Editor’s Note: This is a repost of On Gospel Amnesia and Standing Before Your Own Master by Luma Simms, which appeared originally at Domestic Kingdom. It appears here with the author’s permission and is adapted from a section of her forthcoming book to be published by GCD Press.

A few weeks ago a few friends and I were bantering back and forth about what our children watch on TV. It was a playful exchange. At one point I realized how two years ago it would not have been friendly or playful at all. My mind would have been full of criticisms, and my heart would have stood over that conversation with judgment.

You see, my heart used to be very sick. I was a Christian, but I had set aside the gospel as something just to get me into the kingdom. I set my heart on other things at the expense of cherishing Christ: becoming a “godly” wife and woman, being content in domesticity and doing it well, offering unparalleled hospitality, keeping my children as far away from worldliness as possible, homeschooling because it was the only truly “godly” way of educating children, healthy whole-food eating because that meant I was in line with a more “biblical” agrarian type of living, and on and on … you get the picture.

I had “gospel amnesia,” big time.

From Gospel Amnesia to Grace

You don’t need to have full-blown gospel amnesia like I did to despise other women, tear them down, and pass judgment on their choices. When we forget the gospel and turn away from the charity and grace we are called to have for one another we can turn into women who look sideways at each other.

Grace. I’ve learned so much about grace from Romans 14:1-4:

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”

On its face, Romans 14:1 says there are Christians with stronger and weaker faith, and that the one with stronger faith should welcome the one with weaker faith and not quarrel over things that are a matter of opinion. Paul assumes here that there are indeed things in the Christian life that are a matter of opinion and not of primary salvific importance.

So, from the first verse we know that we need to welcome each other; we should not snub each other, or refuse or avoid fellowship with each other; and we should not quarrel over matters of opinion. If we apply the principle here to any type of secondary matter (e.g. children’s entertainment choices, education choices, diet choices, diapering/clothing choices, birth choices, etc.), we see that the Christian with stronger faith has a broader acceptable spectrum, whereas the Christian with weaker faith has a narrow understanding of what is acceptable or right.

From Condemnation to Charity

When it comes to secondary (non-sin) issues we are tempted to strain gnats and swallow camels (Matt 23:24). But Jesus said:

“Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ …” (Matt 9:13)

“And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.” (Matt 12:7)

I grieve in my spirit when I remember how I have condemned the guiltless.

One of the most important manifestations of gospel living is treating each other with grace and charity. Scripture says that a gracious woman gains honor (Prov 11:16). Nitpicking at each other and judging each other’s choices will not make us women of honor. In the end, we will make a mockery of the grace of Christ when the world sees our lack of graciousness.

May we who love Jesus and cherish his gospel look on each other with a tender grace that seeks to build each other up with sisterly affection rather than tear each other down by rendering our personal standards as the watermark of sanctification.

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Peter 3:8).

Luma Simms (@lumasimms) is a wife and mother of five delightful children between the ages of 1 and 18. She studied physics and law before Christ led her to become a writer, blogger, and Bible study teacher. Her book Gospel Amnesia is forthcoming on GCD Press. She blogs regularly at Gospel Grace.

To go deeper into the gospel, read Unbelievable Gospel by Jonathan Dodson.

For more free articles on gospel identity, check out Justification & Hope in the Gospel by Jason Garwood and Rethinking Devotion by Matt Manry.