Abandon or Abide: A Conversation in a Coffee Shop
The below conversation is a fictional dialogue between two sisters in a coffee shop about the local church and why it matters.
* * *
“So much for the perfect family. Although I’m not surprised, are you?” Alison raises her eyebrows at me and takes a sip of her latte.
From where we sit, I survey the crowd in the coffee shop. Then I lift my iced Americano and wipe the ring underneath it with a napkin. I don’t want to gossip. I don’t have to gossip, I think, so instead I say, “It’s like church.”
“Don’t get me started on church people,” Alison rolls her eyes.
“But wait,” I say, “Everyone expects church people to be perfect, because they’re Christians. Then when they’re not, it’s over. People leave.”
“Leaving might be a good thing, Sis,” Alison says. “I’ve been reading this book about a woman who left the church. She has Christian friends taking the same path. They meet up for tea or coffee in her living room, and they share about their struggles.”
“Does she mention the Bible in her book?” I ask.
“She talks about church people. How judgmental they are, and fake. You know, all the usual arguments.”
“Remember when Aunt Janet wanted to move to that seaside village? She started talking bad about our hometown, and . . .”
“Okay, I see where you’re going, Sis. We got annoyed at her,” says Alison.
“We felt sad because we love our community. But at the same time, we love Aunt Janet.”
“I wouldn’t have cared if she moved.”
“Yeah, but there’s something to be said about loyalty to family.”
“I’d never write her off completely,” Alison says.
“Back to your book, Ali, tell me more about it, and what you like. Is it changing your view of church?”
“People. They’re so hypocritical. Just when you trust them, they mess up.”
“That’s why we read in the gospels that Jesus didn’t entrust himself to the people. He trusted only God.”
“Exactly, who needs church anymore? Or church in a building? I’ve seen really great online communities, Christian ones. And you can Google any topic about the Bible and find YouTube videos with encouraging messages. Podcasts, too. I just don’t see church as relevant,” Alison says.
The coffee shop door opens and in walks an elderly woman. She hobbles as she makes her way to the register, as if each step takes effort. Then her eyes meet mine and she turns and heads over to me.
“Susan!” I say, and I stand up to hug her. “Meet my sister, Ali.”
“What a pleasure. You two certainly resemble each other.” She looks at me and says, “Your prayers have sustained me this week. I knew you’d be praying for me after we talked.”
“Yes,” I say, “I’ve been praying for you, Susan. I’m sorry you’ve been in pain. I think of you often.”
“That makes all the difference,” says Susan, “to share in each other’s burdens. Thank you, Dear.”
After Susan leaves, Alison asks, “How do you know her so well? You’re acquainted with her old-lady ailments.”
“Church is family.”
“But it’s also filled with tons of losers.”
“If Christ considered me when he became a sacrifice on the cross, then I can consider others. I’m compelled to obey Ephesians 4:32, ‘Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.’ That’s when grace flowed to you and me both, Ali.”
“You mean like, ‘do to others as you would have them do to you?’”
“Exactly. In a sense. If I want God’s grace, and I do have it in Christ, then that affects how I see others.”
“Yeah, but Christians should get their act together.”
“Repentance is key,” I say. “It’s the start of a seed sprouting, and it produces a genuine trust in Christ. Of course, that’s after the Holy Spirit opens eyes to sin and the need for our Savior, Christ Jesus. But think about this, Ali. In our local church community, could we spur believers on toward love and good deeds?”
“Have you seen the Facebook posts of people who go to our church?”
“You called it our church,” I smile. “So, you’re not leaving us yet?”
“Really, though, it’s embarrassing. And it outrages me, how some people vote and think.”
“Discipleship takes time,” I say, feeling surprised at my response. The issue of discipleship has burdened me for a while. Within our church it needs more prominence. But then I think of the verse, ‘He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it . . .’ I say it aloud to Ali and brace myself for her sarcastic reply.
Instead, she softens and says, “You are patient, Sis.”
“Let’s both pray for the people in our church,” I say.
“Maybe,” says Ali. “Abandoning them does sound extreme.”
“And God didn’t abandon us but made a way for friendship with him through Jesus.” And then I feel braver. “I’m all for reading books with other points of views, Ali, but can I recommend a good book about church community you might enjoy?”
“Like something that sticks to Scripture? And gospel-centered, as you often remind me.”
“For starters, see this little book about the gospel? It’s in my purse because it doesn’t take up much space. It’s one I re-read to remind myself of what God has done for us in Jesus.”
Ali reaches across the table and takes hold of What is the Gospel? by Greg Gilbert. “But I already know about the gospel. Is this for new believers and baby Christians?”
“See what he writes about church,” I say as I lean forward and thumb toward the end. “Here.”
Ali looks down and reads: “The church is the arena in which God has chosen, above all, to showcase his wisdom and the glory of the gospel” (p. 98).
“He backs that up with Ephesians 3:10–11,” I say.
“Okay, but what about the messy and annoying people? Surely you can’t mean they display the gospel? They give Christians a bad name.”
“That’s why people are leaving the church,” I say, “But here’s a better way to think about it.” I hold my finger under a highlight from another page, and Ali reads aloud again.
“I wonder if your understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the good news that Jesus saved you even though you didn’t deserve it—is deep enough to swallow up the little criticisms you have of your brothers and sisters. I wonder if it’s deep enough to sink the offenses they’ve committed against you, even the most painful ones, and lead you to forgive them and love them just as Jesus himself has done for both of you” (p. 118).
Ali takes the book and slips it in her purse. “Okay, let me borrow this for a bit. And if you catch me complaining about people in our church, I owe you a double-cappuccino.”
“Let’s meet here again next week,” I say. “We’re family in a double sort of sense.”
* * *
The fictional dialogue here between two sisters stemmed from a sermon I heard on Acts 4 at my local church. The sermon reminded me that church is about doing life together for the goal of knowing and glorifying God.
After Peter and John returned to the believers (Acts 4:23), they prayed together. “And when they had prayed,” says verse 31, “the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.” This shows us the power and outcome of believers meeting together, and how important the local church should be to Christians.
When brothers and sisters contemplate the value of attending church, what might it look like to come alongside them? How do we encourage those who waver and wonder if church attendance is relevant? Would asking questions instead of arguing help point them to the truth in God’s Word? And in reminding them of the gospel and how we received God’s kindness in Christ Jesus, might they be more willing to reconsider commitment to the church?
In Christ, believers are grafted into God’s family, a family of power and love. When opportunities arise, let’s remind others that the local church family is worth time spent meeting together. “And let us,” as the author of Hebrews says, “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (10:24–25).