I was young when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I loved the image of God that my church instilled in me. He was my good and loving Heavenly Father who sent his son to die for me. That was enough for me to trust him for eternity. However, that trust was a commitment far deeper than my younger self could understand. It’s not that my declaration was dishonest; it’s that it was naive. It took me nearly 20 years to realize it, but what I knew of God was not enough. I had to be humbled and broken to realize that I needed more. That realization was the beginning of a search for “more” that I needed that still drives me to this day.
The Reason Behind My Wandering Heart
When I reflect on this period as a young adult, what fascinates me about my story is the vast deficiency in my understanding of God, and yet, the extraordinary longing that existed in my heart to understand. With me exists an unquenchable curiosity that would have me stand, mouth agape under metaphorical waterfalls of knowledge only to step out from under the flow and find myself longing for more.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”— Ecclesiastes 3:11
I have learned that my unquenchable curiosity is not me being an annoying child asking her father question after question just for attention. Far from it. This unquenchable curiosity is a gift from God calling me into a deeper devotion to him. This eternal well within me that seems to never fill completely is God whispering to me that there is more to be learned, more to be seen, and more to be experienced in him.
I read book after book and listen to preachers from all over the world in pursuit of enough water to fill this well, and while knowledge was gained, it was never enough. These men and women, though intelligent and passionate in their writing and speaking, were all just like me; finite beings looking at and chasing after an infinite God. These realizations lead me to seek satisfaction of my unquenchable curiosity from the only infinite source.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”— Isaiah 55: 8-9
God is above us. His thoughts are above our own. What better source for knowledge than the Creator of knowledge?
Learning How to Humble Ourselves
When the veil was torn and we received communion with God, we also were granted access to God’s throne. This means that we now have the ability to approach God with our request and our inquiries.
We have all asked God “Why me?” But this prayer has always irked me. It’s a way of telling God that we know better than he does. But we don’t. We are not enough to fill our own curiosity. I know myself intimately and I am not enough to quench my thirst. In order to quench that thirst, we must recognize that we are not enough and that we are not the point. We must humble ourselves before the Lord and lift his name high as we confess and proclaim that we are not sufficient.
So my prayers are now like King Solomon’s, who shared my curiosity. I ask for knowledge.
Praying for God’s Wisdom
“Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD, or as His counselor has taught Him? With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him, and taught Him in the path of justice? Who taught Him knowledge, and showed Him the way of understanding?”— Isaiah 40:13-14
Prayer is an act of humility, but asking for wisdom even more so. This act acknowledges that I do not have the answers. That I need help. If we are honest, this is difficult for most of us. We live in a world where you never have to say, “I don’t know.” Most of us carry in our pockets a phone that gives us instant access to more knowledge than some of the greatest minds in recorded history could have imagined. We have been trained to be self-sufficient in our search for wisdom but true wisdom can’t be found on Google. Wisdom is only found when we are willing to bow before God as the ignorant creatures we are and beg him to reveal snapshots of his infiniteness.
Although it takes courage to enter that prayer, it reaps the greatest reward—that is the exchange of our wondering with God’s wisdom. Prayer has the power to fill our minds with instruction, with understanding, and with counsel. He created all things and holds all things together by the power of his word. But just like my young self understood, he is also my good and loving Father and when I ask him for wisdom, he is faithful to give it. When I stand before God’s throne with my unquenchable curiosity, he smiles at me, undaunted by my constant requests.He gives me wisdom and tells me, “There’s plenty more where that came from.” He quenches my thirst every day and in the morning is ready with more.
He never gets tired with us, and as we learn to listen to him and hear what he is speaking to us, our souls could never get tired with him. He welcomes and even encourages our curiosity; it is the longing he placed within us all that draws us into his throne room, into the only true fount of knowledge.
Chelsea Vaughn (@chelsea725) has served a ministry she helped start in the DFW Metroplex since she graduated from college. She received her undergraduate degree at Dallas Baptist University in Communication Theory. She does freelance writing, editing, and speaking for various organizations and non-profits. She hopes to spend her life using her gift for communication to reach culture and communities with the love of Jesus.
Editor: In our Theology Proper: The Antidote to Insatiable Desire we are seeking to understand how knowing God is indispensable to make, mature, and multiply disciples. We want to explicitly connect the theology of the church to its mission. So far in our series: