil. 1:2; Col. 1:2; 2 Thess. 1:2; 1 Tim. 1:2; Titus 1:3; Phil. 1:3).
This fountain of grace is even better. We might think that Jesus’s hose of grace is kinked when he encounters us in our sin. On the contrary, he smiles and turns the spigot up even more! Paul says, “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Rom. 5:21). This, of course, is no excuse to sin so that grace may abound (see Rom. 6) but promises us that Christ does not withdraw from us because of our sin. His grace showers the seeking sinner.
Once we receive his grace (vertically), we are encouraged that Christ’s grace may flow from us to one another (horizontally). Paul exhorts the church at Ephesus to use their mouths “for building up . . . that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). Peter similarly urges us to use our gifts “as good stewards of God’s varied grace” (1 Pet. 4:10).
How we offer grace ought to reflect Christ. Christ does not withhold grace until someone proves themselves worthy of it. Christ does not withhold grace because of fear that it will make them proud. But grace points us back to the cross and to godly living. This is why Christ so frequently exhorts those he heals or forgives to “go and from now on sin no more” (John 8:11). So, when I sat with my friend at a coffee house, in love I could empathize with him about the pain he was feeling and even why he would be seeking love in the arms of another woman. Over the course of several months, we navigated the trauma of his past and the shame which whispered lies into his ear.
But I also had to step into the hard place of confronting his sin. His emotional connection with this woman did not pre-empt his vows to his wife, as he believed. His pain did not give him a spiritual free pass. God’s grace would accept his prodigal heart back. But God’s grace would not allow his heart to remain enslaved to the flesh. This is the ministry of grace God calls us to. By God’s grace, my friend repented and walked the hard but beautiful path of restoration.
Don’t “give yourself grace.” When we give ourselves grace, we tend to substitute a “letting off the hook” or “lowering the bar” mentality for the richness of God’s unmerited favor. When I “give myself grace,” I can coddle my sin, deny my sin or excuse my unfaithfulness. When I “give myself grace,” I turn within to my own broken cisterns of self-love and finite ability to satiate my thirst.
But our cisterns always run dry. God’s fountains never do.
God is the one who created grace because he knew we would need it. It is his to give, not ours to discover within. What you will discover when you receive grace from God rather than dispensing it to yourself, is that God is far more generous and thorough with the grace he gives than we could ask or fathom. There is no lack of grace to receive. God offers us an overflowing serving every day: with bottomless refills!
Paul reminds us that “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Cor. 9:8). And the author of Hebrews instructs us, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace” (Heb. 4:16a).
Jesus is inviting you to drink from the overflowing fountain of his grace. What promise is he inviting you to receive? What is he telling you about himself? What truths is he reminding you about who you are in him? When you are anxious, when you are riddled with guilt and shame, when you are stuck, when you are burdened by law, and when you are afraid: receive God’s matchless and unending grace.
John Beeson serves as co-lead pastor at New Life Bible Fellowship in Tucson, Arizona. He attended Gordon College and Princeton Theological Seminary and is married with two kids. He blogs at The Bee Hive. He is the coauthor of Blogging for God’s Glory in a Clickbait World.